I know, I know, why would Damon Salvatore, badass vampire keep a journal? Well, not only had my broody brother given very descriptive reasons to why he does, I also thought of it to be a way to get my feelings off of my chest. I didn't purposely fall for my brother's girl. Hell, I never thought it possible for me to fall in love again, I don't deserve to. But the moment I had seen Elena Gilbert, I knew this would be a bumpy ride. Her looks, her personality, her reasoning, anything about her seemed unrealistic. I had been convinced that she was an angel, a gift from god if you would. Elena isn't just any stupid teenage girl; she is a woman, a woman with needs that my brother can't give her. Sorry Stef, but you and I both know that you let her see a man that was a mask for a monster and you let her believe that you were better than me, that you were under control, but if you can't be near blood without having to put up your walls, what does that say about you?

I was real with her, I never lied or pretended to be someone I'm not, because let's face it, if she can't handle witnessing what a true vampire is, than what was the point? She needed to see what Stefan was, and he hid from her. He wanted her to believe that he was something he could only wish he could be. But that was the problem all along, sure none of us ever wanted to be vampires, but you suck it up and deal with it! You have to accept what you are and get yourself under control, because if you hide it, who knows how long it will be before you snap and kill someone, possibly one that you love. That's a risk you can't take, at least I can't.

I'm the better man for her, why doesn't she see that? I love her and would do anything for her, but she knows that. I'm tired of playing games; I want to be with her. But everyone knows how I feel, hell everyone knows how she feels too, she's just in denial.

My fucking father, if the bastard was still alive would say that I'm pathetic, that I let a girl walk all over me. But I don't care; at least I try to be something, to be someone that she wants. I've changed so much for her, and all she says is that we're good friends. Stefan's gone and she needs to wake up and smell the coffee, because he's never coming back, at least not in her lifetime. Stefan was always seen as the 'good brother' the 'golden boy', well what would these people say now if they had witnessed this other side of him, the side that chills even me to the bone.

He's got a hell of a lot of remorse I can tell you that. It's one thing to get so lost in your blood lust that you rip a body to shreds, but it's a complete different story when you try to put them back together like a fucking doll. Stefan's reputation makes me sick, who would have ever thought that him of all people would be a 'ripper'? It's funny how things turn out, isn't it?

My mind is no longer under my own control; it's always repeating the same gorgeous face over and over again, the same big brown doe eyes. Nothing is sacred anymore, not even my own thoughts. What she has done to me should be considered a crime. Never, in all of my life could I say that I would ever be this way, let alone because of a girl. Ten, hell two years ago I would have laughed in anyone's face if they had told me that I would fall in love with a seventeen year old girl who was my brother's girlfriend. I didn't even try to take advantage of high school girls, college girls were more my type. Who am I kidding, I never had a type, I use to be able to fuck any female that could walk and talk. And now I'm like a whipped house wife for crying out loud!

Elena has made me soft, considering I'd do anything, even stake myself in the heart if I had to. I just have this pull towards her and I can't walk away, not now anyways. I should have left when I had the chance, now I'm stuck in this stupid fucking Twilight 'love triangle'. Ironic isn't it?