A/N: First song fic. Well, first fan fic. So, tell me what you think.
I'm Gabriella Montez, the singer/freaky math girl. I started at East High about a year ago and I love it here, but I also hate it here. I have a wonderful boyfriend but I can't look at him, I can't stand being near him, I can't stand looking at him, knowing the pain I feel inside, the guilt, the agony. My boyfriend, Troy Bolton is the most amazing guy in the world; he treats me like a princess, like a goddess, a queen. I tell him I love him. Why am I lying? I'm walking out the door, just thinking about what happened, leaving to see who I'm going to encounter. I look up at the sky, why am I doing this to him? Why can't I just be true?
Story of my life
searching for the right
but it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
'cause it seems that wrong
really loves my company
He's more than a man
and this is more than love
the reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rollin' in
because I'm gone again
and to him I just can't be true
I was at Troy's place a few minutes ago. We were hanging out and watching a movie. Tory was holding me tight; like he was afraid something might grab me, or take me away from him. The truth is someone already has. Troy knows. The way I'm distant, the way I look at him, the way he looks at me. The way I tense up when he touches me, it's not the tense/nervous/good tense. It's the 'it feels wrong, let go' tense. My cell phone rings. It's him. Troy asks me who it is, I say it is important and walk out of the room. I look at Troy's eyes, he hides his pain behind his smile. I let out a sigh as I walk out.
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
and it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't want to do this anymore. Why can't I tell Troy? I see him dying inside every time I go. I see him hurt and I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to take his life away. I don't want to be… a murderer.
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't want to hurt him anymore
I don't want to take away his life
I don't want to be... a murderer
I go into Troy's washroom after the call. He wants to meet me now. I want to see him too. I fix my hair and go back to Troy.
"It was Taylor. She wants to hang out for a little while with Kelsi and Sharpay; we've hung out for like, 5 hours already, is it okay if I go?"
I look at Troy's face, trying to read his face. His face is full of pain, but again, he puts a smile.
"Well, if you really want to go, it's fine by me. Will you come back here after you girls hang out?"
"Maybe, don't worry. I won't be long, just going to hang out with the girls."
There I go again, lie to his face. He could tell I was lying; I didn't even have to lie. He knew where I was going to go.
"Alright, come back soon." Troy says as he kisses me on the cheek.
I feel it in the air
as I'm doin' my hair
preparing for another day
A kiss upon my cheek
as he reluctantly
as if I'm gonna be out late
I say "I won't be long, just hangin' with the girls."
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
where I'm about to go
and we know it very well
I am preparing to walk out and Troy puts my jacket on for me.
"It's cold outside and I don't want you to get sick."
"Thanks."
I walk to the door and he grabs my arm.
"Hey, I love you and happy one year anniversary." Troy tells me.
I smile at him and open the door.
'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
and it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I want to stop hurting Troy. I don't want to see him hide his pain behind his smile. The smile that use to make me melt, but now it's the smile that brings me guilt. I see him die a little every time I leave him.
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't want to hurt him anymore
I don't want to take away his life
I don't want to be... a murderer
I did love Troy before. But my love for him faded as we had our different cliques. We tried for the spring musicale, but he didn't make it this time. I made it, as well as Ryan Evans. I might as well take a gun and put to his head to get over the pain he has. What I am doing is much worse. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our love
his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't want to do this
anymore
whoa-oooh
anymore...
Why am I hurting Troy? I don't want to be the reason why he is sad. But I am. I just want this to be over. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want to see his eyes, the eyes that gave me butterflies, but now they give me hate towards myself.
And I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't want to hurt him anymore
I don't want to take away his life
I don't want to be... a murderer - oh
I don't want to be a murderer… but I already am.
A murderer
No, no, no, yeah, yeah
Unfaithful – Rihanna
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