A/N: Hello everyone again. Now I have no idea why I never made a SI(Self Insert) story yet for TF2, this should've been the second or third story I've written, but here it is.

As always, TF2 belongs to Valve.

Step. Step. Step. Smack!

Step. Step. Step Smack!

Step. Step. Step. Smack!

I groaned for the umpteenth time as I faceplanted into the ground of this desert. I grudgingly struggled to to my feet as I continued to walk. My right arm clutched around a large cut across my torso, while my left wiped the blood, sweat, and dirt off my face. I hardly got a few feet before falling yet again.

Smack!

"Fuck..."

"Oi! You ok there mate?"

I lifted my face out of the dirt and looked up at the person who said that. I assumed he was Austrailian because of his accent, and he wore a red shirt under a brown colored vest, brown pants, and shoes. He had a slouch hat on his head and wore yellow tinted aviator glasses.

"Yeah..." I said as I strugged to get to my feet, but as I did so, my vision started to blacken and I fell to the ground.

"Hey doc!"

Medic looked up from his paperwork to see Sniper supporting someone on his shoulder.

Someone who looked like they've been through hell and back.

"Herr Sniper! What-who is this? What happened to them?" the German asked.

"I don't know doc, found the bloke in the desert like this. Dunno how he's still alive with wounds like this,"

"Then stop standing there and help me get him to a table, dummkopf!" Medic snapped.

Sniper moved as fast as he could and gently placed the unconscious person on the table. He also placed a black backpack and a blue bucket hat on the table as well.

"What is this?"

"I think I belongs to him doc, he was wearing these things when I found him,"

"Hmm, ok then... I'll fix him up then, clean yourself off," he pointed to the blood that was on Sniper's right side of his body. "I'd had Scout and Demoman clean the base today, and I do not want it to be dirty again,"

Sniper mumbled something inaudible as he walked out of the Med-Bay.

With the Australian gone, Medic turned his attention to his patient. He quickly went over the possible injuries he may have.

"Laceration across the chest and back, couple of broken ribs, cut across the head..." as he listed the injuries, he took notice on who the patient was. He was fairly young, most likely in his late teens, short, black hair, and lean. He wore a gray shirt, which was cut up, blue jean shorts, light gray sneakers with black, crew cut socks. "What are you doing in the desert?" Medic thought as he positioned the mounted Medi-Gun on the teen.

As the Medi-Gun healed him, Medic decided to investigate what was inside the backpack. But as he tried to open it, he found out the zipper wouldn't open. He tried with all his might but couldn't open the backpack, and after five minutes the German gave up on opening the backpack. He checked up on the teen before heading back to his desk to finish his paperwork.

"Gah!" I yelped before clutching my head. I always forgot waking up too fast makes the blood flow way too fast to your head. As I brought my hands down, I noticed there wasn't blood, dirt, or sweat on them. Apart from a scars around my chest, I'd looked good as new, even my shirt was sown back up.

I took the time to get my bearings. I looked around and found I was in some kind of medical facility, and I was on one of the hospital beds, no check that, make that an operating table with a bloody, white cloth on top.

"If I'm missing any organs, I am so killing the first person I meet," I said to myself.

"Feeling well I presume?" a voice with a German accent said.

I looked to my left to find a man with a bloodied vest over a white shirt, which had its sleeves rolled up, black pants tucked into boots, and had small specticales.

"Do I know you?" I asked the man.

"No," he adjusted his glasses. "But you are looking quite better than what you did when you came in with Herr Sniper,"

"Sniper?" I asked, slightly confused. "Is that his name?"

"No, it's more like his workplace name,"

"Let me guess, you're the Medic,"

"Yes," Medic said. "What's your name?"

"Why do you need my name for?"

"Uh, just so I can actually call you something other than "you" or something else,"

I cocked my head at the request, I blinked before answering,

"Austin,"

"Oh, ok,"

"What? Were you expecting something more?"

"Ah, no," Medic said as he looked over me. "Hm, you healed well, but I have to ask, what were you doing out there in the first place, and with such bad injuries?"

"I wish I could tell you doctor, buuuuuuuuuut I don't remember," I picked up my bucket hat and plopped it on my head.

"Do you have amnesia or something?"

I chuckled. "Nah, though I was in a city before that...I kinda just woke up here,"

"Ok...but how could you survive for that long with that kind of injuries?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I dunno, I'm tough?" I said as something else popped up in my mind. "Hey, where am I anyways?"

"You are at the RED HQ,"

"RED? Well that explains the RED get up," I thought. "RED sounds like an acronym for something, what is it?"

"It stands for Reliable Excavations and Demolitions,"

"An excavation company? What kind of excavation company needs someone called Sniper and Medic?"

"It's because we are mercenaries, Austin,"

"Really? I'm a merc too!"

Medic started to laugh uncontrollably, something I didn't expect from him. "Oh t-t-that's a good one," he said in-between laughs. "Nice one,"

"I'm not joking Medic! I'm a legit merc!"

"B-b-but you're too young to be a merc,"

"He's not,"

A man wearing a red balaclava and suit suddenly appeared out of nowhere behind the table. He was casually smoking a cigarette with his right hand.

"Oh, Austin this is Spy, Spy..."

Spy lifted his hand. "I know who he is already, Medic,"

"You do?"

Spy nodded. "He's considered one of the youngest and deadliest mercs in the entire Western Hemisphere, with a personal kill count at least over ten thousand."

Medic had his mouth wide open.

"See? At least someone knows," I said. "Wait, how do you know anyways? I don't think I've met you before,"

"I have my ways," Spy said as he blew a puff of smoke. "So what brings you here?"

"To be honest, I just woke up here, in the desert, wounded, and no memory of how I got here,"

Before Spy could respond, the double doors in the front of the room burst open and four men ran in carrying a fifth man.

"Medic!" a young man shouted. Accompanied with him was a man wearing a hardhat, a man with a battle helmet, and a man with a beanie. The four were carrying a man I instantly recognized.

Sniper.

The sniper looked worse for the wear. His face was a ghostly pale with a tinge of green, he was sweating profusely, and smelled of vomit.

"Sniper!" Medic shouted. "What happened to him?"

"I think he ate something bad doc," the man in the beanie said.

"What did he eat?"

"A sandwich..." Sniper was able to wheeze out. "In the fridge,"

"Idiot! That sandwich was supposed to be thrown away, it was moldy!" he turned to the young man. "Scout! Didn't I tell you to empty the fridge of spoiled food?"

"I did! Or I think I did...oops,"

Medic groaned.

"Hey! Pyro was going to set the kitchen on fire again, all right?"

"Well isn't that great, we're down a soldier because of your inattentiveness, small fry!" the man in the battle helmet shouted at Scout. "You can fix Sniper, right Doctor?"

"Nein," Medic said. "The Medi-Gun only heals physical wounds, not illnesses like food poisoning,"

"Guess we have to battle with only eight men today, Soldier," the man in the hardhat said. "Unless we can find someone else to replace him..."

"Nah I'm ok, ma-" Sniper suddenly vomited on the floor.

"No you are not ok, help me get him on a table, Engineer," Medic said.

"So anyone knows who we can replace Sniper with?" Engi asked as he helped Sniper to a table.

"I can take Sniper's place," I said.

"Ah...who are you?" Scout asked.

"Name's Austin," I tipped my hat to the men.

"Pffffft, yeah right kid, this job's for men,"

"I will not tolerate children on my battlefield!" Soldier shouted in my face. "You will not turn it into more of a daycare than it is already with Scout,"

"Yeah! Wait what?!"

"Exactly, you kids are weak, let me prove it. Hit me Scout!"

"Oh it is on," Scout threw a hard punch at Soldier's jaw, but it didn't even move his face, in fact, it hurt Scout more than Soldier. "OW! That really freaking hurt!"

"HA! See! You are weak, and I'm sure Twinkletoes over here is just as we-"

'THWACK!'

Soldier fell to the ground unconscious, while the four other men looked at me in awe.

"Oops," I said as I retracted my arm. "I meant to knock him off his feet, not to slumberland," I said sheepishly.

"Well this blows," I said as I sat in RED's intelligence room. After putting Soldier to sleep, the team made me Sniper's replacement for the battle at a place called 2Fort. But, I was forced to guard the RED's briefcase, and I bored out of my mind.

I showed the team what weapons I used before we shipped out to 2Fort. A single-shot marksman revolver, a flashbang gun, and a tactical umbrella. The umbrella confused most of the mercs at first, until I showed them its functions as a sword, shield, and laser gun.

I also smirked when Scout said he pissed his pants.

To pass time while waiting for someone to come into the intel room, I fiddled with my weapons, looked at the pretty lights on the computer servers, looked at the large control room, and drew a smiley face on the wall with my laser gun.

I was finishing up my smiley face when I heard a Scout coming. I turned only to find him run into me. I got up just as the BLU Scout touched the briefcase and aimed my revolver at him.

"Don't even think about it," I said.

I noticed that he was smiling, who the hell would smile at their own demise?

"What the fuck you smiling fo-" I stopped speaking as a sharp pain entered my back. I glanced backwards to see the BLU Spy smirking at me while removing his knife from my back. "What a low blow," I said as I blasted the Spy's head into a million, bloody pieces.

I turned back to the Scout, who had his mouth wide open in surprise. He started to run away with the briefcase, but not before I stabbed him through the chest with my umbrella and opened it. BLU Scout's entire body was split into two, horizontally.

"Fucking prick," I said as I placed the briefcase back onto the desk. "Should've seen that Spy coming," I mumbled to myself.

As I reloaded my revolver, I heard a large group of people headed my way. I groaned.

"I shouldn't be doing this," I said as I got into a battle stance. "I always feel bad for those when I'm finished,"

My frown turned into a grin.

"Not,"

A/N: Phew, that was a long ass first chapter. Let me know what you think in the reviews, I'm going to work on other things now. Now bye.

-D.W