I'm sorry that this story has taken so long to post, but I've been away for a couple of weeks and also found this one quite difficult to write for some reason – maybe because it doesn't have a big sex scene in it to spur me along. And I was abducted by a couple of Tristan & Isolde plot bunnies who made me drop everything and write for them for a while!
But it's finally finished, follows along from "Today and Tomorrow" and covers some important ground in terms of Jacob & Rachel's relationship and the issues she's going through trying to come to terms with her pregnancy.
While I was away I finished this and also managed to almost finish the next story, so the next instalment should be posted soon.
The soundtrack for this story simply had to be the following song. It doesn't add to or make a comment on the story, but it just makes sense.
Soundtrack: The Zoo – Simon & Garfunkel
"Something tells me its all happening at the zoo
I do believe it; I do believe it's true
The monkeys stand for honesty
Giraffes are insincere
And the elephants are kindly but they're dumb
Orang-utans are sceptical of changes in their cages
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum"
…
"That was amazing wasn't it? Jacob said quietly, turning the SUV into the parking lot of The Smithsonian's National Zoo. "I don't really know what to say. I'm a little bit speechless to tell the truth."
He swung into a reserved parking space and eased on the brakes. "How's your arm?"
"It's ok," she said touching her upper right arm with her left hand. "A little bit sore, but it's fine. I didn't realise that having the implant out would be worse than getting it put in."
"I'm just glad it's gone. You know I never liked you having it in the first place," he snorted. "And it's not like it actually worked anyway."
Rachel shook her head. "I just can't believe the lengths you'll go to get your own way. You and your abnormally determined sperm."
He raised his eyebrows. "I know you think this pregnancy is somehow my fault but I really don't see the logic behind your argument. You're the one who managed to ovulate despite having a contraceptive implant."
She looked at him sceptically. "Well that was obviously your fault. You must have made me ovulate. It was probably all those orgasms or having to spend all my time with you and your sexy pheromones. I think you just need to stop looking so freaking gorgeous all the time."
He snorted. "That argument doesn't make a lot of sense does it?"
"Sometimes arguments don't make sense Jacob. Sometimes arguments are just arguments."
He raised his eyebrows, shook his head. Looked at his watch.
"We're a little early. Let's go over the road and grab a coffee."
They made their way across Connecticut Ave to the Zoo Bar Cafe. Sat down at a little table outside in the weak morning sun.
"Do you want anything to eat?" he asked.
"No I'm fine, just a coffee."
"Are you sure?" he looked concerned. "You need to eat."
"Jake. The baby is the size of a grain of rice. I don't need to eat extra."
"No, I know you don't need to eat extra, but you do need to eat. Actual food I mean. Not just candy."
She raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm fine. Just coffee."
"Two latte's thanks," he said to the young waiter. "One regular, one decaf."
"I hate decaf," she muttered.
He shrugged.
"Let me see that picture again," he said, holding his hand towards her.
She reached in her bag, took out a small black and white photo and placed the ultrasound picture in his hand.
"Huh," he looked at the picture. Smiled gently. "Doesn't that just blow you away? I've seen plenty of ultrasound pictures over the years, but when it's your baby, it's just different. Her first photo and she was only conceived 6 weeks ago."
Rachel twisted her head, looked at the photo in his hand. "Six weeks ago. When would that have been?"
"Well, it's November now, so 6 weeks ago would have been mid September. I guess that might have been that weekend at the beach house, you know the one when I took you for that picnic at the other beach. The weekend of the big thunderstorm."
She nodded. "Mmm, I thought so. That would be the time that we had the argument about the implant wouldn't it? And you're trying to tell me that you didn't do this on purpose to prove that you're always right."
He shook his head. Smiled. 'You won't let it go will you?"
'You know I won't." She grinned.
"Hey, that's the first smile I think I've had from you since you did the pregnancy test."
She sighed, "well, I haven't had a lot to smile about."
"That is so not true Rachel." He shook his head, stirring his newly arrived coffee. "I've been thinking. About you."
"Mmm?" she said, sipping her steaming drink. "Why does that not surprise me?"
"Listen sweetheart. I know it's hard for you. I know you've competed for all your working life with men, and I imagine that getting married and having a baby probably makes you feel more of a woman and less of one of the boys. But I think you're an amazing person. You're strong and intelligent and gritty and brave and independent. And yet at the same time, you're all woman. Sexy and soft and loving and emotional and warm. I see that in you, I know that's you. You have nothing to prove to me. And everyone else can go and get fucked as far as I'm concerned."
She shrugged. "I know that's how you see it Jake, but…"
"Since when were you really interested in what other people think?" he interrupted. "They're nothing to you. They never have been, so why should it be any different now? Why not take this opportunity to show what you can do? Show them that you can be a strong, independent, gutsy woman who can also be a wife and a mother and a nurturer. It doesn't make you less of a person as far as I'm concerned. It makes you more of a person."
She shook her head.
"None of those men you trained with and work with can do what you're doing now. They can't be an FBI agent and produce new life at the same time. This is a gift you've been given Rachel. Don't be unhappy about it. Don't let them steal your happiness."
She sighed. "You say such beautiful things to me Jake, but sometimes it doesn't matter what you say, I still need some time to come to terms with this."
He sighed. Put his hands on the top of his head, then ran them down his face, rubbed his eyes.
"I suppose you're just going to get angry with me." She stared into her coffee cup.
He looked at her, his face strained. "No, I'm not angry Rachel. I'm frustrated, exasperated and confused. But I'm not angry."
"You do seem a little angry."
He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry that this baby has messed up the plans you had for your life. But honestly, you're just going to have to deal with it. I've spent two days now listening to you tell me how confused you are about it and trying to hold my tongue, and I guess I'm losing my patience just a little."
He reached over the table and put his hand over hers.
"I really, really don't understand. You've just seen this tiny little baby on ultrasound; you've just seen her heartbeat. We know the date she's going to be born. I've tried to help you, I've told you what this means to me, I've told you how much I love you. I've held you, reassured you, talked with you; but do you know what I'm starting to think?"
She shook her head. "I've no idea."
"Well, you're not going to like what I'm going to say."
She shrugged. "What's new about that? Just go ahead and say it."
"Ok, he sighed. "It doesn't matter what I do or say until you admit to yourself that having a baby, proves to your damn father once and for all that you're not the son that he wanted. That you really are 'just a girl'. You've spent your whole life trying to prove that you're as good as any son he might have had, but this is where you show yourself to be fallible. I bet you heard him say many times that women shouldn't be in the FBI. You spend all these years training them and then they all leave to have babies in the end."
Her head snapped up, and she stared at him, astounded.
"That's a pretty harsh thing to say Jacob."
"I know sweetheart and I'm sorry, but I think you need to consider this. I mean, it's why you had such a hard time with the idea of taking a desk job isn't it? He never had a desk job did he? He was always out in the field; looked down on desk jockeys I expect. Only women should have desk jobs shouldn't they? Real agents should be out in the field."
She sighed. She didn't really need to hear any of this, she thought to herself.
"I'm trying not to be angry and say things that I'll only regret, but this is what the whole baby issue really revolves around isn't it? You are a grown woman Rachel. It is well and truly time for you to start thinking about a family, but yet you're still trying to prove your worth to your father."
"Don't you ever…"
"What? What Rachel? Your father left you. Your parents got divorced. It was years ago. It was not your fault. And yet you've spent your whole life trying to win his approval. You still can't look past the expectations that he drummed into you as a girl can you? You seem to be questioning our future, jeopardising our relationship, because of a man who abandoned you and your mother when you were sixteen years old."
"That is simply not true Jacob."
"Isn't it? Then explain it to me Rachel," he said gently. "Because otherwise, I just don't understand what's really going on here. Yes this baby is unplanned, but we're not kids. You're not a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl. You're not going to get kicked out of school for being pregnant and punished by your parents. I didn't knock you up in the back seat of my brother's car."
She frowned, "you don't have a brother."
"That's not the point Rachel. We're consenting, responsible adults. We're in love. We're getting married. How can throwing a baby into this mix be such a disaster? Should we have talked more about this? Do you not want children? Was I just being naive thinking that you wanted a family in the first place? Is your career really the only thing you want from your life?"
"No. Not at all. Of course I want a family with you. I love you Jacob. You know that. It's just… it just doesn't feel like the right time."
"Not the right time? When will the right time be? This is real life Rachel. Birth and death and love and pain and happiness and sorrow are real life. This is your real life. And it's happening now. Not when you decide it should happen."
He paused. Looked at her.
"Are you trying to tell me that you actually don't want to have this baby Rachel?"
"No, no, of course not, I just… I just don't know."
She put her head in her hands. Sighed. "It's not just up to me anyway."
"Of course it's up to you. I'm not going to force you into doing something you don't want. If you truly don't want to have this baby then the sooner you say and the sooner we get it sorted out the better. It's your body Rachel. You're the one who has to go through the pregnancy. You're the one who has to give birth. You are going to be this child's mother for the rest of your life. You are the one who has to make that decision. I'm not going to try and influence you one way or the other."
"But surely you have a say?"
"Sure I have a say. But ultimately it's up to you. You know how I feel. You're well aware of how much I want this child. It's up to you though as to whether you take my feelings into account. I can't make you, it has to be your decision."
"But what about the wedding?"
"What about the wedding? What has this got to do with the wedding?"
"Well you're not going to want to get married if I decide not to have the baby are you?"
"What sort of ridiculous fucking thing is that to say? Why would I not want to get married? I asked you to marry me before we found out about the baby. Listen Rachel, I love you. I love you with my heart and my soul. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. And as far as I'm concerned, this baby is a reflection of the love I feel for you. This might just be the caveman in me, but there is nothing… nothing in this world that would satisfy me more than seeing your belly swell with my child. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to possess you, mark you as mine, show the world that you belong to me. And that baby in your belly is the ultimate mark of my love. But whatever you decide, I will still love you. I love you. I will always love you Rachel. As I said before, this is your decision but my love for you is not in question."
"My god Jacob. How can you tell me it's my decision and then give me a speech like that? It's just emotional blackmail. What if I don't want to be possessed by you? That is such a sexist notion. I will never be possessed by any man."
He looked at her. "Emotional blackmail? You think that me telling you how I honestly feel is emotional blackmail?"
He paused. Frowned.
"You did tell me that you were mine Rachel. In Geneva. If you've changed your mind in less than a week, then maybe it's you who doesn't want to get married. But just know this. Just know that you already possess me. You possess my heart, my soul, my body. Shit Rachel, you possess my fucking mind. So don't tell me that I'm being sexist when I say that I want to show the world that you belong to me. I'm talking about love. I'm talking about loving another person so much that you can't see where you end and they begin. I want you to own me. I want people to know that I'm yours and yours alone."
She looked at him sadly, shook her head. Reached over the table and touched his face. Ran her hand over his cheek.
"Jake, when will you understand that I can't be like you? You are full of thoughts and feelings; you're overflowing with them. You think constantly. You know everything. Everything. And you're always so sure of yourself. You've been trained to think. To think and explore and understand. I see it on your face constantly. You never stop thinking. Never. Your mind churns endlessly. Round and round and round. Never stopping. Never pausing for breath.
But I'm not you Jake. I've spend the last 15 years of my life being trained how to be FBI. I am FBI. I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm rational. I observe, analyse, make quick decisions. I'm trained not to have feelings. But you, you, you've made me have feelings I've never had before. I think of you constantly. My head is full of you, my heart is full of you, you overwhelm me. I'm so I love with you Jacob that I can barely function some times."
A faint smile touched his lips.
"But just when I think I've come to terms with loving you. Just when I think I finally understand how I feel about you and my job and our future, this baby comes along and blows everything to hell. My head is messed up and it is your fault, however much you try to deny it. I act calm on the outside just the way I've been trained to. But on the inside I'm so confused it makes me want to explode.
I just can't wear my heart on my sleeve the way you do Jake. And I can't just jump up and down with joy right now. I am happy. But I need to adjust."
He looked at her gently. "I understand what you're saying sweetheart. I'm sorry if I was hard on you. I know I'm intolerant sometimes. But it's just so hard for me to sit by quietly and watch you go through this anguish when it just doesn't make any sense to me."
He looked at his watch.
"Anyway, we need to go. The field trip is in at 10.00am and I need to do some prep. Are you still coming with me or are you going to take off for the day? Maybe you need some time alone to think."
"No, I'll come and spend the day with you. Watch you do your zoo-man thing."
"Well," he shrugged. "That's up to you. You know you're perfectly welcome to come. You know I'd love to have you there. But I'd understand if you want some alone time."
She reached over, held his face in her hands. "Don't be angry with me Jacob. Don't start pushing me away. I'm just trying to come to terms with this. You're just going to have to give me some time."
He looked into her eyes. "I know I do. I still just don't understand why it's so hard for you though. You're 35 years old Rachel. You're a grown woman. I'm sorry that our baby is going to interrupt your career. I'm sorry that your dad is a screwed up prick who wanted you to be a boy. I'm sorry that he left you and your Mom. I'm sorry that you're scared. But Jesus Christ, of all the god-awful things that can happen in this fucked up world, having a baby with someone who loves you more that life itself, is surely not such a terrible thing. I'm not going to leave you, ever. We're going to get married and we're going to have a beautiful little baby. I just don't understand how you need to come to terms with that. I can't think of a more perfect thing to happen."
"I guess that's what makes it so hard for me Jacob. I don't understand why you are so excited and happy, and I'm just so uncertain."
He leant over and kissed the top of her head.
"Well that makes two of us because I don't understand either, beautiful."
…
They made their way inside the grounds of The National Zoo and Rachel was immediately struck by the familiarity of the staff towards him. From the young dewy eyed girl on the entrance gate who opened it for them with a shy smile, to the pair of elderly ladies behind the counter in the zoo shop waving as they walked past. From the keeper named Sam walking the elephant, who stopped for a chat and for them to pat the giant beast (Rachel could swear that the elephant was pleased to see him as well), to the staff in the Education Centre who were clearly overjoyed to see him back after such a long absence.
"Kathy, Kathy Walker, this is Special Agent Rachel Young, a colleague of mine from the FBI. Rachel, Kathy is the Special Education Officer here. She's my partner in crime. Arranges poor unsuspecting groups of children for me to bore to death."
The dark-haired, middle-aged woman smiled broadly and extended her hand to Rachel. "Nice to meet you Special Agent Young."
"Please call me Rachel," she said with a smile.
"I expect you know full well how modest Jacob is being. He's our star performer. The students love him when he comes in. We'll always make room for him if he says he's available. My staff love it as well. Frees them up to do other things while Jacob does their jobs for them. You'll be amazed at how knowledgeable he is. There seems to be nothing he doesn't know about."
He raised his eyebrows, looked a little uncomfortable, "I don't know about that."
"Oh, it's ok Kathy, I already know what he's like. Dr Hood dazzles me with his knowledge of everything - all day, every day. Believe me."
"He's amazing isn't he?"
"Oh yes, he's certainly that."
He winked slightly at her, almost imperceptibly.
"So what do you have for me today?" he said, turning his gaze to the Education Officer.
"Primates today. Fifty four fifteen-year-olds."
"Ooh, tough audience," he grimaced.
"That's why Suzy thought she'd leave them to you while she takes the seven-year-olds."
"I'm going to have a word too young Suzy next time I see her. Just because she doesn't like those fifteen-year-old boys leering at her. Don't tell me she's snaffled the reptiles."
"Afraid so," Kathy nodded her head, laughing.
"Oh well," he raised his eyebrows, "at least I wore the t-shirt."
"Fantastic," she beamed. "I meant to text you earlier to warn you."
"The t-shirt?" Rachel looked confused.
Jacob was wearing a black button down shirt and she had noticed earlier that he wore a black t-shirt underneath, which had struck her as unusual as he never usually bothered with an undershirt.
He proceeded to unbutton his shirt and held it open so she could read what was printed across the front of his chest "98% chimp"
Kathy laughed. "The students always comment. They always want to know what the other 2% is."
"What do you tell them?"
"Well the official version is of course 2% human. We have only 2% of our DNA that is unique. The other 98% we share with chimps, most of the primates actually. In fact we share 85% of our DNA with rats." Jacob smiled.
"And what's the unofficial version?"
"Well it depends on your point of view. I usually say that it's 2% genius but there's been a few different suggestions been made over the years."
Rachel raised her eyebrows, "indeed?"
"Of course Bradley says its 2% dickhead," Kathy interjected.
"Hahaha, he's probably the one closest to the mark," she laughed.
"Thankyou very much Agent Young," he said with mock offence, eyebrows raised. "I'll remember that. Anyhow, I'd better get my shit together before they turn up, there's nothing more demanding than a room full of hormonal teenagers."
"Now that's a tautology surely?" Kathy commented.
"I guess it is," he laughed.
Rachel smirked; she liked hearing other people giving him a run for his money.
"But before you go Kathy, is Brad going to be down in The Great Ape House? Is he giving the keeper talk?"
"Yep, we haven't convinced him to leave yet."
"I just don't think you're trying hard enough."
"Oh, I'll never stop trying. One day I'll drive him away," she laughed. "But, I'd better go and get organised, they'll be here in ten. I'll meet them outside and then bring them in when you're ready."
"Thanks Kathy"
He spent the next little while organising handouts and setting up the interactive whiteboard for his presentation, whilst Rachel wandered around the Education room checking out the posters and displays.
"Can you wheel me over that trolley?" he said to her, indicating to the shelves she was standing next to, containing an assortment of skulls.
"So what are you lecturing them on?" she asked as she pushed it over.
"On the major groups of primates and their classifications. There are over 300 different species of primates and it can be a little dry and very complicated to classify them so we try to use as many props as possible to keep them interested. Like this guy," he held up a small skull, "a gibbon, hylobatidae, part of the super humanoids family. Did you know gibbons are the only other primates who walk upright like humans without resting on their fists? When they aren't using their long arms for brachiating, they're able to hold them up so they can walk long distances on just their legs leaving their hands free for other things."
"Like what, talking on their cell phones, playing on their PSPs?"
He laughed, "no picking their noses and wanking more likely. None of our primate friends are particularly refined."
It was good to see him have a laugh. Neither of them had done much of that over the past few days.
He slipped off his shirt so he was wearing only the black chimp t-shirt and jeans. As usual, she thought to herself that he was ridiculously good looking in black, and today was no exception.
For the first time since doing the pregnancy test at the beach house, she began to relax a little. She decided she was going to enjoy watching her big handsome man at work.
In a short time, the door opened and the room was quickly filled with what appeared to be hundreds and hundreds of rather large and noisy teenagers.
"Good lord," Rachel murmured to him. "When did teenagers get so big?"
"It's all the protein we feed them."
"I thought it was the hormones in the chicken."
"Don't get me started on that urban myth," he said quietly with a wry grin.
"I think I might find a spot down the back," she whispered.
"Ok beautiful. Do you mind if I introduce you to them?"
"Why?"
"Oh, I just think it's time to tell everyone about us and our sordid affair." He flicked his eyebrows at her cheekily. She frowned at him as she made her way past the students to the back of the room.
"OK people, settle down now," he called out.
The noise in the room barely faltered
"People! That is enough," he bellowed. She looked at him in surprise. Even when she'd seen him angry, she'd never heard him shout like that.
His words had the desired effect though and silence fell in the room, apart from the occasional snicker and whispered comment.
"OK ladies and gentlemen, I have been blessed with the task today of talking to you about the endlessly fascinating subject of primate classification. There are 363 species of primates in the world from humans and apes to monkeys and prosimians, and they are notoriously hard to classify."
They groaned. He held up his hand.
"Now if and only if, you behave like good little boys and girls, at the end we can all hold hands and make a train all the way down to The Great Ape enclosure where you will have the privilege of getting up close and personal with one of your closest living relatives. Before that though, you have listen to me. For the best part of an hour."
They groaned again, even louder. He shrugged and smiled.
"So lets start off getting to know each other. My name is Dr Jacob Hood. I'm a Volunteer Education Officer here but in my regular job I am a Special Science Advisor to the FBI."
There was a murmur that spread around the room.
"Quiet. Or I'll have to set my colleague on you," he gestured towards the back of the room. "This is Special Agent Rachel Young. All you need to know about her is that she has a gun and she likes to use it."
A hush fell across the room and fifty four faces turned to look at her. She raised her hand in a half wave.
"That's much better. Now faces this way please."
"Do you think she's fucking him?" She heard a girl sitting to her right whisper to the girl next to her.
"Probably. Lucky bitch," the other whispered. "Although they're both pretty old. They must be as old as my mum and dad."
"I don't care how old he is. I'd do him in a heartbeat," the first giggled.
"You'd need to kill me first," the other replied.
They both giggled.
"Check out his retro jeans. How cool are they?"
"I know, I'd like to undo those buttons and check out his package."
More giggling.
Rachel was shocked. 'How rude,' she thought to herself. She would never have talked to her friend about a man in that way when she was fifteen.
Well no, maybe she would have.
"Excuse me Dr Hood," Rachel saw one of the students near the front raise their hand.
"If you're 98% chimp, what is the other 2%?"
The girls next to her giggled again.
"I bet its two percent horse."
"Horse? What…"
"I mean he's probably hung like one."
"That must be why she's following him around with her gun," the first one giggled. "I bet she holds him at gunpoint and undoes those buttons with her teeth."
"Yes? Ladies at the back, is there something I can help you with?" Jacob asked.
They giggled even more.
Rachel went and stood behind them. "I don't think they have anything intelligent to add Dr Hood."
"Ok, how about you?" he indicated to a boy to his left. As the boy answered and the attention shifted away from the girls and to him, Rachel bent down behind them and, putting her face in between the two, whispered, "yes I am and yes he is. I've heard everything you've said, so unless you want me to tell Dr Hood every single word, I suggest you button your lips and start paying attention."
She stood up and moved away from the girls who remained remarkably quiet for the rest of the talk.
She focussed on what he was saying "Ok, lets move on from that. Now who can tell me the difference between a monkey and an ape?"
As the lecture progressed, Rachel could see what he meant about it being a dry subject, mainly concerned with the different physiological characteristics of primates, which enabled them to be classified into different suborders, infraorders and families, of which there seemed to be many.
She was absolutely fascinated watching him at work in this setting though. She'd never realised what a fantastic presenter and people person he was, putting the students and teachers at ease with his calm easy manner. She generally watched him speak at formal events, which she knew he hated and generally looked uncomfortable and ill at ease at, but she could see he was enjoying presenting this talk to the school students on a subject he adored. He was quick and funny, had the students eating out of his hand and the time flew by. She could see why the Education Section of the Zoo would go out of their way to provide him with a group like this to lecture.
She realised he was actually a born teacher. All those times he'd explained the intricacies of a case they were investigating, he was really teaching her in just the same way that he was teaching these students. Sitting casually on the desk or roaming around the room, using his expansive knowledge, quick humour and endless supply of props to illustrate his examples, she could picture him as a lecturer or teacher, or easily doing this kind of job permanently. Whether it would be enough to engage his mind, was another matter.
His talk went for about an hour after which they escorted the rowdy bunch of students down to The Great Ape enclosures for a behind the scenes tour of the orang-utan area, including the night quarters, the training and food preparation areas and the maternity suite. Much to Jacob's obvious amusement, it was occupied by new mother Batang and her 4-week-old baby, which took an immediate shine to Rachel, climbing her and playing with her hair.
"You're obviously a natural mother," the keeper Brad commented, and Jacob smirked at Rachel's embarrassment.
After the tour of the orang-utan enclosures, Jacob spoke to the students once again, distributed the information packs and worksheets that they would be completing for the rest of the day, wound up his presentation and handed them over to their teachers.
By this time it was 1pm and he had a working lunch meeting scheduled with the CEO of the Zoo in his capacity as a member of the Board of Directors, followed by another meeting with the Education Centre staff about the development of some new programmes. Rachel had a few hours to herself to wander around taking in the sights, having a bite to eat, and thinking about her future. She realised it had probably been years since she had been to the zoo as a regular visitor.
It was around 4pm when he finally finished up with his meetings and met her outside the elephant display.
"I didn't think being a zoo volunteer would be quite so full on," she commented. "You've been non stop all day."
He smiled. "I suppose you thought I'd spend all day mucking out these guys." He indicated towards the elephants with his thumb.
"Now that I would like to see," she laughed.
…
They decided to take a walk around the grounds together rather than going straight home. It was getting quiet now with most visitors for the day starting to drift away. The sun, which had shone bravely through the autumn cloud all day, was starting to weaken and it was getting a little chilly. He was walking, hands in pockets, she with her arms wrapped around herself to keep out the chill. He glanced at her.
"Would you like my jacket?" he offered, concerned at seeing her cold.
"No, I'm ok," she replied. "It might be a little too obvious if I start wearing your clothes in public."
He laughed, "I guess so. Lets go in there, it's a bit warmer"
They walked into the Small Mammal House and stopped in front of the Golden Lion Tamarin enclosure, stood silently for a while watching their antics with the Sloth, Armadillo and Acouchis which were all also in the mixed display.
"I was really impressed by you today," she said finally.
He frowned, "how so?"
"Well, you were just so great with everyone. And everyone knows you; you're like a celebrity around here. You were fantastic with those kids".
She paused.
"You're going to be a great dad."
He turned his head and looked at her gravely. "Am I ever going to get the chance?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well the last conversation we had was whether you were going to have the baby."
"Of course I am Jacob. There's no way I would have an abortion."
He shrugged. "It's your right."
"I know it's my right, and in other circumstances I might exercise my right. But there's no way I would do that to you. It would damage our relationship beyond repair. Surely you can see that."
"Yes… maybe… but so would having a baby that you don't want."
"I do want it Jacob." She put her hand on his. "Of course I want to have your baby. I love you. I'm just confused. I don't know what I'm feeling to be quite honest. And you bringing up my relationship with my Dad really isn't helping you know. I need you to support me, not attack me."
"I have been supporting you Rachel. But it doesn't seem like anything I do or say makes any difference."
"It's only been 2 days Jake. You can't really expect me to come to terms with all this in 2 days."
"Why?"
They walked slowly on to the next enclosure.
"This is what I don't understand Rachel. Why can't you come to terms with it? It's done. It's finished. It's not like you have to make a decision. All you have to do is stop feeling negative about it and embrace it."
They stopped in front of the Meerkats. Watched them running around, digging.
He pointed towards one animal perched high up on a rock, on its hind legs, looking intently around.
"That guy there is the lookout. They always have one lookout for eagles and other predators. Even when they're in an enclosed space. It's just instinct." He looked at her. "A bit like having a baby. In the end that comes down to instinct."
He shrugged.
"Look Rachel, I don't know what else to say to help you. But in the end, the wheels are already in motion. You've seen her on the ultrasound. She's there. She's in our lives already. Trying to deny that fact isn't going to help you. If you aren't going to abort her then you might as well just surrender to it, surrender to the wonder that is new life. You are so privileged to be able to do this wonderful thing Rachel. I'm in awe of you."
He looked around. They were alone. He pulled her to him and kissed her mouth. "I love you Rachel and in the end that's all that matters. You and I and our baby."
She hugged him. "I know Jake, it's just…"
He sighed in frustration, pulled away. Started walking.
"Come on, we should go. I'm meeting Frank at 6pm at his office. What time are you meeting Jess? I'm assuming that you'll take the car seeing as you won't be drinking."
She laughed. "Since when do I not drink when I go out with Jess? Why on earth would you think won't I be drin…" She rolled her eyes. "Oh of course. I no longer drink alcohol or caffeine. Great."
He smiled.
As they walked through the expansive grounds of the Zoo, gradually making their way back the Administration Area, he spoke quietly. "Of course if your job is the real issue, I can stay home and look after the baby after she's born. But in that case you should probably stay with the FBI. Because if I'm not working, then you can't work with me. But," he paused, "if you do stay with the FBI you're going to have to give up field work. At least for the time being. Does the Bureau have a policy in relation to pregnant agents?"
"I guess so. It's not really something I've looked into. Don't you dare ask Frank tonight though, will you? I don't think he needs to know about this development just yet."
He shrugged. "Ok, if that's what you want. But you do know that if I can't cope with the thought of you in danger, I doubly won't be able to cope with you and the baby being at risk."
"I know, it's just something else I have to consider, isn't it?"
"Not really. There's no considering. It's a fact." He looked serious.
She nodded. "Ok, ok Jake. But what about you? I thought you wanted to keep doing your Special Science Advisor work. I thought you enjoyed it. This just throws our business plans out of the window doesn't it? What if I want to leave and work with you? I was coming round to the idea you know. It's kinda sad that we won't be going ahead."
"I agree, it is a shame. But if I had the choice, I'd rather we had a baby together than work together as long as I was satisfied that you were safe. But before we decide who's going to stay home with the baby, I think you need to know that you don't need to work, financially I mean."
"Why's that?"
"Well, remember I told you that when my Grandfather died, I kind of inherited his position on the Board of Directors here?"
She nodded.
"Well, Alex and I also inherited his fairly substantial estate."
"Oh…. ok." she said frowning. "What sort of estate?"
"A couple of properties in town that we have leased out. A cabin up in the mountains. A share portfolio. And a house in France. Mom & Dad are living there at the moment."
"Why didn't your Dad inherit his father's estate?"
He shrugged, "as I said before, they didn't get on. Hadn't spoken for years. My mom made sure Alex and I had contact with all of our grandparents. She thought it was important for them and for us. Sometimes we'd go and spend the holidays."
"What did your Dad think of that?"
He laughed. "Oh he hated it. He knew the old man would take us to the museum, the science centre, here. He always thought it was his fathers prime objective to turn me into him. I guess he was right. I'm as different from my Dad as he was from his. But the old man and I had a real connection. It was he who encouraged my love of science. Bought me my first science set, first microscope, telescope, seahorse."
He shrugged his eyebrows, sighed. "I miss him."
"What about your Grandmother?"
"She died the year before, he didn't last long after she went. She was his life. He was a gentle, intelligent, passionate man. A thinker."
She reached over and took his hand. Squeezed it. "He sounds a lot like you."
He leant over and kissed the top of her head. "I meant what I said you know. About looking after the baby."
"Don't be ridiculous Jacob. I don't expect you to give up your career. How could you feed it anyhow?"
"You'd just have to express for the first few months. And I wouldn't see it as giving up my career. It's only for a few years."
"Express. That sounds gruesome."
"Breast milk is best you know. It's the perfect food for babies. The essential fatty acids are essential for good brain development. Omega 3, omega 6 …"
She interrupted him, "you'd go crazy stuck at home with a baby Jake. You can't spend two days at the beach house without going feral."
"I wouldn't look at it as being stuck at home. I'd be making the choice to care for our child. And I could work from home anyhow. I've said before there's no end to the things I could do, academia, research. There are a couple of books that I've been thinking about writing. Or I could work here and at the aquarium a couple of days a week and she could come with me."
He laughed. "She could be bought up as an itinerant zoo child. Or," he shrugged, "I could do something completely different. We need to see major life changes like this as opportunities Rachel, not obstacles."
She smiled. He was trying so hard to solve all her problems and it touched her heart. And there was something else that touched her heart.
"Why do you call the baby 'she' Jacob? We don't know what it is yet."
He shrugged.
"'It' sounds so impersonal. 'He' sounds too egotistical, like I automatically expect a son. So I'm going to call her 'she'. Reminds me of you anyhow. I think she'll be a little blue eyed blondie, just like her mommy."
She shook her head. Smiled at him. Reached up and touched his face. "You are a seriously sad case Jacob. Has there ever been man more excited to be a dad?"
He turned his head and kissed her palm, holding her hand to his mouth.
"It's a shame my enthusiasm isn't a bit more contagious though isn't it? I love you Rachel. I just want you to be happy with this."
"Oh, you're very contagious," she laughed, "I mean that's what got me in this state in the first place isn't it?"
He smiled, shrugged, "well I did tell you that we should use condoms."
"You didn't spell out exactly why though did you. You didn't tell me that regular birth control would be useless in the face of super scientist sperm."
He frowned, "haven't we already had this conversation today?"
"I told you before Jacob. This conversation will be played out endlessly over the next few months. Probably for the rest of our lives, I'd imagine."
"Oh good, that's something to look forward to…" he smiled.
They wandered a little further down the pathway.
She looked around, "so, all this time you've spent at the zoo, have you ever… um…"
"What?" he frowned
"Well there must be some private little places you know of, in amongst all this greenery where the three of us could you know…"
He smiled. "The three of us. You me and the baby?"
"Well no, I guess it's the four of us now then, because I wasn't thinking about the baby. I was thinking about you, me and…"
He raised his eyebrows, "now why doesn't that surprise me. You're an absolute disgrace, Special Agent Young. An absolute disgrace."
He shook his head and an idea started to form on his face.
"Although I do want to find a secluded spot somewhere. I almost forgot. I have something for you."
They turned a corner and he pulled her into a little grove of trees with a fallen log in the middle. "This is one of my favourite spots in the zoo. Sometimes I come in here just to sit and think." He wrapped his arms around her. "You're still cold. I think we should think about heading home soon."
She snuggled down into his arms. "You're warm."
He laid his face on the top of her head.
"Put your hand in my right pocket," he whispered. "I have something for you."
"Mmmm," she murmured, "you want me to put my hand in your pocket. That sounds promising. I hope what you have for me is hard and throbbing."
"Throbbing? Good god, please tell me you didn't really say throbbing. Now how about you just stop being cheeky," he whispered "and do what I said."
She slid her hand into the warmth of his pocket she could feel the hard bones of his hip giving way to the strong muscles of his thigh. And then something else. She wrapped her fingers around it, feeling the hardness, feeling the softness of the velvet covering. She withdrew her hand and with it the small black box.
"Open it," he murmured into her hair.
With her other hand she lifted the lid of the box and nestled against the midnight blue silk of the interior, lay the most exquisite piece of jewellery she had ever seen. It was a simple ring of pale gold highlighted by a big luminous blue marquise cut stone. The gem lay angled to the right and was lovingly embraced all around with a gentle sweep of gold.
She was speechless.
"It's a blue diamond," he said quietly, "it reminded me of you. The blue of your eyes and the gold of your hair."
For a while she was silent.
"Oh Jacob," she whispered at last. "It's absolutely beautiful."
"Apparently the fashion in rings at the moment is for platinum with white stones, but they all seemed so harsh and soulless. This one just spoke to me of you." He kissed the side of her head.
"It's funny," she said at last, "because do you know what it speaks to me of?
"No," he whispered.
"You. It speaks to me of you. Of the blue of the sea and the gold of the sand and the colours of the beach house. I look at this and think of you."
She reached up and held his face in her hands. Kissed him deeply. "I love you Jacob."
"Let me put it on for you," he said, sliding the ring out of its box. He held her hand, the ring poised over her finger.
"Look at me," he said. She turned her face up towards his.
"I know I've already asked you this, but somehow it seems more real this way," he said gently, his green eyes boring into hers. "Rachel, would you do me the very great honour of becoming my wife?"
"You know I will sweetheart," she whispered. He slipped the ring onto her finger, then raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I love you," he murmured.
She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him deep and long and passionately.
He ran his hands down her back and over her bottom. Hugged her in close to him, wrapped his hands around her buttocks, lifted her up against him.
"You have a truly spectacular ass," he murmured into her mouth.
"You always know exactly the right thing to say," she whispered. "I so want to jump you right now."
"I think maybe it's time to go home. I don't want to get myself kicked off the Board of Directors for being caught in a compromising position on Zoo grounds."
"I don't know," she replied, kissing his face. "Sounds like a fun way to go to me."
…
If you'd like to have a look at the engagement ring that Jacob chose, just google "I. Gorman Jewelers" then click on Designers, then Etienne Perret. Last time I looked, the pale gold ring with the blue marquise cut diamond was in second place on the line of rings, but I'm sure it's easy enough to find if it's moved. Etienne Perret only has ten pieces listed in the section.