Hopes and Dreams
They had been trying for nearly a year now. By the time they had both gotten out of prison and reunited--started their relationship anew, she had been well past her prime. With a slowly growing dread, she had privately spoken to her doctor and booked the necessary tests that needed to be made. She had feared the worst even while trying to push all those thoughts to the back of her mind. She needed this to work--they needed this to work, for them to work out.
Their relationship hanged precariously in the air. After all the hurt and betrayal it was some wonder he had forgiven her and wanted her back. She had had her own hangups and reservations, and one by one they had also been resolved and placed aside. She knew he needed this now, and yearned it almost more than she. The way he smiled and laughed as they talked about starting their own family—having children, naming one after his brother—yes, their first son would be named Neil...
When she was handed the report, the doctor's grim face told her everything even before she took out the papers and had them explained to her page by page. She was past her prime. Anovulation. Something to do with her ovaries. Injuries she had sustained while on the force could also have been a factor.
She had listened silently, avoiding her doctor's eyes and closing her own when they reached the last few pages. She tried to push away that image of her and Jake holding a baby girl, their baby girl in their arms.
She thought about keeping the report from him.
It shamed her that her first thought was still to hide. So much had been riding on this hope, this dream of a family of their own. But no, this was something she couldn't keep hidden forever and she couldn't, wouldn't keep things from him anymore.
She told him that night, after dinner. He had sat there at the table and listened, stony faced. She had to stand, to pace, to bite at her thumb--she couldn't stay still and study that dearth of emotion on his features.
After she finished speaking, he had stood up. The chair's legs had scraped all too loudly on the wooden floor. For a brief moment she had worried he'd walk out, right then and there--their relationship had taken enough blows, and this might as well be the final one.
Instead, he walked to her. Instead, he put his arms around her, held her close.
She leaned against him as he stroked the back of her head. He didn't say anything, and neither did she.
They wouldn't be living that dream they'd been sharing. Like so many other hopes and dreams in their lives, this one had been taken from them. But like always, they'd pull through it somehow. Somehow, they'd make it through together.