Adoption or keeping him?
Giving him up, or keeping him as hers?
Emma Swan sighed and rested her head against the wall of her cell as she thought. She was five months pregnant now… and the guards were pressuring her into trying to make a decision about what to do with the child. Did she keep him, or did she give him up and hope that he would have a better life than she did in the adoption world?
Both options were extremely tempting to her. If she gave him up, she would only have to worry about herself when she got out of here, and not an innocent child. Considering she didn't have anything, it seemed to be a good thought.
Then again, she wouldn't be able to control where her child went. She couldn't make sure that he was quickly put into a family, one that wouldn't return him like had happened to her. For all she knew, he could be bounced around like she was.
If she kept him, he would be able to stay with her, and she would show him love and support that she hadn't gotten as a child.
She wanted to scream at the fact that she was left alone in this decision. If only she hadn't been so stupid to think that Neal would actually stay with her and not betray her, like everyone else in her life had… then she wouldn't be in this situation. She should have let him take the fall for his own crimes – she would have waited for him, but she wouldn't have to be in prison, going through a pregnancy alone with only the guards for company when her morning sickness had been terrible.
"You're far along enough to know his gender, Swan. Do you want to know?" the doctor asked, the cold gel pressing against her expanded stomach, the ultrasound wand moving around, looking at her baby.
Emma nodded slowly – she did want to know. Why bother keeping it a surprise? She was most likely going to give him up for adoption anyway. At least she would know what to expect when she gave birth.
"It's a boy… congratulations."
The word stuck hard with her. Boy. A little boy. A little Neal.
Well, now that threw a wrench into her plans.
The doctor seemed to sense her confusion, the subtle movement of her body obvious to the woman.
"Swan… you know we won't judge you if you want to keep him, you know that right"
Emma stared up at the woman, stunned that she would be so… kind toward the young, pregnant, jailbird. "You… you won't? But – but where will he go? Would he live in my cell with me? Would he go to a foster home until my… my sentence was up?"
She couldn't believe she was so worried about this, when just a few minutes ago, she was determined that she was going to give the baby – no, him, up for adoption. Now she was worried about, if she was determined to keep him, where he would go.
"Well…" the doctor leaned against one of the cabinets. "The prison is beginning a new program.. certain prisoners who wind up pregnant can apply. I'll tell you this – I can't guarantee anything – but I can tell you that since you're a juvenile, and a non-violent criminal, you have a pretty good shot of getting accepted.
"And… he'll stay with me?"
The doctor nodded.
This was where she was now. The conflict was raging in her head. Both options seemed have their pluses and minuses. Both had major pluses and minuses.
She couldn't just think of herself right now. She had to think of the baby – her son. Half of Neal's son.
Emma closed her eyes, hiding the traitorous tears that threatened to fall. She had been determined to not think about him, but now that she was showing… it was getting to be difficult not to.
"Swan… you have mail," a guard said, unlocking the cell and stepping inside.
Emma opened her eyes and saw an envelope in the guard's hand.
"I have to open it in front of you – that's the rule," the guard told her, opening the envelope cautiously, before reaching inside it and pulling out…
A car key. Attached to a swan key chain.
Emma swallowed tight as the guard tossed the key over to her.
"Well, looks like you've got two things going for you when you get out of here. A car… and a baby."
The teenager nodded stiffly, grasping the key in her hand. "W… where is it from? The envelope?" she whispered, finally managing to find her voice.
"Canada… Vancouver."
Vancouver. She knew where to start when she got out of here… providing in six months she ever wanted to find him.
But with the baby coming… would it be fair to him to not know his father?
"Okay," she whispered, "thank you for telling me."
"No problem Swan. Looks like things are looking up after all, aren't they?"
Emma couldn't help but give the woman a small, small smile. "Y-yeah… yeah I think so."
Her decision was final then, after that moment. While she still didn't have any money, she supposed she and the baby could live in the Bug until she got them both on their feet. Luckily, he would be a bit older by the time she got out of here.
She sat in the clean, impeccable office, and felt immediately out of place.
She wanted to pretend she didn't know why the warden had called her into the office, but Emma had a feeling she knew the reason why.
It was time for her to decide whether to give her son up for adoption, or to keep him.
Emma had made her decision the night before, and finally felt comfortable with it.
Her hand was wrapped protectively against her eight-month pregnant stomach, she looked around nervously as the warden, doctor, and some people she didn't recognize (parole board?) walked in. She was supposed to hear back about whether or not she would be able to raise her son in the jail or if he would have to go to a temporary home.
Providing she decided to keep him and raise him herself, of course.
"Miss Emma Ruth Swan…" the warden said, looking at the teen with a critical eye. Emma nodded stiffly. "You are here for your evaluation and decision on what to do with the child."
The way the woman was speaking about her baby made her angry, but she didn't say anything – she didn't want to ruin this.
Instead, she simply nodded again.
"And… what is your decision? Keep in mind we do have a list of people that are interested in newborn babies up for adoption," the warden said.
Emma nodded for a third time. "I know, ma'am," she said softly. "And I have made my decision."
She caught the doctor's eye before speaking again. "May I ask a question though, before I tell you my decision?"
"You may."
"If I… keep him…" she started carefully, "will he be able to stay with me, in the jail?"
It would only be two months. That was what she kept chanting in her head.
The warden looked at the doctor, who nodded. "Yes, he will Emma. You were accepted into the program."
She bit back the wide grin of relief.
"I've decided to keep him. I'm keeping my son."
A scream of pain tore from her lips as she was forced to push against her will. She was exhausted, she was in pain, and she just wanted a break.
However, her son didn't seem to agree with her, and Emma cried out again, her voice dying with relief as she finally felt him come out, his cry taking over as the loudest sound in the room.
The blonde sobbed with relief. He was finally here – and healthy, if his lungs said anything. Then again, she wasn't a doctor, so she didn't know for sure… but he sounded it.
When everything calmed down, Emma smiled as he was handed over to her.
His tiny eyes were open, blinking up at her.
"Hey kid…" she murmured softly. "I'm so glad you're finally here…"
He let out a soft noise, and she chuckled, kissing his head.
"Emma?" the doctor asked, coming back into the room. "We're ready to fill out his birth certificate. Have you decided on a name?"
Emma smiled, managing to tear her eyes away from him, and nodded at the doctor. "David. I'm going to call him David Henry Swan."
The doctor smiled, writing the name down on the certificate. "And… his father… do you want his father listed?"
It was the thing that had been bothering her since she'd decided to keep David. Did she put Neal's name down? Or did she leave it blank?
Again, it was a decision that she had to keep her son in mind for.
"Put it down…" she said softly. "Neal. Neal Cassidy is his name."
But… there was one thing that would be clear no matter what happened in the future.
He is mine.