A/N: I have no idea how I came up with this, but it's been sitting in my head for the past few days and Laura finally convinced me to put fingers to keyboard on it. This is going to be a three parter; part 1 - Aiden/Danny, Part 2 - Angell/Flack, Part 3 - Claire/Mac.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, like always.
It's not easy saying this to you,
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do,
But Boy, before you go, I want you to know
I wish you strength,
When times are hard,
Oh, I wish with all my heart,
You find just what you're looking for,
I wish you joy,
I wish you peace,
And that every star you see's within your reach,
And I wish you still loved me...
-Jo Dee Messina;
I always thought that death would be dark, the end of living, ceasing to exist, the light in the attic burning out. I can still feel DJ Pratt's hands on me, so I wonder if it's entirely over – maybe then it will be dark. The only way to describe it is like I'm floating in a swimming pool, but with the calming knowledge that the worst is over. Images surround me and it's like viewing my life in fast forward.
I'm lucky, I know that much.
I have very little regret in life, it's one of those benefits from living with the 'balls to the wall' mantra. The only perceivable regret I have is not.... not telling Danny Messer that I was absolutely crazy about him. That I ragged on him because it was my only line of defense against that crooked grin and flirty personality.
Maybe it's the peace from knowing I was going to die, I knew that DJ Pratt was going to kill me from the second he started targeting that woman – no way in hell was I going to let him get to her. I feel nothing. I feel free. Oddly enough, I feel alive.
I know they'll be the ones to investigate my death. When Pratt's done with me, my remains will be beyond recognition. One of them will do some magical CSI trick and realization will dawn on the people I once considered to be family. Mac will be the one to tell Danny because someone will have to restrain him from going directly to Pratt and putting a bullet between his eyes.
The new girl, the one Danny told me about when I ran into him a few weeks ago, she'll be the one to hold them together. She'll feel awkward and out of place, but then, she'll find a way to be the glue for them and make them smile right now. She'll distract them and I'm grateful for that, cause I don't want them to miss me too much. She'll go after Messer and maybe make him laugh a little. I hope, Danny has a great laugh and I don't want that to ever go away – even momentarily.
Danny will put on that face he does whenever something goes to hell in a hand basket. He'll crack some lame joke, everyone will laugh and a bit of normalcy will be restored to the team. His hand will come to find home on New Girl's back and if she knows what's good for her, she'll make a move before her moment is over.
Flack and Mac will have nearly identical reactions. They'll throw themselves into the case harder than all the rest and not waste a moment on rest until Pratt's permanently behind bars. Then Flack will also find himself checking on Danny and Mac will make some grand gesture to show the team that they are still a family and, like always, they're in this together.
The cold is setting in now, but so far, death isn't so bad.
Stella will be her usual self – the sounding board, the unbiased voice of reason. She'll be the one to dole out the hugs and to reassure New Girl that even though they're all missing me, she still belongs with them.
Hawkes will be clinical and detached because he is Dr. Sheldon Hawkes and he sees death every single day. The only ones he'll show face to is Danny and my father. He'll, in an out of character moment, hug my father as he stands grieving by the casket at my funeral. Several days later he'll show up with some random dish his grandmother taught him how to make on Danny's doorstep. They'll sit on the couch eating it straight from the dish with the Yankees game on as background noise while they talk about old times.
The proverbial darkness is setting in and I try to keep my focus on the good times, but all I think of is Danny. How I'd love to go back to that moment and, for once, not shoot him down. It's too late for second chances though and darkness is beginning to set in.
I want to make a wish, I just died at the hands of a sick bastard, God owes me one wish.
I wish for Danny to always smile when he talks about New Girl and for that twinkle to never fade from his eyes. I wish that New Girl falls completely for him, but keeps her wits about her, cause someone has to bust his balls and keep him in line. I wish that Danny remembers all the times we spent tired to bone and laughing hysterically at nothing after cases. I guess, what I wish for most of all, is for Danny to remember those times and know that I really, truly love him.
And that love doesn't die.