Mello had nice lips. They moved very nicely when he talked. They curved up perfectly when he smiled. They trembled when he sneered. And his lips seemed to shine when they connected with chocolate.
Matt knew this wasn't the thing normal people thought about, especially towards their friends. But Matt never had been 'normal', had he? Besides, it wasn't anything too weird– just an innocent observation. The kind they were taught to do. So there was nothing wrong with starring at your best friend's lips while he lectured you about smoking in the house, right?
Right?
Matt sighed but Mello didn't seemed to notice. Who was he kidding? Matt knew this feeling, almost obsession, he had with Mello was not one best friends had. But what these emotions were, Matt could never say. Sometimes he felt protective, other times possesive. Most of the time though, he just felt confused.
"Ya know you have nice lips?"
Matt's eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he had just said. It was as if his thoughts just jumped out of his mouth.
Mello looked confused. "What did you just say, Matt?"
"I said you sound like a hag when you nag me," Matt quickly covered.
Mello's eyes narrowed as he stepped closer to Matt. Matt's heart started pounding. Oh shi–
"That sure as hell isn't what I heard."
"You're getting old. Your hearing must be going."
Mello moved even closer to Matt. He leaned down until they were eye-level. He gently pulled Matt's goggles off his eyes so that they loosely rested on his neck. An almost uncontrollable urge washed over Matt. It felt like a snake twirling itself around him, whispering in his ear, 'kiss him'.
Matt waved off the emotion and starred right back into Mello's dark eyes. Mello starred coldly back. Damn, Matt thought. If he keeps this up, I'll end up breaking.
Their gaze only broke when Mello finally stepped away.
"You're faggy," Mello said as Matt slyly pulled a cigarette out of his pocket.
"Excuse me?" Matt heard a pounding in his ears. Does he...know? Matt scolded himself. Who cares if he know. Let him know. It won't change anything. It shouldn't change anything. And hell, if it does, it can suck it.
"You know," Mello shrugged and turned away from Matt. "Faggy. You smoke cigarettes, which are fags, therefore you are faggy."
Matt's shoulders dropped. He was relieved. Although he said he didn't care, if Mello knew...Well, things would get much more complicated than simple Matt liked.
"Go screw yourself, Mello," Matt muttered, breathing out his deadly sin's fumes.
"What Matt?" Mello quickly turned around, eyes gleaming an evil shine. "Did you, perhaps, figure I meant something else?"
Choices, choices, too many choices. In life, in video games, it was all the same. One right choice, and you've skipped a lot of crazy puzzles, horrible drama and you've won. One wrong choice and, uh oh. Game Over.
Right now, Matt could only see two possible options; the truth, or lies.
Truth: Matt was in love with Mello, but in denial.
Lies: Matt felt nothing more towards Mello than friendship.
Dilemmas, dilemmas...
"So what if I did?" Matt finally mumbled, avoiding Mello's harsh gaze. He was answering a question with a question– a technique learned in Whammy House. It's generally used to avoid giving a direct answer without lying and throw the other person off. Matt knew it was lame, but he felt he had nothing else to do.
Mello grinned. "I'd tell you you're queer."
"I'm not gay," Matt replied much too quickly. Even to his own ears, his words sounded false and doubtful. Damn it...
"Matt? You're gay?" Mello sounded surprised but also almost...pleased?
"I never fucken said that, Mello," Matt angrily replied, glaring at the other boy.
"You're my best friend, Matt. You ain't shitting no one."
Matt didn't make a sound. He was glaring at the floor now, holding his breath. The cigarette fell from his mouth. He didn't dare make a move. He was waiting for Mello to play his cards first. The invisible wall Matt had built in front of himself was, at this moment, so fragile, even 1 word could make it shatter.
Matt felt Mello sit down beside him. He glanced to the side. Mello was leaning forward, head in his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair and Matt hastily looked away.
"Why didn't you ever tell me? Eh, Matt? Why hide something as stupid as this from me?"
Matt exhaled. There was no point in hiding it now. Mello has made his observations and set up a trap. And poor, ol' Matt had fallen right into it, thus giving Mello his conclusions. This bastard was too much like L.
"I didn't think it was any of your business," Matt muttered, too embarrassed to say anything more.
"Jesus Christ, Matt. I'm your best friend. You're goddamn roommate. And you didn't fucken think that your sexuality was any of my business?"
Matt shrugged. He was so ashamed, even disgusted, with himself and Mello wasn't making him feel any better.
"How'd you know? Hm? How'd you figure it out?" Matt asked, voice low. He'd finally gained enough courage to look at Mello, whom was looking right back at him.
Mello grinned that wolf-like grin of his. "Only queers defend themselves like that."
There was a moment of silence while Matt digested this, before he fully turned to Mello and exclaimed, "So what if I am gay, huh? What's the big deal? What does it matter?"
Saying these words, acknowledging who he was, felt like a great load of weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Sometimes, the truth hurts but sometimes, it feels incredible.
"If you are gay," Mello said, looking away from Matt then directly at him again. "I demand to know who you like."
Matt's heart sunk. So this was the trap. He thought it had been the admitting part, but he was wrong. That was just the worm on the hook and once again, Matt was left with two choices; the truth or lies.
To hell with it, Matt thought. He was sick of all this; the lies, the hidden feelings and the cover ups. If he was going to come out then he might as well come all the way out.
"And what if," Matt asked, heart thumping, palms sweating. He was going to do it, he had to. "I said I like you?"
Mello stared at Matt. Matt felt lighter, having finally spoken the truth, but also exposed as his goggles still hung around his neck.
Mello leaned forward and Matt went numb. Was it his imagination or did Mello really just lean forward, as if preparing for a kiss? That couldn't have been real, could it?
Suddenly, Matt was pulled forward by the front of his shirt. He felt his lips press against something and was shocked to find it to be Mello's own. Matt was confused but he didn't ponder the situation long before he was sucked into the kiss.
It seemed to last forever; time must have stopped. All Matt felt was Mello's lips, tongue, the insides of his cheeks. Mello's hands on his face, in his hair, on his back. His own, searching Mello. The moment was pure bliss but all good things must come to an end.
"Mello? Mello, are you there?" a small voice cracked through the computer speakers. "Mello. I would like to speak with you."
Mello pulled away from Matt and started fixing his hair. "Stupid Near," he grumbled. "Always has to ruin everything."
Mello got up and Matt spun around and turned on Ocarina Of Time. It was a fluke, he thought. A mistake. A good dream that you want to experience again but know you won't. It was nothing more than that.
Matt thought he could live with it. He was strong. Those few moments, they might ruin everything, but they were worth it. They may be all he'll ever have.
But Matt couldn't let it lie, not this time. He turned back around. Mello was at the computer, about to speak into the mic, a look of annoyance upon his face.
"Mello, hey. I think I fucken love you." Mello looked towards his friend and the corners of his mouth rose up.
"I know."
When he said nothing more, Matt went back to his game. Oh well. It was worth a try.
"And Matt?" Matt looked over his shoulder at his roommate. There was a gleam in his eyes, this one more playful and loving than mischievous and cruel. "You have nice lips too."