my first posted story! : )
dumb short lil ficlet of m/s mulling over william. Post- finale/ iwtb era.
tw self harm mention/action ( nothing big tbh )
honesty it's horribly OOC but oh well. I like the way it's written. please enjoy! /v\ /
Fourteen. He's fourteen. and that's the only thing she knows about him.
He's her son, and that's the only thing she knows about him.
And that breaks her. Breaks her down to her elbows, slouched over the bathroom sink , crying, numbly clutching herself to attempt at comfort because Mulder is asleep in the room next to this one. Or at least he was when she left him there.
She digs her nails into her arms , leaving tiny pink puck marks that decorate her forearm , as these thoughts become too overwhelming. She pushes down harder , which hurts like hell but not quite as much as what is going through her mind , when she thinks of the fact the reason he's not here is entirely her fault.
She hates herself eternally for the choice she made. And she knows Mulder does too, even if he'd never dare say it. The look in his eyes when she mentions their son - it's reproachful and she knows it. He doesn't think Scully notices it, but she noticed it long ago. It hurts.
It's horribly selfish of her, but she'd take it all back right now if she could. To have him back. To have him back even if that meant him living the shitty life she and his father have sustained these past 13 years. Even if it meant putting him back in the danger she gave him up to save him from. She'd take it all back. And that's so, so horrible and selfish.
Scully chokes back a sob , trying to juggle her conscience and what she covets so dearly. She stares at her reflection in the mirror in front of her blankly.
She doesn't notice the door open or Mulder slip into the bathroom until he says her name.
" Scully?" He stands warily in the bathroom doorway.
She can't speak for a moment.
" He's fourteen." Scully finally finds her voice
" What?" His voice cracks and she immediately knows he's playing dumb. Mulder knows what she's referring too. Of course he knows.
" William's fourteen."
Mulder's response is a tightened , clenched jaw and silence.
" I'm sorry." Is the only thing she can force out of her throat now.
And at that moment as she speaks those words he breaks too. There's no reproach in his eyes, just pain. Pain and regret.
" I know you are."
And they break there together. Because he's fourteen and that's all they know about him.