an. Five moments in Raine's life. My first return to this site in ages.
I.
At six years old, Raine watches through a window as another child's father swings the girl up onto his shoulders. She emits a high-pitched shriek, some giggles, and beats her father's shoulders with little fists. He whinnies like a horse and gallops out of sight. The girl's laughter is audible long after.
Raine looks over at her own father, who is rubbing her mother's shoulders. She doesn't think he's ever done something so exciting. He is quiet and distant, spending most of his energy trying to take care of her mother.
"Father," she tries, not quite sure how to word her question. He glances at her, nods for her to continue, though Raine reads irritation in the lines of his face. She fidgets, drumming small fingers on the kitchen table. She is supposed to sound intelligent at all times, and has been the subject of ridicule in the past when unable to explain herself. She wants to avoid that, but isn't sure she can.
The silence stretches on. Her father sighs loudly. "Do you have a question, Raine?" he asks, barely concealed boredom in his words.
She hesitates, then shakes her head. "No, Father. I'm sorry."
II.
Raine grasps Genis in her arms, screaming wordlessly. Virginia's eyes flash wildly, her hair flying about her face.
"Stop!" she screams, shoving the little girl and turning on her heel, fleeing to the boat.
"Mama!" Raine screams again, the cry going on and on. But Virginia is gone. All that's left is the cold, the storm, and the squalling infant she's holding. Raine squeezes her eyes shut, silencing her own sobs, and waits.
Eventually, after what seems an eternity, the world stops spinning around her, the storm fades, and Genis quiets. Raine waits another few moments, then opens her eyes to an unfamiliar field. It stretches on and on in every direction. Her hands shaking, Raine stands up, checks for injuries, for supplies.
Several scrapes on her knees. Tender bruises on her collarbones, where her mother pushed her. A small bundle of dried fruit. The clothes they're wearing. The blanket Genis is wrapped in.
Raine's chest feels hollow, and she has to fight to hold back more dry sobs, to keep from vomiting, to keep from leaving Genis and sprinting in any direction at all.
Instead, she counts eight deep breaths in and out, then stands and holds Genis more tightly. She doesn't know where to go, but she knows she can't stay here.
III.
At eighteen, Raine and Genis have traveled much of Sylvarant. Genis thinks they're studying, but truthfully, Raine is methodically searching for any information regarding Tethe'alla, the journey of Regeneration, magic portals that send you to different worlds. Anything. She has found little more than half-forgotten legends and blatant lies. It's maddening and fruitless; the stories are mostly made-up, existing to give the dying world hope, and the lies are worse.
Her search has finally brought them to a tiny village called Iselia, where the citizens are ignorant and small-minded. Standing in the doorway of the little house she's taken residence in, she inhales deeply, grabs Genis's hand, and asks for directions to the mayor's residence. Upon meeting him, she is entirely unsurprised to find he is the most ignorant man in the entire village, who is suspicious enough at her claims of pure elf blood. She can only imagine what would happen if he knew the truth. After that nerve-racking conversation, she moves on to more important matters.
"Mayor," she says, smiling as warmly as she knows how to, making direct eye contact. "I have spent seven years researching in various parts of the world. I also have been taking care of my brother since he was a baby. I'm good with children and have more first-hand experience than any teacher you currently have possibly could. I'm here today because I want to take over your village's education. I may be young, but I promise I'm worth it."
Next to her, Genis smirks. She kicks him under the table. The mayor frowns. "Well, Ms. Sage," he says appraisingly, stroking his ugly little mustache, looking her up and down lasciviously. Raine squeezes her fists in front of her, squelching the urge to rip it right of his face. "I imagine we could find some use for you, although we already have a teacher."
Raine pulls the neck of her coat higher, covering her collarbones, and gives a tight-lipped smile. "Mayor, I assure you, my skills are best used in a classroom setting."
The mayor sits back in his seat. "If you're certain that's your best offer," he says, sounding petulant. "There are a few tests to take, and I'll speak with Jack this evening. He wants to go back to traveling anyway."
"Thank you," Raine says primly. "Genis and I are living in a house near the school. I may be found there when you're ready to give me your tests." She rises and pulls Genis out of the house with her. As soon as they're outside, her jerks his hand out of her grasp.
"You're not good with kids," he says rudely, sticking his tongue out. "And I hate this place. I want to go back to Palmacosta." He races ahead of her, and Raine suddenly feels very, very tired, wants nothing more than to lay down on the ground and sob for an adult to help her.
But collapsing and crying are only options for children. Raine has been on her own for seven years, and she's not about to break now.
IV.
The dark-haired would-be assassin sits just outside the circle of firelight. Raine watches the girl closely, her chest tight. Those clothes. That slight accent. She recognizes these things, despite years of trying to forget. Tethe'alla. Even in the solitude of her head, the word sounds simultaneously graceful and terrifying. Tethe'alla.
"Gosh, Professor, you really don't trust her, do you?" Lloyd says loudly, startling Raine from her reverie. She glares at him.
"She has given us little reason to do so," Raine replies, sounding more confident than she feels.
"Yeah, but she helped us with the ranch. She knows it's wrong," Lloyd says.
"All the same, she tried to kill Colette," Raine snaps, effectively ending the conversation. Or so she thought.
Colette pipes up, smiling, her voice sunshine-y. "I don't mind! Sheena was just doing her job. I'm going to bring her some food!"
Before she can follow through, Raine plucks the plate from the blonde's hands. "Absolutely not. She's dangerous. I will take it to her, if you insist someone does."
Colette beamed. "Thanks, Professor!" she chirps. "I knew you'd come around!"
Once she's turned towards the assassin, Raine rolls her eyes. Colette's enthusiasm is endearing, but annoying. She thrusts the plate at Sheena. "Here," she says coldly. "Colette wants you to have some."
Sheena snorts indelicately. "Yeah, right. Like I'd trust anything you people made."
"And what does that mean?" Raine demands, irrationally offended, despite the fact that were their situations reversed, she'd have said the same.
"You know what I mean," Sheena says. "It's probably poisoned. I know how you feel about me. Besides, even if it's not, the food here is disgusting."
Raine stiffens and, unable to resist, crouches down beside her. "What do you mean by here? Where are you from? How long have you been here? How did you get here, who sent you, how are you getting back?" The questions tumble from her mouth faster than she can stop them.
Sheena stares at her suspiciously. "I'm... from... somewhere far away," she says lamely. "You wouldn't know it."
Raine collects herself. Of course she won't answer honestly. She doesn't bother answering, merely walks away with a slight hmph. Apparently, her best bet for answers is to make the assassin trust her. So she grabs a plate for herself, her bedroll, and once again joins the assassin outside the circle. At the girl's questioning (and probably suspicious) look, Raine sticks her nose in the air haughtily. "It's cold out here," she says by way of explanation. "You'll be warmer if someone is out here with you. And besides, it's more peaceful away from the children." With that she digs in, pretending she doesn't notice Sheena's tiny, grateful smile. Or the thread of warmth blossoming in her own belly.
V.
Raine is curled up on the roof of the inn, knees pulled to her chest, stomach churning, trembling. She has never been this furious. Never. Not even when she was first exiled to Sylvarant.
Her mind races relentlessly. The sight of Virginia won't leave her mind. Clutching that doll. As though she'd never done wrong. As though she hadn't abandoned her own children! Not even abandoned. Actively sent away! An entire world away!
A growl of frustration bubbles up in her chest, escapes her lips of its own free will. Her hands shake violently. She stands, the movement sudden and jerky, and begins pacing the little roof, heedless of the danger of doing so.
After some period of time - Raine has no idea how long - someone clambers through the window and joins her. Raine spins around, hackles up, ready to do battle, but then relaxes. It's only Sheena.
"What?" she asks shortly, her voice flat. Sheena bites her lip. Raine doesn't care. Really.
"Nothing," she says after a moment. "I just wanted to check on you."
"I'm fine," Raine snaps. "Go away."
Sheena hesitates, but doesn't move. "No," she finally says. "I think you need someone here."
Raine almost rises to the challenge, almost starts a screaming match, but is too exhausted. She sits back down, legs dangling off the edge, slumps her shoulders. Sheena sits beside her. Nudges her shoulder.
"Sorry you had to go through this," she says softly. "You deserve a better mom."
Raine's throat aches. Her eyes burn. She reminds herself she's an adult and adults don't cry. "It's fine," she says, swallowing hard. "It doesn't even matter. I've never needed her. Why would that change now?" She intends for it to be flippant, but even she can her the bitterness in her own words.
Sheena haltingly lifts an arm, than wraps it around Raine's shoulders, rubbing her arm gently, leaning her head against Raine's shoulder. Raine catches her breath.
"What are you doing?" she asks, afraid to disturb the moment, equally afraid to let it pass.
"I'm comforting you," Sheena replies. "Is this okay?" Raine nods. The storm inside her is calming the tiniest bit, and her breath is slowing down.
They stay like that, no words, for a long time. Eventually, Sheena releases Raine. She stands and pulls Raine to her feet. She doesn't let go of Raine's hand.
"Raine," she says thoughtfully. "How long has it been since someone gave you a hug? Other than Genis."
The question surprises Raine. "I'm not really sure," she says, after considering it for a moment. "Why?"
Sheena faces her. Before Raine knows what's happening, she's wrapped in the other woman's tight embrace. She feels stiff and uncomfortable at first, but slowly relaxes into it. When Sheena releases her, Raine's face is hot and red.
"I - Thank you," she says slowly. "I don't really know what to say..."
"Then don't say anything," Sheena says, smiling warmly. "You don't need to."