Face Off
When we crashed, it was all about surviving. Finding food, finding medicines, finding someone to talk to… protecting ourselves from polar bears, bees, an unknown monster… and a very hostile others.
Then all of a sudden, not even sure when, it was all about the relationships formed on the island. Friendship, rivalry and even romance. I found it all. Sun and Claire from the friendship side, as it appears to be – Ana Lucia from the rivalry side, and of course, the romance. Jack and Sawyer.
With Sawyer, you can hardly call anything romance. He's the most non-romantic person ever. But that's not his nature, nor is it mine. With Jack… well, he's not romantic, but why should he be? It's not like there's something going on between us, it's not like all I think about is him. Letting him down, worrying about him, waiting for him, kissing him… oh.
But now it's more than irrelevant. I blew it. I betrayed his trust, I made him come back, I ran… no wonder he can't wait to get away from me and go to his new best friend. Speaking of his new best friend…
"Yo, curly!" she calls approaching me.
Oh, how delicate and classic. Yes, I sure do realize what he found in her.
"I go by Kate, actually." I answer, unnoticeably clutching my fists, "just like you don't go by kill-machine Ana."
"I'd be more than willing to introduce your teeth with my fist," she snarls and I roll my eyes at her, "but I need to know where Jack is. And it is my belief that the doctor has some sort of a soft spot for you, so you'd probably know."
"He's at the hatch." I smirk proudly at her, proving her she was right.
"Think again, brunette Barbie. He was supposed to be at the hatch." She answers.
Repressing the fact she just referred to me as a Barbie, my face fall and I stare off to the ocean, trying to realize where he could be.
"So you might not know it all after all." She says with a content smile on her face.
"You're right, Rambina. Sooooo the issue in hand." I rise from my seat on the beach and immediately run off towards the tents.
"Kate!" Claire calls hysterically as she spots me, "Jack's gone!"
2 words I never want to hear in the same context ever again. Jack. Gone.
"What happened?" I ask frantically, cursing myself for losing my tranquility.
"I don't know! All I know is that he had words with Locke and then took of to the jungle, no one knows where exactly. He was supposed to replace Jin and Sun at the hatch, but never showed up." She mumbles rapidly.
"Claire… what… why?" I manage out feeling tears stinging in my eyes.
And those aren't tears of sadness or lose. Those are tears of pure dread and disarray.
"I don't know." She whispers desperately, "he just vanished."
Hearing that last comment I just nod my head vigorously and leave towards the jungle.
"Kate, don't!" I hear Claire calling alarmingly, but I only run faster.
Jack can't be gone. He is the only thing that makes sense in this entire ordeal. He's the only one I can see myself trusting wholeheartedly. He's like a steady rock you can always count on being there for you. But maybe that's the reason he took off. Maybe he was just sick of people depending on him, turning to him with every little problem… or maybe he was just fed up with me.
Not trying to give myself credit or anything, but I did some sh-tty things to him. I used him to open the suitcase, I kissed him and ran away, and I betrayed him. He asked me not to come along with them to look for Michael, and I did.
I wanted to help, I wanted to make sure he was ok… and as much as I hate to admit it, I wanted him to be worried about me. To show me he still cares. I think that backfired. 'Cause while he might've been worried, he was pissed as hell at me for joining. I could tell. That cold tone, him not even facing me, not talking to me afterwards, not even touching me… I just wish I would've known if it was because of me running away, or me coming along.
As I run through the jungle all those thoughts seems to blend inside my head, and I'm unable to focus my mind on anything but finding Jack. I need him. I need to find him.
And all of a sudden, I do. Instead of turning towards the hatch area, where he was most likely to be – my instinct took me to the most unlikely place for me to find him. And I did. At the golf course.
I immediately stop running as I spot him. He's so concentrated in playing he doesn't even notice the fact he's got company. With those stern face, so focused on the game, he still looks like he's miles away. He looks like golf is that last thing on his mind, and he hits that way, too.
A smile of relief washes me, and before I notice, I approach him and wrap my arms around him.
Surprised, he stiffens for a second and then places his hands on my hips, pushing me away slightly.
"What is it, Kate?" he asks coldly.
For a little while, I just look at him, unable to answer. He's been this way to me for quite awhile now, but hearing him this indifferent and detached to me, just when I thought I'd lost him, literally makes me freeze.
"I was so, so worried." I say feeling tears welling up again.
This time it isn't about relief or fear anymore. It's about how absolutely exasperating this is to me. He's cutting me off, and not letting me back in. from the day I met him, I always counted on him being there for me. And now he's gone. He's here, standing right in front of me – but he's gone.
"Sorry." He shrugs, not convincingly and turns away.
"No, you're not." I whisper resentfully.
"What do you want from me!" he exclaims facing me, "you kiss me, then you run to Sawyer! And then when I ask you to please not risk your life, you do so anyway! Kate, I can't be worried about you all the time! I'm done."
"Pretend for one second that this is not about you. About someone daring to disobey you." I say grabbing his arm.
"What is this about then, Kate?" he asks suddenly very calm and quiet.
"I need you." I confess whispering.
"You just think you need me. You just think you need someone to have your back, to support you… when you seem to be doing fine by yourself." He says hurt.
"No. I need you." I say emphasizing every word.
"Yeah well," he looks away shrugging, "when I wanted to show you how much I need you, you didn't give me the chance."
"Is this a punishment? Are you punishing me?" I ask annoyed turning his face to face me.
"I'm not doing anything to you." He replies coldly, "but maybe it's my turn to run."
And with that, he leaves me standing there.
-----
I've never been the one to push it. I really haven't. Guys usually don't just blow me off, and if they do – I never ever stick around long enough to find out why or to try and make amends. But Jack is different. He's like no other guy I've ever met. And if I lose him… well, let's just say I can't.
So I waited awhile, and then instead of getting back to the beach, my instincts once again led me the other way around. To the hatch.
As I enter I see Hurley sitting in front of the computer, reading an old magazine.
"Hey Hurley." I say looking around.
"Oh hey Kate. Did you know that chick from TLC died?" he asks me shocked.
"About 4 years ago." I respond looking at him strangely.
"Huh." He looks pondered, "Wait, I knew that also."
"So um… Jack's in the shower?" I ask hearing the running water.
"Jack? Huh? What? No on else is here!" he smiles nervously.
"That was so lame, Hurley. If you would've said a different name I would've just left you alone." I reply rolling my eyes.
"Look Kate, I don't want to get in the middle of anything here… he just asked me to say he's not here." He says looking uncomfortable.
"You didn't. I figured it out." I say just as Jack exits the shower.
He looks at me and his face stiffens for a second, before lowering his eyes and beginning to walk away.
"We weren't done, Jack." I say, following him.
"I was." He shrugs in reply.
"Are you seriously contemplating never talking to me again?" I ask grabbing his shirt and turning him to me.
"I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?" he asks coldly.
"Stop it." I whisper shaking my head.
"Kate, you didn't have to come here! No one forced you!" he says annoyed.
"I just thought…" I trail off and sigh, "well, I guess it doesn't matter anymore."
He just looks at me unsympathetically in respond. I glance up at him, forcing tears back and then turn to leave.
-----
Jack's POV:
"You ok?" Hurley asks approaching after Kate leaves.
"Fine." I mutter.
"Good. So I guess it's ok for me to tell you you were way harsh on the girl." He replies and I glare at him.
"You don't know what you're talking about." I grumble and turn away.
"You're right, I was only here." He replies sarcastically, "Jack dude, she was leaving with tears in her eyes. Does that tell you anything?"
I face him wordlessly. I know I hurt her, possibly to the point of her crying over it. I'm not happy about it, I never intended to. But she hurt me so bad, that when I just look at her, I can't help but acting the way I do to her. It just pisses me off so bad that we finally had a chance for something and she just acted like she regretted ever taking the chance by running away.
I want her. I've never felt this strongly about someone. And I was married. I know that if I'd let my guards down – I'd fall in love with her. And it scares me. Because she's unpredictable, because I can't read her when it comes to matters of the heart. Because she kissed me, but then acted like it was the biggest mistake of her life.
"Dude, please. Just go to her." Hurley asks me, which pulls me away from my thoughts.
I know he's right. I know I should apologize to her. And the truth is, I don't need someone else encouraging me to go to her.
So I just sigh and turn to leave. The second I open the door, Charlie grabs me hysterically.
"Jack! It's Kate!" he says panicked.
"What's wrong?" I ask urgently feeling my pulse skyrocketing.
"I-I-I don't know!" he stutters, "Claire found her half passed out in the jungle… we managed to figure out of her she was stung by a scorpion or something…"
I push him away and run frantically towards the beach. I make my way to Kate's tent, clearing people out of the way and I enter to find Claire, Sun and Jin standing next to Kate, who's lying on the ground looking dehydrated and weak.
"Wh-is she awake?" I stutter confused.
"We got her some water," Sun starts, "she's half-awake."
"How life threatening is a scorpion?" Claire asks worried.
"I-uh-don't… she'll be fine, just let me see her." I talk in broken sentences.
A doctor only has one weakness. And that's feelings to his patient.
Claire, Sun and Jin immediately clear the tent for me, and I bend in front of Kate, stroking her sweaty forehead.
"Kate?" I ask softly.
Her eyes remain closed and she continues to breathe heavily. I look for the bite and then suck the sting out of her hand. I take out an antibiotic ointment from the medicine cart Sun had brought to her tent, and rub it into her exposed skin. I search for a piece of cloth and then moist it with some water and press it to her forehead.
"God, I'm such an idiot." I whisper to myself exasperatedly.
She shivers softly to the feel of water on her skin and I hold her face with my other hand, trying to sooth her.
"I'm so, so sorry." I whisper pained, "I shouldn't have just… God Kate, please be ok."
She stirs slightly, grabbing my hand that's resting on her cheek.
"Kate…" I whisper, my eyes light up.
"Jack, I…" she whispers weakly.
"No, no, no… shh, it's ok. You're fine." I say relieved.
I move my hands to her neck, tilting it up carefully to examine her.
"Jack…" she starts and I shake my head in reply.
"Don't, Kate. I'll just check to see your glands aren't swollen and then I want you to rest." I reply on full doctor-mode.
I caress her glands softly, and then move my hand up to her forehead, making sure she doesn't have a temperature. I can feel her breath hitting my cheek, which sends a shiver through my spine. I begin to feel my guards coming off.
I tear my gaze away from her forehead and look down at her. She brings her eyes up to me, those glistering eyes, and she unconsciously moistens her lips. Before I get the chance to say anything, or to pull away from her, she presses her lips against mine. My hand drops to her cheek and then her chin, tilting it a bit while she pulls on the collar of my shirt. Before we even get a chance to deepen the kiss, we both pull away. Me because… well, she's sick and I don't want to take advantage of her, and her… because I think she believes I'm still mad at her. Which technically, I should be.
"I-uh…" I pull away flustered, "should probably get back… you're better, right?"
She just bits her lip nervously and nods. I look up at her and nod vigorously, not wanting to go.
"It's just…" she says as I move away and I stop, turning to her, "why don't you stay?"
And I can't. I can't refuse that look, I can't refuse that tone… and it's not like I want to walk away from her again.
"I…" I trail off.
"Just, please stay." She whispers.
And I just melt. I manage out a short nod before leaning in and kissing her passionately. She hold my face bringing me closer to her as she kisses me back with all the pint up passion we were both holding back. I wrap my arms around her waist positioning her in a much more accessible way as she brings her arms to my neck.
"I know you're so pissed at me," she pulls away breathlessly, "and I just want you to know…"
"Let's not do this right now." I ask searching her eyes.
"I just want you to know, I'll do my best not to disappoint you again." She says.
"What freaks me out about you Kate, is that I know you don't intend to hurt me." I confess, "I'm wary getting into this because you… this is so unpredictable."
"It doesn't have to be." She shakes her head.
"But that's your character. And I accept that. I'm just not too keen about the day you'd decide you're tired of this. Of me." I reply.
"Jack…" she starts caressing my cheek, "do you see yourself getting tired of me?"
"Never." I chuckle.
"Then I can only promise the same." She smiles.
"But you can't." I shake my head.
"I can if you can." She replies sternly.
I smile and tuck a curl behind her ear.
"You just collapsed my guards." I shake my head smiling.
"Good to know I'm not the only one defenseless." She beams in reply.
I chuckle once more and bring her closer to me, hugging her tightly. God, how I missed her. At least now, I know she's mine to lose.