A/N: Book or movie-verse.
Music suggestion: Stairway to Heaven (orchestral version) would be the title background to this piece, but I was actually listening to Susan Boyle's version of Mad World when I wrote this, so that would be more fitting. You'll have to ignore some of its lyrics, of course.
Leaving a review or some criticism would make my insides wiggle like beloved fishes :).
Stairway to Heaven
She's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stars are all close,
With a word she can get what she came for.
-x-
All around her were familiar faces. Faces she had caressed and loved. But they suddenly did not seem so endearing as before. They were weary and grieved. She was weary and grieved, nay, she was confused and frightened.
The world spiralled around her. She could no longer see properly. She could no longer hear properly. She could only remember fear, fear, and darkness and pain. During the day the memory gnawed at her existence. During the night the images haunted her dreams, and they would be strikingly vivid, and they would carry with them the ghosts of the agonizing sensation. Every night she awoke screaming, having relived the darkness yet once more. And somehow as she surveilled her surroundings to recollect her senses, she still felt she was in the middle of it all. Perhaps she was still in the middle of it all, this mad world. Or perhaps she was slowly losing her senses.
Occasionally in her dreams her fëa would appear to depart. Those were the only times she could be relieved of the pains. And those were the best dreams she'd ever had.
"Please, strive for joy, my beloved. Do not yield to darkness. You are with friends."
Amongst the flashing faces she would most often see and hear Elrond, one who was held dearest to her heart. He spoke softly. He stared sorrowfully. He almost pleaded as he held her in his arms. But she could hardly answer his voice. She was hollow inside. The joy within her had been drained. She felt as if she had lost her power of expression. She only had tears, tears. It was all she had left for this mad, sad world.
This mad world, which to her had lost all its beauty.
Sporadically, when she felt inclined, she would wander about Imladris like a distracted apparition. Her eyes looked right through the lavish beauty of the Last Homely House, the breathtaking scenery of the falls. She only saw bleakness and shadows, shadows, where she felt darkness lingered, as if conspiring to swallow her once more should chance allow it.
-x-
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
-x-
Her husband was dearest to her. Her children were precious to her. But lingering darkness had torn her apart, and she was living forever in fear. She wanted to escape. She wanted to flee. She wanted to leave behind this mad world and depart, to a land of lights where no darkness dwelled, to a land where she would be forever safe and at ease.
There was a feeling she sensed when she looked to the west. To the land from whence her mother came. To the sea that she would have to traverse, where she could finally drown her sorrows and be free.
For a year it was all she had hoped for, longed for, wept for. It was the only light of comfort she saw amidst her torment, her anguish, her visions of the hideous Orcs and their blades. She had not told Elrond of her hope; perhaps she was no longer capable of telling anything any more. But Elrond must have seen it. Elrond, who understood her better than any other in this mad, sad world.
Elrond loved her. And he granted her wish.
Perhaps it was the wind. The day at sea she felt all her lucidity return, and when the faces of all her beloved sadly looked on she almost felt attached to this mad world again. She spoke more than she did in the past year. She shed tears over her departure from her children. And when she saw Elrond's worn countenance she almost began to doubt her decision to leave him behind.
She wished to convey all her apologies. She almost wished to retract her choice. But Elrond placed a finger on her lips, and whispered gently, warmly, affectionately,
"Celebrían, my beloved Celebrían. You have paid too ample a price. Go. Sail. May all darkness flee, once you ascend upon Aman."
As she felt the warmth of his last embrace she smelled the salty water of the sea, and saw the bright lights of the west. Darkness was fading within her. Peace was finding her, and joy was almost returning to her. Her forlorn heart was almost at rest.
Yes, she had paid too ample a price. She had purchased this passageway to peace at a great cost, and it was time for her to claim it.
-x-
Dear lady can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know,
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?