Title: Even If It Were Hate
A/N: This is another extended version of one of my drabbles prompted by "It's not what you think"; an expansion of Cassander's POV.
Whenever you look at me, I respond by glaring back at you.
Whenever you say something, I answer with nasty remarks.
I even pretend to physically harm you from time to time.
So, I do not blame you if you see me as an enemy rather than a comrade.
But, the truth is, it's not what you think.
The truth is that I am helplessly in love with you,
and I would rather be your enemy than be just a friend.
Even if it were only hate, you would have a stronger feeling towards me than to others, wouldn't you?
oooOooo
Chapter 1
Hephaistion was only ten years old when he first noticed about Cassander's rather disturbing secret. It was a fine autumn day. Hephaistion was hurrying back to his home. He almost broke into running on the street of Agora where the traffic of the busy street had died down, and the sun was almost setting behind the mountain ridge. He did not want to be late for supper.
He pressed even harder at the sheath under his arm, and tightened his grip on the hilt to make sure that he would not lose the sword. He was quite proud of himself that his father had trusted him enough to retrieve the sword that was deposited at the blacksmith in Agora for a repair. The blade was chipped badly in a few places from the last battle that his father had fought with king Philip.
Hephaistion remembered watching the broken blade with fascination when his father came home from the expedition. It was not easy for Hephaistion to imagine his father as a fierce fighter, who was usually gentle and calm, but seeing the chipped blade spoke more volumes than any other war stories. It told him how intense the battle was, and how bravely his father had fought.
Hephaistion felt his heart swell with pride. His father was crowned at the highest position among the heroes in Hephaistion's mind. He wished for becoming a warrior like his father when he grew up.
Hephaistion slowed down for a moment seeing the red sun in front of him. The big red orb always fascinated him. A part of his heart trembled full of anticipation for the adventure he would participate in very soon, but another part of his heart shivered with unknown ominous feelings. Maybe it was because they chased after an imaginary monster toward the setting sun whenever Alexander and he played heroes together.
"I am sorry."
Hephaistion stopped and apologized to a stranger as he bumped into a man who was just coming out of the side street. He scolded himself for daydreaming instead of paying attention to his surroundings. He was lucky that he did not drop his father's sword.
A shadow caught the corner of his eye, and Hephaistion turned his face to the narrow side street. A boy about his age was sitting down with his back leaning against the wall of a spice store that was already closed for the day. The boy's face was buried in between his knees. Although Hephaistion could not see the face of the other boy, he could tell who he was.
The boy's name was Cassander, the eldest son of Antipater who was one of the most powerful generals in the Macedonian court. He was just a few years older than Hephaistion, but he acted like he already knew everything. Nothing seemed to interest him, either. It was rare that he joined with the group of boys of his age. Most of the time, he watched them play from outside of the circle with a sneer on his thin lips.
Hephaistion did not remember the last time he talked with Cassander, as a matter of fact, he did not remember seeing any of his friends really talk to him, except for defending themself from criticism that seemed to be the only words that Cassander ever spoke. The boy acted angrily as if the whole world was against him, and he had built a high wall around him.
"Cassander?"
Hephaistion called his name. The boy's head snapped back and he looked up at him. Hephaistion gasped almost audibly when he saw Cassander's light green eyes were filled with unshed tears that shone behind the strands of brown locks.
"Are you all right?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Cassander snapped, and shot a challenging gaze into Hephaistion's concerned eyes.
"I … I thought that you might be sick or something sitting here like this."
"I was just resting, or is there a law or something that tells me that I cannot sit on the street?"
"No…"
With the hesitating answer of Hephaistion as a cue, Cassander stood up and looked down at Hephaistion as if to show his superiority. Cassander was just entering to the stage of adolescent, and he was about half a head taller than Hephaistion. As he stood, one side of Cassander's chiton slipped down off his shoulder revealing his bare skin.
Hephaistion did not know what made him do so, but he stretched his arm towards the other boy's naked shoulder to touch the ugly red marks. It was obvious that the mark was caused from caning. They would not make permanent scars, as the skin was not broken, yet it raised a welt on the boy's smooth skin. Hephaistion did not even notice what he was doing until he felt a strong grip on his wrist.
"Leave it! And don't you dare tell this to anybody. If you ever do, I promise to kill you!"
Cassander glared at him still holding Hephaistion's wrist. Then, without further words, he left the scene running at full speed as if to escape from something. Hephaistion stood there for a long time being dazed. He watched the silhouette of the other boy disappear into the red orb.
Next day, Cassander did not come to the gymnasium.
"Nearchus, make a pair with Philotas instead. Cassander pulled a muscle, and won't be able to practise for a while."
"That spoiled brat pulled it off again."
"Yes, he does this every time when he loses to somebody at practice."
"I wish I had a daddy like Cassander's, so that I could skip practice whenever I don't feel like it."
As soon as the instructor announced Cassander's absence, nasty remarks rose from here and there, and the practice ground was filled with scoffs.
'No, you don't.' Hephaistion said to himself remembering the red welt on Cassander's shoulder. It looked as if Cassander's father disciplined him for whatever the reason was, but Hephaistion could not imagine his own father ever doing such a thing to him.
"That's enough boys! Let's begin!"
While preparing himself to wrestle with Alexander, all of a sudden, Hephaistion realized that it was not the first time that Cassander had not come to the practice as the other boys had mentioned. He wondered if it had been from the same reason why he skipped the practice in the past.
Hephaistion was brought back from his pondering when he found a delighted Alexander's face over him.
"I won, Hephaistion! I won!"
Alexander's cheerful voice wiped the last mist of brooding out of Hephaistion's mind.
"One more, Alexander! I won't let you win this time."
The gymnasium was filled with the sound of the instructor's yelling, the boys' harsh breathing, and the smell of sweats as usual. Nobody cared that Cassander was not among them any longer.
TBC