A/N
Hello!
So I saw the new character designs for Team Magma/ Aqua for Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire and the first thing that I thought was: "Huh. Tabitha looks like Eric Cartman now."
The SECOND thing that I thought was: "Heheh, he actually looks kind of like Tierno."
...And the FINAL thing I thought was: Plot Twist! It is Tierno!
So I made this terrible fanfic to back up my little conspiracy theory. I don't even know what genre to put this under to be completely honest. Hope you all like it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Enjoy! :D
~.~
"What happened... What is this wretched scene... Did I...make a horrible mistake? I... I only wanted..."
"Do you understand now, Archie? Do you finally see how disastrous your dream turned out to be? We have to hurry! We have to do something before the situation goes completely out of control!"
"Brendan... We, Team Magma, had been pursuing Team Aqua to prevent this from happening. You've been very helpful, but I fear the worst has happened... It's gone too far for a child like you to manage... Leave things to us, and get out of here while you still can!"
"This defies belief... A super-ancient Pokémon... Its power is unbelievable. It has upset the balance of nature..."
"And that concludes our special of the twelve year anniversary of the day that Hoenn - no - the entire world was almost completely destroyed!"
"You said it, Gabby! This has been Pokémon News at 10:30. Tune in next week when we analyze leaked pictures of Cyrus of Team Galactic in a biki-!"
The TV screen turned black as a exasperated Tierno, laying lazily on the couch, decide that he had had enough of the news for that night.
"You know, I really need to do something with my life besides eating, sleeping, and aimlessly wobbling back and forth and calling it dancing. I need a life! I need to make an impression on people! I want people to look at me and say 'Hey, look, it's Tierno! What a guy!' or ' OMIGOSH! It's Tierno! Squee!', OR, OR EVEN-!"
"TIERNO! SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" The brunette's mom yelled down the stairs.
"Sorry mom!" Tieno now began to excitedly muse about his newfound plan.
"Maybe I could be a gym leader! Or an Elite four member! Or a Frontier Brain! Maybe even the Champion! Tomorrow, I'm going to start my life anew! I WILL BE THE GREATEST-"
"TIERNO! YOU INCOMPETANT, OVERSIZED SACK OF SHIT! SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!"
Tierno turned his attention to the TV again when an advertisement caught his eye.
"Hey you! Yeah, you, tubby on the couch!"
Tierno sat up.
"Are you tired of living a meaningless life?"
"Yeah..."
"Are you sick of people stepping all over you, thinking that you're useless and stupid?"
"Yes."
"Do you just want to known around the world? Have an actual identity?"
"Yes!"
"And do you like wasabi?"
"YES! YES! YES!"
"Well if you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then you are destined to be a Team Magma Grunt!"
"HOW DO I JOIN?" Tierno was now inches from the TV screen.
"Call now to book an interview with either Maxie or one of the admins! Good luck, and stay HOT!"
Tierno ran over to the phone and began to frantically punch the buttons. After being put on hold and listening to the song 'Ring of Fire' by Johnny Cash on repeat for an hour, someone finally picked up.
"Hello?" a deep, tired-sounding male voice answered. He had obviously just booked about a hundred- plus interviews.
"Hi! Yes! Hello! I'm Tierno! And you are?" Tierno tried to be as friendly as possible - completely oblivious to the type people that he would be working with.
"..."
"Ahhh hello? Name?" Tierno pressed.
"...Tabitha."
"Pfft! What? Are you a guy or a girl?"
"Listen here you piece of shit! I have been answering damn phone calls since nine in the fucking morning, so I suggest you shut your fat fucking mouth and don't say another fucking word!"
"Y-Y-yes sir."
"Now, I'll be over your house for the interview at 6 P.M. sharp, so you'd better be there."
"Oh bu-"
The phone clicked. Tabitha had hung up.
"What did I just get myself into? I can't let mom know about this...she'd kill me!" Tierno panicked as he trotted up the stairs and into his room.
...
The next day was long and nerve-racking. The brunette anxiously sat on the couch near the door for the entirety of the morning and afternoon. What's worse was that today of all days, his mother decided to have a crochet party, and he found himself surrounded by middle-and-upper aged women knitting endless amounts of little beanies and mittens for their entertainment.
"So did you hear about Susan's Mag-" an old, feeble woman began.
Tierno gasped. How could they have possibly have found out?
"What's wrong, dear?" the brunette's mom intervened.
"Uh...nothing! Gertrude, I'm sorry for interrupting. What were you saying?"
"I was saying that Susan's Magcargo is very sick. It's so sad."
"Oh no!" a blonde woman began. "We need to keep tab-"
"AHHH!" Tierno screamed, startling half the room.
"Oh my goodness! What did I say?"
"Oh, heh, sorry. continue..."
"...We need to keep tabs on the Magcargo to see if it gets any better. it's an old and sickly Pokémon, so it could die."
"I know, it's flames-"
"Can I step outside for a minute?" Tierno asked.
"Absolutely, honey!"
...
As soon as the brunette stepped foot outside, a red Lamborghini sped down the street, stopping just in front of his house.
The doors opened as a man, who looked to be in his twenties, stepped out. Said man had dark hair, was about 6'3, was extremely muscular, and was downright intimidating.
He then pulled a little scrap of paper out of his pocket and scanned it over.
"Uhhh...Tierno?"
The brunette gulped. This guy towered over him. He was a monster!
"Y-Y-Yes?"
"Why so anxious bro?" the man chuckled. "I'm Tabitha. We've been trying to reunite Team Magma for a really long time now...actually, none of us have seen each other since the events years ago. We've decided to hold our meeting at our old base in Mount Chimney this weekend. Ah...the good 'ol days! Can't wait to see what that old crank Maxie looks like now!"
He held out his hand and Tierno nervously shook it. Was this the same guy that he talked to over the phone?
"Sorry about last night, dude. I get nasty if I don't sleep...or work out...or take a shower...or eat...I'm kind of like that on missions too...and with my friends...and on dates..."
Tierno raised an eyebrow. So this Tabitha guy was basically an asshole every other time but now... Fair enough.
"I also have to catch a flight to Hoenn, so let's make this quick. Where should he hold the interview?"
"How about right here, on the porch?"
"Actually, can we go inside? I'm starving!"
"N-No!" Tierno blocked the door.
"Why? Got something to hide?"
"No! It's just that...um...I have a Purrloin and I don't know whether or not you're allergic to cats!"
"I'm not. "
"I also have a Jumpluff!"
"Not allergic to pollen either."
"Shroomish?"
"Nope."
"I also have a Lillipup!"
Tabitha's stomach growled and his warm, scarlet eyes instantly turned a merciless crimson. He had gone too far.
"I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO DOGS EITHER!" He roared. "GO! MIGHTYENAS!"
He threw three Pokeballs in the air, each bursting into red plasma and revealed three menacing dogs.
"Let me in now. Or else."
"Okay! Okay! Just please call back your Pokémon, my mom is severely allergic to dogs!"
Tabitha called his Pokemon back as Tierno held his hand on the doorknob for a solid minute, eyeing a nearby shovel and contemplating.
"Any time now." Tabitha pressed.
Tierno just stood there.
"Damn, it's like a fucking sauna out here! It must be like over a hundred degrees!" The admin said, proceeding to remove his sweatshirt.
NOW!
As the unsuspecting magma grunt was pulling the sweatshirt over his head, Tierno grabbed the shovel and bashed Tabitha over the head repeatedly. When he was sure that the admin was unconscious, he dragged him into bushes, stole his clothing, changed, hopped into the Lamborghini, and sped off to the airport.
...
(That weekend)
Maxie was drumming his thumbs impatiently against his desk while Courtney was pacing back and forth.
"Where is Tabitha?" Maxie asked the female admin.
"How am I supposed to know?"
"Well, don't you stalk him on Twitter and Instagram?"
Courtney blushed. "How the-?"
"I know everything."
"But-"
"You changed your appearance to impress him."
"Hey I-"
"Now all you're thinking about is how much you hope that he'll show up soon so you can show off your new looks."
Courtney shot up and pointed an accusing finger at Maxie. "Okay! You know what? You just have to st-"
The automatic doors slid open, averting the attention of the boss and admin from their argument to the figure at the door.
"Tabitha" stepped forward and watched the expressions of the high-rank Magmas turn from anticipation to shock.
"T-T-Tabitha?" Courtney asked, speechless. "W-What happened?"
Maxie's stoic character broke for a split second before he regained his composure. "Well, you were always an emotional eater."
"Yeah you see, I was so bummed by out failure twelve years ago that I just...I just let myself go."
"And that you did."
"Wh-h-h-hyyy?" Courtney hysterically sobbed in the corner.
It was then that all of the newly recruited Team Magma grunts entered the room. Ready to make some progress, Maxie began the meeting immediately. The team devised a plan and within a few months, their plot was in motion.
No one ever found out about the brunette's little secret - the day Tierno joined Team Magma.
~.~
A/N
So that's the end of that.
I totally should have been studying for my Spanish final buuuuutttt...tomorrow is my last day of school before my senior year so I was like "Meh. I'll write." I really hoped you like this.
Now for those of you wondering about my opinion on Tabatha: I have nothing against his design, but I wish it wasn't him. I know that probably doesn't make sense. His appearance was already established in the anime years ago, and I don't like that they changed him. If Tabitha "retired" and that was a new character, I'd be completely okay with that. The same holds true for the other bosses/ admins. But then again its a new game so...I shouldn't be too taken aback.
Anyway, review and stuff! Flames will be used to roast my marshmallows! Bye! :D