It's not all that hard to be with Naruto. He talks and talks, I don't have to say anything. It's so easy. I only need to sit quietly and make the occasional noise. It's easy. Too easy.

Naruto's great in bed too. Not that I have much to compare him with. Just Itachi, and no one can know about that. Naruto thinks I was a virgin, that he was my first. I don't have the heart to disillusion him. Anyway, he's ferocious. He completely overpowers me and yet still manages to be gentle in a way that Itachi never was. Again, all I need to do is make the occasional moan and he thinks he's satisfying me.

It sounds horrible, I know. But it's not. He puts my needs first. And he looks at me, really looks at me. Not through me. There's a difference. And we're equals. I don't have to look up at him, and he's probably taken me off the pedestal. I don't know how I got there in the first place, to be honest. Maybe because of my coolness, my last name. Who knows? Still, it's hard to believe that he cares so much for me. He's so careful with me, as though he's positive I'll break.

I don't tell him I like it rough, I like it when I can feel the skin being marked red with blood. Either from bites or from scratches. Naruto wouldn't understand. I don't want to explain my masochistic tendencies. Not to him, not to anyone. I like pain, feeling raw and burning form the inside out.

But even if we spice things up- it wouldn't be as good. Wouldn't be the same as- Anyway. He, Naruto, never gets upset that I don't come. I can't. We experiment, different toys, positions and alternating rhythms. But it's not use. I can't. I don't want to orgasm from a stimulation that's not- sigh.

I'm on my way to Naruto's hut now. Not ours- I haven't moved in and don't plan to. I can see from the light that he's home. The door opens and I recognize that shimmer of hope in those bright blue eyes.

"I have a new idea," he explains, pulling me inside.

Stop, I want to say. Stop being so nice.

"We can watch a movie-Kakashi lent me some because I didn't want to go into town. I hope that's okay."

"Wait, you told Kakashi about my..problem?"

"No. I just said we wanted to try some stuff out. Don't worry, I was very suave."

"I can imagine."

"So, are you hungry? Do you want to eat food first or wanna skip straight to dessert?"

He grins at me, so adorable. "Here's what I was thinking, you can ride me or something- or if you're too tired, I can – what?" He stops mid sentence. I'm just staring at him with a slightly stunned expression on my face. I know I am.

"What's wrong?"

Everything is wrong. Where to start?

He leads me to the kitchen table, sitting me down. He gets me a glass of water.

All I can think of is Itachi. How he would never let me top. No, he'd fuck me ruff without preparation. Use a cock ring, butt plugs, anything until I was sobbing, begging desperately for release. Yes, it's my brother, my own flesh and blood that I crave. It's wrong. There are lists of books that criticize and condemn what I did, what I yearn to do again. I could probably go through the alphabet and come up with a word to describe how immoral this is. How sinful and perverse. But Itachi makes me whole, makes me alive. So cliché, but that's a feeling I value. When he's not around, I feel dead inside.

"It's okay if you're too tired. We'll try another time."

He kisses me on the forehead, right where Itachi used to poke me.

I say nothing. He doesn't ask if I'll stay the night. He stopped asking me that and I feel guilty, but I'm grateful.

He's good to me. I don't deserve him, his kindness. But I thrive on it, have begun to rely on it. I need it now.

"Why?" I ask, lying down on the couch, putting my feet on his lap. He starts to give me a foot massages even though I didn't ask for one.

I usually ask him this at least once a month. My favorites are: "Because I love you", "Because you're a good person," "Because you're beautiful".

Tonight, Naruto says simply. "I love you, that's why."

I nod my agreement. I know it's true. There's power, security in those words. A sort of magic that I stopped believing in when Itachi left, and only when I realized how much I relied on Naruto, did I start believing in once more. In clinging to this belief as frantically as I do, I know Itachi is right: I am weak.