His eyes found her instantly, she was lying in her bed, the covers hanging loosely off of her shoulder and she slept peacefully. Walking quietly toward the bed, Richard tried his best not to wake her; it had been so long since she had been able to sleep. Nightmares had terrorized her each night, making her wake up with a soft scream or cry as she clutched the blankets against her chest. After a few nights, she had gathered the courage to ask him to stay the night with her. He was the only person she he had confided in, the only one who knew about the dreams.
He wondered if he should be there, she was already asleep and he feared that he would wake her. When she began to mumble in her sleep, he knew he needed to stay. Whatever it was that she was dreaming about, it was upsetting to her and he couldn't leave her alone. Lying down, he pressed his chest against her back and wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her to him. The moment he touched her, her body relaxed completely, seeming to know that it was him and that she was safe. It made him feel good that she trusted him so much.
They had defeated Darken Rahl and just returned her home to Aydindril, where she was taken into the routines of The Mother Confessor and had taken another man to her bed. She had taken another man to her bed and still he stayed. It was then that she knew without a doubt that he loved her. It broke her heart. The headaches started two weeks before, sometimes knocking her unconscious from the pain. They turned into dreams, dreams of death and destruction, visions that were too upsetting for anyone to have. She told him of one, he had never seen her so afraid, so unsure and he felt so frustrated that he was unable to comfort her. She moved, jarring him from his thoughts as she whimpered his name.
"I'm right here," he whispered into her ear, tightening his hold on her. "You're safe."
Opening her eyes, she turned into his arms and hugged him. "How long have you been here?"
"Not long. I was worried that I would wake you. For a while, you seemed to be sleeping peacefully."
"I wasn't." Pressing her nose into his neck, she took a deep breath. His scent was comforting, bringing a warm feeling washing over her as she closed her eyes. She felt safe; she knew that as long as he was holding her, nothing would harm her. Without thinking, she kissed his neck, letting her lips linger against him for a moment before she realized what she was doing. "I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling back and laying on her back. "I shouldn't have done that."
"I didn't mind." He grinned, laying his hand over hers as they rested on her stomach. She stared up at him, her eyes revealing her feelings, her desires. "Was it the same again? The dream?" He knew that he shouldn't tell her how much he wanted to kiss her; it would only end in hurting her.
"Almost. I keep seeing the fire, the war, but this time it was different. You-" shaking her head, Kahlan looked away from him and sighed. "It's not important. They're only dreams."
"They're important if they scare you. You shouldn't have to live with these. Maybe you should see Zedd."
She nearly cried the words she needed to say, the ones she had been hiding for days. She didn't want to tell him. "I already have. Yesterday, when you went hunting."
"What did he say?" she closed her eyes, knowing if she looked into his, she would break down. "Kahlan?"
"Please don't make me tell you." Tears fell as she blinked her eyes, looking up at him in fear.
"Kahlan, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Everything. I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
She licked her lips quickly and rolled onto her side, facing away from him. "Because I'm terrified of what will happen if I do. I don't want you to hate me."
"I could never hate you," he said tenderly, gently laying his hand on her shoulder. "My feelings for you could never change."
Closing her eyes, she pushed her head into the pillow, trying not to cry. "I'm pregnant."
His hand left her instantly and she broke. Her tears were unstoppable; she couldn't catch her breath as she waited to hear him leave the room. Her body jumped as he laid down beside her, she couldn't understand why he was pulling her into his arms. How could he want to touch her now that she not only been with another man, but carried his child as well. She wanted to grab his arm, to hold him closer, but she was afraid to do it.
Richard pressed his forehead against the back of her shoulder, tightening his arm around her as she cried. "It's all right, Kahlan. Everything is going to be all right. This doesn't change anything."
"It... Changes... Everything," she cried.
He grabbed her firmly and rolled her onto her back, making her look at him. He needed her to see the truth of his words; she would never believe him otherwise. "No it doesn't. Kahlan, you are still the woman that I love. The child that you carry doesn't change that. This child," he laid his hand on top of her stomach, emphasizing his words; "she doesn't make me love you any less. She makes me happy for you. This child is a part of you and I love her too."
"How can you say that? How can you say that after what I have done? How can you still care about me after I have taken another and carry his child? How can you look at me like this, like you still love me?"
"Because any other look would be a lie. I do still love you. When you were with him, I- it nearly killed me, but I knew that you didn't want him. I knew that if I had found a way, it would have been with me and I realized that it didn't change anything. I still loved you and you loved me. That's all that matters. You carry another man's child, but you also carry my heart. Don't you see? There is nothing that changes how we feel about each other. Our love, it is everything. We cannot make love, but we've laid here in this bed for the past two weeks and not once have I felt that it wasn't enough. This is the only way that I can show you that I love you and I will never fail to show you."
She couldn't find words; every part of her wanted to hold him, cry in his arms, kiss him and make passionate love to him. She couldn't do any of them. Slowly, she moved her hand out and touched the side of his face, her fingers lingering against his skin for a moment before she pulled them back. Her mind was spinning, her heart pounding in her ears; thumping wildly as he ran his hand over her stomach. His eyes were locked on hers, unwilling to look away until he was sure that she understood how he felt.
"Is this why you have been having the dreams?" she nodded slowly, still unable to speak. "What was different about the dream you just had?"
"You," she answered quietly, her eyes closing for a moment as though remembering the dream. "I saw you... Die."
"It was only a dream."
Shaking her head, she released her tears. "No, before it was only a dream. Now it is more than a nightmare."
"I'm not going to die. I'm not going to leave you." Leaning over her, he cupped her cheek in his hand and smiled. "I'm going to be here with you until you want me to leave."
"I will never want you to leave. I love you."
"Then it is settled. I'm going to spend forever with you, like this. Happy."
She surprised him, wrapping her arms around his neck; Kahlan pulled him to her and kissed him. It was passionate, deep and loving; making it appear as though they had done it many times before. This was the first time since they had arrived in Aydindril that their lips had touched; she feared one kiss would destroy their lives. His kiss was intoxicating and filled with desire; she could hardly believe he still felt that way for her. She found herself lost in their kiss, her mind and body relaxed with his touch, filling her with silent comfort.
Pulling back, Richard began to kiss her face, everywhere he could reach, desperately trying to show her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was and how it would be for the rest of his life. She was everything to him. Life was nothing without her. Her fingers ran through his hair, tangling them as she took hold and began to pull, a soft moan leaving her lips as he covered her neck with warm, wet, fiery kisses. She almost forgot what she was, almost begged for him to take her, but then reason came flooding back to her.
Just as she opened her mouth to say his name, ask him to stop, he pulled away. "Come here." Lying on his back, he pulled her into his arms, her head resting against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. "Try to get some sleep. We'll find someone to help with your dreams in the morning."
"You'll be here when I wake up?"
"I promise." He almost smiled as she pulled herself closer. "What was it like? Taking him as your mate."
She swallowed hard, his words shocking her. "What was it like with Anna?"
He knew what she was trying to do. If he didn't answer her, she wouldn't answer him. "It was different than I thought it would be. It was quick; we didn't speak for days after. I didn't want to see her. The moment it was over, I realized that it meant nothing to me."
"It was terrifying, hurtful. I didn't want to do it. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't stop crying. I don't think he even noticed." Taking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel comfort by his fingers circling along her back. "I imagined that it was you."
He didn't know what to say, unsure if anything would make her feel better. "I love you, Kahlan."
She was asleep instantly.
He waited by the door, his back facing her as she dressed herself. He talked, making sure that she knew that he was there, even if she was looking at him. "I hadn't noticed the details on the door. They're remarkable."
"I'm dressed. You don't have to stare at the door any longer." She withheld a laugh as he reached out and ran his fingers over the door. "I'm standing behind you, naked."
"What?" Turning around, he looked her over and frowned. "No, you're not."
"No, I'm not. You wouldn't have turned around if you thought that I was." She studied his face as she walked toward him, waiting to see some sign of disappointment, but there was none. "We should go. If I don't do this now, I never will."
"It will be all right."
Shaking her head, Kahlan sighed. "No, it won't. If they were simply dreams, they would not repeat. They would not haunt me as they have. They are a warning."
Richard followed closely behind as she moved through the halls. At times, he found himself staring as her hair flowed behind her and her dress hugged her as she walked. The sight of her always took his breath away. She rubbed her hands against her sides, wiping the sweat off as her nerves grew.
"No, no, no." She stopped and turned around; trying to go back, go anywhere that wasn't where they were going. "Let's go back; we don't need to see her."
"Yes we do. Kahlan, if you don't go in there, you will never forgive yourself." Taking her hands in his, he stepped closer to her and looked deeply into her eyes. "This will make you feel better."
"All right, but you can't come in. I will never be able to talk to her, to tell her what I have dreamed, if you are in there."
Nodding, Richard pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "If that's what you want, I will wait outside."