She Walks in Beauty

You know you are doing alright, as long as everyday you can get up and look at yourself in the mirror and have no regrets. Will Riker couldn't do that anymore. He was too tired. It was all he could do to drag himself out of bed everyday to do his shifts on the bridge. He was over being haunted by his demons, he practically welcomed them, for they kept him knowing he was still alive. Not just some mindless zombie roaming around the Enterprise, making grunting noises and scaring the children on board. He quickly got up and dressed in his uniform-the only familiar thing left to him. He dragged down the corridor to the turbo lift, "Bridge". He stepped out and was greeted by Captain Picard and Counselor Troi.

"You're late Number One."

"Yes sir, I apologize. It won't happen again."

Picard didn't say anything else, he could see the hollowness in Will's eyes.

"Did you sleep any better last night Will?" Deanna's question was genuine.

"No not really." He mustered a small smile to let her know he was alright. He sat down and eagerly prompted the Captain to explain why they were headed in to the Collaren system to do routine checks. When he questioned that there had to better things for the Enterprise-E to be doing, all Picard responded with was 'Starfleet orders'. Is there not some away mission he could send me on to get me off this ship? Riker felt restless. Troi could sense the turmoil inside him. She knew he was unaware of her sensing him. If he knew he would instantly bring up the walls in his mind. She was glad he didn't know she was reading him, she was glad at the chance to know he was at least alright. She couldn't sense what was making him lose sleep or be so restless.

"Commander, I'd like to schedule an appointment with you tomorrow." Troi looked at him with a stern but concerned look in her eyes. He knew she was right. She was the ship's counselor and maybe she could help him sleep at night. She couldn't solve everything tearing inside him though. There were some things inside of him he could never tell her. Will Riker, ladies man, was actually afraid to speak to a woman. But she wasn't just any woman, she was Deanna Troi.

"Alright Counselor, that might be a good idea. How about 1500 tomorrow?" Deanna picked up a small PADD and punched a few buttons.

"That is a perfect time. You'll be the last appointment of the afternoon so if we go a little long, I won't charge you." She grinned, her joke was lame but it was an attempt at a joke. Riker gave her a lopsided smile.

Later that night Riker was laying in bed thinking about what he was going to tell Deanna the next day in their session. He knew he could tell her some of the problems he was having. Nightmares haunted him every night. He had a few good dreams sprinkled in, all of her. She was the only thing that kept him sane. But he couldn't tell her how he felt. She was finally happy now. Worf deserved her. He had the guts to go after what he wanted and not let it go. Riker's mind was tired and jumbled, he became groggy and fell into a restless sleep.

They were going to crash, no doubt about it. This was all his fault. He was left in charge of the ship and it had all come crashing down, literally. "Raise shields," he yelled. Before Worf could get them raised another blast from the Klingon vessel rocked the ship throwing bodies around like rag dolls. Riker scanned around to make sure everyone was somewhat alright. They were. Worf was frantically trying to reconfigure the shield harmonics so the Klingon women and their ship could not hurt the Enterprise-D anymore. Troi and Data hung onto the consoles as best they could while trying to keep the ship steady. Worf had the bird of prey locked in to fire an earth shattering shot at. He waited for Riker to give the command. "Fire." He barely blinked at the command. In a second the ship was gone. Geordi cut the silence letting the Commander know everyone had made it safely into the saucer section for separation. The saucer had barely gotten any distance when the remaining hull blew up, sending everyone reeling and causing the ship to spiral out of control. And all Riker could think of was everyone was going to die and it was all his fault. All the women, children, star fleet officers. If Picard was still alive, wherever he was at, he would never get back the helm of his ship. Data had just gotten his emotion chip to work properly and was becoming more human everyday. La Forge and Crusher would never see another day to do the jobs that only they could do so well. Worf would never get to become a high member of the Klingon council. And his Imzadi would never know how he really felt all these years, ever since he had missed the rendezvous on Risa. No matter how many girls he dated, no one was like Deanna. No one made him feel like she did. To call out to her-'Imzadi'- one last time...the ship hit and skidded for what seemed like forever.........

Riker sat straight up in bed, covered in sweat, trying to grasp at the arm rest of the Captain's chair that weren't really there. It was the same dream he had every night since the ship had crashed over eight months ago. He knew it was silly, everyone had ended up alright. The Enterprise-E was built bigger and better than any other ship in the fleet. No one knew of his repressed fears from that day. Picard got to sit in the Captain's chair another day. Crusher received an amazing new sickbay to work miracles in. LeForge got to tinker and adapt the new warp core, with Data's help and wonderful new emotions to keep everyone amused. Worf and Deanna got to continue their new found relationship with each other. The happiness those two shared overwhelmed everyone on board. As Beverly had once told Picard, it was very "Beauty and the Beast" in the most modern of ways. His heart ached when he realized what a fool he had been to give such an amazing woman up with such little a fight. He drifted back off to sleep, a little more sound this time.

Her giggles made his heart skip a beat. He was chasing her around his quarters trying to pin her down and tickle her again. Her hair had fallen down from being pulled back and her lavender nightgown swayed lightly as she fled around the bed into the bathroom. He caught her, being trapped against the vanity and the door. She had no where to go. She ran into the shower and shut the door.

"Imzadi let me in," he teased, "I won't tickle you I promise."

"Yes you will, Will Riker. You can only come in if you promise you won't tickle me." Though she knew he would.

"I promise." He slid the shower door open and gave her a lopsided grin. He quickly grabbed the shower knob and turned on the water, soaking them both. She squealed at being hit with warm water while in her nightgown.

"Will!," she screamed. At least he really hadn't tickled her. While she was in here she might as well take a shower. She quickly slipped off her nightgown and threw it over the top of the shower onto the bathroom floor. Will gave her the biggest smile ever. His eyes already traveling over her wet body.

"Are you just going to stand there and continue to get your clothes wet or are you going to take a shower with me?" she teased. Before he answered she was tugging off his shirt and boxers. She looked him up and down with satisfaction. His body's excitement was all due to her and she was proud of herself. She reached up and kissed his mouth, letting the warm water run over both of them. His hands were already searching her body, trying to decide which part to caress first. She shivered at his touch realizing it had been too long since she felt him on her. In her mind she sent him a message I've had you on my mind all day Imzadi, now I want you on my body. He didn't even respond but only by following her request by leaning her against the shower wall and pressing his body flat against hers. He began kissing down her neck. He had never felt love like this before her. He vowed to her then and there to never leave her again for fear he would not survive it. He couldn't wait any longer. He closed the last space between them, once again sealing the sacred Imzadi bond.....

Riker woke the next morning feeling a little happier than he had been in a long time. Promptly at 1500 he pushed the comm. button outside Counselor Troi's quarters. She came to the door knowing who was there even before he had signaled his arrival.

"Commander, please come in. I'm pleased you kept our appointment."

"I am actually glad you suggested this Counselor. I'm hoping maybe you can help me solve some of the things bothering me. If this doesn't help I'll promise to go to sickbay and have Doctor Crusher check me out." She was surprised at his willingness to receive help from other people.

"So do you have any idea what is causing you to lose sleep?"

He paused a few minutes. "I have been having nightmares over the past eight months every night it seems. Awful dreams that make me bolt right up in bed. I don't always remember what they are about." He had lied about the last part. He already felt so vulnerable telling her this. He had to tell someone though. Why not her?

"Do you remember any details of the dreams? Even if it is just a sound or an image, every bit could help solve what they are about."

"I remember you Deanna." He couldn't stop himself. He didn't even remember exactly what the dream had been. He just knew it was the only dream he had in the past weeks that was pleasant. She looked hurt. He had only mentioned nightmares and now he was saying she was in them. He could see the hurt on her face.

"I had a dream about you last night," he admitted sheepishly, "I can't tell you what happened though...but you were terrific."

What inhibitor made him keep revealing things like this to her? He couldn't stop himself. All of the filters in his mind had gone on a holiday and left him to have his inner thoughts ooze verbally out of him. Her hurt lessened and curiosity rose up.

"I mean you were terrific because it wasn't a nightmare like all the other ones. I remember it being something that didn't scare me. I felt, almost, happy." He was hoping she'd ask no more questions about the dreams.

"Well this is a start Will. Do you think your dreams have anything to do with the experience we had when the Enterprise crashed a little over eight months ago?"

He cringed and didn't look at her. Did she know? How could she? She couldn't know how guilty he felt. He stood up abruptly, murmuring of their time being up and him having to go do extra scans of the system. She wondered if the crash was still haunting him. Everyone told him it wasn't his fault. The only person to really get any flack from it was her and that was all in joking. 'Nice landing.' She was reminded of that for nearly two months after the crash.

Troi settled down beside Worf in Ten Forward for their nightly meal together. A new tradition they had started.

"You look rather...pleasing tonight Deanna."

Worf tried to think of a nice sentence to compliment her. Even though his words never seemed to come out right, he did think she was an amazing woman. Klingon or not. Luckily Deanna knew what Worf was trying to convey.

"You look quite handsome yourself Worf."

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. He seldom smiled but her soft touch always made Worf smile, even it was only on the inside. He did not believe in fate or destiny. But he did believe in honor. It was an honor to have Deanna as his partner. At first things had been hard but the spark they shared was undeniable. Will Riker walked into Ten Forward, noticing no one in particular as he took a familiar seat at the bar. Guinan came over with a drink already in hand.

"Enjoying another night in Ten Forward with me Commander?" She winked at Will.

"I have never been more committed to a woman ever Guinan. I've spent every night this week with you." He gave her a big grin and a chuckle over their game they always played. He sipped the drink letting it warm him. He was surprised Guinan had just given him real alcohol first. Usually he had to put up a fight to get the real stuff. The synthehol did nothing for him and he felt silly having drink after drink thinking it would numb the feelings inside him. Just a couple of the real ones had him number than really needed. He decided he would only have one or two drinks tonight.

"How come it is you've never ended up with anyone this time around Guinan?"

"I've been married plenty of times Will, I just felt no need to here. The Enterprise is unlike any other vessel or world I've lived upon. The Enterprise and her crew are what Starfleet is really about. Dedication, honor, and adventure. I want to enjoy that without getting involved in anything really serious." She smiled, "Plus, ever since my first marriage, none of the others have ever been quite the same."

"Why not?" Riker knew she wouldn't mind answering him. Guinan was always very open just as long as you were equally open with her.

"He was my one true love. I do believe there is one person out there for each of us. Now don't get me wrong many people can touch our hearts in very special ways but only one can completely have our heart." She looked past Riker at Deanna and Worf. Riker turned around and saw what she was looking at.

"They look happy don't they?" He asked.

"Don't ask me my opinion of them Will, I won't give it to you. Yes, I have an opinion just like most people on this ship. But it's not my place to say if they are soul mates or not. It is up to her." Guinan disappeared quickly to greet Jean-Luc as he walked in Ten Forward. She had left before Riker could ask her what she meant by 'It is up to her.' Riker got up from his stool and slowly, as to not appear buzzed, walked out of Ten Forward past Deanna and Worf's table, just in time to hear enough of Worf and Deanna's conversation.

"Deanna, I am in love with you. I hope that is acceptable. I also hope you will agree to move into my quarters with me so that we may spend some more...quality time together."

"Worf that would be splendid! I love you too. Oh I can't wait." She kissed him quickly as to not cause too much attention to themselves. Worf smiled on the outside. He felt so much pride and honor that Deanna would choose him to be her mate and lover. He clapped his hands together loudly and ordered another round of drinks at their table in celebration.

The few drinks Riker had, quickly wore off almost by the time he made it back to his quarters. He was not sure how to feel right now. Hearing Deanna and Worf say they love each other caught him off guard more than he thought it ever would. He didn't really want to think about it right now. He walked over to where he kept some of his books from when he lived on Earth. Books were not the most common of things nowadays but he thought reading would calm and distract him. He pulled out a book of selected poetry and flipped to a random page. He began to read out loud:

"She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes: Thus mellow'd to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies. One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impair'd the nameless grace Which waves in every raven tress, Or softly lightens o'er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, so soft, so calm, yet eloquent, the smiles that win, the tints that glow, but tell of days in goodness spent, a mind at peace with all below, a heart whose love is innocent!"

He thought of her instantly. Riker pushed the thoughts of Deanna into the far back of his mind. He knew there are some things you never tell in life. You carry the burden alone. It would make you feel better to tell someone but the pain you put them through is more than your pain, so you keep quite for their sake. For her sake. Riker had been doing that everyday for as long as he could remember. Deanna was finally happy again and it was without him in the picture. His thoughts were interrupted by a signal at his door.

"Come in." The doors slid open and Riker was face to face with Worf. "Is there a problem Lieutenant?"

"No Commander. I was...requested to come and discuss some matters with you by Deanna."

"Deanna? What is there to talk about Mr. Worf?" Riker knew his question wouldn't fully elude the Klingon.

"She wanted to make sure we would continue to be friends and have a comfortable work environment after the conversation you overheard earlier," he paused for a second, "I know you are going to protest you don't have a clue what conversation I'm talking about or you will say things are fine. She said that is how you would react but, as much as it pains me to admit, she could feel how upset you were ever since you left Ten Forward." The fire in Worf's eyes was visible.

"Why does that upset you?" Riker almost was spitting his words by now.

"Because Riker, you can be anywhere in this ship and she can sense you. She was worried for you. I think she has no reason to even consider how you feel about our relationship but, she sent me here thinking it was a good idea for us to talk. I know you heard our conversation because she told me. I really don't give a damn what you think. Deanna and I love each other; we are going to move into quarters together."

"Thank you for restating the obvious Worf. I know you two love each other and are going to move in together. Have I come and tried to interfere at all with your relationship? No. It is alright that you don't give a damn what I think. If it wasn't for Deanna's sake I would let it be known that I do give a big damn about how she is treated and if she is happy or not. Don't you dare hurt her Worf or I'll..."

"Or you'll what Riker?!" Worf got right up in Will's face. "You had your chance!" he yelled. "You ended up hurting her and you are the one who made her unhappy! Do you know how much damage you have done to our relationship? It took me forever to get her to really trust me. I was not used to relationships outside of Klingon one's where trust and honor is established from the very beginning because of the type of code we live our lives by. Humans have no code. She was afraid I was making hollow promises like you did." Worf stepped back when Riker all of a sudden jerked in a violent motion. He was not afraid at all of the Commander but was not in the best fighting position. Riker almost lunged at Worf for the last comment he had made. He may have broken some promises but none were ever hollow. He stopped himself knowing it was a fight he did not really want to get into right now.

"Well Lieutenant, we talked didn't we? I think you should leave, now." Riker spun around and went into another part of his quarters to try and subdue the rage building inside him. Worf left just as hastily and went down to his quarters.

"How could she send Worf down here to talk to me? Like it matters what I care. He is right, I hurt her and left her. I mean we are friends-but I know she didn't send Worf on a general survey of the whole ship with a questionnaire: 'What do you think of our relationship? Check which box most applies to how you feel'. The Captain, Beverly, or Data didn't get interrogated like I did. Why does she care what I think?" That was the question Riker had to have answered. He planned on confronting Deanna first chance he got.