People say love is a grand thing to have and to experience with another person, the person who is, in this whole wide world, supposed to be your other half is grand in its self. I think the notion is foolish to be truthful. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have loved someone and crushed on many people but it all ends up the same- black and voidness. It makes my view on what they call love seem very dank and dark.
You know that song? The one where it goes, "Love is a battle field, let's all stand together…. And yadayada?" I laugh every single time I hear that song because it's true. Love is a big battle field and I seem to be the only one that is overlooked, shot down, cut down, and left for dead. Funny huh?
You see I have finished waiting for that one person who will be my knight in bright armor because, to be frank, it seems I will be waiting a very, very long time and I can't be doing that. Not when I have a life to live and air to breath. I am very content on just being with my friends and by myself. It's not lonely…I promise you it's not. It's not like I wish to wake in the morning to see someone next to me, nor do I want to be held in a soft grip and feel like I will never be let go of, I don't whish to hear those words, " I love you," I just….it would be suffocating…..wouldn't it?
I shall go on to live in my small house, work part time at the library in my not so big town, to hang out with my friends- Gwen, Morgana, Lancelot, Gwaine, Ellyn, Percival- and….and….be happy. Yes, happy, though the other say I am not, but I think I am. You would know if you weren't happy because it's yourself right?
I never thought of that type love before, the one where you love a person not of your family or your friends in a long time, hated it, thought it to be a very boring affair, wanted to swallow the very notion every time I am left high and dry, tears coming off my face as I drink a strong coffee drink and sit with a good book and wonder why me. I thought love was like sand and my love, if I had such a person, was like a piece of rice in that big pile of sand. Hard to find and ever harder to get out even if I did find it.
That was until I meet him. He walked right into my life, no pun intended I swear, as I sat wishing for noting more than a sign. He showed me that maybe that I had the whole love thing wrong and that I was meant for something more…..I wasn't as useless as a person.
I am not telling a big love, drama, weep until you laugh story. This is my life; you either love it or walk away. I am not asking you to listen, not asking you to stay. But he did something for me in which, even know, I wonder what it was.
This is …it's like…...love in a bowl full of sand.
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