First, neither do I own profound knowledge of the English language, cause it's not my first language (and so I apologise for any mistake), nor do I own NCIS LA or its characters.

Second, I'm truly grateful for the kind words of the reviewers of my first stories. ;) Thaaaank you. Speaking of which, there's a small part of this story that follows the events of «Unbelievable», so if you haven´t read it, please note that Kensi and Deeks were able to say goodbye when she was reassigned.

Thirdly... third... please enjoy (if I didn't ruin it) "It isn't cold. Unbutton. - Chapter one: cold."

It isn't cold. Unbutton.

Chapter one: cold Chapter two: warm Chapter three: hot

It's a cold day. Not usually do they have cold days there, but this is surely one.

However, this is not just a cold day – something had been annoyingly different with that morning and something's nauseatingly odd with that afternoon. To sum up, it seems to be an awful day. They've been stuck with this same mission for several weeks, making surveillance to a pair of big Castenian guys… ugly, smelly, boring… gosh, this is an ever ending operation. And his partner – the temp… well, this guy does make an effort, he tries a lot, he even tries too much, cause he' s getting on his nerves… But, he's the new guy, and he seems damn good, and even funny (sometimes), and Deeks can be sorry for him because he's the one taking all the crap from Sam and Callen now… well, most of the time. So, Deeks can't avoid trying to help him, giving him advice, trying to make him feel wanted, trying to make him feel like he belonged there, with them (just not quite in the exact place he's been occupying). It's his nature. But this new guy is not.. mmmh, well, he lacks something, something isn't right about him. But then, something isn't right about everything. Something isn't right about waking up or sleeping, something isn't right about working or surfing, something isn't definitely right about watching TV or eating (especially ice cream).

They are stuck in the car, making surveillance on a very busy street. The static on the radio starts to be a little disturbing. This idea of trying to listen and not being able to or trying to understand and having a hard time doing so begins to freak him out. Also, the idea of trying to speak and not being capable of is almost disgusting. And the amount of people going in and out the stores… some walking slowly, some walking fast – running, some enjoying the season, the choosing, the options, some suffering with the indecision, some expecting the surprises with a positive sense of wonder, some walking as if they were running out of time to live, some enjoying the view and all the little bits and pieces of the walking around the streets – well, everything is completely distressing… wrong.

Apart from this feeling… this deep (nauseating) feeling… of nothing being ever right, he has this conviction that he'd become incapable of partaking emotions. So, he is just observing; he's just observing and waking up and surfing and working and eating and not really watching TV. He's been behaving as if he's a robot… better yet, as if his life is on standby.

And maybe it is. With the mind-boggling news of Kensi's puzzling departure, he lost his ground. And even if he's not entirely sure he can stand tall as before, the truth is that after their goodbye, though heartbreaking, he'd felt a little better – for a while – but then, he realized that her best intentions (coming back, kicking asses if needed, but coming back) and his deepest certainties (being patient, waiting, never leaving) could make them believe in their unbelievable happy end, but would mean nothing at concealing his worries, his pain and even – despite his (new-found) family – his loneliness.

And it's Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas Eve and she isn't around. And he had planned. Oh! He had planned every year, since so many years ago, this year's Christmas. He had planned a Christmas with her – the one, since ever, picturing the beginning of his family and the ending of his solitude, the beginning of his belonging and the ending of his exclusion. And the bliss… the bliss he had pictured for a day like this would even hurt. It would hurt physically because his heart wouldn't be able of sustaining such deep emotions, it would hurt physically because the fear of losing it would be revolting. He had imagined all the happiness in the world, the kind that pains to feel.

But not yet. Not this Christmas.

Yep. 24th of December and they are working, even Sam's working – something Deeks thinks is unforgivable. But maybe something will change and Hetty will send them home, cause these guys are doing nothing and maybe they too want to celebrate Christmas (though Deeks isn't quite sure if Christmas is a thing back there, in Castia). However – and cause he's used to that – he should've known that people have all these plans to get somewhere in their own lives, crossing a right, shinning, peaceful line, but then, the universe gets in charge and that line isn't direct anymore. You'll then have ups and downs, tunnels and mountains to cross; you may even have to use cars, boats, planes and motorcycles (he remembers). Well, he would probably have to use a rocket ship, just to have the Christmas he once planned. And so, these Castenian guys just forget about Christmas and decide to try an escape with their box.

Phhhh… they have a box.

They have a box and Deeks, Sam or Callen don't know what's in there – and of course the new guy don't know it either, nor does he know that there is a different box – somewhere, waiting for the day.

Deeks doesn't have to try and guess what's in that box (the mission box, of course) and for that he's grateful. He has his own box to figure out and he can't even begin to think about opening it and dealing with the consequences. At least, not today. Not this day, a day that's been giving him the impression, from the first early hours, that something is excruciatingly odd – even more than usual. Not this day, this day in which Nell thought – kindly – that it was a good idea to nurture him, and please him, and surprise him, giving him something she knew Kens had planned to give him on Christmas day (or at least, it was one of the ideas she shared with Nell, desperately fishing for advice, judging by the words of the young intelligence analyst). And so, when he got to the bullpen, in the morning, she gave him a bonsai.

He thought he had done enough. He thought they had agreed – she had finally agreed – that they could figure them out, that all they needed to do was talk about it. And then she chooses a bonsai. He thought that they already had a long journey; with ups and downs, tunnels and mountains to cross; using cars, boats, planes, motorcycles and even rocket ships. And she chooses a bonsai. He knew he wanted her. He knew he wanted to fight – run to catch her, talk (even rumble) to assure her everything would be fine. And her option is a bonsai. He knew he would wait, he wouldn't ever leave. He thought he took care of their relationship and she picks this up. A bonsai is way too sensitive and fragile, it must be handled with care, extreme care, it doesn't handle well the cold weather, it needs all the protection, it needs special attention and he thinks… he thinks his heart needs all that too. Has always needed. But maybe now he is weaker. Maybe his heart – which he forced to be tough and strong all his life, is now weaker, is now finally showing its weakness. Maybe it's weaker right now, because of her. Her. But then he breathes in and remembers her perfect eyes, her smell, her heat, her flavor and her smile… everything, and he recognizes that all his exhaustion and frustration are gone. And suddenly he's strong again. He knows how fragile a Bonsai can be, and he even knows – and that was really the real reason of his initial frustration – that he already was the hopeful possessor of one fine specimen of a tiny tree called bonsai. The problem is he wasn't able to handle it at the time, and did let it die. But not this time.

Ooh Daniel San, he could probably use some help with this, cause he won't give up, that's for sure. He certainly will deeply breathe in and out and google everything he needs to know about this plant. He'll surely buy each and every item needed to care for the tree. He'll even look for a "Bonsai vet" or a "Bonsai hospital" in advance, just in case. This Bonsai will live forever.

She wasn't expecting it to be so cold. But it was. Or maybe the chills she was having were due to her fever – a before small fever, that was now a cause of concern for her … well, for the group of people who shared a place with her. A fever she got from a small (and truly small) scratch that wasn't healing properly and was now infected. A scratch she got when she fell during an easy and simple recognition mission to a place where they would find the guys that would lead them to the people that knew a person that once saw a man that supposedly knew where the white ghost had had an lurk a year ago. Something as easy… well, much easier than walking around the LA busy streets on Christmas season… and she fell. Maybe it happened because it was a different setting, maybe it happened because she was working alone; there were others there, but she was alone. Or maybe she wasn't paying attention, maybe she was making things in the wrong way. Maybe, and after all, she was weak… or she was weaker. She was weaker right now, because of him. Maybe, Deeks was really Wonder Woman's kryptonite.

But then, he wasn't there.

He wasn't there and that was probably the reason why she fell and the reason why she was toppling with this fever. He wasn't there and that was certainly the reason why that scratch wasn't healing. He wasn't there and that was surely the reason why she was so cold. Surely. So, maybe he wasn't her kryptonite, her weakness. Certainly, he was her strength. And his absence was the real and awful kryptonite.

She fell asleep and the scratch started healing, slowly, bur certainly healing. She fell asleep and the fever went down, slowly, but firmly. She fell asleep thinking that in 12 days it would be Christmas and she dreamed.

END OF CHAPTER ONE

TBC