A story that just popped up in my brain. No real spoilers in here so you should be safe!
Warnings: Suggests mutalation and hoplessness :) Wonderful story to come up with before christmas right?
(1,352 words! minus this stuff)
Betrayal the deepest and darkest hell, deeper then any other.
A Heart, so willing to hold on but so easily shattered.
Love, a truth that can crush any thoughts of hatred or hopelessness.
A Friend, to have in the end no matter what happens.
At one time I had all of these, but then suddenly, all at once, they were ripped from me, stolen, broken… shattered into millions of pieces. I'm no human. At least I'd like to think so. If I am indeed human, then I have the will to live, but at some point I will die. Then if I'm human and I have a wish for death. Why can't I embrace it? I hunger for the end. Why is it that others have the will for me to "live on" when I have the will for the complete opposite?
That day seemed as dark as his amethyst eyes. Yet the sky was clear, smiles spread wide, and laughter chimed through the air. Nothing seemed out of place. Well at least on the outside…
On the rooftop of Ashford Academy stood a small raven-haired boy. His gaze fell upon the setting sun that lit up the horizon. The sky was etched in shades of orange, a light violet outlined the edges while blue intertwined them. The contours of the boy's body were cold, heavy…hollow. The boy looked weak and even the shade of his eyes grew dull. There was no trace of happiness, hope…emotion. His long thin fingers traced over the smooth stone railing, his feet firmly rested on the cold stone beneath them. From there the boy gently placed a foot higher onto one of the upraised sides. The boy was close to pulling his whole body up onto the thin railing when he heard someone come up the stairs to the rooftop. At the opening stood a tall brunette with eyes like green gems.
"Found you. I thought I might find you in a place like this" the small boy froze and drew his fingers balk to the safety of his palm. Slowly the boy turned his face so that he could just see the other standing there. After all it is rude to not look at the person speaking to you. The tall boy took in the scenery of the full sky his eyes twinkled in awe. Tears betrayed the small boy, they spilled from his eyes lighting up the fear they hid. The vermilion-eyed boy looked to the amethyst eyed one.
"Lelouch what are y-" quickly the small boy tore his hands from safety and took hold of the railing. There he sat with the balls of his feet on the thin edge of the railing. Hesitantly the boy stood up shaking as he went. Then slowly he spread his arms, extending them like wings.
"Lelouch, Don't!" the other boy screamed as his feet echoed swiftly against the cold stone.
Lelouch closed his eyes as the color and sound drained from the world. The only thing he could feel was the steady vibration of the footsteps to the ground. It quickened, growing closer. He slowly let his body do as it wished and slowly he began facing the ground below that had once been used for a place for Suzaku's welcome back party.
"NO!" was the last sound that flowed through his ears.
Suddenly his clothes felt heavy as he was forced back to reality. He hit the surface but it wasn't cold, it felt like angel wings that enveloped his every last limb. His eyes sleepily batted open. Warm drops touched his chest and seeped though leaving a stained stream where they fell.
"Rain?" Lelouch questioned as his eyes refocused.
Swiftly the noise rushed back to him, his thoughts echoed loudly as his surroundings were brought to life.
'No, its to warm.' Lelouch started shaking as tears rolled down his pale cheeks.
"Tears"
Lelouch's sobbing ceased with that voice… His words alone threatened to kill Lelouch inside. Lelouch now knew the warm embrace that surrounded him. It was the only thing keeping him attached to this world. Alive. He closed his eyes letting it consume him. The sobbing tore through the silence, but it wasn't his. As he slipped further and further into unconsciousness the tears fell like rain.
Maybe this could consume all of the pain inside his heart as well…
Lelouch awoke to the sweet smell of the rain. It pounded against the window and made streams down the glass. He now faced the empty ceiling of his friend's old house. It reflected the dripping rain and it blazed a deep blue as the lightning illuminated it. Between the silences of the rain, the thunder echoed sending shivers down the boy's spine.
"Why?" the question was monotonous and muffled by the hair that drooped in front of the knight's face. He didn't reply.
"Why?!" Suzaku's voice matched the harshness of the thunder outside. Lelouch looked to Suzaku for a second, closed his eyes then slowly faced the ceiling again. "Suzaku. Kill me." His voice was lifeless.
"Shut up!" Suzaku's voice cracked. His fist met the nightstand that rested near the bed; it made a clear sound of heartache. Suzaku slumped back into his chair trying to hide his tears. A knight shouldn't cry. The tears that fell were loud and harsh now.
Lelouch slowly sat up in the bed, his eyes focused on his trembling hands.
'Blood'? Lelouch grasped his wrist. It stung sending waves of pain up his spine.
"Why Lelouch?" a long pause "Why?" his voice was soft as he tried to calm down for the others sake.
"I don't deserve to live" Lelouch looked up at the knight. Tears were welled up in his green eyes and blood spotted his white knight's uniform. The small boy looked back to his hands, they were crimson with blood. Trembling he placed a hand to his eye with the Geass. His sight grew blurry as tears formed against his shaking violet eyes.
"I-I've k-ki-killed soo many people. Innocent pe-people… I don't want this anymore." As he spoke each word got louder, harsher. Lelouch dug into his face with his nails. Blood dripped down his fingertips getting stuck everywhere. "This smell, its horrible."
Tears flowed easily now making his words smother and choke out. "I should suffer. All of these bruises, cuts, burns. Not deep enough. NOT enough. I should bleed more. Suffer more. Blood… I want to die already. I've no reason to live".
He grasped the sheets trying to stop the trembling and if possible it only grew harsher. Suddenly Suzaku placed a hand atop his and the trembling stopped right away. Lelouch sniffed violently trying to halt the tears.
"Why do you hurt yourself? Don't you get it? That only hurts others more. How can you make it up to anybody if you do the same things to yourself?" He lifted up his face and vermilion eyes met amethyst ones. Suzaku tried to smile but the tears still fell. He reached the other hand up to Lelouch's face and wiped the new tears that fell. Lelouch could only stare as the knight bent over the bed and held him. His head rested in the crook of the smaller boys neck. 'His hair, it smells like the rain'
"Can I stay like this? I know it's selfish, but just for a little while?" Suzaku hadn't needed an answer because as soon as he relaxed so did Lelouch. It was like magic, the silence sounded sweet, like a melody just for the two of them.
" I love you. Lelouch." It was like lyrics to the beautiful song that played through the air.
Tears once again rolled down Lelouch's face, they washed away the blood and a small smile found its way to his lips. " I've loved you. Always." Lelouch's head fell against the other's shoulder.
"Thank you- Suzaku."
In the end… maybe he hadn't lost everything.
A/N: Whoa, I came up with this on Chirstmas Eve. Isn't it wonderful to think about suicide on a holiday. Really I'm not sure where it came from but I stayed up till 3 in the morning writing this. Talk about a Chirstmas Present.
I'm perty sure I'm not suicidal but I do love this story, please crtique me! And also I'm sorry I was supposed to be working on my other story but instead I typed this up... Oh well. Back to the other one :]]
R&R and you shall get a free potato! (It's shaped like Lelouch)... I wish