It's A Girl Thing

So here's my gorgeous one-shot, "It's A Girl Thing" which is pretty much Naruto trying to get out of gym class. Of course, chaos ensues (because it always does). It's dedicated to my SasuNaru homie, Kate, who also happens to be my bffl!!! Ummmm… disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (goddamnit).

Oh, and there are a few minor SasuNaru moments… cuz that's just how I roll. Don't like? Skip over that part ;)

Rated 'T' for Naruto's lovely potty mouth that I just can't live without :0

x.X.x

Naruto hated those school days when he was forced into the disgusting locker rooms of Konoha Academy to change into disturbingly short shorts and tight gym shirts that said 'KA Sports' across the front. It made him gag when he slipped the shirt over his head, and had to inhale the scent of teenage boy. It wasn't him who smelled bad; it was the fucker who used the uniform the year before. Damn that fucker to hell…

In Naruto's opinion, the only thing gym class was remotely good for, was to sneak peeks at Sasuke's bare chest, which was a delight because how many times Naruto had begged the raven to come swimming with their friends, the bastard had turned him down every time, claiming that he was 'busy'. Damn bastard was just too fucking self conscious. It wasn't like he wasn't hot… cuz he was. Naruto would always smirk at the thought of Sasuke Uchiha being self conscious. No, that was defiantly not the reason for the bastard refusing to go swimming. Anyway, thanks to gym, Naruto had these lovely clear views of Sasuke's abs. They were nicely formed too… Naruto was almost jealous. Almost being the key word.

The blonde would always find it completely unfair when he would practically get down on his knees and beg Gai to let him off the hook for forgetting his foul-smelling gym clothes again, but the spandex-clad gym teacher wouldn't have it. He would simply reply "I know you're just so youthful that you may forget, but you at least have sneakers on, so it wouldn't be too hard for you to participate in running around the gym fifty times," Yeah, try that in skinny jeans.

Oh, but it only got worse from there. With little yellow slips of paper in their hands, Sakura and Ino would go running to the damned gym teacher. Gai would gladly let the two girls sit out, for they, of course, were the embodiment of angels and youth. Either that or he felt the need to be kind to his protégé, Lee's, crushes.

The two girls would always put the scowl on Naruto's face when he had to jog the fifty laps around the gym in his skinny jeans. Any more of this, and Sasuke's bastard-itis would spread to Naruto, and he would find a bit more than just a stick up his (beautifully sculpted) ass.

He was getting sick of watching the two girls get out of gym class, it happened at least once or twice a month, and he couldn't stand seeing them giggling as he jogged by, sweating all over his nice school clothes. Even that bastard, Uchiha, would go out of his way to insult the blonde further than he did on a regular basis.

"How come Gai lets you skip class so easily!" Naruto whined as he shifted the backpack strap on his shoulder. He had once again forgotten his gym clothes, and this time, was determined to get out of gym if it was the last thing he did.

"It's a girl thing, Naruto," Sakura informed as she pulled her hair into a tight bun. She then bent down to lace up the laces of her bright pink converse sneakers.

Naruto pouted. "How so?" he whined. He hated ho girls always seemed to get the comforts. They were always allowed to go to the bathroom for a nice three minutes rather than the boy's fifty seconds. Honestly, he hated rushing his piss, but when you were in Ibiki's History class, there was no getting around that rule. Three minutes was like a luxury he could never have. Even on his birthday when Ibiki was feeling 'extra generous' he got a nice fat fifty-one seconds. Oh the joy.

But Naruto being Naruto, was determined to figure out the secret. Sakura only sighed and gave Naruto that look. The one that said 'you don't know what the hell you're getting yourself into'. "It's a girl thing," she repeated, crossing her arms.

"But everything is a girl thing!" Naruto gave a frustrated huff. "Like how to buy the perfect gift… a-and," he all but pulled out his hair in his frustration.

Sakura sighed, caving in to Naruto's wishes. He was, after all, one of her best friends. And she still had to repay him for once trying to set her up with Sasuke Stick-Up-The-Ass Uchiha (Which, of course, only ended up with the two boys closer rather than Sasuke and Sakura; she still felt the need to thank Naruto for the effort). "Fine, but this is only ever going to work if you present it properly," she snapped.

"Present it properly?"

"You have to make it seem like you're in pain!" a voice explained from behind Naruto and Sakura. Naruto jumped at least a foot, making Sakura snort, trying to hold back laughter. Ino shrugged, "What, I'm the mastermind at this kind of stuff!" she struck a pose, her hair whipping both Sakura and Naruto in the face.

Naruto spit blonde hair from his mouth. "Ummm… how?"

"Easy," Sakura began, "You just hold your stomach and—"

"Say you have really bad cramps," Ino finished, "it works every time," she gave Naruto a small nod and dashed off to the gymnasium, muttering something about how Shikamaru was going to just love her in her new shorts. In Naruto's opinion, they were too short. But whatever floated Shikamaru's boat… well, then that was just fine by him.

Naruto waved goodbye to Sakura and turned in the opposite direction of the gymnasium so he could drop his backpack off in the locker room(1), checking Sasuke's abs out as he passed the raven, who obviously noticed.

"Not getting dressed, Dobe?" Sasuke asked, waking over to the blonde, who began blushing the second Sasuke's cold hand touched his tan one.

"I… er… have cramps," Naruto confessed, blushing a bright, beat red.

It took Sasuke a couple of minutes to regain composure. "W-what did you s-say?" he said between giggles. It takes a lot to make an Uchiha giggle, and Naruto just hit the jackpot.

"I have cramps," Naruto repeated, this time a bit more confidant about his 'problems'.

"And you think Gai is going to fall for that because why?" the raven asked, raising a thin, black eyebrow at his friend.

Naruto shrugged, "Well, we won't know until we try," he said, almost challenging the raven's words. "'Sides, it works for Ino and Sakura all the time."

Sasuke, again, had to sit down to regain composure. He gave a small cough that Naruto could have sworn sounded like 'once a month,' but the blonde shook it off. Whatever, Sasuke-teme was just a bastard. "Naruto, cramps are a girl thing," Sasuke informed. "It may work for Sakura and Ino, but it sure as hell won't work for a dobe like you,"

Naruto huffed and left the locker room in anger. Mostly it was mock anger, but it was still anger, and he wasn't going to let that bastard of an Uchiha win the 'battle'.

Naruto entered the gym and spotted Ino and Sakura stretching out on the floor. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and stuck out his chest. Ino looked up at him with glittery eyes that meant nothing good.

"So, Naru, did you and Sasuke do—"

Naruto let out a groan that drowned Ino's voice out. She pouted, but didn't push it. The blonde girl could be such a bitch sometimes, but Naruto loved her for it. She was the head of the straight and gay alliance at the school, and though she wasn't gay herself, she was a huge fan of Naruto and Sasuke's 'romance' (if you could call it that).

"Uzumaki, six laps around the gym and then start to—" a loud voice practically shrieked over the chatter of the students. Naruto stopped to think… since when was Gai's voice that loud and high pitched. Was he sucking on helium? Everyone became silent and looked at the Uzumaki boy clad in skinny jeans and a t-shirt. "Where the fuck are your gym clothes, Uzumaki," Anko shouted.

Naruto jumped a foot. Last time he checked, Gai didn't have boobs that… bulbous… either.

"Uh, where's Gai?" Naruto asked timidly, playing with his pointer fingers like Hinata did when she was nervous. He was beginning to see why she was always so damn scared. This lady almost scared the living shit out of him.

Small chit chat had started up again, but Naruto could tell that most people were either talking about him, or they had their eyes on him like vultures, ready to hear what Anko had to say to him.

"It's just your tough luck that I'm subbing for him today," Anko sneered, running her attendance sheet across his tan cheek. Naruto shivered, the sudden urge to take a large piss crept up on him. "Now, Uzumaki, where the fuck are your gym clothes?"

"I, uh, I kinda have cramps," Naruto gave her puppy-dog eyes and held his stomach. He looked over her shoulder to see Sakura giving him a small hand motion. He gave a small moan and fell to the ground dramatically.

Anko raised an eyebrow and burst into laughter. Once the rest of the class noticed Anko's giggle fit, they decided it wasn't offensive (or they weren't going to get in trouble by) to laugh at the poor blonde.

Naruto could feel his cheeks heating up. He turned to Sakura again, who only shrugged as if to say 'toldja it was a girl thing…'

Naruto couldn't take it anymore. "How do you know?" he screamed, tears coming to his eyes. He pushed past Anko and headed towards the door. "You don't know anything about me! I told you I had cramps, and you laughed at me!" Naruto wailed. Sakura and Ino exchanged surprised expressions, biting back laughter as they watched their friend explode. "I'm a sensitive guy, and I nee my time too!" With that, he ran out of the gym.

The class took the time to let out the laughter they were holding in. Anko just raised one eyebrow and sighed, mumbling about how now she had seen everything. She sent glares to each individual in the class, only receiving one equally forceful glare back from the Uchiha boy.

"I guess it's just that time of month…"

x.X.x

YESS! I finished! Now, if anyone is too thick to figure out what's going on… then you're dumber than I thought.

1. In my school, our locker rooms are in a different building than the gym. Now, I'm not exactly an expert at other schools, so let's keep it that way.

Oh, and remember to REVIEWWWW!!!!! I luurrrvvveee getting reviews, so make me happii!!