This little one-shot actually began as part of one of my current stories, but I soon felt that it was good enough to stand on its own. So I present for your reading pleasure...
Technical Problems
Drakken's henchmen were all seated for the weekly meeting, and they murmured anxiously among themselves as they awaited the arrival of their boss. They quickly quieted down as he strode into the room and mounted the platform.
"Welcome, gentlemen. And I use the term loosely…"
He awaited a jovial response, but was only met with stony silence, punctuated by an occasional cough.
"Nnnngghh," he muttered under his breath. "My humor is wasted on these lackeys…"
Out loud he continued, "In my continued efforts to defeat Team Possible, I have decided on a new strategy. As a team, they have been unusually resilient to any attempts to destroy them, and they remain a thorn in my side as I strive to take over the world. So I've decided to put the ancient Latin tactic of Divide and Conquer to the test, and defeat Team Possible in detail."
He pushed a button, and a huge screen descended from the ceiling of the lair. Next, he activated the slide projector, which began to display an image of Kim Possible. Unfortunately it was upside down, eliciting an undercurrent of laughter from his henchmen.
"Er, one moment please, let me fix that…"
He quickly twirled the dial and the image reappeared, but this time it was sideways.
"Oops. One more click should do it…"
But the image merely flipped over to the other side.
"Third times a charm…"
Kim Possible appeared once more, but upside down once again.
"Argghh…"
Turning deep blue with increasing frustration, he began clicking the control ever faster, but no matter what he did, he was unable to correct the image.
Shego gave an exasperated shake of her beautiful hair and sashayed up to the platform. "Here, Dr. D, let me give it a try before you totally wreck it."
Exasperated, he thrust the remote control into her hand. "Here! Stupid thing…"
She immediately applied a flash of plasma to the remote and then clicked the device. This time it worked perfectly, finally displaying the image right side up. Smirking, she handed the control back to Drakken and sat back down.
Flashing her a petulant look, he growled, "Are you quite pleased with yourself, embarrassing me in front of the henchmen like that? Well, go ahead and gloat, but I'm calling it beginner's luck."
She replied with a casual shrug, "Well, maybe if you'd bought the thing new instead of used, you wouldn't be having this problem."
One henchman whispered to another, "Cheap skate…"
Drakken exploded, "I heard that!"
The other henchman whispered back, "Way to go, Bob."
Turning back to address Shego, Drakken growled, "Well, I would have had you steal one for me, but as yesterday was your day off, I had to go and buy it used from a school surplus store. And it was on special, I'll have you know. They said it was only used once, by some high school substitute teacher."
He resumed his presentation and clicked to the next slide, this one of Ron Stoppable.
"This is Kim Possible's sidekick, whose name is, uh, well, right on the tip of my tongue…"
"RON!" answered the entire assembly in perfect unison.
"Yes, Ron, of course. Anyway, his Achilles heel is a predilection for fast food from Bueno Nacho…"
The next slide revealed a shot of Bueno Nacho #582 in Middleton.
"And he eats there practically every day, along with his pet, a naked mole rat…"
The next photo was of Rufus, his smiling face buried in a Naco, grande-sized with extra cheese.
"So by destroying every Bueno Nacho within a one hundred mile radius of Middleton, both the buffoon and his pet will either quickly starve, or have their morale so quashed as to be of virtually no use to Kimberly Ann."
He displayed a photo of a wrecked and burning Bueno Nacho, ironically destroyed by Ron himself after he was accidentally mutated into a raging hulk.
"Bereft of their support, Kim Possible should therefore be easy pickings for Shego…"
Advancing the projector once more, he expected to see a frame of Shego blasting away with fierce bolts of plasma. Instead, she appeared lounging in a beach chair and obviously on vacation, sipping a Mint Julep and wearing a rather flattering two piece bathing suit.
The henchmen immediately began hooting and hollering in full-fledged approval, while Drakken instantly paled to a shade of sky blue.
"Oops, heh-heh, wrong slide. Now how did that get in there?"
He immediately regretted having that one last Palweiser while organizing his slides the night before.
Shego's shock lasted only a moment before immediately flaring her plasma to full power.
"DRRRAKKENN!"
Terrified, he whimpered, "N-now, Shego…"
"And just WHERE did you get that photo of me?!"
He pulled at his collar, which now seemed about two sizes too small. "Well, uh, perhaps… some of your… vacation photos… got mixed in… with mine?"
The reflection of her plasma danced dangerously in her eyes as she slowly enunciated, "I… don't… take… vacation… photos."
All Drakken could respond with was a pitiful, "No, uh, I don't suppose you do…"
Fearing that this might be his very last action this side of eternity, he quickly advanced the projector to the next and final frame. This time it displayed the correct slide, an expertly photoshopped picture of himself and Shego, both grinning evilly and holding the earth tightly in their mutual grasp.
As she viewed the photo, Shego slowly extinguished her flames, her face relaxing into an expression of approval.
"Well now, that's much better."
Drawing close to his ear so that the rest could not hear, she softly whispered, "I really didn't know you cared, Drew. Let's talk about this later after you've dismissed the troops, okay?"
He gave a nervous little nod, clearing his throat and turning to address his henchmen. "So concludes today's presentation. Are there any questions?"
Das Ende