Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own nothing.
*** I was asked by my friend Carley (and at least one reviewer I think) to write another chapter to Shattered Bodies, Fractured Souls with a lot of angst in it. I hope you don't find it too depressing. Flame me if you want, and I'll yell at Carley for making me write it, lol! I've put this story separate to the original so that, if you don't like angst, you can just read the first chapter and not get depressed. If I'm asked to write another chapter (it could happen) then I probably will put all three together in one fic. But for the moment, they are separate. Anyway... lets get on with it...***
Broken The sequel to "Shattered Bodies, Fractured Souls".
When Eike woke up the next morning he was at first surprised, and then more than a little pleased to find the djinn still in his arms. He had half expected Homunculus to have resumed his familiar, cold and sarcastic persona, dismissing the previous night as a product of loneliness and severe illness.
But no. Homunculus was still there, curled up against him, pressed so tightly that Eike almost believed that they were properly connected. Like Siamese twins. Joined at the hip. Or joined by something else perhaps...
Eike had never expected to feel anything other than hatred and fear for Homunculus. The concept of liking, even loving him, had seemed ludicrous to begin with. But he hadn't been able to stop thinking about the demon since he had found the stone in the tree. And it had felt good to talk to Homunculus, who understood things in a way no one else seemed capable of. Margarete had been kind. She had tried to understand, but the concept, Eike could see, was very much beyond her. He had not worked up the courage to tell her the Eckharts really were her parents, and for some reason he hadn't told her that she wasn't his ancestor.
That was a strange thing. Why hadn't he told her? He liked Margarete, but somehow he had thought it best that they only remained friends. He had felt horribly guilty for ruining her life, or at least playing some part in it. He had wanted to hate Homunculus for it, and place the whole blame on the demon's shoulders. He had kidded himself into believing this was one of the reasons he had summoned Homunculus.
Now he was beginning to understand that all he had really wanted was to see the djinn again. Talk to him if possible. Eike was, in a way, very grateful that Homunculus had been so ill and weak for the last few days. Had he been at full strength, he probably would have just vanished, and they really wouldn't have seen each other again.
That concept was unbearable, and Eike found himself trying to pull Homunculus even closer to him, as if the djinn would try and escape at any moment.
He was mildly shocked when Homunculus turned his head upward to look at him.
"Sorry," he said, smiling apologetically. Homunculus smiled back.
"You didn't wake me, Eike," he said softly.
"Oh. I guess you don't sleep do you?"
The smile broadened. "Not in the way you mean. No."
Eike's eyes widened as the djinn actually snuggled against him, pushing his delicate head deeper into the groove of his arm. This warm affection was strange, but by no means unpleasant. It almost felt natural to Eike, to have this fragile creature in his arms. He was a caring person by nature. He rather enjoyed the responsibility of having to look after someone. And it seemed an even more unique experience with Homunculus, considering what was starting to happen between them. These feelings were strange, probably for Homunculus in particular, but Eike wasn't going to let that stand in his way.
As if answering to some innate instinct, Eike lowered his head and touched his lips to Homunculus' forehead. The djinn's skin was soft and smooth, and Eike wanted to press his cheek to it. He did so and grinned when he heard Homunculus' muffled chuckle, not sinister as it had been in the past, but more genuinely amused, a little teasing, and even containing the barest trace of affection. He felt his hand, which the djinn was holding, being given a slight squeeze. He squeezed back.
Again Homunculus raised his head to look into the young man's eyes. He had spent the last few hours, while Eike was asleep, trying to clear his thoughts and figure out what to do next. This... affection felt right to him, but he would be lying if he said he was completely at ease about it. His actions the night before had been instinctive, but now he was resolved to be more cautious. He wanted to be careful. Life had been an endless string of rejections and hatred for Homunculus, so while he liked the idea of finding someone who felt something for him, he was wary of deception.
But looking into Eike's honest, green eyes, he felt a security that he had never experienced, even in his own private realm. There was a feeling of stability around them both that Homunculus found daunting, but appealing at the same time. He had to hope Eike was better at reading such emotions and signs than he was. He didn't want these events to end in disaster.
Slowly, he pulled himself around, so that he was facing Eike insofar as was possible in their current position. Stretching out a hand, he brushed strands of blonde hair from Eike's face, tracing the curve of his jaw with a fingertip before snaking his hand round the back of his head. Carefully, not wanting to seem too desperate for the young man's kiss, he drew their mouths together again.
Their lips had barely touched when a loud ringing noise shattered their moment. A telephone. Silently they both cursed, while their faces remained close enough for their lips still to be touching. Eventually, Eike rested a hand on Homunculus' shoulder.
"I'd better go get that," he said rather helplessly. Homunculus, disappointed beyond belief, reluctantly moved to one side as the young man climbed off the bed and left the room to pick up the phone on the landing. Homunculus' hearing, and the slightly open door, allowed him to catch Eike's side of the conversation.
"Margarete?"
At the young woman's name, Homunculus felt, for the first time ever, the extraordinary human emotion known as jealousy. He felt his fire-based essence flaring up more than it ever had in the past. The emotion was almost like anger. It was consuming. But the demon continued to listen, the angry light in his eyes growing as he heard...
"Yeah... Well this isn't the best ti-" There was a long pause. "Oh god. Well, yeah, I'll be there as quick as I can... I promise. Okay... bye..." Click.
Eike came back in. He looked panicked, but Homunculus couldn't see this through the red mist of jealousy, and Eike couldn't sense the djinn's pulsing anger either. He rushed over to grab his green jacket from the back of a chair. Pulling it on, he spoke hurriedly, desperate to get going.
"I'm really sorry, Homunculus. But I really have to go. I'm sorry. I'll be back soon, I promise. It's really important." He paused, looking down at the djinn, who seemed to be trembling for some unknown reason. "Homunculus? You okay?"
Homunculus' words came out hard and cold. "Of course, Eike. Go and see Margarete, if that's what you want." Eike was too worried to notice anything in Homunculus' manner or the words he spoke. Instead he mumbled once again that he would be back soon, and practically ran out of the door.
Left alone, Homunculus' rage bubbled over, and forgetting all pain and all sense of weakness, he rose from the bed and began to pace like a wild animal in a cage.
What an idiot he had been! Homunculus did not like to admit when he had behaved foolishly, but this time it was undeniable. He had been led to believe that this young boy, this human boy, and actually felt something for him. He had never known love or affection from any master since the first moment of his creation, and Eike had given him reason to hope that that circumstance might yet change. He had dared imagine a future with Eike by his side. He had imagined them sharing kisses and he had believed the boy when he had said he wished they could be together forever. They did have forever, if only Eike knew who he truly was.
And it was all a lie. Perhaps Eike had picked up a few tricks in manipulation from him throughout that long day in which he had died so many times. He had tricked Homunculus into believing there was hope for him, that he might find love in world that denied that pleasure to so many. But all Eike had really wanted was immortality, and to be with that detestable Margarete.
Eike loved Margarete. Homunculus was certain of that now. He had seen them together on that day, and of course they must have spent plenty of time together while he drifted through oblivion. Eike knew they weren't related, so he must have taken the opportunity now available. They would probably marry and have children in a few years. Have a family. Have a life. Have each other.
Homunculus' pacing became more and more wild.
//I hate you Margarete// he snarled inside his own head. //I hate you. I hope you rot in hell for taking him away from me. And Eike? I...//
But the thought wouldn't materialize. The words stuck in his mind, and when he tried to force them out of his throat they stuck there too.
A horrible feeling of weariness overtook the demon as he came to a standstill, and then slumped on the floor, tears pouring down his china- doll features, leaving trails of glistening silver on his cheeks.
Lying there on the floor, he spoke the only thought his mind seemed able to grasp.
"Eike... I love you... why did you leave me?"
*******
The machine let out a slow, steady beat, the only sound that had been in the small white room for a long time. It rang in Eike's ears and was almost painful for him to hear. But it wasn't half as painful as the sight of the figure lying on the bed, connected to that infernal machine.
"They said he was lucky," Miriam Brum said in a whisper. "It was only enough to make him black out. He'll live, but he'll just be very weak."
Eike saw her clasp her husband's hand in her own two trembling ones. An IV was attached to Mr. Eckhart's wrist, feeding him while he rested in black oblivion. Eike's own heart felt sluggish in his chest, weighed down with a horrible sense of guilt, as though it were his fault his old friend had had a heart attack.
And perhaps it was in a way. The poor man had never really forgiven himself for attempting to kill Eike. Even though the blonde had told him countless times that it was okay, there was a lingering guilt in his eyes. He had been under pressure recently, and he was getting on in years. It really shouldn't have been a surprise that this had happened. But it had shocked them all.
Eike had almost been unable to believe that such a thing could happen. Margarete's teary phone call had brought him running, but he had been utterly unable to assemble the concept of his dearest friend lying in a hospital bed, his heart having almost given up on him. The tragedy had been a terrible intrusion on the peace that had descended on them all. And it had forced Eike to leave the other creature under his care.
He had had little choice but to leave Homunculus. There had been no time for explanations and Eike felt horrible guilty that he could rush out on the djinn without giving him one. Thinking on it later, he could more easily understand Homunculus' expression when he had come into the room after speaking to Margarete. Anger.
But what reason did he have to be angry? Surely he didn't think...
Eike suddenly wanted to kill himself for being so terribly stupid. Of course Homunculus would think that Eike had only been going to see Margarete, abandoning him for a woman and forgetting the moments they had shared at the sound of her voice. It hadn't been like that. Eike had to come here. Margarete needed some help in comforting Miriam, and she needed comfort herself. After all, she just came damn close to losing her adopted father.
But Homunculus' didn't know that, and Eike had the horrible feeling that Homunculus, being so new to emotions like love and trust... and jealousy, would leap to conclusions and inevitably decide it was best he leave and let Eike get on with his happy life.
Maybe he should ring up the house and explain why he had left to Homunculus. Eike shook his head. That was the worst way to do it. By phone. It seemed so impersonal. Cold, even.
Anyway, at that moment Margarete came in, holding a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee in her hand. She walked over to Miriam and offered it to her.
"Not now, dear," she said gratefully, not taking her eyes off her husband's body. "Just put it on the side for now, thank you."
Margarete did so, and then went to Eike. Seeing tears forming in her eyes, Eike opened his arms, and she walked into them willingly. He held her comfortingly, stroking her hair and listening to her crying into his jacket.
After a few moments they drew apart, Margarete wiping the tears from her cheeks and eyes, sniffing pathetically.
"You going to be okay?" Eike asked her, unable to think of anything else to say.
She managed a small smile and nodded. "I just find it hard to believe this is happening," she whispered, turning to look at her adopted father.
"I know what you mean."
She smiled again, looking at Eike again. The look in her eyes seemed calmer. She had grown up since coming to this time, and Eike felt strangely proud of her for managing so well. He rested a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm real sorry about this, Margarete."
She nodded. "I know. He was your friend."
"Yeah."
An uncomfortable silence descended on the four people in the room. Eike was aware of a desperate urge to leave. He should have felt guilty about this, but at the same time he felt the urgent need to go back and see Homunculus. He was worried about him. Eckhart had Miriam and Margarete, but Homunculus was all alone, and god only knew what he was doing or thinking.
Eike was overcome by the feeling that he wanted, even needed, to go, but good manners were compelling him to linger a little longer.
He was saved by Miriam.
"You two don't have to stay you know," she said, finally turning to look at them. "In fact, I would be grateful, Eike, if you took Margarete home for me. I'll call you when he wakes up or if..." she trailed off and turned back to her husband. "Would you do that?"
Eike nodded. He could see Margarete wanted to protest, but the tone of her mother's voice silenced her. Instead she went and kissed the lady on the cheek, mumbling that she would see her later. Eike said the same, and followed Margarete out of the room.
*******
Homunculus was lying on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as if it was the most absorbing thing in the universe.
//Why haven't I just left?// he asked himself. //I'm strong enough now. If I go back to my realm... I should be able to create it again... I can make a full recovery there. Then I could just try and forget about all this. Just leave all these feelings behind for good... leave Eike behind for good...//
And what good would that do him? He would go back to his old life, filled with empty years in oblivion, doing nothing and feeling nothing. Except perhaps regret. It would not be as easy to go back to that life now. Not now he had tasted the human emotions of love and tenderness. He had loved for the first time in his existence. He had believed that he was loved in return. And after losing the latter he now felt only a vast emptiness inside him. Nothing could fill that void.
Humans say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. They are wrong. Because you know what you have lost when you have been in love. People can be content to live without love, content in the blissful ignorance that comes from not having experienced such emotion. Homunculus would have been happy if he had not believed that Eike loved him in return. But he had. For a few, foolish moments he had, and now he could never go back to being the cold, heartless creature he had been before. That being was gone for good.
And now a lost, empty creature replaced it. Now, it wouldn't matter how many masters he tricked, how many lives he played with. He would never be the same. The thought of Eike, and what they had so briefly shared, would always haunt his memory.
/Forever/.
Homunculus couldn't stop the sob escaping his throat. Oh god, did he really deserve that kind of torture? To live for all eternity remembering Eike's arms around him, the touch of his lips, the feel of his warmth. Did any creature deserve that kind of merciless torment?
//That is my destiny now// Homunculus thought bitterly, fresh tears falling from his blood colored eyes. //Alone, remembering what I could have had//.
//Cruel fate...//
//Is there no way to escape you?//
*******
Eike and Margarete sat in the car in silence. The drive was about twenty minutes, since the hospital was outside their home town, and Eike's stomach knotted as he wondered whether he should say something to Margarete, who stared blankly out of the window at the passing landscape.
When they finally pulled up in front of the museum, neither moved straight away. Eike was once again torn between his feeling of duty, the duty of comforting Margarete, and his equally important duty, and desire, to go and see Homunculus.
In his mind, he was already praying; //Please still be there. Please don't have left//.
Margarete's hand touched his arm, and he broke out of his trance.
"Do you want to come in?" she asked, her eyes pleading with him silently. He looked into her eyes, and would have found them impossible to refuse... if it hadn't been for...
"Margarete..." he began slowly, choosing his words very carefully. "I know you need someone right now, and I know you really want me to come with you. But right now... it's just not possible. I'm really sorry."
There was along, awkward silence.
"What's wrong, Eike?" she asked suddenly.
He gave a deep sigh, bracing himself for tears and screams. "There's someone else who needs me right now, Margarete. I'm sorry."
Another pause. When he looked up at her, certain he would see angry astonishment, he was shocked to see her smiling in that kind, understanding way that was now so familiar to him.
"Okay."
The simplicity of her reply was also shocking.
"That's it?" he asked, disbelieving.
She leaned back in her seat, twisting her fingers together idly. She shrugged.
"I kind of expected this to happen. It was a little obvious you didn't want to be with me in that sense. Otherwise you would have come clean with me about not being a descendant of mine."
Eike couldn't believe he was hearing this. He watched, open-mouthed, as Margarete calmly pushed her short hair back and sighed.
"But how did you...?" he began, shaking his head, still not grasping the concept.
"It's what Hugo said in the square. He said that leaving me in this time meant you would disappear, because we're related. Well, since you didn't disappear..." she shrugged again. "It wasn't hard to figure out. And I guessed you didn't tell me because there was someone else in your life."
He stared at the young woman next to him. Again he felt strangely impressed by her calm logic, and more importantly by her acceptance. No jealousy, no childish pleading. Just a calmness that made him slightly guilty about being so secretive with her.
"Margarete..." he said softly.
She tossed him a smile, leant across the car, and kissed his cheek in a friendly manner. Then she got out of the car, shutting the door and then leaning through the window.
"I'll see you later, okay?"
Eike looked at her. And then a smile crept onto his face. "Yeah. See ya."
With that she turned and started walking up the path to the museum. And Eike began to drive the car back to the Old Alchemist's House, resuming his old prayer.
//Please still be there, Homunculus. I'm coming//.
*******
It seemed like a pretty pathetic instrument. Homunculus liked to imagine he had a sense of style, even when dealing with his own demise. But having gone through every room in the house, every cupboard, every drawer, it was the best the seemed to be available.
The metal blade of the carving knife gleamed in the light from the overhead bulb, reflecting the light onto Homunculus' face. He didn't squint when the glare hit his eyes. He could bare /that/ kind of pain. That was easy. Now it was time to end the other pain inside him. Eike wouldn't find a body. He would only find the Philosopher's Stone, red and gleaming on the tidy bed.
He would probably congratulate himself on a job well done. Thank fate for this strange turn of good fortune. Then who knows? Maybe he would make the stone into a necklace for his darling Margarete. Or perhaps he would cut it to pieces make it a necklace, a set of earrings...
...a wedding ring.
A tear splashed on the cold steel as Homunculus once again thought of the two humans together. No doubt they were out having a nice candlelit dinner with champagne. Or maybe they had skipped dinner completely. Maybe they had been too anxious to get to the real entertainment. It was this possibility that had prevented Homunculus from looking for Eike. He didn't want to risk seeing them together. If he broke into wild, uncontrollable sobs again, he would probably fall to pieces.
No. The knife was the way out. He had seen humans do it before. He had /made/ humans do it before. He had never thought he would ever find himself here, holding a knife to his delicate wrist, mourning the loss of a treacherous loved one.
Homunculus wished he could hate Eike for his deception. But it was impossible. And if he couldn't hate, then at least he could try and stop himself from feeling anything.
If he slit his wrists, maybe he would return to oblivion as he had before, weak and unable to sustain himself. Then he could simply shut all his senses, and more importantly his emotions, off. And this time it would be for good.
It was worth a try at least.
Homunculus sighed, and held the steel blade over his wrist. More tears fell, as he said a silent goodbye.
//I love you, Eike. I wish things could have been different. I would have made you so happy. And now we'll never know//.
//Goodbye//.
He raised the knife. All it would need was for him to relax his arm, let the blade fall, and his essence would leak away. He only needed to break the fragile shell that was his body. Homunculus shut his eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
The djinn's eyes shot open, wide with shock at hearing the young man's voice, and hearing such outrageous disbelief in its tone. He heard swift footsteps behind him, and the knife was abruptly snatched from his hand, and flung across the room. He heard it hit the floor and winced.
Then he looked up at the young human now standing in front of him. Or rather, pacing in front of him. Eike was raging at him, furious that Homunculus would do anything so stupid. Homunculus barely took in any of these words. He was absorbed by Eike's emotional outburst, and consumed by despair that he was not allowed to end his own suffering. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob like a lost child.
And to Eike he suddenly appeared to be just that. A lost child. Lonely, abandoned, feeling as though no one loved him, no one cared, and no one ever would. Eike forgot his anger at seeing Homunculus' distress and went to take the miserable creature in his arms.
He was shocked and hurt when Homunculus tried feebly to push his comforting arms away. The djinn leaned away from him, still not uncovering his face and still sobbing. What was wrong with him? First he was trying to kill himself, insofar as that was possible anyway, and now he was rejecting Eike, after all they had shared over the past few days.
The realization slowly dawned on Eike.
//Did Homunculus really think I'd left him for Margarete? And does he really feel that much for me? Enough to try and kill himself?//
"Homunculus..." Eike tried to speak over the djinn's sobs. Finally he had had enough and grabbed him by the arms and forced him to show his face.
"Homunculus... for god's sake. Why did you do this?" he asked desperately. "What were you thinking?"
"Shouldn't /I/ be the one demanding an explanation?" Homunculus snapped suddenly, the lost child image gone, only to be replaced by the familiar, cold-hearted demon, but who now was fuelled by emotions that were alien to him and terribly powerful.
"What are you talking about?" Eike demanded, his own anger rising to match Homunculus'.
"You left me," Homunculus spat. "You deserted me."
"I had to. You don't understand."
"Don't I? Because it seems pretty obvious. If that idiot girl means something to you then you could have at least had the decency to be honest with me, rather than leading me on."
"Leading you on?" Eike couldn't believe what he was being accused of here. "I never led you on, Homunculus."
"I find /that/ hard to believe. You made me... believe..." sobs were once again threatening to rise from the djinn's throat. Desperately, he tried to suppress them. "I thought that you... felt something for me, Eike."
"But I do. I love you."
Those final three words silenced them both. Eike was astonished that the words had slipped out, and how he hadn't felt disgusted in any way that he had said them. In fact, he was glad he had. Now Homunculus knew the truth, and so did he. He finally realized what it was he had been feeling all this time.
"I love you," he said again, in a dreamy way, as if savoring the way the words fell so easily from his mouth.
Homunculus stared up at the human boy. The boy he loved, and who now claimed loved him in return. It seemed impossible, and doubts surfaced in Homunculus' mind, even though his soul soared at the concept of what this could mean. But how could it be possible?
//No,// he thought sadly, his face showing that he clearly didn't believe it. //This is to good to be real. He couldn't...//
His thoughts were stopped by Eike's kiss, which came so swiftly Homunculus would have fallen backwards if the blonde hadn't wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to his feet and holding him firmly but gently. Eike had seen the doubt in the djinn's eyes, and had reacted in the only way he could see that would banish all questions and doubts.
Homunculus jerked his head back, staring at Eike with a mixture of adoration and puzzlement. He frowned, and then slowly reached up to rest his fingertips on the boy's temples. With the barest concentration, he saw Eike's memories of the last few hours. He heard the whole phone call to Margarete, he saw the hospital room, Eike's friend lying on the bed. He listened to the conversation with Margarete in the car. He didn't read Eike's thoughts. Only saw through his eyes, and heard through him what had happened. It was a sneaky way of discovering the truth, but it was worth it.
Tears brimmed in Homunculus' eyes as he realized that Eike had not been lying when he said he loved him. He had gone to take care of his friend, not to be with Margarete. They were not lovers. They never would be. None of his fears had been justified. He had leapt to conclusions with all the foolishness of a paranoid boy. He would have felt ashamed, if he hadn't felt so happy.
"Eike..."
He was answered by another kiss, deeper than any of the others before it. Homunculus slipped his arms around Eike's neck and pressed himself against the tall man's body. For a long time they stayed that way, kissing each other passionately, neither one wanting to break that precious contact.
It was Homunculus who pulled away in the end, and that was only to answer the question in Eike's mind.
"I love you too."
************ Fin (Unless I get another request, lol!) *************
***Thanks to all reviewers of the first part. You're all fabulous! ^_^ ***
*** I was asked by my friend Carley (and at least one reviewer I think) to write another chapter to Shattered Bodies, Fractured Souls with a lot of angst in it. I hope you don't find it too depressing. Flame me if you want, and I'll yell at Carley for making me write it, lol! I've put this story separate to the original so that, if you don't like angst, you can just read the first chapter and not get depressed. If I'm asked to write another chapter (it could happen) then I probably will put all three together in one fic. But for the moment, they are separate. Anyway... lets get on with it...***
Broken The sequel to "Shattered Bodies, Fractured Souls".
When Eike woke up the next morning he was at first surprised, and then more than a little pleased to find the djinn still in his arms. He had half expected Homunculus to have resumed his familiar, cold and sarcastic persona, dismissing the previous night as a product of loneliness and severe illness.
But no. Homunculus was still there, curled up against him, pressed so tightly that Eike almost believed that they were properly connected. Like Siamese twins. Joined at the hip. Or joined by something else perhaps...
Eike had never expected to feel anything other than hatred and fear for Homunculus. The concept of liking, even loving him, had seemed ludicrous to begin with. But he hadn't been able to stop thinking about the demon since he had found the stone in the tree. And it had felt good to talk to Homunculus, who understood things in a way no one else seemed capable of. Margarete had been kind. She had tried to understand, but the concept, Eike could see, was very much beyond her. He had not worked up the courage to tell her the Eckharts really were her parents, and for some reason he hadn't told her that she wasn't his ancestor.
That was a strange thing. Why hadn't he told her? He liked Margarete, but somehow he had thought it best that they only remained friends. He had felt horribly guilty for ruining her life, or at least playing some part in it. He had wanted to hate Homunculus for it, and place the whole blame on the demon's shoulders. He had kidded himself into believing this was one of the reasons he had summoned Homunculus.
Now he was beginning to understand that all he had really wanted was to see the djinn again. Talk to him if possible. Eike was, in a way, very grateful that Homunculus had been so ill and weak for the last few days. Had he been at full strength, he probably would have just vanished, and they really wouldn't have seen each other again.
That concept was unbearable, and Eike found himself trying to pull Homunculus even closer to him, as if the djinn would try and escape at any moment.
He was mildly shocked when Homunculus turned his head upward to look at him.
"Sorry," he said, smiling apologetically. Homunculus smiled back.
"You didn't wake me, Eike," he said softly.
"Oh. I guess you don't sleep do you?"
The smile broadened. "Not in the way you mean. No."
Eike's eyes widened as the djinn actually snuggled against him, pushing his delicate head deeper into the groove of his arm. This warm affection was strange, but by no means unpleasant. It almost felt natural to Eike, to have this fragile creature in his arms. He was a caring person by nature. He rather enjoyed the responsibility of having to look after someone. And it seemed an even more unique experience with Homunculus, considering what was starting to happen between them. These feelings were strange, probably for Homunculus in particular, but Eike wasn't going to let that stand in his way.
As if answering to some innate instinct, Eike lowered his head and touched his lips to Homunculus' forehead. The djinn's skin was soft and smooth, and Eike wanted to press his cheek to it. He did so and grinned when he heard Homunculus' muffled chuckle, not sinister as it had been in the past, but more genuinely amused, a little teasing, and even containing the barest trace of affection. He felt his hand, which the djinn was holding, being given a slight squeeze. He squeezed back.
Again Homunculus raised his head to look into the young man's eyes. He had spent the last few hours, while Eike was asleep, trying to clear his thoughts and figure out what to do next. This... affection felt right to him, but he would be lying if he said he was completely at ease about it. His actions the night before had been instinctive, but now he was resolved to be more cautious. He wanted to be careful. Life had been an endless string of rejections and hatred for Homunculus, so while he liked the idea of finding someone who felt something for him, he was wary of deception.
But looking into Eike's honest, green eyes, he felt a security that he had never experienced, even in his own private realm. There was a feeling of stability around them both that Homunculus found daunting, but appealing at the same time. He had to hope Eike was better at reading such emotions and signs than he was. He didn't want these events to end in disaster.
Slowly, he pulled himself around, so that he was facing Eike insofar as was possible in their current position. Stretching out a hand, he brushed strands of blonde hair from Eike's face, tracing the curve of his jaw with a fingertip before snaking his hand round the back of his head. Carefully, not wanting to seem too desperate for the young man's kiss, he drew their mouths together again.
Their lips had barely touched when a loud ringing noise shattered their moment. A telephone. Silently they both cursed, while their faces remained close enough for their lips still to be touching. Eventually, Eike rested a hand on Homunculus' shoulder.
"I'd better go get that," he said rather helplessly. Homunculus, disappointed beyond belief, reluctantly moved to one side as the young man climbed off the bed and left the room to pick up the phone on the landing. Homunculus' hearing, and the slightly open door, allowed him to catch Eike's side of the conversation.
"Margarete?"
At the young woman's name, Homunculus felt, for the first time ever, the extraordinary human emotion known as jealousy. He felt his fire-based essence flaring up more than it ever had in the past. The emotion was almost like anger. It was consuming. But the demon continued to listen, the angry light in his eyes growing as he heard...
"Yeah... Well this isn't the best ti-" There was a long pause. "Oh god. Well, yeah, I'll be there as quick as I can... I promise. Okay... bye..." Click.
Eike came back in. He looked panicked, but Homunculus couldn't see this through the red mist of jealousy, and Eike couldn't sense the djinn's pulsing anger either. He rushed over to grab his green jacket from the back of a chair. Pulling it on, he spoke hurriedly, desperate to get going.
"I'm really sorry, Homunculus. But I really have to go. I'm sorry. I'll be back soon, I promise. It's really important." He paused, looking down at the djinn, who seemed to be trembling for some unknown reason. "Homunculus? You okay?"
Homunculus' words came out hard and cold. "Of course, Eike. Go and see Margarete, if that's what you want." Eike was too worried to notice anything in Homunculus' manner or the words he spoke. Instead he mumbled once again that he would be back soon, and practically ran out of the door.
Left alone, Homunculus' rage bubbled over, and forgetting all pain and all sense of weakness, he rose from the bed and began to pace like a wild animal in a cage.
What an idiot he had been! Homunculus did not like to admit when he had behaved foolishly, but this time it was undeniable. He had been led to believe that this young boy, this human boy, and actually felt something for him. He had never known love or affection from any master since the first moment of his creation, and Eike had given him reason to hope that that circumstance might yet change. He had dared imagine a future with Eike by his side. He had imagined them sharing kisses and he had believed the boy when he had said he wished they could be together forever. They did have forever, if only Eike knew who he truly was.
And it was all a lie. Perhaps Eike had picked up a few tricks in manipulation from him throughout that long day in which he had died so many times. He had tricked Homunculus into believing there was hope for him, that he might find love in world that denied that pleasure to so many. But all Eike had really wanted was immortality, and to be with that detestable Margarete.
Eike loved Margarete. Homunculus was certain of that now. He had seen them together on that day, and of course they must have spent plenty of time together while he drifted through oblivion. Eike knew they weren't related, so he must have taken the opportunity now available. They would probably marry and have children in a few years. Have a family. Have a life. Have each other.
Homunculus' pacing became more and more wild.
//I hate you Margarete// he snarled inside his own head. //I hate you. I hope you rot in hell for taking him away from me. And Eike? I...//
But the thought wouldn't materialize. The words stuck in his mind, and when he tried to force them out of his throat they stuck there too.
A horrible feeling of weariness overtook the demon as he came to a standstill, and then slumped on the floor, tears pouring down his china- doll features, leaving trails of glistening silver on his cheeks.
Lying there on the floor, he spoke the only thought his mind seemed able to grasp.
"Eike... I love you... why did you leave me?"
*******
The machine let out a slow, steady beat, the only sound that had been in the small white room for a long time. It rang in Eike's ears and was almost painful for him to hear. But it wasn't half as painful as the sight of the figure lying on the bed, connected to that infernal machine.
"They said he was lucky," Miriam Brum said in a whisper. "It was only enough to make him black out. He'll live, but he'll just be very weak."
Eike saw her clasp her husband's hand in her own two trembling ones. An IV was attached to Mr. Eckhart's wrist, feeding him while he rested in black oblivion. Eike's own heart felt sluggish in his chest, weighed down with a horrible sense of guilt, as though it were his fault his old friend had had a heart attack.
And perhaps it was in a way. The poor man had never really forgiven himself for attempting to kill Eike. Even though the blonde had told him countless times that it was okay, there was a lingering guilt in his eyes. He had been under pressure recently, and he was getting on in years. It really shouldn't have been a surprise that this had happened. But it had shocked them all.
Eike had almost been unable to believe that such a thing could happen. Margarete's teary phone call had brought him running, but he had been utterly unable to assemble the concept of his dearest friend lying in a hospital bed, his heart having almost given up on him. The tragedy had been a terrible intrusion on the peace that had descended on them all. And it had forced Eike to leave the other creature under his care.
He had had little choice but to leave Homunculus. There had been no time for explanations and Eike felt horrible guilty that he could rush out on the djinn without giving him one. Thinking on it later, he could more easily understand Homunculus' expression when he had come into the room after speaking to Margarete. Anger.
But what reason did he have to be angry? Surely he didn't think...
Eike suddenly wanted to kill himself for being so terribly stupid. Of course Homunculus would think that Eike had only been going to see Margarete, abandoning him for a woman and forgetting the moments they had shared at the sound of her voice. It hadn't been like that. Eike had to come here. Margarete needed some help in comforting Miriam, and she needed comfort herself. After all, she just came damn close to losing her adopted father.
But Homunculus' didn't know that, and Eike had the horrible feeling that Homunculus, being so new to emotions like love and trust... and jealousy, would leap to conclusions and inevitably decide it was best he leave and let Eike get on with his happy life.
Maybe he should ring up the house and explain why he had left to Homunculus. Eike shook his head. That was the worst way to do it. By phone. It seemed so impersonal. Cold, even.
Anyway, at that moment Margarete came in, holding a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee in her hand. She walked over to Miriam and offered it to her.
"Not now, dear," she said gratefully, not taking her eyes off her husband's body. "Just put it on the side for now, thank you."
Margarete did so, and then went to Eike. Seeing tears forming in her eyes, Eike opened his arms, and she walked into them willingly. He held her comfortingly, stroking her hair and listening to her crying into his jacket.
After a few moments they drew apart, Margarete wiping the tears from her cheeks and eyes, sniffing pathetically.
"You going to be okay?" Eike asked her, unable to think of anything else to say.
She managed a small smile and nodded. "I just find it hard to believe this is happening," she whispered, turning to look at her adopted father.
"I know what you mean."
She smiled again, looking at Eike again. The look in her eyes seemed calmer. She had grown up since coming to this time, and Eike felt strangely proud of her for managing so well. He rested a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm real sorry about this, Margarete."
She nodded. "I know. He was your friend."
"Yeah."
An uncomfortable silence descended on the four people in the room. Eike was aware of a desperate urge to leave. He should have felt guilty about this, but at the same time he felt the urgent need to go back and see Homunculus. He was worried about him. Eckhart had Miriam and Margarete, but Homunculus was all alone, and god only knew what he was doing or thinking.
Eike was overcome by the feeling that he wanted, even needed, to go, but good manners were compelling him to linger a little longer.
He was saved by Miriam.
"You two don't have to stay you know," she said, finally turning to look at them. "In fact, I would be grateful, Eike, if you took Margarete home for me. I'll call you when he wakes up or if..." she trailed off and turned back to her husband. "Would you do that?"
Eike nodded. He could see Margarete wanted to protest, but the tone of her mother's voice silenced her. Instead she went and kissed the lady on the cheek, mumbling that she would see her later. Eike said the same, and followed Margarete out of the room.
*******
Homunculus was lying on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as if it was the most absorbing thing in the universe.
//Why haven't I just left?// he asked himself. //I'm strong enough now. If I go back to my realm... I should be able to create it again... I can make a full recovery there. Then I could just try and forget about all this. Just leave all these feelings behind for good... leave Eike behind for good...//
And what good would that do him? He would go back to his old life, filled with empty years in oblivion, doing nothing and feeling nothing. Except perhaps regret. It would not be as easy to go back to that life now. Not now he had tasted the human emotions of love and tenderness. He had loved for the first time in his existence. He had believed that he was loved in return. And after losing the latter he now felt only a vast emptiness inside him. Nothing could fill that void.
Humans say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. They are wrong. Because you know what you have lost when you have been in love. People can be content to live without love, content in the blissful ignorance that comes from not having experienced such emotion. Homunculus would have been happy if he had not believed that Eike loved him in return. But he had. For a few, foolish moments he had, and now he could never go back to being the cold, heartless creature he had been before. That being was gone for good.
And now a lost, empty creature replaced it. Now, it wouldn't matter how many masters he tricked, how many lives he played with. He would never be the same. The thought of Eike, and what they had so briefly shared, would always haunt his memory.
/Forever/.
Homunculus couldn't stop the sob escaping his throat. Oh god, did he really deserve that kind of torture? To live for all eternity remembering Eike's arms around him, the touch of his lips, the feel of his warmth. Did any creature deserve that kind of merciless torment?
//That is my destiny now// Homunculus thought bitterly, fresh tears falling from his blood colored eyes. //Alone, remembering what I could have had//.
//Cruel fate...//
//Is there no way to escape you?//
*******
Eike and Margarete sat in the car in silence. The drive was about twenty minutes, since the hospital was outside their home town, and Eike's stomach knotted as he wondered whether he should say something to Margarete, who stared blankly out of the window at the passing landscape.
When they finally pulled up in front of the museum, neither moved straight away. Eike was once again torn between his feeling of duty, the duty of comforting Margarete, and his equally important duty, and desire, to go and see Homunculus.
In his mind, he was already praying; //Please still be there. Please don't have left//.
Margarete's hand touched his arm, and he broke out of his trance.
"Do you want to come in?" she asked, her eyes pleading with him silently. He looked into her eyes, and would have found them impossible to refuse... if it hadn't been for...
"Margarete..." he began slowly, choosing his words very carefully. "I know you need someone right now, and I know you really want me to come with you. But right now... it's just not possible. I'm really sorry."
There was along, awkward silence.
"What's wrong, Eike?" she asked suddenly.
He gave a deep sigh, bracing himself for tears and screams. "There's someone else who needs me right now, Margarete. I'm sorry."
Another pause. When he looked up at her, certain he would see angry astonishment, he was shocked to see her smiling in that kind, understanding way that was now so familiar to him.
"Okay."
The simplicity of her reply was also shocking.
"That's it?" he asked, disbelieving.
She leaned back in her seat, twisting her fingers together idly. She shrugged.
"I kind of expected this to happen. It was a little obvious you didn't want to be with me in that sense. Otherwise you would have come clean with me about not being a descendant of mine."
Eike couldn't believe he was hearing this. He watched, open-mouthed, as Margarete calmly pushed her short hair back and sighed.
"But how did you...?" he began, shaking his head, still not grasping the concept.
"It's what Hugo said in the square. He said that leaving me in this time meant you would disappear, because we're related. Well, since you didn't disappear..." she shrugged again. "It wasn't hard to figure out. And I guessed you didn't tell me because there was someone else in your life."
He stared at the young woman next to him. Again he felt strangely impressed by her calm logic, and more importantly by her acceptance. No jealousy, no childish pleading. Just a calmness that made him slightly guilty about being so secretive with her.
"Margarete..." he said softly.
She tossed him a smile, leant across the car, and kissed his cheek in a friendly manner. Then she got out of the car, shutting the door and then leaning through the window.
"I'll see you later, okay?"
Eike looked at her. And then a smile crept onto his face. "Yeah. See ya."
With that she turned and started walking up the path to the museum. And Eike began to drive the car back to the Old Alchemist's House, resuming his old prayer.
//Please still be there, Homunculus. I'm coming//.
*******
It seemed like a pretty pathetic instrument. Homunculus liked to imagine he had a sense of style, even when dealing with his own demise. But having gone through every room in the house, every cupboard, every drawer, it was the best the seemed to be available.
The metal blade of the carving knife gleamed in the light from the overhead bulb, reflecting the light onto Homunculus' face. He didn't squint when the glare hit his eyes. He could bare /that/ kind of pain. That was easy. Now it was time to end the other pain inside him. Eike wouldn't find a body. He would only find the Philosopher's Stone, red and gleaming on the tidy bed.
He would probably congratulate himself on a job well done. Thank fate for this strange turn of good fortune. Then who knows? Maybe he would make the stone into a necklace for his darling Margarete. Or perhaps he would cut it to pieces make it a necklace, a set of earrings...
...a wedding ring.
A tear splashed on the cold steel as Homunculus once again thought of the two humans together. No doubt they were out having a nice candlelit dinner with champagne. Or maybe they had skipped dinner completely. Maybe they had been too anxious to get to the real entertainment. It was this possibility that had prevented Homunculus from looking for Eike. He didn't want to risk seeing them together. If he broke into wild, uncontrollable sobs again, he would probably fall to pieces.
No. The knife was the way out. He had seen humans do it before. He had /made/ humans do it before. He had never thought he would ever find himself here, holding a knife to his delicate wrist, mourning the loss of a treacherous loved one.
Homunculus wished he could hate Eike for his deception. But it was impossible. And if he couldn't hate, then at least he could try and stop himself from feeling anything.
If he slit his wrists, maybe he would return to oblivion as he had before, weak and unable to sustain himself. Then he could simply shut all his senses, and more importantly his emotions, off. And this time it would be for good.
It was worth a try at least.
Homunculus sighed, and held the steel blade over his wrist. More tears fell, as he said a silent goodbye.
//I love you, Eike. I wish things could have been different. I would have made you so happy. And now we'll never know//.
//Goodbye//.
He raised the knife. All it would need was for him to relax his arm, let the blade fall, and his essence would leak away. He only needed to break the fragile shell that was his body. Homunculus shut his eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
The djinn's eyes shot open, wide with shock at hearing the young man's voice, and hearing such outrageous disbelief in its tone. He heard swift footsteps behind him, and the knife was abruptly snatched from his hand, and flung across the room. He heard it hit the floor and winced.
Then he looked up at the young human now standing in front of him. Or rather, pacing in front of him. Eike was raging at him, furious that Homunculus would do anything so stupid. Homunculus barely took in any of these words. He was absorbed by Eike's emotional outburst, and consumed by despair that he was not allowed to end his own suffering. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob like a lost child.
And to Eike he suddenly appeared to be just that. A lost child. Lonely, abandoned, feeling as though no one loved him, no one cared, and no one ever would. Eike forgot his anger at seeing Homunculus' distress and went to take the miserable creature in his arms.
He was shocked and hurt when Homunculus tried feebly to push his comforting arms away. The djinn leaned away from him, still not uncovering his face and still sobbing. What was wrong with him? First he was trying to kill himself, insofar as that was possible anyway, and now he was rejecting Eike, after all they had shared over the past few days.
The realization slowly dawned on Eike.
//Did Homunculus really think I'd left him for Margarete? And does he really feel that much for me? Enough to try and kill himself?//
"Homunculus..." Eike tried to speak over the djinn's sobs. Finally he had had enough and grabbed him by the arms and forced him to show his face.
"Homunculus... for god's sake. Why did you do this?" he asked desperately. "What were you thinking?"
"Shouldn't /I/ be the one demanding an explanation?" Homunculus snapped suddenly, the lost child image gone, only to be replaced by the familiar, cold-hearted demon, but who now was fuelled by emotions that were alien to him and terribly powerful.
"What are you talking about?" Eike demanded, his own anger rising to match Homunculus'.
"You left me," Homunculus spat. "You deserted me."
"I had to. You don't understand."
"Don't I? Because it seems pretty obvious. If that idiot girl means something to you then you could have at least had the decency to be honest with me, rather than leading me on."
"Leading you on?" Eike couldn't believe what he was being accused of here. "I never led you on, Homunculus."
"I find /that/ hard to believe. You made me... believe..." sobs were once again threatening to rise from the djinn's throat. Desperately, he tried to suppress them. "I thought that you... felt something for me, Eike."
"But I do. I love you."
Those final three words silenced them both. Eike was astonished that the words had slipped out, and how he hadn't felt disgusted in any way that he had said them. In fact, he was glad he had. Now Homunculus knew the truth, and so did he. He finally realized what it was he had been feeling all this time.
"I love you," he said again, in a dreamy way, as if savoring the way the words fell so easily from his mouth.
Homunculus stared up at the human boy. The boy he loved, and who now claimed loved him in return. It seemed impossible, and doubts surfaced in Homunculus' mind, even though his soul soared at the concept of what this could mean. But how could it be possible?
//No,// he thought sadly, his face showing that he clearly didn't believe it. //This is to good to be real. He couldn't...//
His thoughts were stopped by Eike's kiss, which came so swiftly Homunculus would have fallen backwards if the blonde hadn't wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to his feet and holding him firmly but gently. Eike had seen the doubt in the djinn's eyes, and had reacted in the only way he could see that would banish all questions and doubts.
Homunculus jerked his head back, staring at Eike with a mixture of adoration and puzzlement. He frowned, and then slowly reached up to rest his fingertips on the boy's temples. With the barest concentration, he saw Eike's memories of the last few hours. He heard the whole phone call to Margarete, he saw the hospital room, Eike's friend lying on the bed. He listened to the conversation with Margarete in the car. He didn't read Eike's thoughts. Only saw through his eyes, and heard through him what had happened. It was a sneaky way of discovering the truth, but it was worth it.
Tears brimmed in Homunculus' eyes as he realized that Eike had not been lying when he said he loved him. He had gone to take care of his friend, not to be with Margarete. They were not lovers. They never would be. None of his fears had been justified. He had leapt to conclusions with all the foolishness of a paranoid boy. He would have felt ashamed, if he hadn't felt so happy.
"Eike..."
He was answered by another kiss, deeper than any of the others before it. Homunculus slipped his arms around Eike's neck and pressed himself against the tall man's body. For a long time they stayed that way, kissing each other passionately, neither one wanting to break that precious contact.
It was Homunculus who pulled away in the end, and that was only to answer the question in Eike's mind.
"I love you too."
************ Fin (Unless I get another request, lol!) *************
***Thanks to all reviewers of the first part. You're all fabulous! ^_^ ***