Diary

-a song/ fan fiction of Peter Pan (song by Bread)

I found her diary underneath a tree and started reading about me.

Time passes by and it might have been ages, might have been a very long while but the words written on her diary were vivid, alive and surprising. I knew Wendy. I knew her as a very intelligent girl of her age. I knew she had two brothers, Michael and John, and I do remember how the Lost Boys cried over their farewell. I knew she loves stories, fantasies, mermaids... but I do not know her secrets. Her secrets that lied on this diary, unrevealed and unspoken.

You see, Wendy, just like any other children who goes in and out of Neverland dreams not to grow up but after some time the thought of "not growing-up" would bugged them and they would decide to go back. If you're actually the type of kid who grew up listening to bed time stories, I might as well know you and you might as well have met me. I give chances to children to come with me and fly and visit Neverland. But that was long time ago, I even doubt if anyone would know. But unlike any other children, Wendy had been the most memorable friend I got. Reasons? You might ask... well, she's sweet, she's caring, she takes care of everybody like mothers used to and oh, she have many questions, she talks fast and commas and periods were of no use, and I would listen, and I would answer all the questions, and I would tell her every stories of my adventure- and lastly, she gave me that odd feeling, a strange and twisted feeling- I don't know what was that but for a moment I know it wasn't a kid stuff anymore so I pushed hard to let go of it and that feeling eventually vanished slowly as days past after she and her brothers bid us good bye.

I don't usually visit children after they left Neverland but like I said Wendy is different. The night after their departure, I decided to pay her a visit but she wasn't on the same room where I found her. Michael and John were there however. This might sound funny but I do sneak into their house to look for her.

And then she was there, sleeping on her bed, with no toys around, no children books scattered and completely should I say...lady-like? Nowhere were teddy bears, ABC blocks and those I saw on her brothers' room. Her bookshelf have novels, romantic novels, adventure and magic- I know she won't let go of it- and a leather bound notebook which still got Tink's fairy dust on it. Curiosity sneaks up on me and I just found my hands on it. The cover says "Wendy's Diary", the first page was blank and the second page made me laugh for it says "Do not dare to flip another page. This is something personal. So put it down, close the cover and pretend like nothing happened. Especially if you are Peter Pan." The words made me want to read more but with full respect, I did what I am told to so.

As I look at her a sudden realization strikes, I looked around outside her windows to the city where lights burn. She lives on place where I do not belong. Mine and hers were completely distinctive. I do not even dare to go to her and wake her up, maybe it just the time I let her go to the real world where she truly belongs.

Ages had passed after that night, I do not know how long but the words still rang on my ears. What was inside the diary that made her want to keep it away from me? Of course it is something personal and deep inside I want to know her better. Yes, until now.

So today I let myself fly outside Neverland, and then I saw the old Victorian house again. It is still vibrant as it was before and I'm relieved to read "Darling Residence" on its gate. The house is still theirs and Wendy is sure to be inside. I flew to the window where I used to sneak in but found the room where my shadow and I once played catch unoccupied. Thoughts began to flood into my mind, thoughts which I am afraid to sink in.

I went around the house over its fence and around its garden. Nana, the Darlings' dog wasn't on sight. The house still has everything on it, the television, sofa, and some stuff I do not know what to call. It doesn't seem uninhabited but is idle upon this moment. Everything around me is still. Nothing moves. Time had probably frozen. I stopped wandering and sat under a tree where I could get a good look of the window on Wendy's room. I looked up then look down and those things over and over again until something on the ground caught my attention.

Fairy dusts? Neither Tink nor I had been here for quite a while

The dusts lied on the ground that looks like it had been dug. My nosiness got me again and I started digging with my bare hands. It had not taken me a great effort to find the hidden treasure in fact it is almost lying on the surface for easy access I guess. What I found was not gold or gems or money. It was the thing I crave to lay my hands on years ago.

Wendy's diary.

The leather had worn out and the pages were brown on edges. It was still sparkling though and I know that this thing still kept the words personally written by Wendy. I hope she won't mind if I read it now. The first page which was blank before had something written on it now, "I' hope you find this Peter." signed by Wendy. The second page still has the same words except from the sentence "Especially if you are Peter Pan" which had been crossed out.

I feel like swelling with so much excitement. I flipped on the pages and much to my amazement…I started reading about me.

My eyes jumped from the mention of my name and to another and so.

July 4th 1902, I had seen a shadow moving on our room. I thought it was theft until I found a boy slowly opening the window as if looking for something. He had a little sparkling creature with him, a little fairy I guess. Then he began chasing the shadow. He jumped and run hereto. But Nana caught the shadow before he could. She's just an incredibly amazing dog. I quickly opened the lights and saw him. I had known his name as Peter Pan over our little talk. He flew away as fast as he got in. But I know he would come back soon.

July 9th 1902, Peter came back! I feel so happy. Although I know he's just looking for his shadow. Fortunately he caught it now and I had it sewn on his shoes so it won't get lost again. Peter's friend Tinkerbell (Peter told us so) looks a little disgusted to me. I do not know why. I do not even care if she continues to pay us visits as long as I get to see Peter. Truth be told, I really like Peter the first time I saw him. Dad says he's just part of my imagination but I know he's real and this time Michael and John saw him too. He promised to be back tomorrow night. I'm excited.

"He's taking us to Neverland! I'm just about to give him a kiss when Tinkerbell pulled my hair which is very unfortunate."

The next entries tell the story where she and her brothers went to Neverland. I didn't know she was so happy flying…with me.

I had forgotten the date for today probably because I'm having so much fun here with Peter Pan. He thought us how to fly and Peter said that the moment you doubt whether you can fly; you cease forever to be able to do it. Today we play on the clouds and I saw the dangerous-looking crew of Captain Hook. They are in hunt for Peter. I am praying for Peter's safety.

I didn't know she care that much. I am not also aware how she got so scared about the Lost Boys throwing her some rocks and woods and how much I became such a hero on her eyes when I saved her. I didn't know she loved the moments I fly her through various places on Neverland. I didn't know she had gotten jealous of the mermaids and Tinkerbell and Tiger Lily.

Today Peter rescued Tiger Lily, the Indian princess from the hands of Captain Hook. Peter fought with so much grace and that makes him more adorable. So after the safe rescue operation, they had some feast and I didn't know those Indians got the Lost Boys and my brothers captive for thinking they are the ones who take hostage of their princess. The night had been fun if it isn't for that big lady who always asks me to take firewood so my eyes could get rid of Tiger Lily and Peter! Sigh, I got another competition.

The diary next entries continues to talk about our adventure, until that battle with Captain Hook where I almost (but not) lost against that bad-mannered Captain Hook. Wendy had been very worried about me but she had believed I won and so I did. They started calling me Captain Pan after that and that was also the day where Wendy and her brothers decided to leave Neverland- and grow up.

We had them dropped on their house that night. They said good bye and I don't want hearing goodbyes because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting. I watched as Wendy tells her mother and father about our adventure and how she proudly says that she is now ready to grow up. She made it sound so natural like everybody should grow up. Well maybe…but not for me.

She still writes about me even after weeks of not seeing each other. She writes about dreaming of me peeping and gently tapping on her window. She still writes about me after years…and her words are drowning me with so much glee. It reminded me of that breath-taking feeling the moment she gave me a sweet kiss. A kiss I know that meant just for me and me alone. That was the day I promised I won't forget her and I kept that promise.

The words she'd written took me by surprise. I am not the love she'd dreamt for. As she go through her life, I wish her the best of everything.

"All the boys were grown up and done for by this time; so it is scarcely worthwhile saying anything more about them. You may see the twins and Nibs and Curly any day going to an office, each carrying a little bag and an umbrella. Michael is an engine driver. Slightly married a lady of title, and so he became a lord. You see that judge in a wig coming out at the iron door? That used to be Tootles. The bearded man who doesn't know any story to tell his children was once John."

Things had changed a lot for her. But I'm still grateful that Wendy had been keeping an eye to me by seeing the stars.

As I close her diary I heard a familiar voice talking to a little girl. The little girl asked looking up at a nest of swallows, "Why do swallows build in the eaves of the houses?" and I heard her answer, an answer I had once said myself, "It is to listen to the stories."

I smiled and knew she was Wendy. She is a woman on her late thirties beaming with the bright smile. She brushed the hair of the little girl who looks just like Wendy, the way I remember her.

I would never forget her and never means a very long time. And so I told her once "I had thought you how to fight and to fly. What more could there be?" I thought those are everything but Wendy had taught me a lot more, more than she might even know. Inside I felt like I grew up into a brighter boy, still a boy yes. For I am the boy who never grow up, I am Peter Pan.

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own the characters all of them belong to J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan. Some quotations were inspired from the novel too. Story plot inspired by Bread song Diary.