AN: First "I don't own Life with Derek"

Second I am sorry about the grammar but I can't be bothered going over it more than I have. If you find anything just post a comment and I'll get around to fixing it

Third I hope you enjoy

It wasn't as though he didn't care about her. In fact, he was completely head over hills, 'you are the only one I ever want', in love with her. Each harsh word, each prank pulled, each random blonde was just a way to deal. Because he knew if he ever gave into his feelings, everything they had, everything they were, would go to shit. He couldn't risk losing her. She was the reason he got out of bed in the morning, went to school, played hockey. She was the reason he was graduating high school and going to college. Casey McDonald was the reason he was alive. Before she came into his life, he was nothing. A wannabe playboy too scared of rejection and failure to really live. Afraid of being hurt, he never let himself care enough to make something of himself. Then she came, blowing into his life like a tornado, ploughing down his foundations, forcing him to face reality. For the first time, he was able to believe in himself, to succeed without fear. For the first time, he actually let himself fall in love. The girlfriends, they were just distractions, a way to make sure people didn't get suspicious. Sally really was the only one he felt anything for, and because of that he was willing to do anything to keep it going. Truth was, his had no chance of being with anyone else, because Casey owned him, heart, mind and soul.

But as much as he wanted to, none of this could really be said out loud, to her.

It was really beginning to hurt. Loving someone that didn't love him back, couldn't love him back. At first he could deal with the boys. Sam, only because he was his best friend, Max, because he was a good guy, because they both made her smile and laugh and love. But Truman was the straw the broke the camel's back. Each smile, each tear, each laugh, each kiss she shared with Truman, sent sharp pains to his heart, and tears to his eyes. He stopped eating because he could no longer hold food in his stomach at the thought of them. His only outlet was hockey, so he buried himself in it. Another distraction.

He was meant to hate her and she him. Each fight, each prank was just him playing along. But as he began to drown in the pain, so did he start to count the days until they both went off to college: him to the University of Toronto, her to Columbia. Tomorrow he would say goodbye to his life in London. Tomorrow he would leave the pain and the longing and get on with his life. At least he hoped he would. But a part of him knew that his love for her would never really go away. But now at least he had a chance and that gave him some hope. There was a knock on the door and her soft voice penetrated his thoughts. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh. God he hoped for the day where her voice no longer caused him pain.

"Derek, you in there?" Casey murmured, hand clasping the handle in front of her. The rattling proving her suspicions that the door was in fact locked. "Come on Derek, open the door. Mum wanted me to see if you needed any help before we go down to dinner. Derek?" Casey's voice was getting more irritated as she waited for him to let her in. "Derek!" At her scream, he slowly rose from his bed, rubbing his tired eyes. With a click, the door opened to reveal a frustrated Casey.

"God why do you have to be such a jerk. Seriously, did you have to make me wait like five minutes for you to open this goddamned door? I have better things to do than wait for your sorry ass. And here I was just trying to be nice and see if you needed anything." Her rant left Derek swallowing a sigh. He was so sick of fighting. Fighting everything. Shaking his head, he walked through the door, closing it behind him.

"I don't need your help Casey. I'm done, packed and ready to go." Ready to leave you, he added silently. He gave her a half-assed smile before heading towards the stairs. His attempt of leaving was thwarted by the sudden capture of his wrist. Slowly he turned back, facing her concerned face. "Are you okay Derek? Because you have been acting really strange." Her soft voice sent chills through his body and his heart racing. Nodding slowing, he plastered on a false smile and replied that he was okay, "just nervous" was his excuse for his strange behaviour. He detangled her hand from his wrist and made his was down to the kitchen, trying to keep the tears at bay. Tomorrow he would leave and no words of the truth would be spoken.

Dinner was a silent affair. Each family member was lost in there own thoughts. Derek was happy with that though. After helping with the dishes, he excused himself, claiming an early morning start meant he needed to go to bed early. Really, he just wanted to escape, if he lingered another moment, there was no way of stopping the truth from coming out. He wanted to leave tomorrow without ever telling the truth. So wrapped in his thoughts, he didn't hear the door open, and the shuffling of feet, or the shift of his bed. It was her hand around his that woke him from himself. "When are you going to tell me Derek?" He inhaled sharply at the soft whisper of her voice. "I've waited for you to tell me that you love me but you never do. Don't get me wrong; I've tried to move on. But Max, Sam, Truman, they weren't you and honestly, I would have dropped them the second you told me to."

"Why are you telling me this?" Derek's voice was quivering slightly as he spoke.

"Because I know you love me Derek." She deftly answered.
"And how do you know that?"

"Because I love you too." At those words, Derek's eyes closed, his breath shuddering in relief and pain.

"I really wish you didn't say that Casey." His voice was raw with emotion.

"Why?" Was all she asked in reply.

"Because tomorrow you go to New York and I go to Toronto and we won't see each other again." Derek rose from the bed and started pacing. "In fact I was banking on it. Tomorrow I was going to leave and the truth was going to stay here and I was going to move on with my life. But now, now I have no chance Case. I am going to go to my deathbed with you owning my heart. I had a chance at being free from misery. God why do you have to be so selfish? Couldn't you just let me be? I hope you're happy Casey because now I will never be happy unless I have you and that can never be."

"Why?"

"What?" Derek sharply turned to face Casey.

"Why can't we be together?" Derek just groaned in reply, rubbing his fist through his hair.

"Didn't you just hear what I said Casey. You will be in New York and I'll be in Toronto. Plus we are stepsiblings. I for one am not selfish enough to destroy me family's happiness just so I have you okay? You may be but I'm not." Derek's pacing had resumed during his speech. "I may love you Casey but no enough to lose my family over. They are all I have, if I can't have you I would prefer to have them." With that, Derek slumped next to Casey on the bed. The sadness in his eyes was breaking her heart. Taking his hand, Casey lifted it to her mouth and kissed it before turning slightly and kissing him full on the mouth. Derek's eyes closed and remained closed as her lips left his. "I'm sorry" was all she said before leaving his room. That night left him with little sleep and wet cheeks.

Tomorrow finally came and he left the place that had once been his home. She wasn't there to say goodbye.