It's times like this that break my heart. When I feel like I want to be closest to him. I don't know what it is, it must be something about that damn webcam that makes him look so vulnerable, so... small. When we're in the ring we're gods among men, we're powerful. Even when we're hanging out with the rest of the boys, we always have this assurance. Like we're invincible.
Sitting there last night, typing to him over the distance we were alone again. Mortal.
He looked down the barrel of that tiny, crappy bit of plastic and wiring and showed me the pills he needed to be taking. Told me that one of the side effects was depression. Asked me if I was okay with that, if we could cope.
Of course we'll fucking cope, we always do. Because we love each other.
It's hard though, being in two separate places. He shifts in the chair to get comfortable, and a hand shoots to his side. He winces in pain and all I can do is sit there and watch him hiss in agony, helpless. Wanting so badly just to squeeze through that camera and nestle into his side, brush kisses along his arm and assure him that everything is going to be alright.
We're talking now. He looks exhausted, and it worries me. He wants so badly to stay up though, he says he's been waiting all day for this.
I make a joke, and he chuckles tiredly. It's not enough for either of us, and we know it. The only time I've touched him in the past month is in my sleep...leep