'I'm going to show everyone that I AM the strongest in the universe. Tomorrow, I will have my chance to prove it. No more will they-'
His thoughts were cut short by a figure gazing at him trough one of the windows. He returned to stare. It was completely motionless. The creature resembled a child. A child covered in powdery-white makeup, except for two red splotches on its cheeks. It was... smiling at him. Vegeta felt a tinge of emotion he hadn't felt in years. It was fear. Suddenly, there was a loud bang from behind him. He cautiously looked over his shoulder. The door had been violently thrown open, but it was no psychopathic clown-mutant, it was only Bulma.
"Hi, Vegeta!" she exclaimed exuberantly.
Then she saw the expression on his face.
"What's wrong?"
He quickly snapped back to the here and now, donning his usual stone-cold demeanor. He got up and began walking past her, exiting the portal behind her.
"Hey, I'm talking to you, you grouchy prick!"
He was on his way back to the main bulding.
"Nevermind then, but I have news about the tournament. You're not gonna like it."
That stopped him dead in his tracks.
"What do you mean?"
His words were laced with malice. Bulma didn't seem to notice.
"Well, the tournament's been postponed. So, everyone's going to be staying here. I thought it'd be great for everyone to catch up on old times since they were all in the area anyway."
She smiled sweetly. He burned daggers into the human woman.
'She thinks she can force me to share the company of her pathetic, annoying friends? Who the fuck does she think she is?'
Bulma cupped his balls and winked at him.
"I'll make up for the inconvenience."
Vegeta calmed down immediately. She had a way with words.
"Well, I guess. What's wrong with having a few punching bags handy?"
"Now, Vegeta, you have to promise me you won't hurt anybody," she said, looking intently into his eyes.
"What the fuck is the good of that? If they're going to fight in a tournament they need to be ready. What better way than me slapping them around a bit?" he inquired with no humor in his voice.
"I won't be here to referee. I have business to take care of and I don't want Trunks witnessing his dad murdering people."
Vegeta thought for a moment.
"Well, I never thought of the boy's role in this. Now that I think about it, Trunks could actually benefit greatly from watching me murder people. It builds character."
Bulma kicked him in the knee and stormed off.
"Just do what I say or I'm going celibate!" she shouted over her shoulder.
'Oh well, fuck it. How bad could this be?'
(A little later)
Vegeta was just finishing his post-training meal. He hadn't even time to shower and change when there he heard the doorbell ring.
'Fuck. The invaders are arriving.'
He stomped to the front door and swung it open. The last person he expected to see was standing there. Yamcha. With that dopey smile on his face.
"Hi, Vegeta! It's been awhile!" he exclaimed, way too excited.
Yamcha reached out to shake Vegeta's hand. Vegeta smirked as he thought of a way to make this situation interesting.
"Haven't seen you in awhile. I really should thank you. You see, Bulma told me all about how big, or should I say little, of a disappoiontment you were in bed and I've had many laughs at your expense."
Vegeta began laughing in a cruel pitch.
Yamcha's smile widened from ear to ear and he eagerly replied, "Don't mention it Vegeta!"
The Saiyan prince's features changed in an instant. He looked even more upset than when he first answered the door.
"So... you aren't even just a little bit jealous of me fucking your first, and her bragging about how much better I am?" Vegeta was certain spelling it out for him would elicit a negative response.
"No, not at all! I'm happy for her. Happy for you as well, Vegeta."
Yamcha just continued smiling broadly, with his hand still outstretched. Vegeta looked at it with contempt, and turned away. He felt a hard slap on his ass, and spun back around.
"What the fuck was that shit, you little faggot?" He screamed directly in Yamcha's face. This finally caused the smile to fade as he took a step back.
"It looked like you just got done training," he said innocently. "That's how Earth men acknowledge a good athletic effort."
Vegeta looked more puzzled now than anything. Also, slightly disgusted.
"How the fuck do you celebrate a victory? Blowjobs?"
Yamcha though for a moment and said, "Well, there IS this football team on a show called 'Glee'-"
"I don't care about how you spend your damn weekends."
He was going to initiate a scathing critique of human customs and pasttimes, when he caught a glimpse of white and red out of the corner of his eye. He looked over and saw the same creature from before staring at him. His heart filled with dread. The monster was smiling, and it appeared to be a purely benevolent grin, but an elite warrior could not be fooled. He could sense the poisonous intent beyond the facade. The sinister design behind the wicked, deceitfully curved line. The evil contortion of his mouth mirrored the fictitious joy his eyebrows projected. The three lines were all identical in shape, yet individually unique in the varying levels of extreme terror they instilled.
"Are you okay, Vegeta?"
Yamcha put a hand on Vegeta's shoulder, which snapped him out of his trance. The proud prince slapped the hand away and pushed Yamcha into the wall. Yamcha's look of concern never faded.
"Didn't you fucking see that?" Vegeta shouted at him, pointing towards the window.
"See what?"
The human looked where Vegeta was pointing and saw nothing.
"Look, I'm just going to go work on my story."
Vegeta looked disgusted.
"Story?"
Yamcha donned a pair of sophisticated reading glasses and pulled a laptop out of nowhere.
"Yes, Vegeta. I'm going to be a famous romance author."
He made his way towards the couch and sat down with is legs crossed, immediately typing away on the keyboard. Vegeta was going to make a rude comment when the doorbell rang for the second time that day. He opened the door to find Krillin and 18 standing there. Krillin was wearing a black suit and tie. He had an obnoxious toupee that was half the size of his head. 18 didn't look proud to be standing next to him.
"Have you found Kami, my son?" asked Krillin in a somber tone.
(End Chapter 1)
This is going to be funnier, insane, and probably offensive as the chapters go by. I'm just setting up the groundwork at the moment. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to share them.