A/N I recently became obsessive with this show. I adore the characters of Castle and Beckett this cam to me while i was listening to a couple of songs, although this is not a song fic they just fit.

I miss you by Beyonce

Casualty by Nicole Scherzinger

Breathless by Alex Goot.

I hope you like this story :)

...

I am sitting on my couch with my feet curled under me. I have the track marks of previously shed tears present on my face. My hand is tangled in my hair as I try to comfort myself. A half empty bottle of white chardonnay wine sits on the table, the glass next to it is now only half full. I can't believe that one small conversation can turn in to this. I don't even remember how it started but I know how it ended. I just wish I could go back in time and erase the last 12 hours. Make it disappear, let us go back to how it was before, before I ruined it. The one person that I turn to for comfort at times like these is the one person who is not talking to me. The more I think about it the more it upsets me, fresh tears escape from my already sore eyes. I lean forward and pick up the glass of wine, I suppose I hope the liquor will suppress my sorrow.

I am sitting in my office at my desk, both my legs propped up on it. My laptop is sitting on my lap and I am trying to write a new chapter but all I can think of is the events of today. A glass of scotch sits on the desk next to my feet, I want to drink it but I can't seem to will myself to pick up it up and bring it to my lips. I look to my left and see a dent in the middle of the artwork for my next book. I look down and see shards of clear glinting glass. Remnants of the previous glass of scotch had. I wish that I could go back in time and erase the last 12 hours of my life. Make it disappear, let us go back to how it was before, before I ruined it. The one person that I turn to for comfort at times like these is the one person who is not talking to me.

...

Words don't ever seem to come out right

But I still mean them, why is that?

It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel

But I still need to, why is that?

I miss you.

...

12 hours earlier…

The day had started like any other, we were in the precinct looking at the whiteboard. I was sitting on the desk in front of it and you were standing before the board, with that adorable look you get when you are trying to figure something out. Two days previously we had been called to a crime scene out in the park. A young 25 year old brunette woman had been found by a man walking his dog in the early hours. We turned up to find Lanie all ready processing the body. As we got closer to the yellow tape I laughed at you as you quickly finished the last of your morning coffee. You just turned to me and gave me that famous eye roll to show you were unimpressed. You passed the empty cup to the office who lifted up the tape and allowed us through. You said good morning to Lanie who gave you a nod in return. I also greeted Lanie and received a warm smile which quickly turned to a sad one, when you asked how the victim had died. She told us that the poor young lady had been strangled with a thin threaded object and then was raped minutes after her death. I could see the happy glint in your eyes fade, it was overtaken by a sense of sorrow for the girl.

We went on to discover that the girl was a third year law student at NYU called Stacey Breadworth. So there we were looking at the murder board waiting for something to jump out at us. Something to explain who Stacey's killer was. We had gone over the evidence again and again, double checked the suspects but all of them alibied out, or so we thought. Suddenly it dawned on me that the boyfriend had said that he was at a party during the time that she was killed, but the time codes on the video camera's from the party didn't match up. There was a 30 minute period that was missing that was enough time to get from 6th avenue junction with west 54th street to the park and back. He could of easily slipped out unnoticed from a packed party and gone to the park were Stacey went to jog every night. He could of strangled her, raped her and got back to the party in time. I just didn't know why he had killed his girlfriend. I jumped up from my sitting position just as you turned around. We did what we always seemed to managed to do. We both proclaimed at the same time I know who the killer is. You gave me the sweetest smile and I could not help but stare at your luscious lips. If you noticed you didn't say anything about it, you just picked up your jacket. You said to me lets go bring the boyfriend in and we headed for the elevator.

You drove like always, I never get to drive although your car is so rubbish I don't really mind. We pulled up in front of the boyfriend's apartment building and you turned off the car. You turn towards me you were about to tell me to stay in the car, but I gave you the puppy dog eyes and you caved. We both got out and you helped me strap on my writer's armoured vest. I helped you with yours, you told me to stay back that the boyfriend was most probably dangerous. I just nodded but I could see by looking into your deep brown eyes that you didn't believe my promise. Just don't do any thing stupid you told me and I told you I never do such a thing, how wrong could I be. Esposito and Ryan who were already armed and suited up joined us and we headed into the lobby of the building. I hung back as you and the boys moved into position in front of the boyfriend's door. You shouted Drake Gonzolo NYPD open the door and got no reply. With one swift kick you broke through the front door and I heard you tell me to stay outside while you made your sweep. The boys took the upstairs rooms while you headed into the living room to your left. Your gun was up and your finger was on the trigger ready for what ever you might find behind that door. You disappeared behind the door and the next thing I heard scared the life out of me. A scream pierced the air, for a moment it didn't register as you cause you don't scream. Finally reality caught up with me and I realised that the noise was coming from you.

I forgot what you told me and I didn't stay outside, all I could think about was you. I burst through that door to find you laying on your back on the floor while Drake had a gun pointed at your head. I hoped that the boys would be back down here very soon as I wasn't armed. Drake seemed to have noticed my presence in the room but he did not turn towards me instead he spoke. Oh good now we have a audience detective Beckett. Let me guess he said that is your stupid weapon less partner Castle the writer. I looked down at you and saw a small cut and a bump on your forehead. That was how he had got the better of you he must have been standing behind the door as you had entered. He must of struck you in the head with the butt of his gun. You must of dropped to the floor in shock and before you could reach for your gun which you had dropped, he had pinned down your hand with his foot. I looked down your face when your eyes met mine, I could see from the pain in your eyes that he was hurting you. Let her go Drake, it is over this is not going to help you I said. He just chuckled at me before saying no that's where your wrong this is far from over, it's just beginning. I saw you squirm as you tried to escape his grasp, but he didn't like this and put more pressure on your hand with his foot. I heard you gasp in pain and the squirming stopped.

What we didn't not know at the time was that Ryan and Esposito had problems of their own upstairs. Drake had a accomplice who had them both at gunpoint they were in deadlock neither wanted to shoot first but neither wanted to lower their weapons. They were unaware of what was unfolding down stairs. Meanwhile I couldn't take it any more I couldn't face seeing you in pain. In my head a plan had formed to get you out enough so you could reach your gun, but it wasn't exactly safe. I knew you could sense that I was going to do something very brave but stupid as you pleaded to me with your eyes. However my mind had been made up there was no going back. Drake that girl of yours was a right whore I said. I know that it wasn't true but I could see that Drake had killed Stacey out of rage when he thought that her staying out late at night was due to another man, when really she had been studying hard for her Bar exams. It was obvious he cared for her, I knew if I wound him up enough he would slacken his hold on you and focus on me. I knew that meant you would be able to take him down, but the danger to myself never seemed to register with me. Shut up he shouted back, you don't know what you are talking about. Yes I do she was spending time in another man's bed you obviously was not good enough for her anymore, she had to get her thrills somewhere else. The plan worked because he took his foot off your hand and turned to point the gun at me not you. Castle Noooo! You shouted but I had already done it no turning back. I could hear the pain in your voice. I hadn't worked out what I would do at this stage of the plan though, and now I was looking down the barrel of a Glock 45. They say that your life flashes before your eyes in moments like this but all I could think of was never seeing you or my Alexis again.

We heard a shot above us and suddenly my thoughts went to the guys I hoped they were both okay, they had to be doing better than me right now. After the initial shock of being released and what I had done you soon got back to the job in hand which was taking down this nutter. Hey man I'm sorry I shouldn't of said those things about your girl, I was wrong she loved you. This didn't seem to help me as he took the safety off the gun. Oh bugger is all I could think. I saw you rise to your feet behind him your hand although probably very sore, now held your gun which you had retrieved from the floor. He must have heard this as he went to turn back towards you I couldn't have this. Hey pick on someone your own size, apparently this was the last straw as I saw him put pressure on the trigger. You saw this and quickly shot him but apparently not before he managed to get off a shot. Two gun shots were heard in that room one from your gun as the bullet pierced through his back and he went down like a sack of potatoes. The other shot came from his gun, I had just enough time to react before I felt the bullet graze my right arm. Suddenly all I felt was a searing pain through my right arm like someone had taken a slice with a machete. Man it hurt my left hand automatically came up to cover the gash and apply pressure to stop the bleeding.

You checked that Drake was in fact was dead before you cam racing over to me. By this point I had leant against the nearest wall and had slid down to a sitting position. A lovely blood smear followed me down and you gasped.

"Castle! Are you okay?"

"Yer I'm fine".

I replied, I was always a bad liar it bloody caned. You knelled down in front of me and peeled off your jacket, rolled it into a ball and removed my hand and applied pressure to the wound using your expensive jacket. Your other hand came up and gently grazed my cheek looking for any other wounds. You found none of course just the graze I had been lucky. While you were distracted by my arm I bought up my hand and gently touched the bump and cut on your forehead. You closed your eyes and leaned into my touch subconsciously. You opened your eyes and looked directly into mine, I could tell then that we had been very lucky to come out with both our lives.

The door burst open and ruined our moment as the Guys appeared through it. I quickly removed my hand from your forehead. God Castle what did you do now Ryan quipped. You know just got my self shot nothing out of the ordinary. Ryan and Esposito laughed but I could see that they were really secretly worried about both of us. A ambulance technician appeared behind them and we both just brushed him off insisting that we were both fine, until Ryan pointed out to the guy that I had been shot and that you probably had concussion. So we were both helped up and lead out of the house towards the waiting ambulance. It turned out that even though there was quite a bit of blood that my graze was not to bad and only required six stitches, it was cleaned up and bandaged up and I was ready to go. Although I was told not to do too much strenuous exercise with that arm for the next couple of days, ha that's funny the only strenuous thing I do is write. You had a check over and it turned out that you only had a slight concussion, your head wound was glued closed so it wouldn't scar to bad. Your hand was strapped it didn't seem to be broken just bruised and you was sent on your way too.

You drove us back to the precinct and not much was said between us. It was like we were trying to come to terms with what had happened. We had to have a debrief with the whole team including the captain who afterwards told us all to go home and get some rest. You dropped me off at my place and before you could drive off I asked if you would like to come in for a coffee. There was a moment of hesitation like you were having a inner struggle with your self, before you said sure Castle. We walked in to my apartment, I walked towards the kitchen to make us some coffee while you situated yourself on my couch. Where are Alexis and Martha you asked, Mother is at her school for a fundraiser and Alexis is spending the weekend with Ashley I replied. I poured us both a coffee and headed back to towards the living room. As I got to the couch I reached out my hand and you took your mug of coffee from me. Although it appeared that you took it with the sore hand as the other one quickly came up to brace it. I knew that you didn't want to show that you were in pain to me, you just closed your eyes for a second and took a deep breath. I watched as your chest rose and fell, I looked up as you opened your eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. Your eyes quickly fell to my the bloody mark on my shirt, and you took another breath.

It was only then that I realised that the shirt I was wearing was covered in patches of now dry crimson blood. My blood, it was shocking how much blood one gash can cause. I needed to change and by the look of your top which also had splashes of my blood on so did you. I'm just going to change my top I told you, would like to borrow one of mine? You had placed your coffee on the table next to mine and your hand lifted your top high enough so you could see the stains. Yes please Castle that sounds like a good idea. I told you to follow me as I climbed the stairs towards my bedroom. I got to the top and turned around to find you literally behind me, so close that I nearly head butted you. I turned back round and opened the door to my room, it was only now that you became hesitant to follow me. So I left you leaning on the door frame while I searched my drawers for a top that would fit you. I found a red baggy t-shirt laying folded up in the bottom draw. I pulled it out and handed it to you, it was only as your eyes went wide that I realised that it was the top that you had borrowed when your flat had exploded. You bought it up to your face and buried your nose in it taking a long deep breath. This made me chuckle, you were smelling my scent. You bought the top away from your face, looked at my smiling face and blushed. It just bought back memories was your only excuse. I directed you towards the bathroom so you could get changed and when you were in there I changed my top and put on a pair of slacks. I went back downstairs and waited for you.

When you came down it was clear that you had had a freshen up while you were in the bathroom. Your face looked brighter if that was possible. You came and sat next to me on the couch and took a large swig of your coffee. Hardly a word had been said between us all night and I soon found out why. Your hand reached out and brushed my right arm as you pushed up the sleeve. Your fingers brushed over the dressing that was covering my graze. Does it hurt you said. No it just stings a little I replied. Your hand came up to my face and you turned my head towards your direction.

"Why Castle why did you do it ?"

"Do what" I replied.

"Why did you put your self in danger?"

I could see the tears forming in the corner of your eyes and I wasn't sure if they were out of sadness or anger.

"Because he was going to kill you Beckett, I couldn't have him do that to my partner."

"But what about Martha and Alexis did you think about them for one second. They are your family Castle, they should come first before partners if that's what we are."

"What do you mean if that's what we are?"

"Partners don't put partner's in front of family. That man could have killed you, then Alexis would have no father figure in her life, Martha would no longer have a son. Just because you wanted to save me."

"If I didn't save you, your father would no longer have a daughter and he has lost enough in this life time already. The guys would no longer have a sister. Yes that's right they think of you as a sister, that is why they always have your back; your like family to them. Lanie would no longer have a best friend, Alexis would no longer have a woman to look up to. And I well I …."

"And you what Castle what would you have lost. You would have lost a partner you would get over it because you would still have your family."

"Your not just a partner Kate you are more than that."

"Well explain it to me then Rick what am I to you."

By this point we were both in each others personal space glaring each other directly in the eye. The tears in your eyes where now making ragged paths down your cheeks. I just wanted to kiss you senseless and show you what you meant to me but I didn't want to ruin what we had. I reached out my left hand to wipe away your tears but you moved back out of my grasp. My hand dropped to my lap and you stood up.

" If you can't give me a straight answer I am leaving Castle. We are over Castle."

You picked up your stained top and car keys and headed towards the door.

"Wait Kate."

You turned towards me and said

"Go on then Rick out with it."

I couldn't get the words out and by the time I did, I heard and saw the front door slam shut.

" I love you Kate."

I knew you couldn't hear me any longer. I dropped my head into my hands and the tears begun to fall. What have I done was the only thought going through my head.

...

Breathe in Breathe out

Baby without to fit that over and over again

I stand there to as you call but then I'd fall over and over again

One of us has got to

One of us has got be a casualty.

...

Present time..

Hence now the position I was now in, I had come to a realisation in that room while the gun was pointed at my head. I love Richard Castle, and it scared me. I really wanted him to say something back at his flat but even though I had pushed him quite hard he had not budged. I need to know that he feels the same way before I open my heart up to him. I fall back against the back of the couch, wine glass now forgotten on the table. I put my hand up to the bump on my forehead one of the reminders of what had happen today. As I bring my hand down I can see a nasty blackish purple bruise forming on the palm of my hand all they way down to my wrist. I pull the fabric of the shirt up to my face and revel in the smell of Castle. I hear a knock on the door and I hope that it is Castle on the other side, even though I know that my harsh words back at his have probably hurt him. Readjusting my shirt and smoothing it down I get up to answer the door. The person on the other side is not who I aspect at this hour, it was getting on for nine o'clock. I look through the peephole and find Lanie standing on the other side. She must know I am looking at her because she lifts up the bag in her hand to the hole and says

"I bought ice cream, lots of ice cream and ohh Chinese as well."

This makes me chuckle trust Lanie to know how to cheer me up. I pull open the door and she envelopes me in to her arms for a hug. Finally a couple of minutes later she releases me. She gives me one of her famous looks as she studies my face. I know that she can tell that I have been crying, she always knows. She turns me round and directs me to the couch, she makes me sit down while she gets so cutlery form the kitchen. As she walks back over she says the words I was dreading to here.

"Spill it girl, all of it."

I'm not sure where to start such a lot has happened in such a short period of time. I don't know if the boys have filled her in about what happened in the house or not. She can see I am hesitant so she says..

"Start from the house Kate, what happened in there?"

She passes me a box of chicken chow mien and a fork.

I look down at my legs before starting from the moment we entered the house. The story is going quite well, Lanie is listening and not interrupting then I get to the moment I want to forget. As I recall that moment I can feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes. She notices because I feel one of her hands cover the one of mine that is resting on my knee. I don't know why this part bothers me so much or at least that is what I tell myself. I tell Lanie how stupidly brave Castle had been and that I hate him for putting himself in danger. She just nods to begin with until I finishing recounting then she speaks..

"Okay Kate you told me would happened today but you didn't tell me why it has you so upset. What part are you missing out?"

I hate that Lanie is the only person except for Castle that can crack my outer shell and get me to talk about feelings. I don't want to tell her about the fight or the fact that I love Castle. Having finished the Chinese she passes me a spoon and a tub of my favourite chocolate ice cream. Doctor's orders is all she says. I am still trying to get out of telling her about the fight when the house phone rings. I go to pick it up but the caller detail shows Castle and I don't want to talk to him right now so I sit back down and let it ring. Suddenly the answer phone kicks in and I hope that he doesn't leave a message because Lanie will hear it. It appears my prayers go unanswered as the machine beeps and Castle's voice can be heard.

"Kate, I'm sorry please pick up the phone I really need to talk to you please."

Lanie gives me a questioning look and after a short pause Castle continues.

"Fine if you won't pick then I hope that you are listening. I wanted to tell you while you were here, I tried to build up to it but then we had that fight and I just couldn't get the words out. I love you Katherine Beckett alright, that is why I put my life in danger I couldn't face losing you. Your an amazing, beautiful, Gorgeous and intelligent person that I want to spend the rests of my …"

That was when the machine cut out. I was in a little bit of shock, the tears now running freely down my cheeks. I wanted him to say that but I never thought he actually would. I look to Lanie who seemed to be catching flies with her mouth agape. She finally managed to get out a few words..

" He just said that he loves you Kate. Richard castle loves you."

"I know and I love him."

"Then are you sitting here girl, go over there and kiss him senseless."

"I can't."

"Why the hell not you need to show your vulnerable side your so …."

She went into a big rant which made me chuckle, when she finally stopped I said..

"I can't go over there because I can't drive I'm over the legal limit."

She looked a little bit apologetic before squealing.

"Well it is a good thing I bought my car then, come on then I'll drive you."

Fifteen minutes later I am standing outside Castle's door wondering what do next. Lanie told me before she left me to jump that man's bones and give her the details tomorrow. I don't think I'll be jumping anyone's bones tonight. I take a deep breath build up the courage and knock on the door. I can hear castle walking down the hall towards the door. As it opens he says..

"Mother your home early from your fundraiser."

It is only as he finishes that sentence that he realises I am definitely not his mother.

"Kate umm come in."

He steps a side to let me pass through, it only when we get to the living room that I turn to him and talk.

"I'm sorry castle, I didn't mean to be so harsh on you, I just needed to hear you say it."

A tear escapes, why do I keep crying I never cry. Before I recognize what is happening Castle takes a step forward, wraps his arms around me and pulls me flush to him.

"It is okay Kate I forgive you but lets never fight again hey. Am I right to presume that you got my answer phone message?"

My head is resting on the definitions of his chest and I let out a nod and a chuckle at the last bit of that statement. He releases his grip on me and takes a step back although his hands now rest of the curve on my hips. I look him in the eye and flush red with embarrassment as I say the next statement.

" I love you too."

It comes out almost like a whisper but it is clear that he heard as his left hand comes up to cup my cheek. He asks me for permission before leaning in and placing his lips softly on mine. He goes to pull back but I'm not satisfied with just that so I pull him closer by grabbing on his shirt and deepen the kiss. He tastes amazing as our mouths mingle together, he bites gently on my bottom lip and I can't help but let out a moan. This seems to fuel the fire and before I know it we are backed up against his wall. Three years of unrequited love being released into one kiss. One of his hands is tangled in my hair, the other is travelling up my back underneath my shirt. I pull him towards me and spin him round so that his back is now against the wall and he gasps. I pull back to catch my breath and see a slight pain in his eyes.

"Oh goodness Castle did I hurt you?"

" Does this count as strenuous activity ? because the paramedic told me not to do that with my arm."

I can't help but laugh as he reaches down for one more gently kiss before leading me to the couch. His sits down and pulls me down with him on to his lap.

" Your amazing do you know that Kate."

"Your not bad yourself Rick."

...

With your heart out on your sleeve

You leave me breathless.

...

A/N Does anyone want me to continue? i have a few more ideas on how to continue this story.