This started as a fic challenge on Facebook - the word was "arrest." I wrote just about half of this during the 60-minute time limit...and, well...just kept adding on more and more. So, it's looking to be a two-shot!

Summary: Cloud ends up in jail, with no idea how he got there. He finds help from a most unlikely source. Setting is post-AC, rated T for now just for language. Yaoi-ish hints, Reno/Cloud flirtation, but nothing graphic.

Usual disclaimer: Don't own, wish I did. This fic is written for fun, not profit.

Cloud Strife laughed.

One phone call. He laughed again at the irony of it, drawing curious glances from the assorted thugs, thieves, rapists and drug dealers who had been tossed into lockup along with the world's hero. Cloud had a love-hate relationship with his cell phone; it was a necessary evil. Necessary for conducting business, the ringing of it could set his hair on edge. Sometimes it was Tifa nagging him – rightly so, he hadn't been much of a father figure to Denzel and Marlene lately, had he?

I'm not their father. I'm not fit to be anyone's father, look at me. I'm in jail. And I have no idea how I got here.

One phone call. Tifa, of course, was the first one Cloud had thought of calling, with the single obligatory phone call he was being offered. No…she'd be furious. She'll be furious anyway, when she finds out where I am, Cloud reasoned. But she's got her hands full already anyway, running the bar, and taking care of two children not her own. She'd hate me more than she already does, he concluded.

Barret. Barret would probably laugh at me, and he's more than likely off on some oil rig somewhere. Vincent? I know Vincent actually would help bail me out….if he had a damned phone. He similarly ruled out Cid and Yuffie – Cid was actually in outer space, finally realizing his dream of becoming an astronaut. Cloud smiled ruefully. Well, good for him…happy for the old man, but obviously he's not going to be able to bail my ass out of here. Yuffie, Cloud knew to be on some sort of 'spiritual retreat' in her homeland of Wutai, though he and everyone else who knew the ninja, suspected that materia hunting would be done after all that 'spiritual junk', as Yuffie liked to call it.

Cloud sighed, his fingers gripping around the cold steel bars of the jail cell, staring into the corridor. Any minute now, Cloud expected the guard to return, and ask him yet again, if he'd like to make a phone call.

"Strife!" the guard boomed upon his return down the hallway. Cloud groaned, pressing his forehead against the bars. Think…there has to be someone…anyone…

"Strife, make up your mind yet?" the guard demanded, eyeing Cloud warily through the bars of the jail cell. "Makes no difference to me who ya call, but they insist that we allow you the oppoturnity." The guard squinted at Cloud, as recognition suddenly set in.

"Wait a minute, aren't you – " the guard began.

Here it comes, Cloud thought, rolling his eyes. Here it comes…

"Aren't you the guy that killed Sephiroth? Saved the Planet and all that?" the guard demanded.

"Yeah," Cloud said, face impassive and void of any expression. "That's me, Cloud Strife."

"Thought so," the guard said smugly, pleased he was correct. "How in the hell did you end up here?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing ever since I got here," Cloud replied sourly.

"Well, that's a shame," the guard said, shaking his head. "Times are tough, but it's too bad you resorted to smuggling drugs – "

"Wait," Cloud said firmly, interrupting. "Smuggling drugs? What are you talking about?"

"That's what they charged you with," the guard replied. "Hell, I shouldn't be telling you this son, but damn. Don't you remember the cops reading you your rights?"

"No," Cloud said flatly. "I remember being pulled off of my bike then kicked in the head, and that was the last thing I do remember." Fenrir. Where the hell is Fenrir? "Hey! My bike…what'd they do with my bike!"

"Calm down, kid," the guard said, seemingly a bit sympathetic. Damn, this kid really doesn't know what's going on, he thought. "Bike's impounded. If you make bail, you'll get it back, after you pay the fine."

"Oh, great," Cloud snapped. He sighed heavily, and paced back and forth in the cell a bit.

"Can I make that phone call now?"

At the new ShinRa building, in the Turks' office, Reno and Rude had just returned from the day's mission, and were compiling the obligatory field reports as required by Tseng. The Director himself was not in the office, nor was Elena; the two had been dispatched to the rebuilt Mideel, after receiving reports from the townspeople about odd sorts of creatures in the area.

"Probably because of all the Lifestream coming to the surface, eh Rude?" Reno pondered out loud, as he and his partner discussed Tseng and Elena's investigation. "Ifrit only knows what kind of strange shit has happened around there since that happened." Tseng's desk phone then rang, but instead of going to his voice mail as it would on his personal line, the call jumped to Reno's desk phone.

"Oh, hell," Reno muttered irritably. "Must be the general admin line for the Turks. Nobody's supposed to have this number, who could it be?" he said, shaking his head, looking at Rude for input. Rude shrugged his shoulders and pointed at the blinking red light on Reno's phone, flashing like a beacon.

"Well," Rude said in a low growl. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Nah," Reno replied lazily, then thought better of it, thinking if it was Tseng on the line, he'd be in some major trouble for not answering the call. "Ah hell, I guess I'll take it, could be the Director. Can't imagine why he wouldn't call our cell phones though?"

"Reno," the Turk barked into the phone upon picking it up, hoping he sounded all gruff and business like. His expression changed abruptly when he realized who was on the other end of the call – and why he was calling.

"Cloud Strife?" Reno said , the expression on his face incredulous. "How in Shiva's name did you end up there? No, don't worry about it man…like Rufus always says, we kind of owe ya one for saving the Planet and shit. Me an' Rude'll be right down." He hung up the phone, and turned to his partner, tittering.

"Oh shit, this is too much, Rude!" Reno exclaimed. "The fucking World's Hero is in jail, yo. And we get to bail him out. Dude, you need to pinch me yo, because I must be dreaming." It was no secret – at least to Rude, who had to hear about this more often than he liked – that Reno had a massive, unrequited crush on Cloud. Of course, Reno had always behaved idiotically in front of the man, thus destroying any chances he might have had in winning that stalwart heart over.

Rude looked just as surprised himself, to hear who the caller had been, and why he had called the Turks office. "Cloud is in jail?" he said, shaking his head. "How in the world did that happen?"

"Don't know, he didn't say," Reno said, shrugging as he grabbed his EMR and the keycard to the Turks office. "Hey, maybe he got a little too freaky-deaky over at the Honeybee, hmm?"

Rude groaned. "I would think," he said, a bit icily, "if Cloud frequented the Honeybee, we would have heard about it from Rufus."

"Maybe not, yo. Hey, maybe Cloud was getting freaky with Rufus!" Reno theorized, chuckling to himself. "Although, a lot of people have done that, usually you don't end up in jail for it."

Rude groaned again. "Reno…I really don't wish to hypothesize about the President's…habits."

Reno snorted a laugh as they made their way down to the employee parking level, and got into Rude's sleek black sedan. "You just never know, man. Hey, I heard Strife likes to wear women's clothing, you know. Maybe he got in over his head with some trannies or something – "

"Reno!" Rude barked, cutting him off. He rubbed his temples, feeling yet another Reno-induced headache coming on. "You don't know what happened, so let's just get Strife and get out."

"Fine," Reno muttered, pouting. "Man, Rude, you're no fun." He reclined the seat all the way back, and rested his feet on the dashboard, and fished around his jacket pocket for a pack of cigarettes, oblivious to Rude's glare.

"Mind if I smoke in here – " Reno began.

"Yes, I do," Rude snapped, taking the cigarette butt out of Reno's mouth, and throwing it out the open window.

"Hey!" Reno exclaimed, returning Rude's annoyed glare.

"You're no fun," Reno repeated, slinking back into his seat with a sullen expression on his face. "You need a drink to unwind, yo. After we get Strife, it's time for a pub crawl!" he declared, already mentally plotting ways to get Cloud alone.

Rude groaned. "I know what you're thinking, and it'll never work, Reno. He's just not that into you," he deadpanned, remembering the title on one of Elena's self-help books they'd teased her about.

Reno grumbled, and stared out the passenger window while giving Rude the finger. "Fuck you, Rude. I thought you were my wing man, yo."

"No, I'm not your wing man. I'm the voice of reason, " Rude replied, grinning as they turned into the precinct.

"Well, I've never listened to reason, and I'm not about to start now," Reno quipped as they exited the car.

"Never thought I'd be happy to see you guys," Cloud said as he was brought upstairs, Reno and Rude having greased a few palms to get Cloud released.

"Is that any way to thank an old friend?" Reno shot back, eyebrow raised, smirk on his face. Really, Strife's attitude was pissing him off every so slightly – they 'd bailed his ass out of jail after all, hadn't they? He should be kissing the ground us Turks walk on, Reno figured, feeling a bit outraged at Strife's seemingly pissy attitude. He should be buying us drinks, for fuck's sake.

"We're not exactly old friends, Reno," Cloud said, smirking. "But…I'm glad you came by when I called, and got me out. I guess I still have to stand trial….I don't even know how I got here, or why – "

"The charges are bogus," Rude said, interrupting. "At least, I think they are. Reno, check out who the arresting officer is on this report," he said, showing the document to Reno.

"It's Mandalay," Reno observed, nodding at Rude. "Why does that sound familiar…."

"Reno, remember that crooked cop, few years back?" Rude asked, arching an eyebrow. "Same last name. He was found guilty of stealing things - namely, drugs, from the evidence room."

Reno let out a low whistle, and looked at Cloud. "Cloud...do you ever leave Fenrir unattended?"

"Well, yeah," Cloud replied, scratching his head. "Obviously, when I...make a delivery, I have to run in with whatever the package is, and Fenrir's left parked outside."

"Then it's a possibility someone could've planted some shit on your bike," Reno hypothesized, his eyes narrowing.

Cloud sighed. "I have no idea what happened, Reno, really," he said. "The guard told me I'd been accused of smuggling drugs. You know I don't do that."

"No, but I do know about the large shipments of sex toys you've been delivering to the Honeybee," Reno remarked, snickering.

Cloud just stared at Reno. "Interesting," he said noncommittally. "And how would you know about that, Reno, are you a frequent customer there?" he shot back.

Reno turned three shades of red, and opened his mouth to speak - then shut it, seeming to think better of it. "Uh - oh, never mind, Cloud," he muttered, suddenly all business. "Anyway, back to this - first, I want Cloud's bike dusted for prints. Rude?"

"On it," the bald Turk replied, already standing up and headed out toward the impound yard. "Call up Mandalay's prints so we can compare, Reno."

"You got it," Reno replied easily, rolling his chair over to a computer terminal. He stuck his Turk keycard into the slot on the keyboard, and was brought to a new log-in screen. An annoyed looking lieutenant sauntered over. The Edge Police department didn't like it much when the Turks 'nosed in' at the precinct, but as it stood, the Turks had authority over SOLDIER, along with the police and fire departments, and there wasn't much the lieutenant or anyone else could do about it.

"Can I help you with something, sir?" the lieutenant asked Reno, who detected a bit of a sneer in the man's voice.

"Yeah, you can, actually," Reno replied airily. "Get Officer Mandalay down here."

"He's off duty tonight, sir," the lieutenant replied doubtfully.

"Don't care," Reno said abruptly. "Get him in here." He sat back, somewhat satisfied as the lieutenant moved back over to his desk, and phoned the officer in question. Reno then glanced over at Cloud, who was looking at him curiously. "Hmm? Something wrong, Cloud?"

"No, nothing," he replied, shaking his head. "I just wondered...why you're going to all this trouble. I mean, you bailed me out, that's really more than I expected. We've never been on the best of terms."

"I suppose not," Reno replied thoughtfully. He stared at Cloud for a moment, a bit unsure of what to say next. "Look...I know I pissed you off that time at Healen," Reno went on, recalling the awkward moment where he almost had convinced Cloud to come and work for ShinRa - at least, he thought he had - and then, opened his big fat mouth when he'd asked Cloud to "help him rebuild ShinRa."

Really, what the fuck was I thinking, asking him that? Reno wondered, shaking his head. Turning back to Cloud, he nodded. "Well...s'pose I figure we owe ya, for ridding the planet of the remnants and Sephiroth and all that - "

"Save it, Reno," Cloud retorted. He frowned, then his expression softened just a bit. "It's not that I don't appreciate the Turks posting bail for me. It's just - this whole 'saving the Planet' business - sometimes it's a lot for me to bear. I never asked to be a hero. I just wanted to do the right thing." He said it as simply as if he was picking out a new pair of shoes, and it somewhat astounded Reno, to hear this bit of unexpected modesty. Plus, it was probably the most Cloud had ever said to Reno.

"I..." No. Not gonna tell him, not now...it's not the right time. Gotta get this sorted out first, find out how and why Strife got set up.

"Sorry," Reno said, instead of telling Cloud what was in his heart. "Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Anyway, we gotta get this shit settled, yeah? I know you're not into smuggling drugs and shit, Cloud. Just want to clear your name."

Cloud cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Thank you," was all he said. As he and Reno looked up, Rude returned with the fingerprint kit, and motioned to Reno to follow him.

"Come on," Rude muttered. "Let's run these. Where's Mandalay?"

"En route, I hope," Reno answered, going to follow Rude, and waving Cloud along. "Well? Gonna come with?"

"I...probably shouldn't be in there, should I?" Cloud said hesitantly. "I mean...I'm the accused, after all."

"Fuck that noise," Reno growled. "Seriously. Anyone who thinks Cloud Strife is smuggling drugs, must be fucking high themselves." He chuckled softly at his own joke. "But seriously. You're under Turks protection now, Cloud, you've got my word on that."

Cloud nodded, still not quite sure what to make of this turn of events. The Turks in my corner, bailing me out of jail? Never would have predicted this.

"Okay," Cloud finally said, and followed Reno and Rude into the adjoining office, where the fingerprinting equipment was located, wondering what fate now awaited him.