OH NO. OH NO, I HAVE JUST BROKEN MY VOW AND WRITTEN SLASH. OH GOSH. (It's my yaoi-reading friend's fault. Seriously.) Anyway, seeing as it's my first slash fic (and hopefully last), please review! In the meantime I shall try to update my DMHG. ASAP. (Empty promises. Not.)
It had started out as a simple sentence:
"Honestly, I'd rather date Remus!"
And now that declaration had evolved into convoluted feelings, raging hormones and covert glances.
To be honest, Sirius had never set much store by the rules. Besides, there had never been a rule explicitly stating that it was wrong to like his best friend.
And if a rule hadn't been written in black and white, signed by at least seven officials, printed in Ministry law handbooks and conveniently situated in a place where Sirius Black was likely to see it, it wasn't explicitly stated.
It wasn't his fault, anyway.
It wasn't his fault he had to resist a strong urge to throw something sharp and dangerous at any girl who smiled at Moony.
It wasn't his fault he had signed up to take exactly the same subjects as Moony, even though he hated anything that needed him to pay attention.
It wasn't his fault that Moony's smile was so warm, or that his grey eyes were so kind, or even that his sandy-brown hair fell across his face in such a perfect way.
All that was Moony's fault.
But let's start from the beginning, when Sirius was in his third year.
It wasn't his first, or even his fifth time in Madam Puddifoot's café, which was saying a lot, because it was his third trip to Hogsmeade. His extremely fortunate date, this time, was Amelia Westvale, who obviously knew she was extremely fortunate, because she was beaming from ear to ear and could barely drink her coffee (for those of you not in the know, it is hard to drink coffee and beam from ear to ear at the same time.)
"So, uh," she began breathlessly, toying with a strand of hair. "Nice weather, isn't it?"
Sirius looked out at the iron-cast sky and stifled a snort. The ineloquence of some people.
"Yeah, nice," he replied, for politeness' sake.
Jubilant at her success in eliciting a response, Amelia got just a little bolder and casually reached for the sugar bowl, which was conveniently situated next to Sirius' hand.
A tactic that would be repeated in the not-too-distant future by Sirius' godson, but he was not to know.
What he did know, however, was that he was going to jerk his hand away dramatically, just to see the girl's reaction.
The smile on her face grew noticeably smaller.
"Well, uh, do you want to do something?" she asked uncertainly, casting a hopeful glance at the nearby couples, all of whom were snogging indiscreetly.
Sirius allowed himself what he believed to be a suave grin, and leaned closer to Amelia, whose eyes widened in shock.
"Sure, like what?"
"Er..."
He bent until his lips were brushing her ear, then whispered, "Is that really all you girls can think about? Honestly, I'd rather date Remus!"
That was two years ago, and here he was at fifteen, cursing himself for being a hypocrite, because sometimes, that was really all he could think about.
"Padfoot!" called Remus, hurrying down the corridor clutching his stack of dog-eared textbooks. "Sorry, I needed to ask Professor Slughorn something."
Sirius flashed what he hoped was a casual smile, and promptly allowed his own pile of books to topple to the floor.
He cleared his throat and hurriedly bent down to pick them up.
Soft, approaching footsteps, and Remus knelt next to him, eyebrows raised.
"A bit preoccupied, are we? Maybe about why your cauldron remained absolutely empty from the start of the lesson till the end?" He continued staring at Sirius when his friend failed to reply.
"Sirius, you just sat there. You just sat there for one hour, in a daze. I nudged you, poked you, and shook you about a dozen times, and you just sat there!"
Remus sighed as he looked at his friend's dreadfully guilt-free expression.
"Sirius. At the rate you're going you'll be worse than Peter, and, well, you saw how his Vanishing spell on Tuesday made his snail explode!"
"It did?" asked Sirius finally, looking surprised. "And I thought McGonagall was angry because I made my snail fly around the classroom!"
Remus' fingers closed around Sirius' Charms textbook, feeling how the smooth cover and new binding was so different from his own second-hand, torn copy. He brushed away the moment of wistfulness, and held it out to Sirius.
"If there's something wrong, Padfoot, you can tell me."
There was a pause.
"I, ah, like someone, Moony."
"That's no surprise."
"Yes, well, this time it's a huge crush," he continued awkwardly.
Moony laughed softly, the broad grin on his face illuminating his tired features.
"So go on, Sirius, is it Delilah Vane? Or someone from Ravenclaw this time? There aren't many Gryffindor girls left for choice."
"You know the person, Remus," said Sirius, biting his lip. "H – Sh – That person's quite close to us."
"Knowing you, Sirius, it'll only be a matter of time before you make your move," chuckled Remus. "Besides, you're popular! And," he added, "we're going to be late for Charms."
The pair stood and began their climb towards the third floor, Remus cheerfully oblivious about Sirius' dilemma.
Indecision. It happens to the best of us. To take that risk, and jeopardize what was a beautiful friendship, but what could only ever be a beautiful friendship? Or to hold back and live the rest of your life in regret for the paths you never chose, the outcomes you'd never know and the courage you never possessed?
Decisions have to be made, even by the best of us.
"Remus, wait," Sirius said, his hand closing around the other boy's slender wrist just before they reached the top of the stairs.
"Decided to open up, have we?" Remus asked lightly, a small smile forming on his face.
Yes, I've decided.
"Um, I thought you ought to know," Sirius mumbled, stepping closer to his friend. "I, ah, my crush..."
And he brought his lips against Moony's, feeling the boy exhale in surprise at the kiss, but making no effort to break away.
In that lingering moment, the raging hormones disappeared. The covert glance never came, because his eyes were shut. And the convoluted feelings dissolved into simple, pure, happy bliss.
With an effort, Remus turned away and breathed hard, unable to quite conceal the flushed cheeks, or the embarrassed grin.
Indecision. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes we choose right, and sometimes we choose wrong. But always, there is a choice to be made.
"Er, Charms," said Remus hastily, rubbing the back of his neck. "C'mon, we're really late."
And he walked off determinedly, leaving behind the happy puddle of goo that was Sirius Black.
OH EM GEE. And if it wasn't too bad, or it was just too, too bad, I'd love you if you could just drop a review to let me know! It's nice to be able to improve :)