I posted the first couple chapters of this story a few years ago under a different penname, but I don't remember the email address I used for it so can't access the account. Since then I've written a bit more and wanted to give sharing it another go. I hope you like it. I'll post the second chapter quickly if it seems like something people would want me to keep up. :)

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For the first time in all my years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, coming back for the start of the year did not fill me with anticipation and excitement. I slid out of the horseless carriages to start the year for the 7th and last time in my life. And all I felt was dread and fear and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. A lacking of something that used to be there, but died some time ago. I suppose I should be thanking my lucky stars that the carriages were still horseless after last year.

"Hey, Loren. How was your break?" Lily Evans smiled at me, joining me as I walked towards the Great Hall.

Out of all my Gryffindor dorm mates, Lily always made a real effort to include me and be nice to me. I saw pinned to her robes, a shiny Head Girl badge. That didn't surprise me at all.

"Fine, thanks." I managed to plaster something that resembled a smile on my face.

"That's good! See you inside then." She grinned again and ran off to join her friends, Mary MacDonald and Alice Prewett.

I caught a glimpse of Seb, Wes and Cate laughing about something as they entered the Great Hall. And Jacob. And Quinn. I saw her auburn head of hair bouncing along next to Jacob's blonde one. He slid his hand into hers. Without thinking, I ducked behind a group of third years so that they wouldn't see me, which was quite awkward as I was above average height for a seventeen year old girl let alone a group of pre-pubescent kids.

It was right then and there, realizing that this year I would have absolutely no one to sit next to at the start of year feast, that made me stop in my tracks, turn around and bail.

I hurried through the corridors, up the stairs and down to the Gryffindor common room. I didn't need to eat now. I could always sneak out to the kitchens later.

"The feast over already? They go quicker and quicker every year" The Fat Lady asked, bored.

"Oh, no. It's not over yet, I was just feeling a bit sick." I made up quickly.

"Do you have the password?" She drawled.

"Um… no…" I twisted a strand of my long, dark chocolate hair around my finger and bit my lip.

"I can't let you in without the password, sweetie." She rolled her eyes and sidled out of the painting.

"Hey, come back!" I demanded, but it was no use. I sighed and wandered off aimlessly.

I wished Jasper were still here. I knew he was having the time of his life in Austria at the moment, in his first year of Curse Breaker Academy. By the sound of his letters, he was finally getting over what happened to the family the summer before the beginning of last year. Sofie seemed fine too, if a little shaken. She had Beatrice and Tim to help her. I'd never had the same relationship with my friends that Sofie has with hers. I suppose that was partially because all my friends were Jasper's friends first.

Sofie was also only 12 when it happened. Too young to really understand. Jasper and I had been shaken to the core. Returning to school, where everyone expected us to be normal was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It wasn't too bad for Jasper because he was in his 7th year. All our 7th year friends were slightly more distant and hung out less because of their NEWTs and they were preparing for life after Hogwarts.

The sound of a dry cough startled me out of my reverie. I blinked as I took in my surroundings. Somehow I'd managed to find my way to the potions dungeons.

"Paxton, what are you doing here?"

I smiled in spite of myself. It was Sev. One of the only people who had no connection to my old group of friends.

"I could ask you the same question, Snape." I responded, joining him by the cauldron he'd set up.

"The idea of being targeted by 'the Marauders' in a childish welcome back prank seemed less enticing than you might think." He said with a sneer.

I laughed. The Marauders, as they'd named themselves, always did a welcome back prank of some sort at the start of year feast. And every year, poor Sev seemed to come out the worst. James Potter, the leader of the little gang of miscreants despised him for having been friends with Evans.

"What's cooking, good looking?" I asked, peering into the bubbling cauldron.

Sev was renowned for his potion making skills. He and I became sort of friends two years ago when Evans and he had the fight to end all fights. She ditched him in potions and Slughorn paired me with him instead. At first he didn't even speak to me, but once he realized I wasn't half bad at potion making and invention myself we began our strange friendship.

"I'm practicing my Draught of the Living Death. Come here and look at this." He pointed at some illegible scribble he'd written in the margins of his Potions book.

"All I see is an ink smudge, hun." I said drily.

"I'm sorry I forgot you weren't nearly as intelligent as myself. It basically suggests substituting chopped snuffpods for crushed ones. See how my potion looks far inkier than a usual draught?" He smirked, not trying to contain his arrogance.

I nodded, ignoring the jab. "Is that because when you crush the snuffpods the excess juice dilutes the boomslang venom?"

"I assume so. Or the acidity in the venom is cancelled by the juice, leaving the potion far too basic. Chopping limits the amount of juice."

I took note of this in my head, deciding to do some research on snuffpod juice later.

I watched Sev silently for a while, cutting in with an occasional suggestion. It was nice to be free from all the whispers that still followed me and the din of the great hall that used to be comforting but was now torturous.

Eventually, we mutually decided it was time to leave the dark, musty dungeons and head to our respective common rooms. We didn't say goodbye, just nodded as we went our separate ways.

I grabbed the password off a prefect and dragged my feet to the common room, not ready to fall asleep and wake up to start the first day of what was sure to be the loneliest year of my life.

I was in for a shock though. When I reached the portrait hole, the three people standing outside it were the last three people I had expected. Seb, Wes and Cate. They must have been seeking me out as there was no other reason for three 7th year Ravenclaws hanging around outside the Gryffindor common room.

I decided to just walk straight past them and pretend I hadn't noticed them. I muttered the password to the Fat Lady and she swung open the door.

"Loz. We didn't see you at the feast." Seb spotted me and ran up to grab my arm.

"Uh, nah I bailed." I mumbled as I shook him off.

Seb and Wes shared a look I couldn't interpret.

"You can't hide forever, Loz. It is a new year, you know." Cate said quietly.

"Yeah, surely you must be over last summer by now." Wes cut in.

Cate shoved him. Wes had always been more blunt than the rest of my old group of friends. I always assumed inability to sympathize was a trait that came with being far smarter than the average member of the human race.

"What Wes means is… we're here for one more year. Jasper and all his year are gone… now it's just us… Look, I know you're mad at Jacob and Quinn and what happened was unforgivable but the old Loren would be able to put that behind her. Let's not finish school this way."

For the entirety of Cate's speech I stood stock-still, emotionless. Maybe the old Loren would be able to put it behind her. Before the summer of 6th year. But the old Loren died that night. I could barely remember the enigmatic, cheeky, innocent girl who breezed through life with little care about anything but her immediate life. She was replaced by someone so cautious that she'd had to distance herself from all of her old friends and boyfriend in order to piece together what she had left.

I thought about what my old friends were saying. It would be so easy. Go with them back to the Ravenclaw common room. Smile at Jacob and Quinn and pretend that I had forgiven them. But… I just couldn't. I couldn't pretend to be the person I used to be. Quinn had been my best friend. And Jacob had been my boyfriend. I had already been unsure of myself. When I found out what they were doing behind my back, it was the final straw. I learned how to be by myself. And I found that it was actually far easier. Less drama, less mindless gossip, fewer distractions, less hurt.

"Um… I guess I've just changed." I finally said, realizing they were still waiting for an answer.

"If you can change, you can change back." Wes said, logically.

"I don't think I can." I turned around and climbed through the hole, still open, without even a glance back at the people whom I used to be closest with in the world.

I walked through the common room, abuzz with first day back chatter. A group of first years were listening in awe to Tom Bailey and Euston Jones' purposefully wrong explanation of how to get by at Hogwarts. I nearly smiled when Tom mentioned that McGonagall didn't really care about tardiness and being late to her class was fine. Those poor first years. Some 4th year girls were giggling in the corner over summer gossip. An impromptu game of monkey in the middle had begun amongst some of the younger boys. They were teasing Damian Creevey again and had managed to knick his wand.

I tried to get through, unscathed, melting into the scenery. The girls' staircase was just behind the fireplace. If I could just make it there without being noticed…

This was obviously too much to ask.

Domineering the couches by the fire were the four loudest, most obnoxious, most charismatic and, let's be honest, most troublesome wizards at Hogwarts. The Marauders. Led by James Potter they consisted of Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They usually ignored everyone around them apart from when they were tormenting the Slytherins or Evans was rejecting Potter, yet again. But tonight, just as I reached the bottom of the stairs, I felt a prickle on the back of my neck. Like someone's eyes were on me.

I whipped my head around. Black was staring at me, his eyes emotionless and cold. He was just staring. Not like he was checking me out or anything. Just… staring. My heart rate increased and I felt sweat collect under my arms. Why was he staring at me like that? I froze, unsure how to respond. Should I call him out for staring? Or run away? In my uncertainty I ended up staring back accidentally. He didn't divert his gaze. This was so uncomfortable. Eventually, my mind returned to my body and I high-tailed up the stairs as quickly as my legs could carry me.

I collapsed on my bed, out of breath. The other girls weren't in the dorm yet. What the hell had that been about? Ignores me for 6 years and then this? I don't even think he knew my name. I couldn't think of one time we'd had a real conversation. He'd always been the complete opposite of me. Moody and troubled. Kind of quiet. He never put up with anyone's bullshit. Especially the girls that obsessed over his looks. He was blunt and cutting and didn't seem like he gave a damn about anything but his mates.

All through Quinn and his relationship last year he never showed much interest in her. He didn't even care when she cheated on him with Jacob. He ended things without so much as a sniffle. Had moved on by the next week.

And here I was, the whole thing having seemingly permanently scarred me.

So why had he been staring so intensely at someone he'd never given two shits about before?

I had no explanation for his behaviour.

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So there you have it. The first chapter of The Whole Nine Yards. Please leave a review :)