AN: Hey! Another James/Sirius Fic! Woo! This one will be suitably Angst filled, as is my signature, BUT this one is intended as a multi-chap! :O Shock! Please enjoy and I apologise for any delay in updating as I am also in process of writing a Sirius/Harry Time travel Fic...also, if anyone's on Pottermore, please friend me! :D (I'm in Slytherin house Inevitably.) WillowQuaffle25272! Please, please R&R! I needs your reviews...I'm addicted! O.o
He can never truly be yours, because he carries around a piece of me
Chapter One: I die inside a little more each time you replace me
Sirius watched. He found himself doing that rather a lot recently, but tonight was different. Tonight he was standing in the shadows and watching his best friend snogging a gorgeous red-head. He had watched for years, for years he had laughed as yet again James was shot down by her. For seven years he had watched James make a fool of himself for something he had deemed 'Love'. Sirius laughed it off, he threw his head back and laughed as if it was the funniest joke in the world, because really, love was something girls dreamed of, it was an emotion Sirius had and never would feel. Until he stood in the shadows of the silent corridor and watched James kissing Lily Evans as if she was the only person in the world, he watched and he felt something...something painful.
Of course, to truly understand what was happening he had to remember how it had all begun. He knew he would never be able to forget it either, because it had been one of the worst and best moments of his life;
He was sixteen and he knew something was wrong as soon as he walked in through the door that summer, one look at his mother was enough to tell him she had something horrendous planned for him. When they suggested Marriage Sirius scoffed, refusing the offer of the hand of a pureblood cousin, he told his mother in no uncertain terms where he stood on that particular idea...and his father had lost it.
A few days later James Potter had received a knock on his door in the dead of night, he had opened it and seen a battered and bruised Sirius leaning heavily against the door frame with a smile and a suitcase. The Potters had welcomed him with open arms and so Sirius began his life under the Guardianship of the only adults to treat him with any kindness. Of course, this was long before Sirius had decided that his feelings ran deeper for his best friend than he had first realised, it happened one cold, stormy night towards the end of August.
"Prongs, if you honestly believe that we can have a party with just the two of us, you are sorely mistaken my friend." Sirius said, he was stretched out on the sofa, his long legs crossed at the ankles and his silvery eyes watching James bringing over a bottle of Whiskey with two glasses.
"Why ever not?" James nudged Sirius' legs off the sofa and sat down before tearing the cork from the bottle and pouring a generous measure of the amber liquid into the glasses. "Peter can't come, his mother's banned him from coming over since we managed to turn his eyebrows into caterpillars. And Remus...well..." He indicated the sky outside, to any other person the gesture would have made no sense, but Sirius understood that the Bookish member of their close-knit group of friends would be locked down in his cellar, screaming as his flesh tore open beneath the light of the full moon. Sirius sighed and took the proffered glass from James.
"Alright, Prongs, you win this time. But, I propose we have a little fun while we're drinking."
James raised his eyebrow with interest. "Go on my dearest padfoot, I would be very interested in what is going on in that funny little brain of yours."
"Funny? Little?" Sirius snorted derisively. "I'm top of our year in most classes except Evans and Remus."
"Ah, except Transfiguration, may I remind you who got the best scores on that practice exam our Dear McGonagall set us?"
"That was fluke...I was tired." Sirius replied, sipping his whiskey like a professional. "No ice..." He complained, gazing into the glass in disappointment.
"If you want ice, get it yourself you lazy arsehole."
"What has my arsehole got to interest you, Prongs? Sure, it's a very nice arsehole, but I didn't think you swung that way." He smirked around the rim of his glass as he watched James bristle.
"Oh yeah, I'm the Pouf! Say's the guy who was fucking MacDonald very, very loudly in the broom closet on the fifth floor." James saw Sirius' smile widen as he cocked his head to the side, making the light catch his hair and turn it blue.
"Why Jamie, I'm flattered but don't you think it's a little creepy to be stalking your best friend and recording who he sleeps with?"
"You hardly keep your various sexual conquests a secret, hell, even Moony knows what you get up to...no matter how much he tries to pretend that you're suffering from a horrendous stomach ache when you jerk off at night, he can't dismiss all those names you say."
Sirius chuckled. "Ah, but he's so delicate, it's fun to make him squirm...he's also quite cute when he blushes, if I didn't know he had been snogging Jenny Rathburn behind the green houses then I'd try it on..." He sighed dramatically, tossing his drink back in one movement, impressing James with his elegance.
"Remus is very straight, Pads." James muttered, refilling Sirius' glass and then his own. Already half the bottle was gone.
"Oh I know that, mores the pity...I bet he's a right little dirty shag." Sirius lifted his glass to the light and inspected it.
James gazed at him with wide eyes. "How would you know that?" He exclaimed.
"It's all in the eyes." Sirius replied, once again knocking back his drink and holding out his glass for a refill. "He's probably really kinky."
James found himself chuckling. "So, what would you say I am, oh great wise Guru of sexual Kinks. What do I like in bed?"
Sirius raised an eyebrow, black hair falling into his glittering eyes. His smile was slow and it revealed the tips of his canine teeth that were simply too sharp to be entirely human. "You sure you want me to tell you? It could be embarrassing for you."
James snorted. "I doubt it. No one can tell what kind of perversions a person is into just by looking in their eyes."
"Very well then Prongsy." Sirius leaned forward, his eyes on James', he had one hand on the sofa and James could feel his hot breath on his cheek. "You like to be in control." He whispered.
James shrugged. "I'm Quidditch captain, my Animagus form is a stag, I'm prideful...come on Pads, you can do better than state the obvious."
Sirius' smile widened, the smile becoming a smirk. "Bondage." He said.
"Again, that's logic, Siri." James said, smiling. He was quite drunk by now, both of them having consumed a rather large quantity of Charlus Potter's finest Firewhisky. He could almost feel Sirius moving slowly closer, those intense silver eyes suddenly flicked to his lips and he felt his breath catch in his throat as Sirius' tongue darted out and licked his own. Randomly James wandered what Sirius would be like to kiss, he frowned at the thought, what an odd thing to pop into his head...
"You like me." Sirius muttered slowly, his eyes moving from James' lips to his eyes. "You want me." It wasn't a question.
James shifted uncomfortably. "Siri...I..."
"The way you're looking at me...the way you're sat...Jamie..." He leaned closer, until their lips were brushing. "I'm game if you are."
"Is that...a challenge?" James whispered hoarsely.
Sirius' grin was roguish. "Yeah...let's see how straight you really are, Mr. Quidditch captain." He breathed. "Show me what turns you on...Let's see if you can make me cum."
James was licking his own lips, his alcohol befuddled mind desperately seeking some excuse, some way he could back away from this challenge without looking cowardly...but it came up with nothing and before he could stop himself, he let his glass fall to the floor and pushed Sirius onto his back. "You asked for it, Pads." James whispered roughly, seizing a handful of Sirius' long soft hair and yanking on it. "You'll be screaming before I'm through."
Sirius groaned, his eyes flickering. "God I hope so..." He gasped. And James was on him, his lips parted to allow James' tongue to invade his mouth and he wrapped his arms around him, holding him as close as possible while he rocked his hips against James' in a slow rhythm.
James didn't think, thinking would have been impossible with the way Sirius was hissing his name like that, and the way Sirius' fingers were tugging at his belt. He wouldn't have been able to think with his big head even if he were entirely sober. He ripped open Sirius' shirt, exposing his milky skin, he bent his head, running his tongue across tasting him, Sirius groaned heavily and he smirked as he suddenly bit down on the juncture between Sirius' neck and shoulder, the boy jerked against him, letting out a sound that sent heat stabbing into James' already pressure filled groin. "Fuck..." He muttered, licking his steady way across Sirius' bare chest until he reached those jeans. He hadn't failed to notice how tight they were, the way they hugged his hips and revealed the smooth curve of Sirius' backside, but he had dismissed it...until now. He reached down and unzipped his fly, revealing the white of Sirius' pants.
"Hurry!" Sirius growled, a deep sound that thrummed through the air and made James giggle drunkenly.
"Shush you..." He admonished. "I'm getting there." He yanked down Sirius' jeans along with his pants, freeing his erection. He gazed at it for a long moment, trying to think how he should touch him, having never actually been with another bloke before he wasn't entirely sure what he should be doing. Then he almost smacked himself, he was a guy too...he knew what felt good on himself. So he ran a finger down Sirius' length and smiled to himself when he felt long fingers tugging at his hair.
Sirius gazed down at James as his hand moved slowly up and down his erection, he groaned as pleasure drove itself deep into his skin, driving out all thought and leaving only a blissful emptiness. He wrapped his own fingers around James' and speeded up his movements, his hips moved in jerks as he pushed himself into the combined pressure of his own and James' hand. "Fuck that's...that's good..." He muttered, the fingers of his other hand gripping a pillow as if to anchor himself into reality. "Jamie..."
"Sirius..." James slowed to a stop and crawled back up to hover above his friend. He leaned down and kissed him slowly, it was a slow, wet and open mouthed kiss tasting of Whiskey and cigarettes and something deeper, some wonderfully erotic taste that was simply Sirius. He felt strong arms circle his neck and drag him closer, their kiss became much faster, their tongues tangling within their mouths as their hips ground against each other...all thoughts of their dare forgotten.
"God Sirius...god...that's...that's fucking-oooh..." James pushed fingers into Sirius' hair and pushed himself deeper into his mouth. He watched his cock disappear between those lips and groaned heavily, his eyes fluttering closed. "Fuck...f-fucking hell...oh god..."
Sirius pulled away with a soft sucking sound, he gazed up at James through dark lashes. "You're fucking noisy!" He said breathlessly.
"You're too good..." James replied, pushing him back down onto his aching cock. "Come on...please..." He whispered, canting his hips so Sirius giggled and took him into his mouth again. The fact that it was a boy sucking James' cock, should have disturbed him...the fact that it was Sirius Black making him curse and swear like a sailor should have made him run for the hills and never return...but he didn't. He didn't because for some strange, fucked up reason everything seemed so right. And that rightness increased when he felt the vicious stab of searing heat rip the breath from his lungs, he managed to prise his eyes open so when he came he was looking into Sirius' eyes.
That had been the first sexual contact either of them had had, but it had not been the last. Every moment alone they would take the chance to touch each other, their fingers so rough they left bruises. They would kiss fiercely in the dark of the common room, or hidden safety behind the heavy curtains of their beds, they would bite, scratch and rut against each other like animals. James tried not to think about what they did, because sometimes he couldn't help but feel that whatever it was that was between them was rapidly becoming something more. What that more was James couldn't explain, but something told him it wasn't going to end well...but, every time he had Sirius pressed into the mattress, every time Sirius reached up and touched his cheek and whispered his name he would lose all his self control and turn into a beast.
It wasn't until Christmas that James took it further. He had no idea what possessed him, but he was drunk and angry...Lily had humiliated him yet again and he needed something...someone to take his frustration out on and there he was, a readymade target.
Sirius Black was sat in a chair, his legs curled beneath him as he read a book, he held a quill in one hand and every so often would scratch something on a peice of parchment that lay on the arm of the squashy armchair. James strode towards him and stood there, arms folded across his chest as he glared angrily down at his best friend. "One moment, Mr. Prongs..." Sirius muttered, his brow creasing in concentration as he bent to write something...
James reached down and snatched the parchment from beneath the quill, Sirius spilt ink all over himself and the chair, he leapt to his feet with a loud curse and sent several timid first years running for the dorms. "Fuck! James what the hell was that for?" Sirius gazed up from his ink stained robes, and saw James glaring at him darkly.
"Upstairs! Now." James ordered, and, before waiting for an answer he turned on his heels and walked away. Sirius frowned and swore again as he shook blue ink from his hands and followed his friend up the stairs.
"James, what is wro-mmm..." Sirius felt James' lips against his own, he was slammed roughly into the wall, where he smacked his head. He felt hands tugging his shirt from his trousers and tried to grab his hands but James jammed his leg between Sirius' thighs and made him still.
Finally the Chaser pulled away, gasping. His fury was palatable. "What the fuck were you doing with that git Lucan Harris?" he demanded.
Sirius was panting, trying not to wince as James' knee ground against him. He had both hands on James' shoulders, as if to hold him at bay. "Wha-what?" He rasped, his mind sluggish.
"You were with Lucan, the Ravenclaw...I saw you in Hogsmeade!"
"S-so?" Sirius managed, wincing. "What's it to you? He was a good fuck..."
James slammed his fist into the wall beside Sirius' head and leaned close so his lips brushed his friends. "I don't want to see him near you." He muttered, running the back of his hand down Sirius' face. "He touched you...so I need to erase that touch from this...skin..." He ran his tongue slowly up Sirius' neck and made him groan.
"God James...are you jealous?" Sirius let his eyes fall half closed as he smiled.
"No..." James replied mulishly. "Not jealous..."
"Then why are you-ahh..." James shoved his fingers into Sirius' rapidly tightening trousers. "Why are you...bringing him up?"
"Because I want you."
"Y-You have me...I'm at quite the disad-ah-vantage..."
"Just shut up and let me see what the fuss is all about." He turned Sirius around so his front was pressed into the wall as James yanked his trousers to his knees.
"Whoa!" Sirius' eyes widened. "What are you...?"
"Shut up." James demanded. "Or I'll gag you...now, let me see what everyone is so obsessed with..." He ran a finger down Sirius' backside and watched his fingers tighten into fists as he pressed his hands into the wall.
"Get on with it then Prongsy, wouldn't want to keep you waiting." Sirius muttered, his voice holding a bite of venom, even as James grabbed his hair and yanked his head back.
It wasn't at all what Sirius had expected, James was rough, it was sweaty, hot breath, searing tongues and tight fingers...but he was groaning, his breathe ragged as James ripped it from his lungs as he thrust deep. Sirius tried to stay upright, leaning most of his weight on the wall, pressing his forehead into the cool stone, but it was so good his knees went weak and he could hardly hold himself up. James pushed him onto his back, so he was lying on the floor. Sirius grabbed him, dragging him down on top of him, their groans filled the room, the musky scent of sex filling the air and perfuming it.
"Fuck...oh-fuck...Siri-Sirius..." James gasped, revelling in how tight and hot his friend was, he moved erratically, soon losing all semblance of rhythm as his orgasm approached with the force of teh Hogwarts Express.
Sirius felt him coming, he arched his back off the floor, pulling on James' hair as he was filled and was suddenly shoved violently off the edge and into his own intense orgasm.
From their Sirius could feel himself falling, he ignored the warning signs. He began to recognise a pattern, James would come to him angry, his hazel eyes glowing with an animalistic fierceness that sent Sirius toppling over the edge of sanity. Logic held no place in their sticky, sweaty, beautifully wet and gorgrous encounters. Common sense was something long forgotten when Sirius felt James' tongue on his throat, his teeth on his shoulders, his fingers digging into his hips. Nothing mattered when James came inside him, whispering his name into the velvety black night...and by the time he realised what had happened it was all too late...