Disclaimer: Don't own and never will.
AN: This is the latest entry for HedwigBlack's Weekly Challenge. This is also a pairing from Gamma's Femmslash Drabble tag and is one of my few attempts at parody, in this case the sheer amount of slash and some of the ridiculous plots that go with it.
Angelina Johnson was currently feeling very, very fed up.
"Why is it," she asked as she sat down, "that all of the boys in this school are gay?"
Tonks, who had just come off of patrol duty, raised a questioning eyebrow and Angelina continued.
"Oliver is busy snogging Marcus Flint," she said as she pointed to the Slytherin table where Oliver Wood was busy eating the face off of Marcus Flint. "And then there's Fred and George sharing Lee Jordan," she pointed to a corner of the Gryffindor table where a very pleased young man sat between the two avatars of chaos that were Fred and George Weasley.
"Haven't these guys all left Hogwarts?" Tonks asked in a puzzled voice and Angelina shrugged.
"Supposedly. But try telling the fan-fiction writers that," she said in annoyance. "I've supposed to have left as well, but some fanfic writer wanted me here for his fic."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Something about fitting a challenge and taking something off his to-do list."
"Oh. That's why I'm here as well," Tonks said nonchantly and Angelina continued with her rant.
"Then there's the 'Chosen One' running off to get pregnant with Draco Malfoy's child," she continued with a frown. "Do any of these writers have any idea how babies are made?"
"Apparently not," Tonks commented dryly, but Angelina continued without stopping.
"And then there's Ron running off with Neville Longbottom. Last I heard, they were getting married in Canada," Angelina paused for a moment and sighed. "And Crabbe and Goyle are busy doing…" she paused for a moment as her face wrinkled in slight disgust. "On second thoughts, I'd rather not think about what those two are doing. It seems like EVERY single boy in Hogwarts is turning gay!"
"It's not looking any better for the adult either," Tonks said morosely. "Remus is dating Sirus and Snape fancies Harry, which I don't get."
"There are some things I'd rather not think about," Angelina said with a wince. "All that grease."
"Dumbledore likes Snape as well actually," Tonks added and Angelina made a gagging noise.
"There are some things I could really do without knowing. That was one of them," she said as she shot a disgusted look at Dumbledore, who raised a puzzled eyebrow. "Is he old enough to be Snape's dad?"
"Great grandfather actually. But what is age when compared to the power of a bunch of screaming fangirls?" Tonks asked rhetorically. "Even the married men aren't safe from them."
"Really?"
"Yeah, Lucius Malfoy is busy seducing Amycus Carrow and James Potter the original is busy seducing Sirus as well. Hell even Charlie has a boyfriend in Draco Malfoy. Not sure how that works, but…"
"Isn't James Potter supposed to be dead?" Angelina asked and Tonks shrugged again.
"Fangirls," was all she would say and Angelina nodded.
"So all we're left with are these oodles of faceless oc's," Angelina said and Tonks winced.
"The real trouble is that we end up getting crowded by these blasted self-inserted Mary-Sue's," Tonks grumbled. "It's enough to make a girl weep with frustration."
"If it's any consolation, I think the majority of fanfiction writers hate them too," Angelina said consolingly.
"Well there's only one solution for us girls. If we want to find love, we'll have to go for the only option available," Tonks said bracingly and Angelina raised an eyebrow.
"Thanks, but I'd rather stay single than date a Gary-st-"
She was suddenly cut off as Tonks snogged her firmly on the lips.
"No silly, I'm talking about other girls," Tonks said with a smile and Angelina raised an eyebrow.
"Is this what that author you mentioned needs to do?" she asked and Tonks nodded.
"Apparently it's inspired by some femmslash drabble tag and we're on the list," Tonks explained and Angelina shrugged her shoulders.
"Beats having to date some awful Gary-Sru," she said and she returned Tonks kiss.