A/N: I can truly say that The Fault In Our Stars and My sister's Keeper inspired this story. I don't have much knowledge about cancer and all the medical aspects. I did a lot of research for this one shot and english isn't my first language, so please don't be too hard on me if I write anything wrong. My intentions are not to offend someone who has it, it's simply supposed to be a little story, about Bella having cancer and how she deals with it.
The reason most people give up is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.
Isabella Marie Swan
To have cancer must be one of the worst things that could happen in life. Not only for the one who has it, but also for the family. You know that you're dying, but at the same time you don't. Doctors will tell you and your family a percent chance to survive. But they can't tell you with certainty. You can always explode and there is no one to blame.
Because that's what we are. Ticking time bombs.
Humanity always tries to find someone to blame. They can't live with the fact that something happens without a reason. And they especially hate it , when they have no control. But that is life. Yes, there are many cancers that you can cure, with treatments or an operation. Though there are still a few left that you can't heal or that grow too fast to heal. Just like mine.
I've been diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia only a year ago, but my cancer was growing so rapidly that the doctors told us, I'll only have a few more weeks (or if I'm lucky month) to live. My parents tried to search for the reason the past few month, no matter how many times I tell them that I don't care about it. I can't undo my cancer. It's here and it won't go away.
I could say I had bad luck, because I have acute leukemia and not the chronic leukemia. Though I don't want to say that. Just because my cancer is much more dangerous that the chronic leukemia, because of it's growing rate, doesn't mean that the people who have chronic leukemia have much better luck than I do. They still have cancer and they still have to fight against it.
They just have a bit more time than I do.
''Bella? Please come down and eat something before we go.'' I heard my mom shouting from downstairs.
''But I told you I'm not hungry, Mom.'' I replied to her as I let myself fall back into bed.
''Please Bella, do it for Mom and Dad. They're only trying to help.'' My sister Meredith sighed from the door. I looked up.
''I know they are Mer. I'm simply not hungry. Why can't they understand that leaving out breakfast for once isn't going to kill me?'' I groaned in frustration. Meredith stepped into the room, closed the door behind her and walked over to me.
''Because they are parents Bells. Their little baby girl is dying and there is nothing they can do to prevent it. All they can do is to take care of you and you won't let them.'' Meredith told me with a calming voice.
I sighed. ''Now thank you for the extreme wave of guilt.''. I wrapped my arms around my pillow and looked up at Meredith, who was sitting next to me.
''Just try to cooperate with them. And I'm sure a breakfast isn't going to kill you either, it will only make them happier.'' Meredith told me.
Meredith is my sister and the eldest of us. Initially my parents only wanted to have one child, which they did at first, but then I and my twin sister came around. They conceived Meredith when they were around 32. She was planned, in comparison to me and my sister. My parents told me that they were never expecting to have another child, but oh well. My mother got pregnant with us when she was 40 and I knew she was blaming herself, because she got us so late. I don't. The doctors already told us that my mother's old age isn't the reason for my cancer. And my twin sister Kathleen shows no signs of cancer. Doctors have actually no clue why I got it.
''Sometimes I really feel as if I have three parents instead of two.'' I mumbled. Meredith let out a small chuckle.
''We're just looking out for you Bells. Try and keep that in mind.'' Meredith said, as she gave me kiss on my forehead.
''I give my best, mother.'' I said, smirking at my sister. Meredith rolled her eyes and stood up from the bed.
''Come on, I bet everyone's already waiting downstairs and we don't want them to starve do we?'' Meredith said, streching out a hand for me to take.
''Maybe we do..'' I said, looking at her hand. Meredith let out a frustrated sigh, took my hand and pulled me behind her.
She dragged me behind her down the stairs and even though it hurted a little, I decided not to say anything. Meredith would only start to feel guilty again and I don't want that. All of my family members already feel extremly guilty and all I see are their pitiful looks. Well there is one exception. My sister Kathleen. One she found out about my cancer, she became very distant and cold, which is sad.
''Oh so Queen B finally decided to get out of her comfy bed, huh?'' Kathleen said with raised eyebrows.
''Kat! Please not right now.'' Mom scolded her and Dad gave her a warning glare. She let out a laugh.
''What I can't even say such things? Is it too hurtful for Bella? She's not made of glass.'' Kathleen said shrugging, as she took her sandwich from her plate.
''Don't you have someone else to pester Kat? Or is your life too boring for that?'' Meredith's boyfriend Jamie said, as he entered the kitchen with his son.
''At least I have a life..'' Kathleen grumbled. Ouch. Don't cry Bella. Don't cry. I can't let her see how much her words hurt me everyday. That's exactly what she wants.
''Enough! Go to your room, we'll talk later.'' Dad yelled at her and pointed up.
''Can I at least take my sandwich with me? Or is it not too important to you if I eat or not.'' Kathleen answered, not taken aback at all.
''I can't handle this.'' Mom said, as she run out of the kitchen. Crying.
''Just take your stuff Kat.'' Jamie said rolling his eyes. Meredith was looking sadly after our mother and decided to go after her. Kathleen then took her plate and made her way upstairs.
''And that's how I can make people leave within a few seconds.'' I chuckled and sat down.
I tried to hide my feelings, but it was hard. That's usually how it goes. My sister insults me, my mother scolds her, Kat says something hurtful and my mother leaves. Actually she doesn't leave the room very often or that quick. But whenever Kat says points out how my parents don't really care about her, my mother breaks down into tears. And I can't believe how hard it must be for her. One of her daughters is about to die and while she cares for me, she neglects Kathleen.
''Don't be silly Bells. You didn't do anything.'' Jamie said, as he sat down next to me. Little Charles was sitting on his lap.
Since my diagnose, Meredith, her boyfriend Jamie and their son two year old son Xander moved in again, to help my parents with me and my sister, which made me feel even more giulty. It seemed as if no one is really caring about their own life anymore and every decision is made after weighing if it will have any consequences for me. To be honest, my cancer has way more affect on my family than it has on me. My family is permanently in a crisis because of me and there's nothing I can do. And I don't want to imagine how things will change after my death.
''Yes Jamie's right. Kathleen is disrespectful towards not only you, but everyone else.'' Dad said and his lips were pressed into a line.
I sighed and started to eat a little. I knew my Dad was watching me and so was Jamie, but I just ignored them. They wanted me to eat, so a bread with stramberry-jam seems like a great start. I wasn't sure if they knew the exact reason why I didn't eat as much. Though I didn't want them to know. Since a few weeks, I'm having more and more trouble to eat properly and if I did, it's a matter of time until my body finds a way to get rid of it again.
After swallowing my last bite I said ''I better get dressed now.''
''Okay.'' Both Jamie and Dad said. For some odd reason I nodded at them, before standing up and making my way back to my room.
Today would be another day in the hospital where I'd get my treatments. In my opinion they're pretty useless in my stage. I already know I'm dying and I still have to get them. Even now when my parents knew I had only a little time left, they still insisted that I go. They were still hoping.
But the truth is: My cancer got worse and it will get a lot worser.
That's what my doctors told me when my parents left the hospital room. I only had a 0,000001% chance to survive, which is really really low. Those numbers are just another synonym for death.
But I couldn't die. Not before I didn't sort out a few things. I couldn't die with loved ones, hating me. So I had to make up with Kathleen. There are also a few person that may hate me, without knowing the true reason why I left them. For example my ex-boyfriend and daughter.
Yes I have a daughter. Although she isn't mine anymore. I gave her up for adoption right after her birth. I fell pregnant with her, after my first time with my ex-boyfriend Edward Cullen. He was my everything and I was his. I would have never dreamed of such a unique love I had with Edward. I met him when I was in high school, and when we were still living in Forks, Washington. I instantly fell in love with him and so did he, which still surprises me. Our love was perfect.
Well was until I broke up with him, after my diagnose. I knew enough people would get worried about me and it didn't seem right to stay with him and pretend we're gonna be together for a long time, when I was about to die. He deserved a happy life and I wasn't going to destroy it. I know he hates me for breaking up just like that, since he always talked about our future,marriage and kids. Yes, he was totally in love with me and I shattered all his hopes and dreams.
So all in all I have to make up with three loved ones, before I die.
1: My twin sister Kathleen.
2: My ex-boyfriend Edward.
3: My daughter.
Though I'm not too sure about my daughter. I believe that by now, she has a family that cares for her and she's barely 3 years old. I knew she wouldn't understand it now, but I was going to leave her a letter, that informs her about everything. And I would do the same with Edward. I'm still deciding wether to tell him of his daughter or not. I haven't written it in the letter, but I could easily add a sentence if I decide to inform him.
No one knows of my daughter. I've kept the pregnancy as a secret, which was pretty hard, but I somehow made it. I didn't even gave birth to her in the hospital. I remember it was at a abondaned meadow, that I found. I held my baby girl for a few minutes, before making my way to the adoption place. Without looking at her for one more time, I dropped her on their doorsteps, knowing they would take care of her. Or at least I hope so.
''Bella are you ready?'' My dad shouted.
Ups. I quickly grabbed some clothes from my closet and got dressed. I took a paper and a pen and wrote down a note for Kathleen.
Please meet me at 'La Vita' at 4pm after my treatments. I know you don't give a shit about me, but I'd be really grateful to talk to you one more time. Plus I need your help. - Bella
I had no idea if she was going to come or not, but I hoped so. I grabbed my jaket and quickly ran into Kathleen's room, she wasn't there so I dropped the note on her leptop and left the room.
So yeah this was the first chapter and this story will be short. Probably around 3-4 chapters the most. Anyways hope you liked it. Next chapter will be more about her treatments and her cancer in general and you'll see if Kathleen will come or not.