Daria Morgendorffer-Daria Mogi
Quinn Morgendorffer-Yuiko Mogi
Anthony Demartino-Satori Temari-sensei
Timothy O'Neill-Chiyosuke Oishi-sensei
Jane Lane-"Michi-Michi" (Michiko Michizawa)-A budding doujinshi fan comic artist
Tom Sloane-Tomohiro Tsurugi
Link-Riku
Alison-Arisa
Stacy-Satsuki
Tiffany-Chizuru
Sandy-Sen
Helen Morgendorffer-Erin Mogi
Jake Morgendoffer-Jiro Mogi
Kevin Thompson-same (transfer student)
Brittany Taylor-Hitomi Taiga
Trent Lane-Toshimichi Michizawa
Angier Sloane-Eiji Tsurugi
Katherine "Kay" Sloane-Keiko Tsurugi
Elsie Sloane-Miruchi Tsurugi
David Sorenson-Soujiro Daifuku
Caroline-Karina
Jett-Chie
Anais-Hanako
Paris-Matsue
Daniel Dotson-Otose-sama
Jodie-Shiori
Mack-Nakuro
Joey-Jin
Jeffy-Jotaro
Jamie-Junji
SCENE 1 - OYAMADA HIGH SCHOOL
(The students in Temari-Sensei's classroom are packing books into boxes and removing items from the walls. Among them are Daria, Michiko, Shiori, Kevin, and Hitomi.)
Mr. Temari - Well, students... I certainly appreciate your help in cleaning out the classroom for Golden Week. It almost makes me forget that most of you didn't learn a thing all year!
Daria - That's not true. I learned to sleep sitting up.
Kevin - (turning) Sensei, as Q.B., I think I can speak for...
Mr. Temari- Careful with that map, Kevin-kun!
Kevin - Eep! (turns and quickly prevents map from falling)
Mr. Temari- Now... without turning around. Did you want to dangle a morsel of hope before me by announcing you're doing something constructive over the break, like partaking in much-needed remedial classes or some sort of vocation?
Kevin - (turns again) I'm not going on vacation. Me and Hitomi-chan are going to be lifeguards.
Mr. Temari- No turning around, Kevin-kun!
Kevin - Urk! (turns back to map)
Mr. Temari- Do not turn until... did you say lifeguards?
Hitomi- It'll be really easy 'cause I already know how to use... oops! (teeters and falls off the chair, ripping the map in half) Um, a bullhorn?
Mr. Temari- (clutches his head) Augh... argh! Why couldn't I have been born during an influenza epidemic? Or a bombing raid during the War? Why did I survive, grow tall and strong, only to squander all my potential by becoming a teacher? Argh...!
Daria - When he would have made such a wonderful motivational speaker.
(Shiori giggles, but Michi-Michi resolutely continues packing. There's obviously still tension here over "the Tsurugi-kun thing.")
SCENE 2 - OYAMADA HIGH SCHOOL
(Oishi-Sensei is handing back test papers to his sophomore class, which includes Yuiko, Sen, Satsuki, Chizuru, Jin, Jotaro, and Junji.)
Mr. Oishi- Now remember, these tests I'm handing back are a good "dry run" for your college entrance exams. If you got 1,200 points or better, kudos! You'll have a wide and exciting choice of colleges. And for those with less, uh, robust scores, there are still wonderful opportunities in the food services sector.
Satsuki - Hmm... 940.
Chizuru - 9... 02.
Yuiko - 955.
(Sen scowls at that news, because her test score is 924. Solution? Lie through her teeth, of course.)
Sen - 956. I guess we're all of comparable intelligence.
Chizuru - Yeah... comparable.
(Yuiko displays a "yeah, right" look, as it took Chizuru ten seconds just to say those two words. At that point, however, the dismissal bell rings.)
Mr. Oishi - All right, have a rewarding and growth-filled Golden Week, everyone. And by the way, we still have openings for counselors at the "Okay to Cry Corral", my day camp for sensitive children and those who'd like to be. It's going to be wonderful.
(His words are falling on deaf ears, as all of his students are filing past him and out the door. All except Yuiko, who approaches his desk and waits for him to notice her.)
Mr. Oishi- I hope... some of... um... all right, then. I'll miss you all, too. (finally notices Yuiko standing there) Ah, the younger Mogi-kun, you'd like to join the roundup at the Okay to Cry Corral and make a difference in a child's life?
Yuiko- Why would I want to do that? I just, um, need to ask you something.
Mr. Oishi - Problems at home? Is it your mother? She seems awfully stressed. Has she been acting out on you?
Yuiko- It's about my test score.
Mr. Oishi- (dejected) Oh...
Yuiko- Um, let's say you got a certain score on a test, and it wasn't terrible, but some other people got almost the same score, people you really thought you could do better than, although for personal reasons you'd rather not name them or say why?
Mr. Oishi - Um... what?
Yuiko- Okay, forget everything I just said. Let's try this. Can I get into K University with a 955?
Mr. Oishi - 955? Oh, dear. Well, let's see.
(He goes to his desk and leafs through a book, presumably a reference book on universities, until he finds the entry for K University.)
Mr. Oishi – Let's see…K University. It is known more for its wide range of social activities than for academics, but... ah! Uh-oh. I'm afraid to get into K University you'll need a combined score of at least 1,000.
Yuiko- But that's not fair! I didn't have time to study with my Fashion Club duties. Don't extracurricular activities count for anything?
Mr. Oishi - Hmm. Well, Mogi-kun, if you think studying would help, I say go for it! Take this summer to crack the books. Hire a tutor. Put your nose to the proverbial grindstone.
Yuiko- What's wrong with my nose?
(Mr. Oishi groans. Unfortunately, it's the kind of response he's come to expect.)
SCENE 3 - OYAMADA HIGH SCHOOL
(Daria and Michi-Michi are walking down the hall. There is obvious tension between the two.)
Daria - I think I'm finally finding out what it feels like to be a Michizawa.
Michiko - That can't be, since it's only afternoon and you're already out of bed.
Daria - I mean the lack of tiresome parental involvement. Mine have been so busy they've completely forgotten to force me into some dumb social activity. I'm turning into you.
Michiko- Well, you've got so much else of mine, you might as well have my identity.
Daria - (slightly indignant) Hey...!
Michiko - Take a joke, Daria. Anyway, que ironico. You don't have plans for Golden Week, I do.
Daria - Ironico's not a word.
Michiko- This old commune-mate of my mother's needs some assistants to help him finish his latest work for a doujinshi convention. I've been accepted to come and work for him, though my experience is somewhat limited compared to his.
Daria - (no enthusiasm whatsoever) That's great...
Michiko- That sounds sincere.
Daria - Why didn't you say anything?
Michiko- I didn't want to jinx it. Two months of inking and sketching my heart out in a small country town in the middle of nowhere. Starting this weekend.
Daria - Does this small country town have a name, or do you just stop when you hear the higurashi cry?*
Michiko - Cheer up, Daria. Without me around, you'll have that much more time for your budding social life.
(Daria makes a face at that; things obviously aren't going well between them, and apparently this was not the first comment of this type from Michiko.)
SCENE 4 - OYAMADA HIGH SCHOOL
(The Fashion Club is dining together in the cafeteria, as usual.)
Yuiko - This college book said you need a score of 1,000 and a B-minus average to get into K University.
Satsuki- God, we're only flesh and blood.
Chizuru – Satchan**... eww.
Satsuki - Sorry.
Sen - So we'll go somewhere else. Somewhere that appreciates our specialness and individuality.
Yuiko- But I'm sure I can do better on those tests.
Sen - You can do better?
Yuiko - We. Did I say me? We.
Sen - Gee, Mogi, I'm glad you think you're so much smarter than the rest of us, but you're worried about nothing. We have plenty of time to pull up our test scores next year.
Satsuki - Yeah! No sweat.
Chizuru - Satchan... eww.
Satsuki- Sorry.
SCENE 5 - THE MOGI HOUSE
(Jiro is eating a bowl of rice at the kitchen counter, while Daria is making toast. Erin is rummaging through the refrigerator.)
Daria - More rice, Dad? I found an extra bottle of soy sauce.
Jiro - No thanks... the old diet, you know. (looks closer at the bag of rice) February second? Hey! It's April! This rice has expired!
Erin - Relax, Jiro. That's a sell-by date. We've been storing it properly since then. It's fine.
Jiro - Easy for you to say. You didn't just eat a huge bowl of poisoned rice!
Daria - Mom's right. Besides, if you had food poisoning you'd be developing a very mild stomachache by now.
Jiro - A mild stomachache? I think I have one, damn it!
(Erin is done in the fridge, so she turns to address Jiro's latest neurosis.)
Erin - Jiro, can't you ever tell when anyone's joking?
Jiro- Of course I can. Um... you're not doing it now, are you?
Erin - It's April? Oh my gosh, Daria, what are you doing for Golden Week?
Daria - I was wondering when you'd ask, but don't worry. I have a job.
Jiro- Good for you, kiddo.
Erin - I see... and what exactly is this job?
Daria - I'm sorry, but the confidentiality agreement I signed with the government prevents me from revealing that. I've already said too much.
Jiro - Wow! I mean, wow, what a funny joke.
Erin- Daria, I'm serious. I'm not going to let you sit around the house all week.
Daria - Fine. I'll lie around the house all week.
(Yuiko walks into the kitchen, and is immediately ambushed by Erin)
Erin - Yuiko, what are your plans for Golden Week?
Yuiko- All right, I admit it! My last test scores were a little low.
Erin - What?
Yuiko- Sempai said we have plenty of time to catch up next year.
Erin- What about all the new things you'll have to learn then?
Daria- Yeah, kanji are much harder than hiragana***.
Yuiko- Oh, great. So you think I should get a tutor, too. Aren't there, like, any TV shows I can watch?
Daria - Good idea. You wouldn't want to flunk the essay section on Death Note.
Jiro- Ha! Death Note.
Erin - Well, if you don't want a tutor, then...
Yuiko- Fine! A tutor it is.
(And Yuiko walks out, leaving her confused family in her wake.)
*A reference to Japanese psychological horror series Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni (When The Cicadas Cry), which similarly takes place in a Japanese country town.
**The –chan honorific used to denote closeness is here made into a portmanteau of Satsuki's name.
***Japan has four major writing styles: Hiragana (original Japanese), Katakana (used for foreign words), Kanji (Chinese characters with Japanese pronunciation) and Romaji (English letters). Daria is correct here-Kanji are by far the most difficult system.