Betrayed

I walked in the corridor heading towards Transfiguration; I arrived at the door a bit late. Class had already started but I didn't care. I was on cloud nine. I didn't it though. Potter and his gang would most likely spoil it.

I walked inside the class and sat down at me desk "Hey snivellus, where were you? So late?" James Potter asked me. Here they go again. "I bet he was snogging some ugly chick in the broomstick closet", Sirius black commented further. Join in the ragging session. "Get a brain siri, who would snog him?", James concluded and everyone started laughing. "POTTER! BLACK! DETENTION TONIGHT" , Mcgonagall's shrill voice shouted at them. They just smirked in response.

Lily who was sitting behind me told me not to let them get to me. I wouldn't. I felt really lucky to have her as my best-friend and even more lucky that she had agreed to come with me to the winter Ball....even though as friends at least she had considered me. After school ended, Lily and I were sitting under a tree finishing all our home work.

I know who does their home work on Fridays but I needed to be free tomorrow as I had to spend a good deal of time getting ready to look presentable in front of her.

Lily hardly needed any.

I kept sneaking looks at her. Her sleek red hair brushed across her cheeks as her fingers moved over the parchment listing down the various antidotes which helped save lives. Occasionally she would stop writing, look at others sitting around her, think and then proceed writing. Soon I realised that I too had to complete my essay on antidotes.

After dinner Lily approached me. My heart rate sped up. She had a guilty expression on her face. I looked at her waiting for her to speak. "Severus, I don't think i'll be able to make it to the ball", she said.

"Why are you ill? Do you need any medications from Madame Pomfrey? ", I asked her in a worried voice.

"What I meant was that I don't think i'll be able to make it to the ball with you. James asked me....", she repeated herself and trailed off.

"So you said yes", I simply stated feeling hurt.

"I'm really sorry Sev you're my best friend but if you were a girl you'd understand how I felt. I kinda like him. I've no idea either how it happened", she said refusing to look at me.

Best friend. Those words repeated themselves in my brain.

She wanted his company for the ball. She loved him, not me. How could I have ever thought that. James' words rang through my head "Who would kiss me? ",he was right. I'm just a freak! No one cared. "Severus", lily said my name. "It's fine", I said. She smiled and hugged me. "Oh Sev I knew you'd understand", she said and bid me goodnight.

I went upto my dorm and entered the bathroom. I stopped in front of the mirror and picked up the cutter nearby.

Without thinking i slit my wrist allowing blood to flow making sure no vein got damaged.

I was not suicidal.

Just wanted to let that pain out. I winced in pain.

Lily was right. I understood. Understood that she didn't love me.

Never thought of me that way.

Understood that I was unlovable.

I would be like this forever but I couldn't help my feeling towards her.

I was addicted. Addicted to her smile, her face, her charm of making any simple guy fall for her. I doubted that she even had a faint idea of what her impact was on other BOYS.

Tears followed the blood, I reflected on every memory of us since our first year. James had won and finally got her.

I couldn't believe one rejection could hurt so much. I wanted to cut myself all over to let that pain out. I sunk to the floor and cried.

Never would I again even think of asking her out, even not as friends. Cause I knew its after effects. Potter would come along and sweep her away.

It was best for me to keep my distance from her. For my good. Maybe even for hers, and for the sake of the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin.