Suddenly every term that used to cause me thrill, joy and happiness hurts like a knife. She throws them at me with a sardonic sweetness as shes attacking me. We both know how it's going to end.. I don't want it to end. I wish there was another way. Why couldn't there be?
There's something wrong with me.
I could easily blame my terrible relationships on my father, my mother dying at birth and stepmother running off. Then him dying. But that's not where it stems from.. Well maybe it is. I can not trust, that is my problem. Even her, who I love with my whole heart, I can not trust. Who can? In this odd and messed up life? People are replaced by skrulls often, and just as often under the control of others. Shape shifters, robots, clones. I always feared that everyone around me could've been one, that I could've been one. Why would she have been any different? Here is where someone would tell me 'Because you love her.' That person would probably have been Shuri, mother, Uncle Syan. Perhaps even Captain America. However I'd have never confided in them, they could have been- you get it by now. There's no need to explain to you.
She kicks me and I wonder who will get the coffee machine SpiderMan had given us. I did not need it.. She drinks tea most of the time.
Perhaps I should have sorted out my trust issues before proposing. Or if I couldn't do that, not have asked her... She of all people knew how to read me. Knew how to read me before I had perfected my mask of stoicism. If I had sorted out my trust issues we would still have the vibrainium. Maybe a child or two.. We were going to start trying when I had gone alone to meet with Doom. Would it have been any different? Would I still be doing this? Or would I have switched sides.. If our children were mutants would I fight with the X-Men?
I try to convince myself it's better this way.. She is free to be with someone who trust, who can give her the things she needs more then a kingdom. Even within my head the argument is falling on deaf ears. I do not want this. I hate that I am doing this. What will I tell mother and Shuri? The people will think lowly of her. They will have their proof that the marriage was not meant to be. That she is just an American. They will blame her for all their troubles, even more so then before.
What of our 'friends'? She is much easier to love then I. I am an egotist. I am arrogant. No. They will not care. They probably knew from the beginning.
Why did I not? Why did I not see this? I did though.. I just chose to ignore it, I wanted to think I could use the fairytale ending, a beautiful wife whom I love, a rich kingdom with adoring subjects. That the world would no longer need me to save it.
I'm tired. I don't want to save it anymore. I don't want to be king. I want a small house on the outskirts of a city. I want my white haired blue eyed wife there with me at all times. I want a small lab in the basement. I want to hear small feet on the floor.
No. I don't want to be King anymore. I don't want to be an Avenger. I just want to not have to do this.
I'm actually quite pissed as to how they broke up, and here is my lateish response..
also, I know its not a popular pairing, please don't hate me because of it!