The Wedding
Kazuya and Jun are finally getting married, and almost all the Tekken fighters are invited! How will they screw this up? Find out!
A/N: This is my first attempt at a humor fic. It's full of Tekken randomness! And blackmail. Lots of blackmail. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: The Guests Arrive
Kazuya smiled happily as he finished putting on his brand-new tuxedo. Looking at himself in the mirror, he thought to himself: I'm getting married... I'm getting married! To Jun! Nothing could possibly ruin this day!
Meanwhile, downstairs, Jin and Heihachi were waiting in the car. They've been waiting there for the past half hour, waiting for Kazuya to get ready...
Damn it, Dad! Jin thought, How long does it take to put on a fucking tuxedo! We need to get to the dining hall by three, and that's just a half hour away! AND you drive like a fucking turtle!
Kazuya finally came downstairs, all ready to go. He got in the driver's seat, pulled out, and began driving toward the dining hall at 10 mph. Already pissed, Jin screamed:
"DRIVE FASTER, DAMMIT!!!"
Meanwhile...
"COULD YOU SLOW DOWN A BIT!?"
Steve screamed in the top of his lungs as he desperately tried to hold on to his seat. Until now, he still didn't know why he let Asuka drive. She didn't even have a freaking license, for God's sake! Right now she was driving... 143 MILES PER HOUR! Steve never thought his piss-poor excuse for car could even go that fast. Suddenly, Asuka's cellphone rang. One hand on the steering wheel, she answered it.
"Hello, Asuka?" It was Jin.
"What!? Can't you see I'm driving here?"
"Y-- WAIT! You're DRIVING!? You got your license revoked yesterday, remember? When you ran over three bears, a kangaroo, and Xiaoyu's grandfather?"
"Yeah, that was some party. By the way, how is old Wang?"
"He's in ICU, dumbass!"
"Hey, don't call me a dumbass, dumbass!"
"Whatever. Just get me Steve."
"Fine."
"Yes, this is Steve."
"Hey, Steve, could you do me a favor? I was supposed to pick up Hwoarang and Julia at Hwoarang's place, but my dad is driving so fucking slow we can't make it. Could you guys pick them up instead?
"Sure. Well, see you at dinner. Cheers!"
"Yeah, sure. Well, bye."
Steve turned to Asuka, who was leaning out the window screaming obsceneties at a passing limo.
"FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, MOTHERFUCKER!? WHAT!? YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER THERE AND KICK YOU SORRY MOTHERFUCKING ASS, 'CAUSE I WOULD SO WANT TO!"
"Uh, Asuka?" Steve said awkwardly.
"What?"Asuka said in a cheery yet mildly creepy voice while giving the driver the finger.
"Jin wants us to pick up Hwoa and Julia at Hwoa's place."
"Sure, just gimme a minute.."
Asuka pulled up beside the limo from earlier and screamed:
"HEY, YOU FUCK! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CUT OFF ASUKA KAZAMA!"
With that, she punched clean through the window of the limo(They were driving one of those British cars because that was the only car they had since Asuka's Ferrari was now blacklisted by the Japanese government.) and KO'ed the driver. But when she looked inside the limousine, she almost hurled.
The seats of the limo were cherry pink. So were the rugs and dashboard. It was like stepping into a Hello Kitty-related nightmare. But the most sickening sight Asuka saw was the girl in the back seat.
"So we meet again, Asuka Kazama."
It was Lili Rochefort.
"I assume you were invited to Mr. Mishima's wedding as well," Lili inquired.
"What's it to you?"
"Oh, I was just wondering if," Lili's face suddenly became twisted with anger,"...you would mind getting your butt kicked there."
"Are you challenging me to a fight? Again? You really want to lose thrice?"
"I won't lose this time, because I have a secret weapon..."
"What, bitch? You couldn't bring me down the last two time we fought. What difference does your 'secret weapon' make?"
"You'll see."
While the two girls were engaged in an intense staredown, Steve suddenly spoke up:
"Uh, Asuka dear, we have to pick up Hwoa and Julia..."
"Oh, right."
Asuka began to speed off toward Hwoarang's house while Lili was screaming something about revenge far behind them.
"What a douche," Asuka commented.
After 5 minutes...
Steve was clutching his chest. Asuka had just driven forty miles in fifteen minutes. They were at Hwoarang's place. It wasn't really much of a place, more like a house-shaped garbage can. Asuka and Steve got out of the car, with Steve cursing under his breath to never get in a car driven by Asuka ever again.
"God, this place is a dump! I thought Hwoarang was making all that money from selling medicine, but his place looks like something a horse would crap out!"said Asuka.
"That's cruel and rude. Anyway, what makes your place so great?" Steve answered.
"Lemme see. I have a flat screen TV, a PS3, an indoor pool, my own personal training dojo--"
"Okay, okay, I get it! Stupid lottery."
Meanwhile, inside the house...
Hwoarang had just finished filling a bottle of aspirin with some drugs he was making when Julia's voice broke the silence:
"Hwoarang! Get down here now!"
"Coming, sweetums!"
Hwoarang left the bottle at the table and ran downstairs to where Julia was.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Asuka and Steve are here!"
Yeah, that's great. I gotta go take a whiz."
When Hwoarang left for the bathroom, Steve suddenly complained:
"I have a splitting headache!"
Julia said,"I have some aspirin. It's in my purse upstairs. I'll get you some."
"Thanks..."
Julia entered the room that she and Hwoarang shared. It was the only neat room in the house, probably because Julia constantly cleans it. She grabbed her purse from the bed but found that she had no more aspirin.
"Oh, well. I'm sure Hwoarang wouldn't mind me getting some of his." Julia grabbed the bottle from the table."One for Steve, one for me."
A couple of minutes later, everyone was already ready when Hwoarang suddenly remembered:
"Oh, shit."
Hwoarang suddenly bolted upstairs. He grabbed the aspirin bottle and sped off downstairs as fast as he could.
"Well, is everyone ready?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Good, let's go!"
Outside, Asuka was just about to get in the driver's seat when Steve spoke up:
"I think I should drive."
The other two nodded in agreement. They knew how reckless Asuka can be. Julia was run over by her once, and Hwoarang was ran over twice.
"Fine."
Well, that's the end of chapter 1. Next time I update, more guests will arrive! This is supposed to be a humor fic, so don't judge. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! R&R!