Moving On
Cammie contemplates her Mother's relationship with Joseph Solomon
A/N I've said repeatedly that writing is therapy for me. Right now I need to write, I've had a bad exam today and it has big implications, so you've got a kind of angsty piece by Cammie, set after GG5 or during it.
Disclaimer: The characters are owned by Ally Carter not me.
Cammie's POV
It shouldn't have been a surprise. Not really. Not when you piece together all of the evidence. Even when you ignore all the rumours and Aunt Abby's comments.
My Mom loved Joseph Solomon, in the same sense of the word that she loved my Dad. It was something I'd tried to ignore since Mr Solomon's entrance back in Sophomore year but had constantly been nagging at the back of my mind, unable to be fully surpressed.
Mom deserved to be happy, then why did it still feel like a betrayal. That she had moved on so quickly after learning about the grave in Italy. I knew secretly, deep down in the pit of my stomach that it hadn't been a quick thing, that it hadn't happened after Aunt Aubby had told her. It had been ongoing, they were each others life lines. Who was I kidding anymore.
The whole winking thing in Sophomore year.
Their dance when I'd been with Josh.
The fact Mr Solomon and My Mom were closer to one another than they were to any other member of faculty. He was so comfortable around her and as she was with him. They were rarely without one another at Gallagher.
Her distress at Mr Solomon's absence and lastly her midnight vigil at his bedside when we'd rescued him from the Circle. That had been the point of no return, when I'd seen her so exhausted, so tired and upset sleeping in those uncomfortable plastic chairs just so she could be there for him. You only put yourself in that much pain and discomfort for somebody you truly loved. It had been the point, just before I'd left to go find answers, that I had finally come to an uncomfortable realisation that they really did love one another.
Tina had been betting on the couple for years, it was her secret gossip obsession, two ex-spies in a secret relationship whilst teaching at an all Girls boarding school. Despite the fact the truth was stretched until only remnants of it were left in the stories she created; Tina was so sure, as were most of my classmates that they were or would be an item. In a way I'd known, it had just been my refusal to accept the truth, stemming from the fact I still felt it a betrayal to my Dad who was only MIA then and wasn't officially dead.
The worst thing was, that I actually liked Mr Solomon. As much as I wanted to hate him, for letting my Mom love him I couldn't truly bring myself to hate him. He was the closest thing I had to a father, (oh I am aware of the irony in that last comment) but sadly it's true. It's not that he's told me he's loved me or held me when things have gone wrong (but gosh that would be weird) but he's taught me things that my own Dad should have done. He's been there for me, he's looked out for me. He may be more of a father to Zach than he is me, but I still view him in a similar light.
My Mom told me long ago, that the evidence showed, even after all of her attempts to look for him, that my Dad was most probably dead. She'd accepted, however hard it may have been for her, that he had died.
I on the other hand had clung to that hope, the fact that no body had been found, ever since I had been 12 years old that my Dad was alive and that he'd be home one day. I believed anything, but the fact that he'd died. It had been like hitting a brick wall at 70mph when I'd found it the second time and remembered it. My Mom may have already moved on, but I was only just making the first tentative steps to recovery.
She had moved on, in the form of loving Joseph Solomon, and I was angry at her, not for her relationship but for her ability to move on. My envy was masked in anger towards her, I hated her, I hated her so much.
It was no use. I knew I was lying, I didn't hate her. I envied her so so much, I was losing it, control over my life and she was happy. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be her, to be protected from pain by her love of one another.
I wanted to move on in the same sense that my mother was with Joseph Solomon.