All right guys! Another thing born from my bored mind!
This time we're making fun of Beauty and the Beast xD
Now so you guys don't spaz out, I know the Beauty's name is Belle but for the sake of it ish rhyming I had to change it to Bella. But it's relatively the same name except in Italian so there's nothing wrong, really.
Anyways! It's the same format as Cinderella America so please enjoy or be ready to lose a shitload of brain cells (come to think of it, it's going to happen whether you enjoy the story or not)
CHARACTER ROLES
RUSSIA - The Prince / Beast
AMERICA - Bella
ENGLAND - Maurice (Bella's father)
PRUSSIA - Gaston the Hunter (that one guy that tries to woo Bella)
FRANCE - The beautiful woman that actually is a witch
UKRAINE - Madame Armoire (the wardrobe)
CANADA - Lumière (the Chandelier)
LITHUANIA - Cogsworth (The clock; btw, did you guys know what that guy was the butler? Cuz I didn't...but now I do lol)
FINLAND - Mrs. Chamomile (Mrs. Potts)
SEALAND - Chip (Mrs. Potts's son AKA the tea cup)
AUSTRIA - Babbette (the feather duster and also Lumière's lover...can anyone say crack?)
ITALY - Monsieur Chef (The stove)
KUMAJIROU - Fluffy (The footstool...dog...thing...whatever...)
Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince that lived in a very large castle in the middle of a forest where he could impose his reign of terror to no one since there wasn't anyone around. Upset by this fact, the prince decided to act like a complete douche bag to any and all visitors to his domain who asked for hospitality, even for one night. However, since the prince did live in the middle of nowhere, he spent most of his time harassing his staff.
One faithful night, a very beautiful woman appeared at his door in a wretched condition.
FRANCE (The very beautiful woman)
Milord, I ask a favour, let me spend the night and I will treat you to happiness…
RUSSIA (The prince)
Fair maiden, do you think me a kind, giving lord? I am a prince, you will grovel at my feet in respect and apologize for asking such an idiotic question.
FRANCE smirking
Wrong answer milord.
The beautiful woman that had presented herself to the prince in search for hospitality was actually a witch.
RUSSIA not really surprised
Well, you've shown me your true form, shall I call the inquisitor?
FRANCE (The witch)
Oh shut up. You live in the middle of nowhere; I doubt you'll have the time to go get him.
RUSSIA grinning evilly
Oh? You don't know? In these parts, my word is law, in these parts I am the inquisitor.
FRANCE nervously
E-erm…Well…as a soldier for love, I will quickly teach you a lesson so that you know what happens to those with no love in their hearts.
RUSSIA sharpening the inquisitor axe
You better hurry up; I'm almost done sharpening…
FRANCE quickly
With my magical prettiness I condemn you to live in the confinement of your home as a beast! The same thing goes for your servants! Conjures a rose. This rose is magical, if you have not learned to love when the last petal falls then you will die.
The inquisitor prince, finally done sharpening his axe swung at the witch but missed her by seconds as she quickly disappeared in a beautiful burst of rose petals. The prince picked up the enchanted rose and stared at it intensely. He had been transformed into a beast, or so she said, but when he gazed into a mirror, he seemed no different. On the other hand, his slaves had been transformed into a variety of things: clocks, wardrobes, chandeliers, teapots, tea cups, stoves, feather dusters and footstools.
A rather amusing sight for a tyrannical prince.
For years the prince took great care in the rose and awaited the arrival of that one mistress he would have to seduce in order to be released from the witch's curse, even if there wasn't really one.
Visitors made themselves rare and rarer until finally, there were no more.
Beyond the grim forest there laid present a beautiful French village filled with jolly French folk that loved freely and were simply merry. In that wonderful village was a beautiful young woman, not as beautiful as the witch, named Bella.
Bella had just celebrated her nineteenth birthday and was much in age to marry but refused to until her father accepted to retire. She would never leave her papa, who was a hard worker, to slave in the fields all day alone.
ENGLAND (Maurice – Bella's father) angrily
Bella! Would you mind getting your bloody ass out of the house and helping me with your bloody horse!
AMERICA (Bella) lazily
Damn it, can't you do it alone? I'm almost done beating Prototype 2!
ENGLAND whispering
What are you saying! There were no video games back then! Clearing throat, Now Bella! Help me put this harness on your horse!
AMERICA whining
But I don't even know how it works!
ENGLAND angrily
Just get your sorry ass over here and do as you're told!
Grumpily, Bella went to her father and helped him put the harness on the horse. This task had taken almost four hours until Maurice agreed to let Bella look it up on Google.
ENGLAND groaning
This is ridiculous…
AMERICA
Oh shut up! I figured it out! We need to –
PRUSSIA (Gaston the Hunter)
Fear not! I know how to…do that…
AMERICA
You do? Where the hell where you four hours ago?
PRUSSIA
Narrator said I wasn't allowed to make my appearance yet…
AMERICA poisonously
So you were there the whole time? And you didn't say a word?
PRUSSIA Slowly
Kind of…
After Bella massacred Gaston for not helping out earlier when he had the chance numerous times, Maurice stepped in breaking up the fight. Gaston's fan girls crowded him and fixed him up as quickly as they could, which wasn't all that fast since he kept taking his shirt off to have them squeal.
PRUSSIA sighing
Damn I love being the pretty boy…
AMERICA to Maurice
Remind me again why Canada was refused that role.
ENGLAND whispering
Damn it Bella! Stop using the…alternative names of the very realistic people in this play…
AMERICA unable to let go
But…seriously! He would have been less of a pretentious ass hole!
PRUSSIA hurt
Hurtful! I'm still here you know!
AMERICA
Whatever, just put the fucking harness on the horse.
Erm…it was only natural that after years of hard labour unfit for such a delicate girl, Bella had grown to be rather…tough and such…yeah…
PRUSSIA
There, that harness…thing…is on.
ENGLAND
Wonderful! Now, uh, Gaston would it be so rude of me to ask you why you are here?
PRUSSIA slapping his back
Of course not future-father-in-law!
ENGLAND stuttering
W-what?
PRUSSIA
I've come here to ask for Bella's hand in marriage! It's high time we pump babies out of that gorgeous creature!
AMERICA startled
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! No! Clearly this was not established in Cinderella America but I am definitely a man! A man! I can not give birth to babies!
PRUSSIA smirking
It can't hurt to try.
AMERICA firmly
No! That stupid tyrannical prince told me the same thing in the last play and I couldn't walk for months! Months! And then I had to marry the bastard! That will definitely not happen in this play! I fucking swear to you it will not!
After a firm let down on the part of Bella, Gaston left angrily vowing to seduce her and have her carry his babies in her belly one day. Bella sighed and returned in her house to continue playing Prototype 2 when her father called her out, again.
AMERICA exasperated
What? Is it so difficult to let me go play my freaking video games!
ENGLAND loosing it
I've had enough! In this point of the story, you're supposed to OFFER to take this order and deliver it for me! Your poor, old, weak father!
AMERICA
But I don't wanna!
ENGLAND pissed
No! You will shut your bloody pie hole, get your bloody ass on the horse and ride to the destination where those goods need to be delivered! Right Narrator!
Right!
ENGLAND
We are sick and tired of you young man – woman!
After being yelled to the horse and forced to deliver the merchandise, Bella silently cursed for her father to die a gruesome death. She rode in the beautiful wilderness of France while whistling and was suddenly inspired to write a certain book.
AMERICA pondering
I think I should call it…The Lorax…
There was no meaning by the mentioning of that book what so ever.
Anyways, the sudden beauty of the French wilderness slowly began to darken and become rather creepy. Then it came to the point where Bella was convince she would be attacked by zombies of the sort. She yelped in surprise when the horse stopped abruptly.
AMERICA
JESUS CHRIST!
Bella noticed that the path diverged into two which explained why the horse stop. She sighed deeply, mostly because she was relieved, and evaluated her choices. One of the roads led to very beautiful, peaceful, magical forest with chirping birds and unicorns. The other lead to a freaky forest with bats and a bunch of other horror-like things that was less than inviting.
AMERICA
The choice is simple! Off to the magical, pretty forest!
However the horse decided to go towards the freaky forest for the sake of the plot of the story regardless of Bella's objections. With a pout Bella let the horse lead and looked around wearily.
Suddenly, the horse begun to feel nervous and regret ever respecting the plot of the story. Bella noticed this and tried to take advantage of the fear present in the very being of the horse.
AMERICA whispering eerily
You can always turn back ya know…
The horse freaked out immediately throwing Bella on the forest floor before dashing away with the merchandise and its life. Bella angrily tried to run after the animal but was far too slow and tripped too many times on over grown tree roots.
AMERICA
Son of a bitch…
Bella wandered in the forest, high on her guard, desperately trying to return to the main road but ended up straying off the path. As she ventured deeper in the forest, less light could reach her ultimately enwrapping the forest in fearful darkness. Birds or bats, she wasn't sure, flew pass her face taking a scream with them. Backing up abruptly due to the surprise she tripped over another large root having her fall over once more. In a fit of anger and despair, she ran around looking for the exit but only ventured deeper until she landed on a large brick wall.
Bella followed it to the gates and quickly ran to the large mansion in front of her. The mansion seemed insanely old and was being taken over by vegetation. No matter how ghostly the building seemed to be, Bella was convinced that the ones living in there could help her return home.
AMERICA knocking on the doors
Hello? Open up please! Open –
The large wooden doors slowly creaked open but there was no host behind them to greet Bella. She shuddered uncontrollably and walked in hesitantly. She called out for someone a few more times as she walked deeper into the main lobby. With no answer, Bella was about to turn back but the doors suddenly closed.
AMERICA on the verge of panic
This is just like that horror movie I saw…
RUSSIA over her shoulder
What was it called?
Bella shrieked and out of reflex smashed her fist against the creeper that dared scare her to the point of tears.
AMERICA verge of tears
You beast! What is your problem!
RUSSIA surprised and looking at hands
So the curse actually did work…What kind of beast do I look like?
AMERICA confused yet angry
What are you talking about? You just look like a normal human being except creepy.
RUSSIA
Then why did you call me a beast?
AMERICA exasperated
I-it was just a random insult, I could have called you a bastard, son of a bitch or even a mother fucker.
RUSSIA aside
So the curse to transform me into a beast has not taken effect but the threat of death if that rose were every to rot on me is still present…to Bella Alright then, I'm going to tell you how this is going to work!
AMERICA jolts
How what's going to work?
RUSSIA
You're going to stay here, live with me, and you will fall in love with me thus becoming my wife or concubine.
AMERICA outraged
WHAT!
RUSSIA
You see, I was cursed by a witch that was actually very beautiful. Since I was mean to her, she tried to transform me into a beast, which didn't work, and intertwined my life with that of a rose. Those things don't live forever you know.
AMERICA
Then why do I have to fall in love with you or become that special person in your life?
RUSSIA
The witch added that the only way to undo the curse is to fall in love.
AMERICA
Well you can't force love, especially on me.
RUSSIA with a creepy smile
Don't underestimate me, darling.
AMERICA shuddering
I'm not sure I'm going to like what happens next…
RUSSIA grinning
Me neither. To a servant Madame Armoire, cease our guest please.
From the darkness of the home came loud thuds that scared Bella but what shocked her was the sight of a huge wardrobe making its way towards her.
UKRAINE (Madame Armoire) crying
I'm sorry, please don't be scared of me, I'll try to be gentle but I'm mostly rough. Please forgive me!
The wardrobe opened her doors and engulfed Bella in her wooden body before closing them on her. Bella struggled and Madame Armoire apologized as she carried her to her cell where she would stay until she decided to fall in love with the Beast, as she would refer to him.
Madame Armoire released Bella in her new chambers, or prison, and begged for forgiveness.
AMERICA
I don't get it…If you didn't want to do it, why did you do it?
UKRAINE crying
Because he's my darling little brother and I don't like refusing him anything.
No he's not.
UKRAINE
Hun? But he is—
No. Not in this story.
UKRAINE
Oh…Oh! Oh yeah! Sorry.
Yeah.
UKRAINE trying to remember
U-um…so the reason I can't refuse him is because he's my loving master and is like a little brother to me.
Very good.
UKRAINE
Thank you.
AMERICA
Anyways, how can you talk? You're a piece of furniture.
UKRAINE
Oh, when that witch came by and cursed our master, she also cursed us. We were transformed into furniture. Or just inanimate objects.
AMERICA
Oh…wow…
UKRAINE
Yeah…
And so, Bella's stay at the Beast's mansion began as thus and would last much longer then she would enjoy it to.
AMERICA
Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute! You can't just end it like this! Nothing awesome ever happened!
Don't worry, they'll be a chapter two.
There will be.
Narrator doesn't lie...much...
SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!