Why didn't I pin JBL or CM Punk so I could get the World Heavyweight Title?? Fuck. Bluh. Ek. There is no amount of complaining I could do to feel better about this, so I will keep complaining for the rest of eternity, or until Mike Adamle sees that I deserve the title shot. To justify my reasoning's why JBL and CM Punk do NOT deserve the World Heavyweight Title, here is a list:
JBL has bigger man boobs than my wife has regular boobs, which is really sad.
CM Punk may be an exceptional wrestler, but face it; he does NOT look good with that title around his waist. It looks petty.
They both have initials in their names, and it's tacky. I know, I know… you're thinking about Y2J, but he's dead. DEAD I TELL YOU!
JBL has hardly anything but fat on him. He should become a sumo wrestler; it suits him better.
Poor Punk. He has a re-re looking head. Maybe he would look better if he shaved all of his hair off.
That's all the explanation anyone really needs, especially me. I want that coveted belt, and I will stop at nothing to get it. That's corny, isn't it? It sounds a little bit like… Triple H. God, I respect that man. He's one of the only people that I think could beat the shit out of me, and if he did, I'd still respect him. But face it, when he got in my way when I was dealing with Ric Flair, I had every right to be mad. Oh, the Nature Boy Ric Flair. I grew up watching him, and I loved him too. But at the time all I could think about was Shawn Michaels and how I wanted him gone- for good.
Fuck, I'm doing it again, I'm being soft and giving excuses. I hate that about myself. Deep down inside, do you want to know the truth? I'll tell you the truth whether you wanna hear it or not. I miss my fans, and I miss my old friends. Do I really have Lance Cade around me all the time? No. Only on the set, and every once in a while he comes over for a beer. I technically have only my wife, my kids, Lance, and myself. Fuck. I need more than that. I can't turn back on my plans to eventually take over the WWE though, can I? Seriously, can I? I would be no one, probably stuck with Trevor Murdoch or someone like that. Singing cowboy, by the way? Damn. We Canadians know when we can't sing. Of course, everyone knows I can, because I am a lead singer in a very successful band called Fozzy. If you don't know who that is, you're a dingle berry. Go wipe your ass and pull out some good taste in music.
And by good music, I mean Randy Orton's theme song kinda music. Skitzofrantic psycho.
Author's Note:
This was not meant to offend anyone, and if it did I'm sorry. I'm actually a very big CM Punk fan, so don't worry. I have a good taste in wrestlers. By the way, I just thought those cracks about JBL's man boobs were funny… that's why I put 'em in there. Sorry… giggle, giggle
Please review and tell me what you think. I will try to come up with a part three, I promise.
Brandi