I'm an addict. Not like one of those Psycho addicts, or other chem addicts. My addiction isn't alcohol, cigarettes, cigars, or other drugs. It isn't even Nuka-Cola. I remember meeting that chick who had that problem, she had merchandise all over her house. I ended up killing her, and I guess it's kind of funny that I killed her for laundry detergent. Yeah, that's my addiction. I'm addicted to huffing laundry detergent. Yeah... my life is sad.
I really have no idea how this all started. One day I was a normal everyday alcoholic, now I like to do lines of laundry detergent. I used to be a pretty good trader as well, now I'm just like every other bandit or scavenger. I kill to get what I want. What I want is laundry detergent.
I remember the worst thing I've done while on detergent. I accidently wandered into someones brahmin farm. He had a fine daughter and wife, but also fine cuts of beef. I ended up killing him and having sex with his daughters, wife, and brahmin. The next morning I smelled like soap, beef, and human sweat. I also had to kill the women to keep them quiet, the brahmin didn't need to die. They can't talk.
At one point I was trying so hard to quit. Then I found a factory. A laundry detergent factory. Unfortunately for me it was guarded by robots. I still got in. How? I found a cardboard box and a couple markers, put the box on my torso and drew buttons and screens on it. Then I just walked right in. I woke up the next morning in a giant pile of detergent, with dead robots all around me. They were filled with a number of suspicious holes.
Now you may ask me a couple questions like, Why I wrote this, or why this is on a random terminal computer out in the wasteland. It's because in the time it took you to read this, I'm probably right behind you with my gun pointed to your head. Stick your hands in the air, and give me all of your detergent, oh and your caps as well.