Disclaimer: Don't own a thing…. I'm not getting a profit or anything.

A/N: This was written in pure insanity… *grins maliciously* And I have no idea what it's going to be about.

What if Hogwarts was based in America? What would Harry and his friends, or even Snape be like if they were American? God help us all if they were….

Setting: America; in a town everybody wishes to leave

Year: Fifth Year: AKA 10th grade

Plot: For Harry to get through the day sane….

Chapter One: Monday Morning in Prison

Harry Potter was no ordinary boy. For one thing, he didn't care about what people thought of him. He never bothered to brush his hair, for he thought it was completely pointless to keep buying combs and brushes that would only break in the crop of mess they called hair. So instead of grooming himself, he dyed it blue. He liked it much better then the pitch black hair he used to have. His friends digged his new style too, and suggested that he should go with some piercing… so he did.

For another thing, Harry hated school. Okay, so that was considered normal, but having serious meetings with his Phoenix Bang Gang on ways to get around the magical barrier and burning the school down was considered less then normal fifteen-year-old behavior.

Also, Harry James Potter was a wizard. He attended Hogwarts High School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and he owned a wand. But nobody was supposed to know this. If anybody found out magic was real in America, the President would send out an order and have their school nuclear bombed, just because it was something to do. Harry liked being a wizard for only one reason…. He could suspend his non-magical cousin Dudley by his underwear on the antenna for the TV without even touching him. Yes, that was why Harry liked being a wizard.

Harry swore as his alarm clock blared in his ear at seven-thirty in the morning. Without opening his eyes, he grabbed the sleep-Nazi and threw it at the wall, finally shutting it up as it broke into small pieces. It was Monday, and it was time for school. Harry swore again, threw his Eagles bedspread to the floor, and rolled out of bed.

"Potter, are you out of bed yet?" He heard his uncle yell from downstairs.

"Shut up," Harry muttered, scratching himself as he trudged into the bathroom. After going to the bathroom and brushing his teeth, making sure to be cautious of his new tongue ring, he stopped to examine himself in the cracked mirror. His hair was a mess, and flying everywhere, so he grabbed the axel wax and applied it to the blue rat's nest and started spiking. His eyebrow was pierced, his tongue was pierced, and the sides of his mouth he even got done. He had his best friend Hermione pierce him after she had done her own eyebrow herself. There - he was done. His hair was perfectly spiked, and he resembled a punk. Harry was happy.

He went back to his room and threw on his Sex Pistols shirt and black baggy pants with the neon green cords.

"Harry Potter, if you are late again, I swear I'll beat you so hard…"

"Yadda, yadda," Harry muttered, giving the doorway the finger. "If you don't shut up, man, I'll beat you myself." Harry was used to being threatened to be beaten by his uncle, but the truth was they were afraid to put a hand on the boy. After he and his gang were practicing breaking barriers and set the shed on fire, they were afraid he might get ideas if they set a finger on the boy wizard. So Harry dismissed the warning, grabbed his book bag, and made his way slowly down the stairs.

"What are you doing up so early, Vernon?" Harry demanded, as he watch his uncle position his tie while examining himself in the reflection of the microwave.

"I told you last night I had a job interview! Now get out of the house, before your stupid principle sends another of those filthy owls!"

Harry smirked. Vernon had been laid off five times, and he was sure his new job, if he even got it, would be the sixth. The way jobs were laying off people those days, Harry was sure Vernon would never keep another job again.

Skipping breakfast, Harry dashed out of the house, hopped on his bike, and raced his way down the streets to his school. Fifteen minutes later, he locked his bike on the bike rack and found his best friends, Ron, Hermione, Dean, and Seamus, hanging out on the front yard; their usual meeting spot. Dean and Seamus were smoking, Ron was trying to write fast enough to get all the answers to his Potions homework from Hermione, and Hermione was only smoothing out her tight Good Charlotte shirt, laughing at Ron.

"Good, God, Ron," Hermione laughed, as Ron hurried to do the work. "I swear if you don't start doing your homework on your own, you'll wind up working at the McDonalds or something! Better start practicing your interview speech now! Would you like fries with that?"

"Shut up, Hermione," Ron growled. "Like I don't have more important things to do then Snape's Potions homework!"

"If you lay off the weed, then maybe…," Harry said as he stopped at the group.

"Dude - if you don't shut up -"

Dean, Seamus, and Hermione laughed.

"Hey, Harry," Dean nodded, taking a puff from his cigarette.

"What's up?" Seamus greeted.

Harry shook his head. "Nothing but the usual. Vernon's going out for another job again… at the car dealership, I think."

"Yeah, right. Fat Bastard couldn't even get a job at Burger King if they were hiring," Seamus said, stomping out his cigarette. "He'd eat everything."

"Amen," Hermione agreed.

Harry shrugged. "All I want to do is go home! I hate this school! You guys ready?"

Seamus and Dean grinned, and Ron stopped copying Hermione's homework and stood. They took out their wands and pointed to the school.

"Excario!" The shouted together. A stream of bright red burst from their wands and hit the school. It was their daily routine to try to burn the school down. However, Principle Dumbledore had armed the school well, and it kept standing. Harry grunted.

"Well, that's that," he said, putting his wand back in his pocket. "D*mn it. I didn't even bother to do my History paper either."

Hermione snorted. "I told you all this crap of burning down the school was useless. Should have done your homework."

"Somebody's going to murder you someday, Mya," Dean grumbled, pulling his pants up, just to have them sag back down again.

"And why's that?" Mya grinned.

"Your so d*mn annoying!"

Mya laughed just as the bell rang.

The boys trudged grumpily up the stairs and into the building.

Another day of prison had started…

A/N: Hmm…. Wait until you see the teachers!