Palace, thanks for picking up the phone on such short notice. I know I shouldn't be calling this late, you have a family, I know.

I don't know anyone else I can talk to about this though. I need some advice on a rather strange situation.

I was home alone today, Lapis was at work and I still had a few hours before my shift started. I was looking for his cigarettes, I knew he had them P, he smokes even though I told him to stop

Anyway, I was snooping around, looking in places where he would hide them. And I found a photo.

It was of this woman. Yes, she was pretty. Gorgeous even, though I hate to admit it. She was tall, and tan, with pretty brown hair and big mousy eyes. And she was in a bikini.

I know, I was thinking the same thing you are. And I knew he shouldn't have it, else he wouldn't have shoved it in a shoe box under the bed. No, I didn't know it was under there. No, I don't clean the house. Do I look like a maid, Palace?

Anyway, I was pissed. I shoved it in my pants pocket, called in sick, stewed in my rage, and waited for him to come home so I could roast him properly. So, he comes home, right? I'm on the couch, arms crossed, obviously pissed.

So he says, "What?" What? Can you believe him?

So, I just show him the picture and go, "Who's this?"

And he replies, with this really icy tone, "My dead wife."

I felt like such a jackass. Not only was I accusing him of cheating, but I had reopened a really old wound. We talked about her all night. She was so amazing, Palace. He was in love with her. I knew he'd been married before; I remember Marron saying something about it. But, I just forgot about her. I didn't know she was important, stupid I know. Of course she was important. She'd been so lovely and gentle that 17 felt the need to marry her.

I started crying and he started crying and it was awful. I'm nothing like her. It's like he wanted someone who wasn't anything like her, so he could forget her. Her name is, was, Flora. She was a zoologist. She loved animals, loved books. She saw the good in everything and coerced 17 into opening up with her kindness.

But this isn't why I called you. I called you because I hate her so much it makes me sick.

I know it's wrong to hate the dead. But I can't stand her. It's stupid, because he is so much older than I am, but I wanted to be the first one to call him 'Lapis.' I wanted to be the first person to see his scars, to force him to open up about everything that happened to him. But she forced him to grieve her lose because her dumb ass had to die and then he closed himself off from everyone again. Fuck, I'm crying again. I'm going to look so awful, my face is going to look so puffy and gross.

I can't do anything now without wondering if he's comparing us. He says he doesn't but-I dunno Palace. I should never touched that stupid picture in the first place. I wonder if she would do something like that. Snoop through his things. Probably not. She wasn't crazy like I am.

Yes, I am crazy. He makes me crazy. God, some part of me wishes she wasn't dead. I wonder if he'd be happier. But then some part of me is happy that she's dead because otherwise I wouldn't have anyone to write their name on my hip with their fingers and kiss my neck the way I like. I'm terrible aren't I? I love him so much, Palace and it hurts me to think he loved someone else. Even if it was decades ago. You know I'm spoiled. Some idiotic part of me thinks he should've waited for me, even if he didn't know I existed.

What do I do, Palace? I hate feeling this way.. I don't know how to deal with all this bullshit. I just want things to go back to normal, but I doubt it will now.

Would it be alright for me to stay over at your place for a while? Till I feel better?

Thanks. You're the best.