Jhonen's Creations
A Totally Jhonen-ful Song-Fanfiction-Thingy by KidKourage
Jhonen Stuff and Aqua…Perfect TogethaYo yo yo, my homies! What up? I'm rap masta KidKourage, here to lay down a vibe and getcha all groovin'! Well…no. But this little thing does contain music. Aqua music. Good music. It's also got lots and lots of characters in it. Many are from things that are not Invader Zim. However, since I always post everything that I write under this thread, I just said to myself, 'Ah, who cares, just put it under IZ like everything else.' Really, that's what I was thinking. Anyway, this is my last departure from my normal, main plotline for now, until some other totally crazy idea pops into my head and begins gnawing at my brain. Imagination is a cruel mistress…really, she's got a nasty whip. And scary shoes. And…you don't care. So let's just get this over with.
The scene is a room! Oh, yes, a room! Ummmm…you prob'ly need a little more than that… OK, here. You know how in movies and on VH1 shows when bands and singers record their songs? You know that kind of room where there's like a kind of smaller room for the group to perform in while the sound engineering people work on mixing and recording outside? Alright, well, it's not that kind of room. But it's the room adjacent to that room. Where you'd expect the artists about to be using the previously described room to be waiting before going in to record their latest masterpiece. OK? Making sense so far? At any rate, it's crowded in there, and it sounds like everyone is talking at once. Now let's focus in on a rather harried looking young women who's just trying to do her job.
KidK: Alright, let's go through this again. You just sing what's on your paper at the time when I told you to, OK?
Gir: But I wanna sing the whole song!
KidK: I know you do, Gir, but that's not how this thing works. See, I want to give as many people as possible a chance to sing at least one line.
Gir: Awwwwwww!
KidK: But look! You get to sing the chorus every time it comes up!
Gir: Really?
KidK: Would I lie to you?
Zim: Well, you certainly lied to me!
KidK: Whatever do you mean, Zimmy?
Zim: I've only got a few lousy lines! And don't call me that in front of all these people!
KidK: Gosh, all you guys are such prima donnas! My very first songfiction-thingy and already you're fighting about the size of your parts! Don't worry Zim. Even though you've only got a few lines, I'm sure everybody will remember them more than anybody else's lines. Does that make you feel better?
Zim: No.
Gaz: Zim, just shut up and do what KidK says!
KidK: Thank you, Gaz, for your cooperation.
Gaz: I don't have time to mess around here! There's a whole line of kids out there who want to challenge me to games! I want to beat as many as possible today so they won't bother me next time I make a celebrity appearance.
KidK: Oh, man, even Gaz! Dib, please tell me you don't have a problem.
Dib: Nope, no problems here. Except…
KidK: Except what?
Dib: Except that weird kid keeps trying to get me to join some kind of (air quotes) 'army of darkness!'
KidK: Oh, you mean Pepito? Don't worry, he can't recruit you if you don't go willingly.
Dib: But…he's creepy!
KidK: Oh, alright, I'll go talk to his dad.
She walks off to find Satan--hmmm, what an odd thought--but is stopped by a tall, purple-haired woman who looks pretty distraught.
Devi: KidK! I've got a bone to pick with you!
KidK: Not you too!
Devi: You didn't tell me he would be here!
KidK: Who?
Devi (pointing): Well, do you think it might be…him?! The guy who tried to kill me?! The guy who's a threat to everyone around him?! Any of that ringing a bell?! Hmm?!
KidK: Ohhhhh, you mean Johnny. He's harmless! (calling out) Hey, 'Nny-kun! C'mere!
'Nny: Yeah, Missy? Oh, hello Devi. How have you been?
Devi: Great, now he knows I'm here! (to Johnny) You stay away from me, you insane little freak! (she runs off)
'Nny: But Devi, I'm sorry! I really am! I have no feelings whatsoever for you now, just like I promised! Please forgive me! (he takes off after her)
KidK: Ahhh, a match made in…well…no. And speaking of which, I've still gotta find Señor Diablo and that kid of his. Hey, maybe Todd knows where they are! (she begins a new search) Hey, Todd? Where are you hiding?
Squee (under a chair): Under here. Please don't make me come out. There's…people here! Bad people!
KidK (kneeling down to talk to the boy): What kind of bad people, Todd? Don't tell me you're scared of 'Nny too.
Squee: The crazy neighbor man scares me, and the tall people scare me, and…and that green kid scares me, and that creepy little robot guy scares me, and…she scares me! *squeeeeee!*
Tenna (behind KidK): Hiiiii, guys! Say hello, Spooky!
Spooky: Squeeeeek!
Squee: ……………eeeeeeeeek!
KidK: Um, Tenna? I think Todd here is scared of Spooky. So could you--
Tenna: Aw, kid! Don't be scared! Spooky can solve all your problems for sure! So come on! Talk to Spooky! (she thrusts the toy in Todd's face)
Spooky: Squeek!
Squee: *whimper* But Shmee says that thing wants to eat my bones! I don't want it to eat my bones and make me all floppy and boneless like a jellyfish! Jellyfish sting!
Tenna: Spooky's a friendly spooky! Right, Spooky?!
Spooky: Squeeeek!
Squee: Noooooo!
KidK: Hey, Tenna, you know who I think would really appreciate Spooky's guidance right now? Tess. Yeah, Tess really likes Spooky a lot, and since she's having some trouble finding some nice people to be friends with, I'm sure she'd love to talk to him!
Tenna: Tess is in trouble? She really needs to get out more, don't you think? Spooky and I are on the way! (she scampers away to annoy elsewhere)
Squee: Phew! Thanks, KidK.
KidK: Hey, I don't want you to be scared--I'm not in the business of frightening small children.
Squee: You're the only un-scary one here! That girl over there is smoking! Smoking's bad! And that kid in the trenchcoat told me that Bigfoot lives in his garage! And…oh, man, there's a spider under here with me!
KidK: Why don't you come out, then? You can stick by me, OK?
Squee: Really, KidK? You want me around? People usually can't wait to get rid of me.
KidK: That's mean of them. You seem like such a nice little kid. Oh, and you can call me Missy if you want…
Squee (awwww, he's happy!): OK!
KidK: …'Nny always does.
Squee: Eep.
KidK: By the way, have you seen Pepito anywhere? Dib says he was bothering him earlier and I need to tell him to stop trying to recruit my friends for his soulless legions. Oh, wait, here comes his dad now. But…oh, jeez, what do those two think they're doing?!
Squee: Oh no, it's the tall people! Come on, Shmee, we better go hide before they do horrible experiments on me!
He dashes away, leaving KidK to deal with a very angry-looking Red and Purple, who seem to be having a fight with the Devil. Uh oh.
KidK: Alright, what's going on here?
Señor Diablo: Ah, Miss Kourage, there you are. These two…gentlemen have refused to stop pestering me since the moment I arrived.
KidK: Guys, what's your problem? I mean, what's wrong with your brains that you'd pick a fight with the Prince of Darkness himself? For one thing, he's the lord of Hell and has all kinds of horribly dreadful powers. And for another thing he's like eight feet tall!
Purple: That's just it! This guy is taller than us! Excuse me, but who are the Almighty Tallest around here?
Señor Diablo: I assure you, I have no intentions of stealing your title. Stupid mortals, do you really think I'm as petty as you?
KidK: Well said. So just please don't fight and make a mess out of everything.
Red: Huh. Why'd you have to give him a part in the first place?
Señor Diablo: We have a deal.
KidK: Right.
Purple: What? You made a deal with the Devil?!
KidK (shrugging): He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
Flash to KidK's house!
Mike-the-Brother: Alright, lay 'em down, guys! I've got a flush.
Piccolo: Full house.
Master Clef: Straight flush. Looks like I win again! Fork it over.
James: You guys are just taking advantage of me cuz I'm rich!
Kuzco: Yeah, no fair! You've got magic powers and stuff, you little wizard-guy! You're totally cheating with your stupid…scepter…thingy…thing!
Touya: Why am I wasting my time with this game? I've got six part time jobs to be at!
Yukito: Oh, don't be upset just because you only had three of a kind. You're so serious, Touya-kun!
Yaten: I want in on the next game!
Taiki: You'll just waste all the money from our last concert!
Seiya: Who wants to play Super Smash Brothers instead?
Mamoru: I'll play as long as I can be Captain Falcon.
Vegeta: Pitiful human! A true prince doesn't play games, he trains for combat!
KidK's Mom: Who wants nachos?
Yukito: Oh, that'd be great, Mrs. KidK's Mom! I haven't eaten for a whole half-hour!
Mike-the-Brother: Thanks, Mom!
Kuzco: Aw, man! Quit hoggin' the snacks! Hellooo, king of the world over here!
Seiya: Yeah, save us some this time, Yuki!
Taiki: You guys are such airheads.
Master Clef: They're worse than those Magic Knight girls…always demanding food and guidance and medical care…
Mamoru: At least you don't have to hang out with ten whiny girls!
James (most pitifully): I want some nachos too!
Touya: You stand corrected.
Piccolo: ……………….can I go home now?
Flash back to the studio!
KidK (daydreaming about her houseful of cute guys): Heheheheheh…(she snaps out of it) Anyways, guys, just cut it out. You've got the big finale, remember?
Red: Oh yeeeeaaaaah… See, Mister High-and-mighty-don't-mess-with-me-cuz-I'm-Satan! KidK likes us better than you after all!
Señor Diablo: As if I care.
Pepito (walking over): Father! That insolent fool-girl over there refuses to play Pokemon with me! She said I wouldn't be a real opponent! Me! I invented that god-forsaken game! Can I vaporize her thumbs?
Señor Diablo: No, son, now I've told you before that that kind of thing only causes a stir. Better to just slowly chip away at her resolve until she submits to your will. That's the most effective way to go at it--it's always worked for me, anyway.
Pepito (scornfully): You're such a traditionalist, father.
Señor Diablo: Don't make me force you to wear your mother's cross again.
Zim: Hey, KidK! I've just realized that I've only gotten three stupid lines in this stupid fanfiction!
Tess: Hey, stop complaining. I haven't gotten to say anything yet.
Anne Gwish: Yeah, there's just no point in my ignoring all of you conforming, oppressive dolts if you don't at least try to talk to me!
Squee: Missy, I think the crazy neighbor man is dead!
'Nny: No, not dead, just resting. If there's anyone who knows the difference around here, it's me.
Devi: That'll teach you to try and make up with me! That was enough mace to blind an army!
'Nny: And you used it all on me? I feel so special right now…um…is this my head?
Gaz: No. Leave me alone!
Tenna: Hey, kid, don't you think Spooky's cool?!
Dib: Why are you harassing me with that thing?
Gir: Aw, I like him!
Spooky: Squeeeeeek!
Miz Bitters (manifesting herself): Silence, all of you! Shut your filthy mouths before killer bees fly into them! I don't have time for this--there's so much doom to contemplate. So let's just get on with this pointless waste!
KidK: Right, the recording room should be free by now. Come on, guys, let's do this thing!
They all file into the recording room, pushing and shoving and arguing and, in Tenna's case, squeeking the whole way. Hours pass. Then, finally, everybody comes back out--pushing and shoving and arguing the whole way.
Anne Gwish: Fi-nally. I don't think I could stand being in that room another minute with you people!
Tess: Oh, give it a rest, Anne. You're just mad 'cause that cute sound engineer wasn't checking you out.
Anne Gwish: And I'm totally wearing my most mysterious-looking dress today too! And he was just blatantly not noticing! I need a smoke bad.
Zim: Permission to destroy this human?
Squee: Oh no, I don't wanna see her blood and guts!
Dib: Yeah, Zim, you probably couldn't destroy her anyway, you're so pathetic.
Gaz: For the last time, Pepito, I don't want to play Pokemon right now! So go away before I break your legs!
Pepito: Oh, I can't wait until you die. Father, can I be in charge of torturing Gaz's filthy soul for all eternity?
Señor Diablo: Ask your mother.
Pepito: But she never lets me do anything!
'Nny: I just want to say that I thought you sang beautifully, Devi. At least grant me that.
Devi: I'm gonna grant you a one way trip to the moon, courtesy of my boot!
Tenna: Oooo, can we go too? Spooky likes the moon!
Spooky: Squeek!
Gir: Hey, crazy lady! My Piggy wants to meet your Spooky!
Tenna: Neat! Spooky, this is Piggy!
Piggy: Squeek!
Spooky: Squeek!
Gir: Aw, they love each other!
Tenna: They should get married!
Red: Soo…lemme see if I've got this straight. Before the Big Bang, where we're standing right now, there was nothing?
Miz Bitters: Yes. And, eventually, when that giant comet the scientists are keeping a secret blasts a massive hole through the earth in 2118, there will be nothing once more! So you see, we are all doomed. (I read that in a book. Good thing we'll all be dead by then anyway, right? That's something to smile about, eh?)
Purple: Maybe you are, lady, but we don't live on this planet.
KidK: Come on guys, shut up! Let's listen to the song and see if it's OK!
Zim: It had better be OK after you forced me to stand in that stupid little room with these puny-minded humans for so long.
KidK: It only took a long time because some people kept messing up their lines.
Red: That wasn't my fault! Purple kept poking me!
Devi: And it's kind of hard to remember what you have to sing when little robots won't stop chanting 'bananas, cornfield, little blue tree!' in the background. (Dora the Explorer ref)
Squee: Bananas are scaaaary.
KidK: OK, before you all start fighting and running around screaming again, let's just listen to the CD, shall we? I've gotta get home soon.
Dib: How come?
KidK: I've got…stuff to do…heheheheheh…ahem.
She puts the newly-made CD, titled 'Jhonen's Creations,' into her boombox, which she brought along just for the occasion. OK, everybody, the moment you've all been waiting for is finally here! I'm going to embarrass myself by letting you read how I rewrote Aqua's 'Cartoon Heroes!' You must all be saying 'yay' now, correct? Come on, I tried my best, and I think it came out pretty alright in the end. I kept true to the right rhyming patterns and meter, just as any good song-rewriter would, so please say you like it! Come on, please? Say it! Oh, wait, I'd better let you read it first before I make any demands. Anyway, the CD starts playing. From this point here, until I say otherwise, everyone is singing. Yee, I'm so ashamed…
Devi: We aren't what we're supposed to be--
a bunch of 'toons for kiddies.
We've got some poignant things to say;
we just might force you to use your brains!
'Nny: The problems of society,
dealt with with killer irony.
'Shame, oh, shame,'
your Mom will scream.
Zim: Execs are so unreasonable,
and shows were so predictable…
Gir: 'Til Master came to earth to say:
Zim: One day Zim is going to rule the world!
Dib: That's just a pack of lies, you see,
Because first he'll have to get through me!
Gaz: Game by game,
I'm going to play--
One by one,
Until they're all won!
All: We are Jhonen's creations, oh!
And hopefully we're gonna last for ages!
We came out of his crazy mind, oh!
And we're living on cels and pages!
Miz Bitters teaches doom,
As she snakes 'round the room:
Miz Bitters: Dreams only lead to implosions!
All: Gir is such a doll,
His brain's a rubber ball:
Gir: I luv monkeys and explosions!
Tenna: Now let's go back into the past,
And meet Jhonen's great comics cast.
I'm Tenna; this is Spooky!
Spooky: Squeek!
Devi and 'Nny: Why don't you take that thing somewhere else?
Squee: This world is full of craziness!
Dust mites and squirrels chasin' us!
Pepito: Day by day,
the time's drawing near--
Soul by soul,
'cause Dad's on a roll!
All: We are Jhonen's creations, oh!
And hopefully we're gonna last for ages!
We came out of his crazy mind, oh!
And we're living on cels and pages!
Let's stare at Anne Gwish--
'Get noticed' is her wish:
Anne Gwish: Why can't anyone accept me?
All: Here's a smart girl, Tess--
Her social life's a mess:
Tess: I just want men to respect me!
Señor Diablo: Parents take this so serious;
Dumb mortals, they're delirious!
Now listen--I'm your friend:
Remember, it's all just questionably tasteful fun.
All: It's just questionably tasteful fun!
It's just questionably tasteful fun!
It's just questionably tasteful fun!
It's just questionably tasteful fun!
We are Jhonen's creations, oh!
And hopefully we're gonna last for ages!
We came out of his crazy mind, oh!
And we're living on cels and pages!
Red: Now obey our fists!
Purple: Because you soon will be…
Red and Purple: Servants of the Ir!
All: Ir!
Red and Purple: Ken!
All: Ken!
Red and Purple: Empire! (humorous gong sound)
Okie dokie, now the song's over. No more singing, I promise.
Devi: Now can I go home?
Miz Bitters: Yes, all this pointless happiness is giving me a headache.
Anne Gwish (disdainfully): Who listens to this kind of music, anyway?
KidK (menacingly): I do.
'Nny: Yeah, it might be a little stupid, but no more stupid than all that 'oh-god-no-my-girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-and-now-I'm-all-suicidal' and 'oh-pity-me-my-life's-all-screwed-up-except-it's-not-cuz-I'm-a-highly-paid-rock-star' stuff people today seem so enamored with.
KidK: Music should be for entertainment.
'Nny: Exactly! Why listen to depressing music when the world outside your head holds so many disappointments already?
Tenna: I like Aqua! It's fun!
Gir (to Tenna): Crazy lady…I luv you…
Tenna: I luv you too!
Gir and Tenna: We should get married! *gasp* Jinx!
Zim: Oh no you don't, Gir! We're going home to set up the chicken launcher!
Dib: Chicken launcher? Oh, this oughtta be good!
Tess: What is up with you, green kid?
Zim: Pitiful humans! You'll all be whistling a different tune when you're covered in searingly hot eggs!
Squee: That's just like that nightmare I had once! The eggs burned everybody's skin off and then the skeletons did a line dance! Nooooo!
Pepito: Don't worry, amigo, I'll take care of this kid for you! (he starts to form an energy ball)
Señor Diablo: How many times do I have to tell you--you can't go around blowing off people's heads! That's the kind of thing that'll have the humans at our door with pitchforks and ceremonial daggers…again! I don't want to have all that business like we had in England all over again--it was such a chore making sure everyone who you showed off your powers to died horrible, violent deaths!
Pepito: You have to admit, it was kind of funny when that priest got impaled by the lightning rod and then got struck by lightning.
Señor Diablo: Yes…that was one of my better ideas…but of course the best one was when I got one of the hellhounds to hypnotize that lawyer into setting up an elaborate device to shoot himself.
Gaz: Hmmm, that sounds kind of like what you have to do to beat the final boss at the end of 'Brainwashing Power Goddess of Evil Power.'
Red (proudly): One time I blew up a whole planet all by myself.
Purple: Yeah. Too bad it was our vacation planet. You idiot!
Red: Hey, how was I supposed to know that that orange stuff would explode if I set it on fire?
Devi: Can we not talk about horrible deaths anymore?
Anne Gwish: You guys are really starting to freak me out.
KidK: I'm leaving now, OK? You guys can just go whenever you want, alright? Zim? Gir? Are you coming now? No? Well then get somebody to drive you home later, OK? Okay, nobody's listening…story of my life. Heehee, now to go have some serious fun! Watch out, cuties, cuz when I get home we're gonna…well, we're gonna play Nintendo, do karaoke, watch some movies, get Mom to make us a cake, eat stuffed jalapenos, have a martial arts tournament, learn magic, groove out to stupid 80s pop, and…stuff!
And so, the story ends. Well, more or less. Hours later, after everyone else has left the recording studio and the place is totally deserted…
Happy Noodle Boy (falling from the sky): Have no fear! Dirty Hog is here! Gasp! They've all become invisible! This is the work of my ham and cheese sandwich! Curse you and your mustard-y toppings, you thieving amalgamation of fried sardines! Oh, jeezus, my tongue is on fire! And the circus clowns have whisked away the last of the spiders! What will I do without the touch, the feel of polyester to sate this wicked itching?!
Security Guard: Hey! What you think you doin' over dere? Freeze!
Happy Noodle Boy: You do not frighten me, worthless piece of toenail jerky! Woof! I say to you now, woof! For I am the king of all mushrooms! Gaze deeply into my eyes and tell me you love me! You lie! It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing! Googly moogly boogly flarg!
Security Guard: You are clearly insane, Mister Noodly Person! I shoot you now!
And then the Security Guard did his duty as a law-enforcement official and peacefully brought Happy Noodle Boy into protective custody by shooting him in the head. Several times.
The End!
I just listened to the real 'Cartoon Heroes' and sang my version along with it, and it sounds really cool! Only problem now is…I can't get the darned thing out of my head!