What do you do when you don't like where a show takes your favorite characters? You rewrite their story. But this is how it started… we're at the end of Gambler's Fallacy.
Story is M-rated, sorry but I just can't write them any other way.
Theme song for this fic is Tove Lo's "Talking Body" (the original version of it, the one with the f-words, as it's the best. Title of fic also snatched from that song.)
Enjoy!
If You Love Me Right
Chapter 1
He couldn't wash the image of her bruised face and tear filled eyes out of his mind. She'd looked so defeated when she stepped out of Liv's office and she hadn't been able to hide it. He got a sense she hid a lot but at that moment she'd been an open book. The defeat was written all over her face and his heart ached thinking about what had happened these past days, of which he probably only knew very little.
Even though he still felt disappointed in her he could not restrain from also admire her for being able to collect herself enough to go sit down by her desk again. He could only imagine the scolding Liv must've given her, the fact she sat down at her desk must at least mean she still had a job and that made him relieved. He didn't want to see her go for reasons he couldn't yet own up to.
When Liv stepped out of her office an hour later, announcing she was going downtown for a meeting and wouldn't be back in Nick saw Amanda keeping her head down. He didn't doubt Liv had a good reason for lashing out at her but it was always awkward to see someone squirm in the presence of authority. Liv's eyes didn't even go Amanda's way but she let them know they could take off once they were done with their paperwork and with that she said good bye. It wasn't like her to be that short and strict so he figured whatever had transpired had taken a toll on Liv as well but right now he was more concerned for the blonde coworker's wellbeing. She looked ready to fall to pieces if someone just blew at her.
It didn't take long after that, probably just the amount of time Amanda figured it would take Liv to reach her car and drive off, until Amanda rose and whispered a silent good bye. Fin tried to stop her, offered her a beer but she shook him off with a faint smile and a head shake. She held her eyes down as she passed him and he wasn't sure what to say so he could only watch her as she left.
Once she was gone he'd tried to focus back at work but did such a poor job even Fin beat him to it.
"That's it for me man," Fin sighed and threw his pen on his desk. He stretched his arms above his head and loudly yawned. Nick looked his way, envy evident in his eyes.
"Can I give you a hand or…" Fin offered but Nick could tell it was only a gesture.
"Nah go home," he said, "I won't be long."
That last part was a lie though, he still had much to go through.
Fin got ready to head out but Nick stopped him before he could reach the gate.
"You think she'll be okay?" he asked hoping Fin would hold the answer he was in need of to feel better.
Fin took a second to think it over. The last time she'd turned down a beer, using a GA meeting as an excuse, she'd fallen off the wagon so he wasn't sure he could give Nick a positive answer.
"She's tough," Fin said, "she'll land on her feet."
"But maybe we should-" Nick started but Fin cut him off.
"Look, if there's one thing I know about my partner is you can't force yourself on her. When she's ready…"
Fin left it at that, cocked his head at Nick and headed out. Nick turned back to his paperwork but he wasn't convinced. He didn't question that Fin probably knew his partner the best of all of them but he couldn't help to wonder if Amanda didn't need to be pushed at times. That she didn't open up until she was pushed there. He knew cause they'd fought plenty of times and those were the rare times she let down her guard and showed real emotions. So maybe confrontation was what she needed?
It took him another hour to finish the paperwork and it was about as long time as he needed to talk himself in to that going over to her place was the right call. He thought about announcing his visit but figured she would be able to talk him out of coming over if he gave her the chance. And he just had to see her.
Once he sat in his car outside her building his thoughts tried to tell him what a stupid idea this was though. You should just go home. You have no business being here. She probably doesn't want you here. He also heard Liv's voice. Stay away from Rollins. What Liv had said about his ex also brewed in the back of his head. How dare Maria call his boss up. Looking up at the building though both his thoughts and the anger directed towards his ex washed away. All he could think about was how she'd looked sitting at her desk trying to hold herself together. He just had to make sure she was okay.
He'd never been upstairs before, he'd only dropped her off outside a couple of times. He hadn't been to her old place either, in the place where she shot and killed her sister's boyfriend. She'd never voluntarily asked anyone of them over, perhaps Fin though, Nick wasn't sure. Fin was almost as big of a clamp as Amanda.
He gathered enough confidence to get out of his car and cross the street. He sneaked in through her gate by holding it up for a middle aged woman who was stepping out, all it took was courtesy and a smile and he'd made it inside. He'd looked up her apartment number at work and made his way up to the fifth floor.
He got stuck by her door for a while, trying to talk himself in to leaving. As his mind told him to leave his hand went up and knocked loudly on her door. He took a deep breath as he let his hand drop back down to his side. He felt sweaty in his jacket and squirmed a little while wishing he'd dressed more casual this morning.
He couldn't hear anything from inside. Maybe she wasn't home? Maybe she'd gone right out gambling again? Maybe she'd gone back to that Irish guy that he'd clocked and that he now knew was actually an undercover lieutenant? Maybe she was shacking up with him? What was he doing here?
He thought about leaving but instead his hand again went up to her door and this time he used the side of his fist to bang on it. He really wanted her to be in there. He needed her to be in there and he felt a flutter in his gut as he heard the chain on her door move. He realized he'd held his breath in anticipation as the door opened up but the moment a soft smell hit him he felt force to inhale.
Jasmine. He'd always loved that scent. Exotic, intense, intoxicating. It made him feel even more sweet and warm inside and although it was a nice feeling it wasn't doing anything to help him relax right now. He knew before he saw her that her hair would be washed. He knew it was her shampoo he smelled. He knew it because he'd smelled it before, leaning in a little just to make sure it was her hair that gave away that delightful scent in the squad room. Once the door opened up a little more though the smell was spoiled a bit by the faint smell of cigarette smoke coming from inside.
The inside of her apartment was darker than the hallway and it wasn't until she stepped forward a bit, stepping in to the light that he got a good look at her. And when he saw her his heart missed a beat. He had to focus to not look at anything other than at her face but he failed and his eyes went down her body. She was only in a sheer, tight top that gave away she wasn't wearing anything underneath and on the bottom she wore a pair of matching boxers. Her garments were soft blue and it brought out the best in her complexion. Her eyes sparkling with a deeper shade of blue in a clean washed face that proved she didn't need make-up to be beautiful. Her hair was still somewhat wet, her bangs pulled to one side giving her nothing to hide behind and the bruise on her cheek very evident and looked painful.
During the brief trip his eyes had gone down south he'd picked up the scuffed dark purple nail polish on her toe nails, he'd caught two blue marks on her left leg and the glass with the amber liquid that she balanced by her hip. She'd caught the trip his eyes had made and he wasn't sure how to interpret the crooked smile she gave him. They just kept observing each other. He wasn't sure what to say and her smile had time to vanish before any words were uttered.
"What are you doing here Nick?" she asked leaning against her door and then she brought the glass up to her lips and swiped what was left in the glass. He caught himself swallowing as she did but then realized he had to gather himself.
"I just wanted to check up on you," he said, his voice a bit scattered. She raised her eyebrow slightly but didn't question him.
"So you checked… me out," she said suggestively, "are we done here?"
"Can I come inside?" he asked.
"You want to come inside? Why would you want to come inside Nick?"
The way she said his name had his stomach flipping. For some reason he had images of how her tongue moved inside her mouth as she slowly pronounced his name.
"I just… talk, keep you company for a bit," he suggested.
"I got company," she said raising her empty glass, "and Frannie's inside too. That's all the company I need right now."
"C'mon Amanda, I'm just trying to be a friend here," Nick said hoping she would cut him some slack.
"A friend…" she repeated. Her tone wasn't condescending and he thought he saw her lines softening.
"I wouldn't mind a glass of whatever you had there," he said gesturing to what she was holding on to.
She looked down on her own hand and he couldn't help but let his eyes go down her body one more time but they were back up in time to meet hers as she straightened up again. Her face stayed blank but she moved along with her door to let him inside. He waited until her door was open enough for him to sneak in without having to brush up against her, he wasn't sure he could handle that right now.
Her apartment was only sparsely lit up and he couldn't get a good look at it. She'd seemed to have pulled the curtains, perhaps in an attempt to shut the world out? He spotted Frannie who stood in the middle of the room as though she'd been told to stay put. When he said her name she came forward with a wagging tail. The door closed behind him and drowned them in darkness. He felt Frannie's cold nose against his hand though and squatted down to greet her properly. He'd always liked dogs and Frannie was the kind of dog you just couldn't help but love. He felt her tongue against his hand before it went down around her collar and then her nose brushed up against his cheek as he felt her sniffing him.
"Hey girl," he whispered with a smile.
He hadn't heard Amanda move, her bare feet making no sound against the linoleum floor, but he spotted her as she moved in to the light above the kitchen sink. He kept petting Frannie as he watched her get up on her toes to reach a glass higher up in one of the cabinets. He saw the muscles in her calves flex and his eyes went up her thighs, landing briefly on her ass before he made himself look away. A friend Nick, you're here as a friend, he had to remind himself.
He heard her pour liquid in a glass, and then in to another one. The bottle got placed back on the counter and then it didn't take long until he felt her presence. Her hand with a glass brushed up against his shoulder and he let Frannie go with one hand so he could take the glass from her.
"Thanks," he whispered looking up in to her blue eyes that seemed to pierce the darkness. He had to look away again though as the light from the living room seemed to make her top even more see-through and his eyes couldn't stay away from the slight bumps distracting his view.
"Fran," Amanda said patting her thigh as she moved in to the living room. The dog followed her obediently. Nick watched their backs as they headed in to the next room. He got up on his feet, stayed put for a second but then moved in after them. Amanda stepped up in to a single arm chair and had a seat, Frannie following her and squeezed herself down by her owner's side.
Nick got left standing a couple of yards away from them, having a taste of his drink as he looked around a little.
"Nice place," he said once he'd swallowed and he made his way over to her couch. It was nice but it seemed unfinished for some reason. It was sparsely furnished, what looked like a still unpacked moving box in one of the corners of the room. He'd caught the box of cigarettes and the ashtray on the windowsill, the window still slightly open. The room seemed to lack personal items. He saw no photos, no frames.
"It's okay," she answered, not letting him go with her intense eyes. That intensity made his eyes shy away but he couldn't find anything to rest his eyes on and they soon wandered back to hers. She was still watching him but thankfully with less intensity. She had one hand on Frannie, scratching her behind one of her ears.
"You wanna… talk?" he asked, feeling a bit awkward with the silence. She shook her head.
"What do you wanna do then?" he asked but immediately wished he could take the question back.
It sounded suggestive to him but he figured it might just be because of the indecent thoughts that kept popping up in his head whenever he laid eyes on her naked skin. He'd looked away again but looked back up at her when she didn't answer.
"I wanna drown my sorrows," she said, emptied her glass for a second time since he got there and then stood up in her seat. She stepped over Frannie with her legs that seemed to go on forever and he watched her walk back out in to the kitchen. He missed her even though he could still see her and when he looked back at Frannie she looked just as lonesome as he felt. The dog moved slightly on the seat and then put her head down between her paws without letting go of his eyes.
Amanda came back, now with the bottle in her hand. She stopped dead in her tracks, gave Frannie a look and then sighed since she'd taken over the entire seat. Nick felt a little warmer in his jacket as Amanda rerouted and came over to sit on the couch with him. He moved a little further out towards the other end, not that he really needed to as she crawled up in the opposite corner. She'd brought the glass and bottle with her on the couch and he watched her refill her glass out of the corner of his eyes.
She stretched out towards the table, her top clung around her torso and again the sight of her breast made him feel funny inside. His eyes went to the bottle as it made a loud sound against the table. If she'd opened that bottle tonight he figured she must be on her fourth or fifth drink by now. She let go of the cap next to the bottle and it bounced one time before it settled down a couple of inches from the bottle.
She sat back and settled herself more comfortable before she raised her glass to him and brought it to her lips.
"Nothing like whisky when you want to drown your sorrows right," she smiled as she felt the warm liquid go down her pipe. He shot her a smile and a brief nod before he brought his own glass to his lips. When he looked back over her at her, her eyes had turned down to her lap where she swirled her glass a little.
"Liv gave you a hard time earlier?" Nick dared to ask and he caught the slight frown that formed on her face.
"Nothing less than I deserved," she mumbled keeping her eyes down.
"She'll come around," Nick tried but Amanda shook her head slightly.
"I'll need another lifetime for that to happen," she mumbled and brought her glass up to her mouth again.
"We'll work it out, Fin's got your back too," he said.
"You got my back Nick?" she asked and looked straight at him. The way she had her head tilted made her bangs fall down hiding one of her eyes.
"Of course," he said giving her a serious look, "Always."
He wasn't sure what he saw on her face. Gratefulness? Sadness? Shame? A little bit of it all?
"It's going to be fine Amanda," he said, "Trust me."
She kept observing him for a while longer. He tried to keep his mouth still as he saw her eyes go down to it. When he caught her biting down slightly on her lip while watching his mouth he knew he would have to swallow soon or he would drool and he felt a bit of relief when she finally turned her eyes down. He quickly swallowed all the saliva that had formed in his mouth. He had to stop staring at her and he turned his eyes towards Frannie. The dog was looking straight at him and seemed to be wondering why he was acting like such a moron. Then her eyes went back over at Amanda though and Nick's followed.
"I wish you would've trusted me earlier though, that you could've come to me before you got tangled up so deep," he said.
She shook her head slightly, watching her liquid whirl around in her glass again.
"It spiraled too quickly," she whispered, "I just got myself in deeper."
She went quiet for a while but he could feel she was about to say something else and he gave her time.
"I…" she started but seemed to lose courage. She took a deep breath and then looked at him.
"It didn't start out as an undercover operation you know," she confessed.
"I kind of figured it was something like that…" he confessed right back.
"I gambled. At an illegal gambling club. And I got caught," she said with both a face and a tone that was eerie blank.
"If Murphy wouldn't have been on the inside already… I wouldn't be sitting here now. I'd be in jail, or… dead."
He caught a shimmer in one of her eyes as she teared up.
"But you're not," he said solemnly, "You're here, still have your job and… you'll do your best to not gamble again right?"
She looked a little amused when she nodded. Her eyes shied down.
"I accept the fact I'm in the grip of a progressive illness and I have a desire to get well," she whispered and it sounded a little recited.
"I'll catch another GA meeting in the morning," she said, looking up with a faint smile playing in the corner of her mouth. He couldn't help but smile back but his grin a lot wider than the moment called for. She didn't seem to mind though and again he saw her eyes go down to his mouth.
"Just let me know if I can be of any help," he said quickly, words tumbling out, "If I can drive you, or sit outside somewhere. Anything, just name it."
Her eyes came back up to his again.
"I'm serious Amanda," he said as she didn't seem convinced of his sincerity, "Anything. You can… lean on me. Call me anytime you need, day or night. I'm like twenty minutes away. Just… reach out if you feel like it."
"Thanks," she mumbled, that faint smile back on her face and he felt himself blush slightly.
He hoped she didn't catch it and brought his glass up to his mouth to get something to hide behind. His glass was almost empty though and the small amount of liquid disappeared too soon, leaving him with nothing to take cover behind.
"I dunno if you know it or not but I struck that Murphy guy," he said before he could stop himself.
He felt his cheeks burn a little more and he scolded himself for making such a stupid confession. What was he, a schoolboy trying to impress a girl on the playground?
"You did?" she said though, amusement in her tone. He gave her a nod and felt his cheek burn for a whole other reason as he watched her smile.
"I punched him in the gut," he confessed. She let out a muffled laughed as she shied down her eyes.
"Seemed to deserve it, a bit of a prick right?" he said but wished he hadn't gone that far as he saw her smile turn downwards. She shrugged.
"I can't really… I mean he saved my ass," she said and tried to smile but failed.
He tried to come up with something encouraging to say but just as he was about to speak she cut him off.
"You want some more?" she asked.
He looked at his empty glass. He probably shouldn't, he was going to have to drive home at some point but he wasn't in no hurry to get out of there and he heard himself say yes. She reached over, put her glass down and grabbed the bottle instead. She got up on her knees on the couch and made her way closer to him. He couldn't stop looking at her. Her eyes were fixed on him as well but she had to look down as she filled his glass. She leaned out towards the table again and put the bottled down but stayed seated right next to him. They just kept watching each other for a while. The dimmed light, or maybe it was the shadows, made her features stand out even more. That curled upper lip, the sleek lower one and that perfect row of teeth that glimmered between them. Watching her mouth made his water up and he had to swallow.
The bad bruise on her cheek didn't take away from her beauty but it stung to see it up close and he wanted nothing more than to try and mend it. Maybe a caress would do it? A light kiss? God he wanted her. What was wrong with him?
Even with the bruise her cheekbones were gorgeous. Above them two deep wells with the purest blue at their bottoms and that he wouldn't mind drowning in. He swallowed again and then brought his glass up to his lips just to do something to break the trance he'd been caught up in. He almost got the liquid stuck in the wrong pipe as he felt her hand on his leg. He coughed slightly as he lowered his glass and watched her hand move up his leg a little. He wasn't sure if he was breathing or not as he caught those alluring blue eyes again.
"Amanda," he whispered.
She nodded but he wasn't sure at what or why. Her other hand came up around his glass, her fingers brushing up against his briefly, before she took the glass from him. She never let go of his eyes as she downed what was left of his drink. She parted from his eyes briefly as she leaned over to put the glass down on the table.
"Amanda," he breathed again as she sat back down and her hand went even further up his thigh.
"Aha," she breathed as she got closer to him.
His inside was screaming at him to put a stop to this, whatever this was. That he should grab her hand, prevent her from going further but his body wanted nothing but for her to go further. Her hand stopped just an inch from his crotch, he figured that if he got even a little more erect she would be able to feel it. And then her lips were just an inch or two away from his and she got blurry as she got even closer. He forced his eyes to stay open as her lips landed on his. They were just there for a moment though as she parted from them immediately after they'd landed. He smelled whisky on her breath or maybe it was just his own he felt?
Again he had a hard time reading her face. Fear? Excitement? Lust? He knew he felt all those things, the latter two more prominent than the fear and that's why he parted his lips once she came back in a second time. He wanted more than just to feel her lips against his. He wanted her tongue, he wanted to taste her, he wanted her inside his mouth, he wanted to be inside her mouth.
She pressed her lips against his for a while before they started working his a little. He parted his lips even more, wanted to give her an unspoken permission to enter but instead she sucked in his lower lip between both of hers. He let out a chopped heavy breath as the suction got a ripple effect down his body. His eyes had closed involuntary and he was embraced by a warm and sultry darkness that he easily could succumb to.
His body was frozen stiff and all he could focus on was her lips as they played with his and then he finally felt her tongue roll over his bottom lip that she must've let go of. Her hot breathe entered his mouth as her tongue flickered over his upper lip. She traced his row of upper teeth with her tongue and then met his tongue as it came out to play. Their lips lined up as their tongues entwined. She pushed his tongue back inside with her own and her lips crushed down over his, making him tilt slightly backwards. She got rough quickly but he had no complaints and let her roam around inside his mouth.
Her hand breaching the finish line, her hand landing on his erection made him crash back to reality though and his eyes popped open in an instance. It would be no point trying to deny his excitement, his erection couldn't be explained away but he wasn't sure this was right. She'd been drinking. She was in a vulnerable place. He didn't want to take advantage of her.
"Amanda," he whispered in to her mouth as he grabbed her wrist and forced her hand away. He pulled back his lips again but was tempted to crash right back down as he caught sight of her flustered face and those swollen lips that he for some insane reason just parted from.
"We shouldn't," he managed to breathe.
She looked determined though and he got aware of just how determined she was when she suddenly twisted her hand out of his grip and instead got a steady grip around his wrist. He had no ability to protest as she brought his hand in underneath her top and when she pushed his palm up against her breast he couldn't help but let his fingers brush over her hard nipple. When he did that she exhaled harshly and he felt her body tremble under his touch. He was mesmerized by her and this time he leaned in and caught her lips with his own.
In just a couple of seconds he went from trying to put a stop to this to pushing her back down on the couch. He never let go of her mouth but gave her room to unfold her legs so she wouldn't be stuck in an uncomfortable position. Once she got her legs out she wrapped them around his body and he let his weight down on top of her. He was inside her mouth, exploring every inch of it with his tongue. His hand was still massaging her breast, it seemed to fit perfectly in his hand, while his other hand got tangled in her hair that felt like silk as it slid through his fingers. And the smell of jasmine filled every part of him.
Her hands were gripping at his clothes, ripping his shirt up out of his pants. She whimpered slightly in to his mouth as her hands landed on his tank top instead of his bare skin but she got in to action quickly and she moaned with pleasure as her fingers finally found flesh. Her nails went over his toned stomach and it made him moan as well.
She soon seemed to want more of his body and while they kept kissing she helped him get his jacket off. She loosen his tie next and he separated from her so she could bring it over his head. What he saw was, if possible, making him even more excited. Her underneath him, her hair in a whirlwind around her face. A face that radiated sex. Lips swollen, cheeks burning and eyes yearning. She grabbed a hold of his collar and pulled him back down when he waited a second too long to get back to her lips and their lips crashed down on each other's, both tongues immediately coming out to find each other.
She'd somehow managed to open up a few buttons on his shirt and now she gripped the hem of both his shirt and tank and started wiggling them upwards. They had to separate one more time so she could pull the garments over his head but this time they found their way back to each other immediately. He had some trouble getting out of his cuffs though but he struggled with that above her head as their mouths played around and her fingers dug in to his chest first and then started to feel their way around his entire torso.
He loved the way she seemed to want to explore his entire body, how her fingers felt around on every inch of his skin. Her nails were just the right length to be able to conflict a slight discomfort over his feverish skin when she found a place she seemed to need to dig in to further. He also loved how she didn't lie there passive like Maria had done for their last years of their marriage, no Amanda's tongue was just as involved as his, perhaps even more so.
He'd managed to get lose from his shirt and he tossed it to the side, getting his hands free to explore her a little. He didn't dare to be as forthcoming as her though. His hand landing outside her top now as she'd been the one given him permission to get underneath the last time, but the top was so sheer he had no problem finding the nipple through it and when he squeezed it slightly between two fingers she moaned with pleasure in to his mouth.
She suddenly shifted slightly underneath him and he lost some momentum, worrying they'd gone… well they had seriously breached the line of co-workers but he worried she felt it had gone too fast too soon. It had. But she refused to let his mouth go and she pushed his hand back down on her breast as he tried to remove it. When she pushed her hip up against him, adding pressure to his crotch with her thigh he wasn't able to stay passive any longer.
When he let his weight back down on her he thought he could feel the heat from her radiate in to his thigh through his pants. He tried adding more pressure to her core and felt her both moan and rub herself up against him. For a few seconds he felt as though he was about to faint. He was consumed by a longing he hadn't felt for a very long time. The way she smelled, the way she tasted, the way she felt. It all made his head feel clouded and he wasn't sure if it was his heartbeat he heard or if it was actually his erection ticking like a bomb ready to explode.
She must've heard it too, or perhaps felt it, and her hand somehow managed to come down between them and he hissed with a mix of both pleasure and pain as she cupped him. He felt a little embarrassed under her touch since he was that erect and he also feared he could burst if she kept handling him right now so he grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her back up. He caught her other hand as well and pinned them both down on the couch next to her head.
He liked the power he got over her, how she squirmed underneath him. He felt in charge of her for the first time ever. She wasn't a person he figured was easy to tame so he liked this tiny shred of control he had over her at this moment. He put his leg up a little between her legs, hoping to be able to put a little more pressure on her while trying to ease up some of the pressure she forced back up against him.
She made it easy for him, folding her leg a little more outwards and gave him access to her core. She started breathing heavier with the added pressure and he took the chance to explore her neck and ear with his mouth so she could breathe. He loved her hot breath against his ear as he was exploring hers with his tongue. He also took the chance to put his nose down deep in to her hair and he took a deep sniff of that lovely scent. Jasmine. It was almost as lovely as her natural scent, that scent he'd picked up where her neck met her shoulder and where a slight coat of sweat had started to form.
He went back down to visit that place, let his tongue soak up some of that sweat and then went even further down. His mouth found what he was looking for and he draped her nipple with his entire mouth making her moan out loud and he felt her wrists try and push up against his hands but he kept them pinned down. He both sucked and blew hot air on her nipple trying to figure out which seemed to give her the best sensation. He couldn't decide what was best, watching it through the soaked up fabric or feeling it inside his mouth. She seemed to prefer the latter and he granted her that pleasure until he heard her made a sound that didn't sound as desirable as the previous noises she'd made. On his way back up he caught her eyes stuck on something to the side and when he turned his head he found himself staring right back in Frannie's intrusive ones. She'd left the chair and stood right by them and when she got his attention as well she poked her nose on his arm, moved her paws a little in the same spot and then her warm tongue flickered over his skin. He started chuckling feeling amusement rumbling through Amanda's body as well.
"Protective?" he managed to breathe as he looked back at Amanda. He let her wrists go and moved one hand down to stroke down some of her blonde tassels.
"More eager to be involved I would think," Amanda breathed, her breathe just as strained as his.
His eyes grew large and frowned.
"I'm not in to that," he said with his best theatrical voice.
His face broke in to a smile as he caught Amanda chuckling heartfelt. She looked so tempting beneath him he couldn't help but lean down to try and kiss her again but Frannie was right there and her tongue reached both their lips. Nick turned his head with played disgust at first making Amanda chuckle again but then he turned back to Frannie and even leaned towards her so she could lick his face properly.
"No, don't," she chuckled reaching up to pull his face away from her dog.
"I don't want to taste my dog on you," she said once she had his eyes.
Boths chuckles started to decline and they just held each other's eyes for an intense moment that did strange things inside each's body. Neither one of them wanted to spend too much time thinking right now, they were bound to realize this was a mistake if they thought it through clearly without lust controlling their bodies. She made the first move, starting to move out from underneath him.
"C'mon," she said grabbing his wrist to get him to follow. Frannie had moved which gave him room to get up on his feet by the couch. He let Amanda pull him with her for a couple of steps but when he realized that she was actually dragging him towards her bedroom worry set in again inside his gut and he started to pull back. When she realized he was hesitant she tugged at his wrist one time.
"Are you sure…" he whispered but didn't get further than that.
He didn't want to ask her if she was really sure she wanted to do this. He wasn't sure he could handle the rejection. It was nothing else in the world right now he wanted to do more than to rip her clothes off and ravage her. But he knew he had to accept rejection if that's what she gave him. That it was her right and that stopping this now was probably the right thing to do. There were restrictions in the department about fraternizing with coworkers.
"I'm sure," she whispered and tugged at him again. He allowed her to pull him with her for a couple of steps but then stopped again.
"Amanda, you've been drinking, you're vulnerable…" he tried.
"I can hold my liquor and believe me… I'm never vulnerable."
He couldn't help but smile at her rolling her eyes, so very like her.
"But…" he still tried though. She turned back completely towards him and let her fingers run down over his lips to quiet him.
"You said I could lean on you," she said, her hand dropping down to his bare chest, "You said I could call. This would be my reach out call. This is what I need tonight."
His mind was completely blank, no thoughts screaming at him to put a stop to what was about to happen. No inner voice shouting warnings at him. Instead he felt that pounding in his crotch again and this time it was matched by the pounding in his chest right underneath that warm hand of hers.
"Please," she whispered with barely a breath and he couldn't do anything but be mesmerized by her entire being and managed a single nod. The smile spread across her face again and turned cheeky as she pulled him with her again. She let him go in the door, pushed him inside and then turned around.
"Stay," she said to Frannie. The big sad puppy eyes had long ago lost their effect on her and she closed the door between them and the canine.
The order to stay had worked on him as well and she found him planted stiff in the middle of the room. He looked a bit bewildered, like he didn't know what do to with himself in this situation and she found it amusing.
"Are you gonna need me to keep giving you orders…" she said suggestively.
He still looked a bit dazed but the soon as he got her drift he got a bit of shade on his cheeks and he stroke his hand back over his hair, suddenly feeling very exposed being the only one half naked in the room. He could clearly see hunger in her eyes though and the way she bit down on her lower lip made him feel all kinds of feelings inside.
"Maybe you like being bossed around…" she said with a low, raspy voice that got him flustered all over.
"I like to think I can handle myself," he said but could hear how not convincing he sounded.
"Oh," she said raising an eyebrow.
"Let's see then…" she said and with a swift move she'd removed her own tee.
The sight of her had him feel malfunctioning again but the last thing he wanted was to seem inexperienced so he started unzipping his pants and tried to ignore the fact his hands were trembling. She hummed approvingly and started closing in on him. He backed up but tried to pretend it was to get closer to the bed and not at all because he was intimidated by her. He wasn't scared of her but more the sudden feelings that had him feeling not in control. Had he always had these feelings for her? The sex dreams he had of her in the past popped up. Dreams he'd enjoyed but felt embarrassed over and made him unable to look at her for more than a moment until he'd been able to push the dreams back in to oblivion.
She was close enough for him to touch now but he feared what he would do once he got his hands on her. She looked fine enough to devour and he felt a need to do all kind of nasty things to her. It was a lust he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before and the fact he saw such desire in her eyes as well made him feel like he could burst at any moment.
Her hand felt like a spear when it shot out and landed on his chest. He fell backwards on her bed without letting her out of his sight. Her hand had been playing along the hem of her boxers but he was happy that she seemed to decide to leave them on for now, he wasn't sure he would last through a full exposure of her divine body. His entire body shivered when she put a knee to the side of him and then the other one on his other side and started to climb up his body slowly.
He had trouble breathing but it had nothing to do with the slight weight she put on him. He kept his hands to the side, unable to move them really but also fearful what damage he could do to her if he let himself lose right now. She sat down over his crotch and it took everything he had to not let his eyes roll back in his head. He was too turned on to feel any embarrassment over his hard on and she seemed perfectly fine with the sensation as well.
He felt the hand she placed on his toned stomach but his eyes were following the other hand that had gone up over her own toned stomach and was now cupping her breast. He was salivating so much he had to swallow as her thumb took a spin around her nipple that immediately crumbled up underneath her tender touch. He had to touch her.
His hand went up her thigh, her skin smoother than silk. There was just so much to be mesmerized about. Her skin, her breasts, the way she felt over his erection, that alluring look in her eyes. Her eyes grabbed him the moment he landed on them and he felt sucked in. Unable to lie passive any longer both his hands went up her thighs all the way to form a grip around her hips. He rose up from the bed, held her down against him as his lips captured hers.
His tongue gave away just how eager he was and he felt her chuckle in to his mouth. He smiled but without losing steam and he latched on to her tongue to get her to follow him down on the bed. Her nails dug in to his chest once he was back on his back again. Not that she really needed any help but he got her hips in motion by starting to move her in circles above him. He moaned with pleasure in to her mouth and it seemed to set off another level of pressure and he no longer had to lead but just follow her motion as she grinded in to him.
She tasted wonderful but he still set off on a trail down her neck, stayed to explore the spots that had her moaning a little further but never lost track of where he was going. For him to reach her breast she had to let go of some of that pressure she put over his crotch but it was totally worth it the moment he draped his lips around her nipple. The sound she made had the hair on the back of his neck just as erect as what was now close to bursting out of his pants. He dared to bite down slightly and felt the ripple effect it had in her body. He eased up just as quickly though, not sure where her limits were just yet. He paid her other nipple a quick visit, left a warm, wet coat over it before going back up to her mouth again. Her tongue was just as eager now, her crotch came down full force over him and he hissed out of both pleasure and pain. She seemed to pick up on it and was about to leave his mouth but he grabbed a hold behind her neck and held her there.
"Stay," he breathed.
He'd wanted it to come out more like an order, mimic her previous one, but it came out too pleading. He figured she didn't mind though, catching a glimpse of her cheeky smile before she was all over him again. When her hand went down inside his briefs he could not prevent his eyes from rolling back. He thought he would explode in that exact moment but the way she worked his junk made him want to last a while longer and he managed to cool down somehow, a deep breath of her oxygen helping him out.
He wanted to give her just as much pleasure as she was giving him and dared to slip a hand down between them. He felt her wet, warm core through the thin fabric and he easily found what he was looking for as he let one finger slide up between her folds. Her clitoris was already bundled in to a hard knob and she hissed in to his mouth once his finger found it.
He forced more fingers on her but she seemed to only enjoy it and it didn't take long until she started hitching his pants down, wanting to take steps further. The moment his clothes were pulled down far enough his cock sprout up in full salute. Even now his obvious arousal bothered him but he lost track of the humiliation the moment her hand slid down around him. She let her hand go up and down his member a few times while licking her lips and he'd never seen something as hot as this, as her, ever before.
She let him go only to be able to pull down his pants completely and she shoved them down on the floor. He'd sat up slightly and was able to catch her lips the moment she turned back around. She breathed in his air, deprived him from sanity even more and her hand was back around his cock, stroking up and down while he tried to get even further down her throat.
She let him go again, this time to be able to take her last piece of clothing off.
"I don't have any…" his breathing heavy and he didn't get further.
Like she'd read his mind she quickly let him go, crawled across the bed and reached over to her bed stand, pulling out a drawer. He missed her instantly and crawled after. His lips landing on her spine, kissing all the way up underneath her hair before he came up by her side to see what she was doing. She was ripping a wrapped condom from a long row of them and he bit down on her shoulder while his hands went in underneath her, gripping the flesh on her ass.
The sound of her giggle was almost too much to take and he grabbed a hold of her boxers, sliding them down over her hips. He got them down on her thighs as she turned back to face him. Their lips met briefly but he let go again so he could help her get out of her boxers. With her teeth she ripped the condom wrap open and he tried to not explode either by her cheeky smile or how skillfully she dressed him with the condom. She reached his base in no time and her sultry eyes met his.
He grabbed a hold of her hips and pulled her closer, their lips started teasing each other but it was quite obvious they were both waiting for something else to happen. He could easily slid right in to her in the position they were in if he only got her up in his lap slightly but he wanted to save the moment. He could think of loads of ways to ravage her right now and he hoped to get a chance to try them all out. Not just tonight but tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. He felt a sense of belonging. Her arms resting so comfortably over his shoulders, her lips playing against his, the state of her ruffled hair, those eyes dripping with desire and her body just looking spectacular and served for him to do whatever with. Why hadn't they done this sooner? Why had he not been in her bed from the day they met? They were perfect together. She was strong and beautiful and everything he wanted and when she had another weak moment he would be there to be her pillar of strength and he would protect and serve her and…
"Hey," her whisper pulled him from his thoughts and back to this moment in time.
He smiled at her and for a second he managed to throw her but her sultry expression were soon back over her face. She was almost boiling under his touch and he moved his hands up and down her naked back to not get burnt. He took in every inch of her with his eyes.
"Where's your manner choir boy?" she asked with a hoarse whisper, "You know it's not nice to keep a girl waiting…"
He was lost for words but he wasn't lost for action and he got a steady grip around her midsection so he could lift her up slightly and pull her all the way to him. He felt the sparks between them as her toned stomach slowly slid down his chest. He held her eyes steady with his while one of his arms snaked around her. Her hands were resting on his shoulders, resisting slightly helping her slide down as slowly as possible. Her hair fell forward and caressed his face, felt like rain drizzling down over him.
With his free hand he made sure they were fully aligned once she reached the tip of him. He could tell she held her breath as they together made her decline down over him, he made sure it went slowly, wanted to savor the moment. It would be a lie to say he wasn't proud for the way he obviously made her feel by penetrating her, the sensation was written all over her face. They fit perfectly and when she reached his base she let out a deep sigh that prickled every inch of his skin.
He held her down against him, watched her closely as he felt their pulses mend in to one. They breathed the same air for a few seconds. She was tense around him and it didn't take long until he felt her try to grind her hips against him and it got hard for him to stay still.
"Don't keep me waiting…" she breathed and flicked her tongue over his lips.
"I won't," he breathed and sucked in her tongue between his lips.
Staying inside of her he made a swift move that landed her on her back on the bed and he felt her gasp in to his mouth. She found herself quickly and planted her feet on the bed with anticipation that didn't go unnoticed to him. For a brief moment he worried he wouldn't be able to satisfy her but he managed to push those thoughts to the side. There was just no way he would screw this up. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her and to satisfy her would be just as much a treat for him. This was a dream coming true. A dream he wanted to last for a lifetime.
About an hour later he fell off her panting harshly. He dragged a hand over his face, having to wipe his hand on the sheet afterwards to get rid of some of the sweat. He couldn't keep the thrill inside and let out a short laughter. Had this really happened? Had he just had mind-blowing sex with Rollins? Not that he had any doubts but he still had to turn his head to look at her. She was on her stomach just as he'd left her, her hair still swiped to one side the way he'd also left it so that he could shower her naked back with kisses as they both came down from an orgasm together. Mind-blowing.
He looked down at his still gloved, semi-erect cock and again he let out a short chuckle of disbelief. He stroke the condom off and tossed it down in the trashcan by her bed stand. He knew it already held another filled condom. Two condoms? Unbelievable. Sadly that hadn't happened since his 20s.
He'd put no judgment in the fact her bed stand held condoms, he'd been grateful since he wasn't carrying any himself. A rookie mistake by the bachelor he now was. He hadn't given a second thought to how skilled she was to put a condom on either. He'd especially liked her second attempt when she used her mouth to glove him. That method had him erect in no time and he'd been impressed how she could lure him in to that state so quickly after the first time.
He looked back over at her. Her bare back was covered in a fine layer of sweat, he could see the traces he'd left behind with his mouth and hands. Her arms were folded up, her hands shoved in and disappearing under a mess of blonde locks. With her arms up he got sight of side boob and he could tell her breathing was still strained. It felt good to know he'd made her so out of breath.
He wished he could see her face but it was turned the other way. He looked down her back, to that slope that led him to her toned ass. If he was honest with himself he'd checked her ass out numerous times but not even in his imagination had her naked ass been that good looking. The memory of having his hands filled with her butt cheeks was still vivid in his mind and it put the smile back on his face.
She'd pulled her legs together and she looked a bit rigid but he hoped she was just coming down from an equally intense rush as he was. He knew he'd made her come, right before he came this last time and at least once before that. If she hadn't been faking of course? He'd never really understand how women could fake an orgasm, or more so how men could not pick up on it. He'd felt her come right? He hadn't just imagined it? He'd made this pleasurable for her as well, otherwise she wouldn't have wanted to keep going a second time right?
He felt a need to ask if she was okay but he was afraid that would make him come across as needy. Some doubt started to creep over him and he worried she was feeling the same. Would she regret doing this? Had they just crossed a line they shouldn't have crossed? What was she thinking?
He rolled over on his side so he could face her better. He wanted to reach out and touch her but felt afraid to do so. She looked so darn sexy though and he's always been a cuddler after sex. Something he'd shared with his ex-wife. His lust won over his fear and he reached out to put his hand on her back. Her breathing had gone down and he felt her jerk slightly when his fingertips brushed up over her back. He put his entire palm against her warm skin to reassure her it was just him in case he'd waken her from a slumber.
"You okay?" he had to ask.
"Aha," she said after a few heartbeats.
"Sure?" he asked letting his hand travel up her back.
"Yes," she said more clearly but kept her face away from him.
He crawled in a little closer and put his lips on her shoulder blade. He tasted her skin, let his fingers trace her ribcage. He felt like holding her and was about to snake his arm around her when he felt her pull away slightly. His lips got a little hesitant against her skin but maybe he'd just misinterpret something? Maybe she was cold? He made a second attempt to embrace her but this time he was sure he wasn't reading her wrong.
She pulled away from him and was quickly sitting on the edge of the bed. He got up on his elbow, worried over what was happening. She reached for something on the floor.
"Look I…" she started but seemed to scramble for what to say, "I need to take Frannie for a walk."
"It's late," he tried without really knowing what time it was.
"Not that late," she just answered simply and got up off the bed just enough to be able to pull her boxers back on. She kept searching for something on the floor.
"I could walk with you," he suggested.
"Nah, thanks but we prefer to walk on our own," she said without any regard for his feelings.
He sat up with his back to her and tried to find his own clothes that they'd discarded of together. She tossed his underwear over the bed and he mumbled an awkward thanks. He tried to keep his eyes to himself as she walked by him holding her arms slightly across her chest as though her nudeness suddenly embarrassed her. He'd seen her top on his side of the bed and picked it up to show her the same curtesy as she'd shown him but she'd already hurried in to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. His insides were a complete jumble now. Something told him she'd closed more than a door between them.
Even though he was in need of a shower he hurried to put his socks and pants back on. He put the trashcan back to the side of the bed stand again as it was making him awkward knowing what it withheld. He walked out to find the rest of his clothes. Frannie had laid down in the exact spot where Amanda had told her to stay and she lifted her head as he exited the bedroom.
"Hey girl," he whispered and scratched behind her ear as she followed him over to the couch. He found his shirt and tank and tried pulling them back over his head all at once. He managed with just a little struggle and then grabbed his jacket and tie. He was pushing his shirt down in to his pants when he heard Amanda's bathroom door open and it didn't take long until she joined him. She'd pulled on a pair of black sweats and a burgundy hoodie. Her hair was gathered in one of her messy buns on the back of her head.
"If you wanted a…" she said awkwardly gesturing back inside the room.
"No, I'm fine," he hurried to say. Frannie had padded over to her and she reached down to pat her a little while they both just stood there a little awkwardly.
"Well I better…" Amanda finally said and made her way towards the front door.
He let her have a couple of steps on him and then followed. Frannie kept shooting him looks backwards, seeming to want to keep an eye on both of them so they didn't leave her behind again. Amanda stuck her bare feet in a pair of sneakers at the same time as she put a leash on Frannie. Nick had been carrying his shoes as he'd shed them only after their walk to the bedroom. He got them on quickly and then helped to hold the door open even though Amanda really didn't need any such assistance. She still mumbled a thanks though.
The ride down to the ground floor felt awkward as they had to first wait for the elevator and then stop on the floor beneath to let an older man get on. Both Amanda and Nick gave him a nod and then ended up on each side of the elevator to give the man room to enter. They caught each other eyes briefly and they both looked like they could either start laughing at any time or hoped the floor would just swallow them to get them out of the awkward situation they found themselves in.
Once on the ground floor the man moved a little too slowly towards the exit but didn't really give anyone of them room to pass him either. He gave Nick the door politely as he went outside and Nick held it up for Amanda and Frannie. The man started walking down the street as Nick and Amanda ended up planted almost right outside on the curb. Frannie just kept looking between the two, looking like she had no idea why things felt so tense all of a sudden.
"So… where are you parked?" she finally asked as she couldn't stand the awkwardness any longer.
He gestured with his head down one way but then hurried to say;
"Are you sure I can't walk with you though?"
He was hoping this awkwardness could ease and maybe they could talk about what had just happened and what would happen from now on.
"Nah, we'll be fine," she said looking down on her sidekick.
It was still rather light out so he wasn't that worried about her safety, especially since Frannie was with her, but he didn't want to leave it like this. It would be excruciating tomorrow at work. He wouldn't be able to face her. He wanted to reach out and caress that bruised cheek of hers that he'd covered with kisses not long ago. It looked even more painful out here on the street, in this light and all he wanted was to make it better.
"Look Nick," she said as again it seemed as though she'd been able to read his mind, "It was just a one-time thing okay? Nothing major, I mean it was good, don't get me wrong…"
They both squirmed a bit uncomfortably, chuckling awkwardly and with cheeks starting to burn slightly. He loved hearing that she'd enjoyed it but it wasn't enough to get rid of the jumble inside of him.
"But we both know nothing can come out of this so let's just move on. I'm fine. You're fine right, so let's just leave it at that."
He watched her drag her toes on the ground back and forth. He wasn't sure he liked what was coming out of her mouth right now.
"Thanks for coming over, I appreciate it… a lot. I would've probably drunk myself silly if you hadn't come over so I'd like to thank you for saving me from that hangover tomorrow."
She shot him a shy smile and he smiled back even though his inside grieved. Please don't leave just yet. He could see Frannie pulling at the leash though, like she wanted to save her owner from making a fool of herself.
"I better take off," she said and started to pull away from him.
"Night," he managed to say and she shot him one last look with an adorable smile forming just as she turned away again. His inside hurt tremendously as he watched her walk off.
"Night Frannie," he said and immediately felt like an idiot even though Frannie looked back at him as to say good night back and he saw Amanda wearing a smile as she looked down at her companion by her side. Amanda moved smoothly down the street with Frannie tagging right along and they'd turned the corner before he'd even made an attempt to move.
His head started racing as he finally made his way over to his car across the street. Maybe it was for the best? She'd seemed fine. She'd seemed to handle this better than he'd done. It was just a one-time thing. It had been good but it was what it was. They were partners, they couldn't be more if they wanted to work together. They'd shared something tonight. It had been good – mind-blowing – but it was what it was.
Once in the car though, the door closed from the noises of the early night in New York City, something tugged at his heart again. But what if it wasn't all he wanted it to be? What if he wanted more?
He sneaked up what he'd hidden in the sleeve of his jacket and he folded out her light blue top across both his hands. In the street light it looked white and he let his thumbs circle the sheer material. He'd known it was stupid the moment he found himself sneaking it with him. He'd known it was crazy, close to stalkerish, but he couldn't help himself. And now he put the fabric up to his nose and took a deep whiff. The smell of her made him feel better but then guilt and a bit of shame sneaked right back in and he was back to feeling mostly miserable. Not only had he screwed his partner he'd also stolen a top of hers like some crazy person. She would loath him if she ever found out and he hid her top underneath his jacket that he'd thrown on the passenger seat.
It was a one-time thing. Things would be fine. Nothing would be awkward between them. Things would be just fine.
As soon as Amanda had rounded the corner she picked up some speed just to fight the urge to turn back and take a peak back if he was still standing there. She wasn't a bloody teenaged girl. She was an adult and adults didn't do things like that. No, adults screwed other people without feelings every day and were able to just move on. She'd done it, not hundreds of times, but at least plenty of times. It was just sex. One of the best cures to distract you from stressful things. Since she couldn't gamble anymore and since drinking was a port to either gambling or a horrendous hangover, sex was actually a better distraction.
Might not be the best idea to use your partner for that but she couldn't help herself. He'd been there, he was damn hot and he'd seemed honestly concerned about her. It was just like her. She shook her head at herself. Fall for a little attention, some smooth talking and she'd been an easy lay. But she knew Nick wasn't like that. Nick wasn't Nate. He wasn't Ricky either. Or Spencer. He wasn't any of those other guys that she thought she'd used but ended up being hurt by. Nick was a good guy. He was a choir boy and it felt as though she'd just tarnished him a bit.
She was close to running now and she wiped a single tear off her face. No, things were fine. It was a one-time thing. They'd both be able to just move on. Tomorrow things would be as usual. Liv would still be pissed. Fin would try and smooth things over and Nick… he would just be Nick. Annoying, intrusive, a know-it-all, patronizing… and… and a hell of a good lay.
"C'mon Fran," she breathed and took off running down the street.