"Tales of Dissidia"
By DarkCyradis
Edited: 7.28.12
Disclaimer: Square-Enix owns Dissidia, Final Fantasy and all the wonderful games, characters and derivative works thereof. Tetsuya Nomura owns himself and does not in any way, shape or form, resemble the fictional characterization included in this story.
Notes: I started writing this before the Onion Knight had been announced as the hero of FFIII, so Luneth is in here instead. (gomen!)
Warnings: Sheer crack. Please take it all with a grain of salt. ^^; SquallxRinoa fans, please don't be offended-the poke is nothing personal; just thought it was a funny thing for Squall to get boozy about… ^^;;;
TALES OF DISSIDIA
Chapter 1: The Welcome Party
[In a high-ceilinged reception hall decked for a lavish and good-sized cocktail party, a gong suddenly sounds. There are two sets of very tall double doors facing each other across the wide room; one of them creaks ponderously open and a colorfully attired, mismatched group enters. They are not speaking amongst themselves and appear to be strangers. Though they were all required to check their various weapons and firearms at the door by a very polite but passive-aggressively insistent clerk, the group remains tense-looking, as though unfamiliar with their surroundings and not fully comfortable in them.]
[As they pass into the cheerful-looking party room, each eyes the place and his fellows suspiciously, until the sound of someone clearing his throat makes them all look up. The smiling dark-haired man in the fashionable black suit who has led them into the room has now turned to address them. He lets his gaze sweep fondly across the entire assembly—nine men (though two look closer to boyhood than manhood) and one young woman—before beginning to speak.]
Tet-chan: Well, enough of the formalities, my friends! Now that you've all been debriefed about what we'll be doing here on Dissidia for the next week, it's time for a little relaxation and festivity! I'm sure some of you still have a few questions—
[He breaks off suddenly as the Bluetooth earpiece attached to his left ear buzzes to life; listening for a moment, he mutters, "just a sec," and turns an apologetic smile toward the group]
Tet-chan: I'm sorry, there's a bit of extremely urgent business I must attend to right away. It seems your compatriots are getting a little antsy, and you know what happens when villains get antsy! [he winks and then gestures to the expansive open bar along the far wall and a long buffet table along a side wall brimming with platters of gourmet canapés] I'll be back after I give them their debriefing too, so please enjoy some drinks and refreshments in the meantime—and please do mingle!
[With that, Tet-chan hurries off to tend to the many anxious-looking subordinates who are waiting at the doorway to report to him. The group is left alone in the sudden silence and all turn to stare at one another. Tidus, a cheerful-looking young man with bleached blonde hair and an impressive tan, steps forward and holds out his hand.]
Tidus: Guess we may as well start by introducing ourselves. I'm Tidus, the hero of Final Fantasy X. It's a pleasure to meet you all!
[A petite blonde-haired boy with floppy bangs and a curious, monkey-like tail steps forward to take his hand and shakes it in a friendly manner.]
Zidane: I'm Zidane—Zidane Tribal, from Final Fantasy IX. Pleased to meet you, too!
[Tidus grins at him and then glances around at the others, who still seem to be hesitating a little.]
Tidus: Well, we've got X and IX. Why don't we go backwards in order then? Who's VIII?
[A tall, dark, strikingly handsome young man with an unchangingly grumpy expression shifts slightly. After a long pause, he finally speaks]
Squall: …Squall Leonhart. FF8.
Tidus: [beams] Nice to meet you! So, how about VII?
[Squall glances surreptitiously to his right at a blonde young man, several inches shorter than him but slightly more muscular. He has an unusual, spiky hairdo, somewhat haunted-looking blue eyes and a closed expression.]
Cloud: [without looking up (though it is hard to tell whether he is being rude or is simply shy)] Cloud Strife. Final Fantasy VII.
Zidane: Wow! So you're the hero of the famous FF7, huh?
[Cloud looks up in mild surprise; his face, clearly seen, is surprisingly attractive and somewhat vulnerable-looking]
Cloud: Famous…?
Tidus: [grins and joins in] Yeah, famous! You guys have got—what?—three spin-off games, ten series of statuettes—not to mention that fancy feature-length movie!
Cloud: [more surprised] How do you know about all that…?
[Bartz, a slim young man with short brown hair, grins and leans in.]
Bartz: It was on the "Final Fantasy Series Fact Sheet" in our orientation packets.
[Another petite, teenaged-looking boy with his silver-white hair tied in a ponytail joins in]
Luneth: I didn't know we had a cheat sheet! That's great, 'cuz I have no idea what anything is around here! [he throws a sheepish look at the group] I'm Luneth, by the way—Final Fantasy III.
Bartz: And I'm Bartz, FF5. Pleased to meet ya.
Tidus: [nodding encouragingly] That's great—nice to meet you too, guys!
Zidane: Totally! [shakes hands happily with Luneth, pleased to meet someone of comparably small stature]
[A formidable but elegant-looking man with very pale skin and an impressive mane of wavy flaxen hair steps forward to offer Tidus his hand as well.]
Cecil: I am Cecil Harvey of Final Fantasy IV.
Tidus: Great to meet ya!
Cecil: But I believe we missed Final Fantasy VI along the way?
[The lone lady of the group—a young woman with a porcelain complexion and an abundance of glossy curls spilling out of a high ponytail—looks up shyly at him and offers her hand]
Terra: My name is Terra—Terra Branford—of Final Fantasy VI.
Cecil: [raises her dainty hand to kiss it gently] I am honored, my lady.
[Tidus, Zidane and Luneth beam at her as well.]
Zidane: Likewise!
Tidus: Yeah! Go, lady heroes!
Squall: [flatly] I think they call those "heroines."
Bartz: Well, who's next? Are we on… FF2?
[A lean man with keen eyes and a bandanna tied over his short-cropped hair looks up at that.]
Firion: That's me. The name's Firion.
Bartz: [shakes his hand] Good to meet you.
Luneth: So that leaves…
Tidus: …Final Fantasy I? [he turns to look at the last member of the group—a very tall, light-haired warrior in full armor. He has a quiet but regal air about him and has been standing with his arms clasped lightly across his chest, calmly watching the introductions. He now unclasps his arms and offers his hand solemnly, though not unkindly. Tidus smiles and takes it.] That must be you.
WoL: Yes. I am known as the Warrior of Light.
Zidane: [whistles] Wow, the original Final Fantasy hero, huh? That's pretty cool.
Bartz: [shakes WoL's hand as well] I guess we owe it all to you, huh?
WoL: [smiles slightly] I had very little to do with it.
Cecil: [smiles a little as well] Still, in a sense, you are our forebear.
Terra: Yes, it really is wonderful to meet you—all of you!
Bartz: Yeah! Who would've thought we'd ever all be able to meet up like this, huh?
Firion: To be honest, I didn't even know you all existed until "Tet-chan" teleported me and Emperor here.
Bartz: Emperor? Who's that?
Zidane: Your villain, I bet.
Firion: [nods] Yep. Luckily, he's been behaving himself lately.
Squall: [snorts] Well, that won't last long here.
Firion: [nods darkly] I'm sure you're right about that.
Tidus: Well, now that we've all introduced ourselves, why don't we hit up that awesome-looking buffet table?
Zidane: Sounds good to me!
Luneth: Me too!
Bartz: Me three!
[The heroes move en masse to the buffet table corner and help themselves to food and drink. Their conversations gradually warm up as the food and liquor take effect. As expected, Zidane and Luneth become fast friends; Firion joins in their conversations about journeying and the advantages of chocobo travel. Cecil, Bartz and Terra speak quietly amongst themselves, exchanging histories of their respective worlds, while the sociable Tidus bounces back and forth between the two groups. Warrior of Light, who appears not to eat, stands quietly against a nearby pillar as though keeping vigil. Cloud also stands somewhat apart, eyeing the food but not making any move toward it. Unexpectedly, the equally taciturn Squall fills a plate and brings it over to him. The two silently eat as the others chatter amongst themselves.]
Squall: …You remember me, don't you?
Cloud: …Traverse Town. You called yourself 'Leon' then, right?
Squall: Yeah. [they lapse into an almost companionable silence and continue munching. Tidus, obviously getting tipsy, appears out of nowhere and drapes an arm over Squall's shoulders]
Tidus: Hey, you two—don't be so boring! Come join the party!
Squall: …I don't see you bugging him. [nods toward Warrior of Light]
Tidus: Oh, he can do what he wants—he's our big brother, after all! And anyway, people that strong and magical don't mingle—but you guys should!
[Squall narrows his eyes, wanting very much to say, "And just what are you implying?" but decides it's not worth the trouble. Cloud seems less annoyed at the interruption and studies Tidus surreptitiously. After a moment, he makes an attempt]
Cloud: …So you're from Final Fantasy X?
Tidus: Yep! The big ten! It's a pretty popular game, you know? Some say it's even got the best storyline of the series—after yours, of course!
Cloud: … [seems surprised]
Tidus: [turns a mischievous smile on Squall] The music and cinematics in FF8 seem to be pretty popular too, Squall—though I've never heard anyone say they liked the story of your game before.
Squall: [snorts] I don't like the story of my game.
Cloud: Why not?
Tidus: [waves his hand in the air eagerly] Ooh, ooh, let me guess! [grins even wider] I bet it's because your game's theme was supposed to be about Loooooove, right, Squall?
Squall: [glowers]
Cloud: …I thought I heard somewhere that FFX was the big love story?
Tidus: It totally is! [smacks Squall's shoulder cheerfully] Sorry, dude, but I have to agree—I think my love story's a lot better than yours! Hey, how about I duel ya for the title of Ultimate FF Romance?
Squall: [rolls his eyes] You can keep it. I don't want it.
Tidus: [laughs] Aww, you're no fun! What would your lady friend say if she heard you saying that?
Squall: [deadpan] She'd say I'm a heartless bastard, same as always. [looking annoyed suddenly, he flags down a waiter, pulls a flute of champagne off his tray and downs it in one gulp; as Tidus and Cloud watch in amazement, he takes another and does the same, his sour expression never changing]
Tidus: [muttering under his breath to Cloud] Ooh, looks like trouble in Paradise… Guess that explains why he was out wandering the worlds, huh?
Cloud: ... [nods doubtfully]
[A noticeably reddening Squall grabs two glasses off the tray and thrusts them at his companions.]
Squall: It's very good. Drink.
[Cloud and Tidus exchange dubious looks. Then Tidus (never one to turn down a drink) shrugs, takes a glass and downs it with gusto. A bit more slowly, Cloud does the same. Squall drains the last flute on the tray and returns it to the scandalized-looking butler.]
Squall: [obviously quite intoxicated by now, he turns to the other two] So then, if you want to hear about that vixen…
Onward to Chapter 2: Enter the Villains!
Sorry again for the cracktastic nature of this story (and any OOC-ness)—what started as a few silly conversations between various FF heroes ended up a full-blown fic, so I thought it'd be a waste not to post it here. I hope you enjoyed it! (please drop a review and let me know what you thought!)