Germany and Italy arrived back at Italy's house quite late that night, but despite the hour it seemed Italy was still as hyper as ever. Germany sighed, he really was just like a little child. Did his lover ever run out of energy?
"Italy, calm down please." Germany called out, knowing full well Italy would most likely ignore him and carry on whizzing about.
"Ve~!" Italy turned and hopped back to Germany's side in an instant, clinging to his arm, "Sorry Germany…"
Germany coughed and looked down as Italy held his arm quietly as the two stood in the wide hallway, just adjacent to the main living room. The small nation was smiling and leaning his head comfortably against Germany's arm, completely calm. Well, that was a surprise.
"Also, um, I would have preferred if you hadn't embarrassed me like that back there. I'm not really bothered now but…"
"…ve… Sorry Germany. Es tut mir leid…"
Germany widened his eyes as he looked down at the small Italian. He instinctively turned to hug the other, rubbing his back affectionately. Something was bothering him that was clear as Germany leant back and kissed Italy on the nose, seeing his brown eyes glisten wetly.
"I'm always causing trouble for you and annoying you, Ludwig." Italy's smile wavered.
"Hey… what's brought this on?" Germany ignored the forced shrug Italy gave in reply and stroked his hair, "Well, everyone gets annoyed sometimes. I'm sure I annoy you, Italy–"
Italy seemed shocked at the suggestion, "No!"
"Hush, please don't interrupt," Germany scolded him playfully, tapping Italy on the nose, "Even so, I'd never want you to change. Ja?"
"S-si…" Italy seemed to settle down as Germany held him. He could feel the toned muscles underneath Germany's thin shirt, and hear his heartbeat reminding him that the man was still here with him. Vital. Alive. Alive unlike… No, he wouldn't think about that, not now.
Sensing Italy's shift in mood Germany led them next door and sat down on the sofa, pulling Italy close.
"Ve, do you think England will like our gifts?"
The sudden question threw Germany off balance slightly, and he could hear the force Italy used to speak normally. Not wanting to press the subject, Germany followed suit and tried to act as natural as he could.
"Ja, I'm sure he will." Italy of course had chosen a cookbook focussing on Italian meals. Germany doubted that would improve England's cooking skills though.
"He looked sad."
"Hm?" Germany started uncomfortably at Italy's comment. "…What do you mean?"
"When we were leaving… Didn't you see?" Italy's voice was hushed and solemn and he seemed to be partly speaking to himself, "And when we came in. He looked so sad. He looked lonely…"
Germany felt Italy tense as he held him, hands shaking as they gripped his trouser leg.
"He looked like he was waiting for someone. So alone, after waiting for so long… Waiting…" Italy choked, feeling a painful lump form in his throat.
"Feliciano? What's wrong?" Germany lifted the Italian onto his lap, who was desperately trying to wipe away at the tears flowing silently down his face.
"N-nothing… I said… I said I wouldn't cry… It's not even tomorrow yet!" Italy broke down into sobs, clinging to the shocked German as he let his pain out.
Germany sat astounded to Italy's sudden behaviour, unsure of what to do. Deciding that it would probably be best to stay with Italy rather than leave, Germany wrapped his arms around his shaking body, humming a German lullaby as he pulled Italy closer to his chest.
Minutes passed and Italy's tears slowly stopped flowing and his breathing evened out. Still he clung to Germany, not loosening his grip in the slightest, as if he were afraid to let him go.
"Sorry…" Italy mumbled thickly, rubbing his eyes.
"Shhh, it's okay, Feliciano. What's wrong?"
Italy remained silent, wiping his eyes again.
"Don't do that, your eyes will get sore," Germany kissed away a stray tear at the corner of Italy's eye. They were already a bit red. "Did I do something to upset you?"
"Oh, no Ludwig, no. It's just…painful." Italy replied in a small voice.
"What is?"
"The past…" Italy sniffed and shifted so that he was facing Germany properly. "Do you remember that day in the restaurant..?" Despite his sorrow Italy still managed to form a small smile, the corners of his mouth lifting in memory of that eventful day.
Germany groaned. How could he forget? He replied red-faced, "Well, ja, but you're with me now so I'm happy…"
"The…only reason I didn't accept you back then was, well, other than being very confused and embarrassed, because it hurt too much to remember. It was still too… too…" Italy frowned in search of a word, but relaxed, sighing when none came to his troubled mind, "I couldn't have dealt with it then. It was all really fast… Anyway… When you asked I told you that I had a first love…"
Germany nodded. He could guess where this was going.
"He left to fight a war… and he never came back…" Italy hesitated, afraid to go on any further.
"Why 'tomorrow'?" Germany coaxed gently.
"…I promised I wouldn't cry on Valentine's Day. So instead I would cry next month. I kept holding it in because I didn't want you to know, and so changed it to the month after, tomorrow, instead… It worked perfectly because you were going to be away tomorrow. Perfect…" Italy could feel his heart pounding in his ears and in his throat, tears welling up to be forced away again. He was clenching his fist so hard now that any more and the skin would break and blood would flow.
"…He sent me a letter to say he was coming back…" Italy trembled, biting his lip. He didn't want to cry again. He'd promised.
"Italy. Don't try and bury your feelings; if you need to cry then cry."
"No, I mean… It shouldn't matter anyway. He died such a long time ago. I shouldn't think about him so much when I have you…" Italy muttered dully, lowering his head.
"You think I can't tell you're in pain, Italy? You're hurting badly, you need to tell me about this. I can't imagine you dealt with this alone for all this time… surely others know? Hasn't anyone tried to comfort you?" Germany couldn't believe Italy hadn't told him sooner. They'd known each other for years. Did that mean Italy had been crying all alone without him knowing? Italy had even said that he had stopped himself so that he wouldn't find out…
"Hungary-san comforted me when I was young… but then as a child, for quite a long time, I never realised that he wasn't coming back. I thought he was just late… I wanted him to come running back to me… Then I could say 'I love you' and tell him how much I had missed him. He'd say 'I love you too, Italy' and 'I'm home'…" Italy sniffed, feeling the tears build up again and clutched Germany's hand, "F-France nii-san knows, but that's because he was there at Austria-san's house when they told me Holy Rome wasn't… I… I talk to France or Hungary sometimes but…"
Germany embraced his crying lover yet again as the tears continued streaming down his face. It was heartbreaking for Germany to hear those little pained moans Italy was trying so hard to keep quiet. Two people… Germany could recall Italy saying his brother had stayed with Spain as a child but still, Italy hadn't even told him? And what about Austria… what about himself? Was Italy keeping this all bottled up so as not to hurt or bother Germany? And the name – Holy Rome was it? – seemed somewhat… familiar to Germany. The Holy Roman Empire. Germany could vaguely remember his brother mentioning that name… in fact wasn't that what he'd called him once?
"Kesesese! Not very Holy Rome now are we?" The albino pointed at a small blonde boy, whose clothes were in tatters and face and hands were covered with dirt from playing in the forest behind their grandfather's house. "Well, I guess your clothes are quite holey actually!" The boy laughed.
"Hm?" The smaller of the two looked up in confusion, "What did you say?"
"Ah," The Teutonic Knight flinched, remembering his promise, and turned to ruffle the boy's hair, "Never mind. Forget it, bruder. Kesese, let's race back home!"
Germany snapped out of his daze, the memory instantly slipping away as he focussed on Italy.
"Italy… Please just speak to me! You kept this hidden… but it hurts to know you didn't tell me sooner!" Germany was interrupted by a pair of lips gently pressing against his own. They tasted a bit salty.
"I said I'd give you a birthday kiss… just remembered…" Italy's speech was slow and his voice was thick. Italy winced and then his face screwed up in pain again, "Our– our first kiss was our last kiss…!" Italy threw his arms around Germany's neck as he sobbed into the man's chest.
"I still love him… But I love you, Germany! Why can't I let him go?"
Germany wrapped his arms tighter around the Italian, humming softly.
"Italy…"
Around midnight Italy woke up on the sofa, Germany still holding him. The blonde was looking down at him, stroking his hair softly.
"Good to see you're awake. Feeling a bit better?"
Italy replied sleepily, rubbing his already sore eyes to help wake himself up, "V-ve… Sorry Germany… I hadn't realised I'd fallen asleep. Si, I'm feeling better…"
"That's good, and you don't have to apologise, Italy." Germany smiled and picked up the nation, standing up in one subtle movement. He kissed the sleepy nation on the forehead, "You should get some proper sleep. You must be tired…" …from all that crying…
"Hmm…" Italy nodded already starting to drift off again as the German carried him silently through the house. "So…"
Germany paused mid-step, turning all his attention on the small form in his arms.
"You wouldn't mind if I spoke to you about it? It wouldn't hurt you…?" Unsure of himself, Italy hid his face from view, wondering what Germany would think of such a selfish request. He had to deal with this, but that didn't mean Germany had to shoulder his pain also. It would be hurtful for Italy to talk about Holy Rome, the one he used to love, and still does, to his current lover. It would hurt them both.
"Feliciano, I just want you to be happy. Your childhood hurts you, I don't have one to speak of," Germany continued to walk, now heading up the stairs, "I remember very little from when I was young, so I want to do everything I can to make sure you're not burdened. You can tell me anything." He kissed the top of Italy's head who was now looking at him with wide, curious eyes. He hadn't spoken to him about his amnesia; there was nothing to talk about.
"You…" Italy thought of how it must be to not have any memories as a child. Painful. But if he didn't know what it was like, could Germany miss it? "Grazie, Ludwig." He smiled, feeling more relaxed and peaceful than he had felt all evening, thinking quietly as Germany continued, approaching their bedroom, the even rhythm of the man's footsteps causing the Italian to start to doze.
"Ah." Italy tried to turn his head round as they walked past a small branch off of the corridor, "Ludwig, attendere prego."
Germany stopped, setting the Italian down gently.
"Sorry, could I… can I show you something, please?" Germany smiled as Italy took hold of his hand gently.
"Ja, of course." He smiled softly, and Italy smiled also, so thankful that Germany was here by his side. He walks back to the little alcove-like branch of the corridor, only a few meters long, Germany following. On one wall stands a tall wooden door, grain of the wood still visible but obviously old, as shown by the hinges. Germany had never paid this door much notice before, it had always been locked and he had never seen Italy near it before. Italy himself seemed to spend several seconds just looking at the door, placing his hand upon it to feel its texture, before stepping back and searching his pockets. He frowned slightly, moving from his trousers to his jacket, still finding nothing. Realisation dawned and he relaxed, hands travelling to his neck to remove a thin black string, hidden beneath the layer of his shirt, which he unhooked over his head and placed in his left hand. A small, rather plain-looking key was hung on the string, and fitted neatly into the lock of the door as Italy inserted it and turned.
"Are you sure it's okay?"
"Always. Now's as good a time as any."
"This is what his room looked like…" Italy opened the door quietly, stepping inside without saying a word. Germany followed in equal silence, trying not to disturb the calm atmosphere of the room. A great nation had once been here…
"I'd never actually seen it before, but I asked Austria-san to show it to me after… Afterwards. I made a copy, and actually most of the stuff here is his, the original…"
Germany looked at Italy as he gazed around the room, taking in the surroundings in relative silence. He was constantly amazed and intrigued about how sensitive his little Italian partner could be. All these things he was learning about him… they would never have even crossed Germany's mind when they had first met and became allies. Italy kept it all hidden under that perfect smile.
Germany followed Italy's line of sight to the bed sitting neatly against the wall, large enough for several children maybe. It occurred to him that the Holy Roman Empire must have been somewhat of a child also, as Italy was.
They really have got everything he owned… even that same pink cushion…
Germany frowned, picking up the small cushion as it brought back a familiar sensation of home, and turned his head Italy who was quietly running his fingertips over the drawers and walls of the room. He placed the cushion back and walked over to stand by Italy's side, placing a hand delicately on his shoulder, which was brushed away. He felt hurt for a moment, but Germany realised it was probably best to leave Italy be. He didn't want to upset the nation any more, and it was already a bit uneasy to be standing in this room. He didn't belong here.
"Oh~" Italy gasped softly, smiling. He had opened a drawer and had taken out what appeared to be a child-sized maid's outfit. "I remember wearing this!" He turned to show Germany, holding the dress against his chest in comparison, "Wow! It's so tiny~!"
"When… why did you wear a dress?" Germany asked as politely as possible, blushing slightly.
"Ve? Oh, um… Hungary-san made me wear it… eheh~" Italy blushed also, chuckling quietly. He'd almost forgotten all those times running around Austria's house in this little dress.
"A rat… or a mouse… wasn't it?" The comment was so subdued that Italy didn't hear what Germany had said.
"Hm?"
"Ah, nothing… I just thought…" Germany frowned and put a hand to his forehead, "My head hurts that's all."
"Ve~!" Worried, Italy quickly placed the dress back inside the drawer, beside the sketches he had drawn of Holy Rome, quickly dismissing the lump in his throat when he caught sight of them and bounded over to Germany, placing his hand on Germany's forehead. "You have a high temperature." Italy asked Germany to lean down slightly as he went up on tiptoes so he could press his lips gently to the German's skin.
"Mm, definitely. You should lie down." Ignoring his protests, Italy sat Germany down on the – small – double bed and ran out to fetch a glass of water.
"She… wore something like that didn't she. She… she…?" Germany shook his head, putting aside the strange statement. What was wrong with him tonight? "What are all these feelings…?"
Italy returned handing Germany a glass of cold water and placed a small packet on the drawers.
"Danke." Germany gratefully took a sip of refreshing liquid, then drinking half of the glass to clear his head. Passing it back, he caught sight of packet of sleeping tablets as Italy placed the glass on the drawers.
"In case we can't get to sleep. Sometimes I find it hard to…" Italy explained, hopping round to lie down on the other side of the bed, "We can sleep here tonight…?"
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Feli." Germany spoke awkwardly, trying not to look at Italy. This room was starting to feel unnerving and familiar… it wasn't right for him to be here. At least, that's what Germany kept telling himself.
"Ve… maybe you're right." Italy sighed and got up, walking over to collect the glass and tablets and walking straight out of the room, leaving the key in the lock.
Germany sighed, letting his tension and frustration out. He couldn't tell what Italy wanted sometimes, which often led to these sorts of odd moments. Standing up he followed after the little Italian making sure he took the key out of the lock and was just about to shut the door when the open drawer caught his eyes. He shouldn't really investigate but…
"Scheiβe…" Annoyed that his curiosity and obsession for tidiness, he couldn't just leave a drawer open like that, Germany sighed and walked over to the draw; he knelt down and intended just to close the drawer when he saw a sketch of a young boy.
"That must be who Feli was talking about…" Germany carefully shifted the dress aside, the feel of it very familiar and comforting against his skin, and studied the portrait closely. It was simple… yet so detailed. The eyes were what stunned him most, it was as if Italy had tried his best to capture every single emotion he could. There was a sadness and longing there, yet also affection, deep inside the eyes. And the longer he looked, the more Germany felt himself connect with this Holy Roman Empire figure… Only a few seconds passed before Germany slammed the drawer shut, ashamed at himself for looking at something so private and intensely personal to his lover. He'd have to apologise somehow, but that would mean facing up to what he had done. Italy had been through more than enough today, Germany decided as he walked out of the room and closed the door, he could tell him tomorrow.
Twisting his hand the door was locked and Germany made his way to their shared bedroom, where Italy was already lying silently on the bed underneath the covers, one hand resting on the other pillow and clenching it tightly. He was staring at the space as if Germany were there and the blonde could just make out tears sliding down his face in the gloom.
"Hey…" Germany shuffled swiftly and quietly around so that Italy's back faced him and he could see his body trembling slightly. "I'm sorry for what I said." He murmured quietly, stroking Italy's hair and listening to the nation's soft breathing, hitching every now and then.
There was a soft noise as the Italian shook his head, "It's okay…" He shifted a little, trying to find a more comfortable position to lie in so he could settle down and get to sleep.
Germany continued to stroke Italy's hair, letting his fingers spread out slightly and move fluidly between the brown locks. Without a word, he stopped and moved back round to lie down beside Italy, drawing the covers over them both and wrapping an arm over his lover's shoulder and back.
"Shh…" He murmured soothingly by Italy's ear, feeling the other hug him tightly, closing his eyes as Germany kissed his face softly. He returned with his own kisses, sighing softly as Germany pulled him closer, caressing his face and back, hands meeting tanned skin in delicate strokes. Kisses soon slowed as Italy's apprehension melted under the German's touch, and he leaned in to his neck breathing in his scent as he whispered a soft goodnight. Italy soon began to drift off, feeling secure and loved within the German's warm embrace and shortly he was asleep, leaving Germany awake to watch his slumber.
"Guten nacht, Feliciano."
Through a tiny gap, moonlight shone softly through the glass to cast a beam across the silent room, highlighting edges of shelves and other furniture, but also managing to cast its light onto Italy who was now sleeping peacefully. Germany, however, did not see this as he had already drifted into a content sleep of his own at this time.
Italy woke later, in the early hours of the morning, head hurting a bit and thirsty.
"Ah, sorry Ludwig…" Italy flinched as he tried to move, causing Germany to stir momentarily. He realised that he was pinning down Germany's shoulder, but was unable to try and take his weight off of it because of the arm draped around him. Despite his lover it seemed that Italy had still struggled to sleep properly. He sighed.
"Italy…"
"Oh… Ludwig, did I wake you?" But the man's eyes were still closed, and his eyelids flickered every so often. Ve… he must be dreaming…
"Italy…" Germany mumbled, "I've always liked you, ever since the 900s…" A small smile formed as the corners of Germany's mouth lifted, in contrast to the look of confusion forming on Italy's face.
"What?" Italy's heart spiked with pain, caught in that memory from long ago.
"R-Really?" Italy leant up to whisper beside Germany's ear, tears forming in his eyes. He was striking on a whim here. Holding on to this vague, bizarre hope; a hope he thought he'd lost. Germany's hair, his eyes… even the way he blushed and smiled were so similar.
Just maybe…
"Really. I wouldn't lie to you." Italy thought for a moment that he sounded happy.
"Oh, Holy Rome…? I've waited for so long… I–" No, wait. That wasn't right. Italy smiled and tried again, "I'll wait and make lots of sweets for you until you return. Take care of yourself." Italy's voice shook despite himself as he repeated those words from long ago. A tear was forming at the corner of his eye as he heard Germany reply.
"No matter how much time passes I'll always love you more than anyone in the world…" Hazel eyes met topaz blue. Italy blinked as Germany moved his arm and placed a fingertip delicately at the corner of Italy's mouth. "I'll always come back to you…"
Italy tried to gulp, his throat dry, "L- Ludwig?"
"Italy, I'm…"
"What?" Italy clutched his stomach as he rolled about on the floor. His muscles ached from laughing so much but despite Germany's annoyed protests he just couldn't stop. He had never laughed like this, unless being subjected to a tickle attack, which was rare, but for some reason, the nation was in hysterics. Germany couldn't see why. It wasn't even that funny…
"W- well, I told you! I thought you were a girl…" Came the awkward, mumbled reply. Germany was blushing so furiously that Spain's tomatoes would have been proud… or jealous. He cleared his throat repeatedly as his lover clamped a hand over his mouth, to stop himself laughing again.
"Ve~ So that's why…!" Italy paused to let out another round of hysterical laughter until his lungs burned and he had to spend several seconds drawing oxygen back into his system. He continued, tears flowing freely from his eyes and hand lying upon his stomach, "That's why you were so embarrassed around me!"
Germany avoided Italy's gaze and rubbed the sides of his head with his fingertips, just managing not to start cursing. He was regretting telling Italy that now.
"Wait 'til I tell everyone!"
"Wait– what?" Not even the stoic German could stop the little brunette when he was on a mission.
In his stately home, a phone rang and was answered by a tired-looking Austria. He had just been interrupted from his morning session playing his beloved grand piano.
"Yes?" It did not help that Italy was screaming down the line.
"Austria-san! Guess what~?"
"What is it, Italy?" Austria sighed, exasperated, as he moved the receiver away from his ear. Hungary walked in and stood beside him, listening to the conversation.
"Holy Rome thought I was a girl the whole time–!"
Both Austria and Hungary started at the sudden mention of Italy's long lost love. After refusing to mention the topic and talk to the two of them for so long it was too strange to hear the cheerful Italian bring it up like some other trivial matter. It wasn't the soft mumbling Hungary sometimes listened to, Italy sounded happy.
"…What are you talking about Italy?" Austria asked, confused.
A struggle was occurring at the other end of the line and Austria could only pick out snippets of what was being said, or rather shouted, over the muffled and indistinct sounds of the phone being fought over.
"Holy R–– – He was, is ––y! An– !"
"Italy what–! Get off, hey! I–– –"
"Ve~ Ludwig, please don't be angry~!"
"I–"
Austria and Hungary heard dull thuds from the other side and then panting. It sounded like Italy was running with the phone.
"So, Austria-san, isn't it weird? Can you imagine… he thought I was a girl!"
"Ah… yes…" Austria's eyebrow twitched and the line suddenly disconnected leaving a very awkward, guilty looking Austrian standing in the middle of the room expecting guests any minute with Hungary chuckling to herself behind him.
Germany was able to capture Italy successfully before he managed to finish his conversation with Austria or contact anyone else, holding Italy in his arms whilst the cordless telephone sat on the floor at the other end of the room. Confiscated.
"Ve~" Italy hummed to himself, happier than he'd been in a long while. "Germany. When can I tell everyone?" He looked up to his lover's clean blue eyes innocently.
The now older Holy Roman Empire sighed and smiled at Italy's remark, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and then the lips.
It was going to be a long day.
10 pages... o.o this was meant to be short =_= Meh, I suppose it's okay...
All Germany=HRE fans raise your hand. *Raises both hands*
This is a side story to my USUK 'Happy Birthday' fic.
I wrote it a while ago but only typed it up and uploaded it now. I edited it quite a bit while I was typing it, making it longer and more angsty :P. Who could tell where this fic was going as they read it? xD But I like this, Italy was able to get over the whole Germany = HRE ordeal, I think that he would be quite happy with it in some ways ^^
'That day in the restaurant' would be referring to the Valentine's Day strip, which I absolutely adore:
http : / aph. starry-sky. com /
The 'birthday kiss' Italy talks about refers back to the USUK fic.
Extra note: Perfect timing, just as I was typing the bit about England up this: http : / www. youtube. com / watch? v=njNjA0M3n7c started playing on my iPod o.O It knows how to create an atmosphere… And Italy would be quite insightful I think, since he knows what it's like~