A.N: So this would be my first time writing a fanfic from Fifty Shades Trilogy and I felt like a nervewreck about it. Still, hope you would like my first try on something out of my league! :) Cover image taken from Fanpop, I DO NOT own it.

This story basically take place right after the ending of Fifty Shades of Grey when Ana left the Escala. Then the rest from there on would be my own storyboard and it would be like Fifty Shades Darker and Freed never took place. Enjoy!

Warnings: There would be OOC prompts from Christian, sexual content and lots of cussing words(you know...). Oh, and I assure you: HEA.

Disclaimers: I do not own anything out of the Fifty Shades Trilogy. They belong to E.L James.

Fifty Shades Faded

Prologue

"Goodbye, Ana." was the last words I bid her.

I could only stand there despondently, waiting and waiting for the moment I predicted she would climbed into the backseat of the car. I closed my eyes, imagining vividly in my mind how the the exhaust of the vehicle would huff and puff before speeding albeit slowly away from Escala, and disappear within the next corner. The imagination was almost alive, burning in my mind, and I fucking swear that I could hear the roar of the engine as it left my residence...

So did the only drive of my life. Anastasia Steele was no more. It felt like the car had robbed half of my spirit and gone it went like a swish of wind. Gone, gone, gone from my life and I reckoned: forever.

My body froze, none of muscles and fibre responding for my command to move. Or, I couldn't myself, a sudden weight of tonne rested itself upon my shoulder, my feet and the rest of my anatomy. It felt so tired to move even just for a little. Then something inside my chest slowly expanded, I never felt like it before I met Ana. It was so foreign, and I didn't like it. It grew and grew, oh so heavy that my knee gave way and I found myself sitting on the ground where I watched her leave.

It never happened before when all fifteen of my previous subs left... wait, Ana was different. She was not a sub. But not my girlfriend either, I didn't do girlfriend far as I remembered. The ground suddenly felt so cold that it stung my my skin where it was exposed.

My palms slapped both my cheeks, covering them. I finally found myself a word to define the heart swelling feeling inside my damned ribcage.

Regret, yes.

Fuck. Why am I feeling this way? I shouldn't be regreting over split milk, shouldn't I? I let her go because she wanted to go!

Then... why?

There was a chime from the elevator.

"Sir? Mr. Grey?" a strong thud of black boots stopped before me, "Are you alright, sire?"

I pulled my hands away— finding that they were dry, no tears pooling at all— and there stood Sawyer. When did he get back? I thought I had sent him away for the rest of the day?

Sawyer easily fortold what I was thinking by the glare I gave him. Thank God I didn't have to voice it. "Taylor gave me a call." He looked rather surprised to see me so broken and pathetic on the floor. And fucked up too.

"Taylor?" I seethed. Oh, yes. He must have overheard the skirmish between Ana and I; or maybe he just could guess that me and Ana would end badly. Thoughtful of Jason Taylor, he never wanted myself to be left alone without the scrutiny of securities. Yet, how dare he made decision of his own. Still, my heart capacity was almost full that they was no space left for anger.

Languidly I rose from the cold ground. My legs felt pruney but straight I stood in my jeans and T-shirt. No one could see me like this; so broken, so pathetic and so fucked up. Well, I supposed Ana was the only exception.

"Are you okay, sir? Is there any trouble while I was gone?" He asked.

My throat felt so dry so I didn't respond. Sawyer took the cue himself—thank god— and I saw he made a quick scan around the apartment. He looked quite pleased, no broken anything. Except me.

I dragged myself (literrally) across the spacious home of mine. It felt so empty now, another something new I had discovered tonight. I had never felt empty before even when Gail was not around too. Absently I strolled to the nearest drink bar and pour myself a full glass of Merlot in the nearest glass I could reach, which happened to be champagne glass mechanically - my bodyguard looked bewildered when I did that.

I didn't give two shit about it. I need alcohol and so will I.

Despite so, I couldn't find myself to down it. I only swirl it and watched as some liquid dripped onto my wrist (I don't suppose it's easy to swirl red wine in a tall champagne glass, full no less). Landed my ass on the nearest stool and I placed the wine back to the bar, I didn't think I want it anymore now. Tiredly I rest my hands againt my face again. It was when I was thoughtless like this that my brain started to work automatically for me. Words played like a broken radio and scenes played out like a bad movie in my mind.

"I don't want to go." I remember she whispered. The little flame of hope suddenly flicker alive. I was so desperate that time, it was maddening.

Then, came my honest admission in my entire life: "I don't want you to go either." I touched her cheeks, wiping away the stray tear streaming down her flawless face. Her scarlet skin felt so warm beneath my fingertips, "I've come alive since I met you." I said it with my utmost candor, whatever the fuck it was they called nowadays. I trace her lower lips with my thumb now, so bruised yet so soft. Those perfect lips.

"Me too." The flame of hope now burns. Brighter than the sun. "I've fallen in love with you, Christian."

I couldn't believe my ears. She loved me. She loved me. She freaking loved me!

Why? How? At that moment, I knew it too, the blantant truth: I loved her too. But my fear overshadowed me, the urges to confess buried under the consternation of being looked at differently. I lost control and now I lost Ana.

She's gone, Grey! My subconscious shouted and yelled like my mind didn't belong to me anymore, if you let her go this time, you can't claim her back.

I breathed, not realizing how long I've held it.

Go after her, Grey.

"Sawyer." I said suddenly, a strong surge spiralling and I feel my strength slowly rejuvenating, "Get me a car key."

"Sir?" He looked at me with eyes aloof, perplexed by sudden request."

"I meant now, Saywer." If he made me repeat myself, I would have punch him squarely on his jaw.

The guard did as I told, handing me a random key from the bunch. I gave it a quick look, it was for the Mercedes that I bought some long months ago, yet forgotten. I took a few long strides back to the elevator and slammed at the switch. Luckily, it was there for the start.

Sawyer trailed after me, "Should I drive you, sir—"

The slits closed and I was alone in the elevator, in my jeans and T-shirt.

It was cold out in the Seattle night.

I charged ahead of Sawyer fast. It should take a while, considering how the elevator now had to take a detour back over the top of Escala and down again.

It's been a while since I drove in a car myself. I didn't remember if my driving license had expired or if I had it in the first place at all. I don't do driving, Taylor did it for me. Well, I drive like a fucking lunatic, uncaring of those passing by behind me or those blaring their horns in annoyance over my misfit. I just need to get to Ana's apartment, apologize and I can live for tomorrow again.

Dammit, traffic so slow.

That's why I hated Seattle traffic, people just had too many business to clog the damned road. It was a two-way road and I stretched my neck to the left, there seemed to be no vehicle on the other side. I just need to get up this fucking ramp and I am free from the streets.

I took the gamble and swiveled my Mercedes over on the wrong lane. Just my luck, there was no vehicle at all. I stepped on the pedal verging to snap it, but I need all the velocity I could afford. The uphill climb ended fast enough and I was ahead of many other cars. Soon as the climb ended however, there came another car oncoming, flashing the headlight directly in front of mine.

Holy fuck.

I had nowhere to go, in my speed and the other, there was no way to avoid a collision without someone do anything. This was the second time I lost control for the day, first I lost control to bring Ana back and now this.

I pulled the steering sharply to the left, the blaring horn being incredibly loud in my ears, the lights became so bright that it was blinding.

Abruptly then, blackness swallowed my whole and I could only hear silence.

Ana, I am sorry. I love you.

I truly do.

I originally wrote this in third person view. Then I changed my mind since it had lost that 'Fifty Shades feeling' and I kinda missed out a lot of important perspectives from the characters too.

So how did it went so far? Leave me a review!