It's one of those nights.
It doesn't really matter if your head is flooded with thoughts, or if you have absolutely no worries.
It doesn't matter if you can sleep in until noon, or you have to get up very early.
It doesn't matter if you are all alone in your bed, or if you have the person your heart beats for right by your side.
In fact, I have a gorgeous brunette, curled up like a cat on the bed. I know I should be right next to him, holding him, letting the scent of his hair drive me in a deep sleep, full of amazing dreams...
Instead, here I am, burning my mouth with big sips of hot tea, staring at the computer screen, as if it will magically give me the answers to all of universe's mysteries.
It's one of the few occasions I get to spend the night in the Kaiba mansion. He tried to stay up as late as possible, just for me, but it was about half an hour ago that he eventually fell asleep. It was funny, really; one moment he was talking, the next... he simply succumbed to his exhaustion. He was, after all, working the whole day... as always.
I left the bed quietly, keeping my eyes on my beautiful boyfriend, who was tightly hugging a pillow. Right now, he looks like the most adorable thing in the world... and I already know the answer I am going to get when I mention this tomorrow.
"I don't do "adorable" ".
Sure you don't, my love.
Do you know what the bad things about those "insomniac" nights is?
With nothing to do... you inevitably get lost in thought. You watch the witching hour fly by, taking your thoughts and memories with it.
When you are as insecure as I am... that can be very bad.
Suddenly, everything you do, seems wrong. The moments you show him how much you care are not enough... the number of attractive people around him is too high. Those things you said two nights ago, when you were fighting, were too harsh.
You are not enough and you don't deserve him...
I don't really pass as the insecure type, do I? I certainly hope I don't...
I confessed those fears a few nights ago to none other than my little light. I remember him smiling... "Yami, you are one of the few people that can cope with Seto Kaiba. I am certain he is more than happy with you..."
Smiling, purple orbs of innocence- a soothing memory.
5 am... I sure hope Yugi and Jounouchi are sleeping, instead of playing that silly computer game they love so much. "Ten more minutes..." they both mutter at the same time, when I am trying to drag them away from that game.
I will never understand how Anzu manages to get them off with just one word. Or how they get Honda to join every time he is around them while they are playing.
I feel him, rather than hear him coming in. I feel a hand on my neck and questioning cerulean eyes on my face. "Do you know what time it is?"
"I couldn't sleep..."
He sits by my side and pulls me closer softly, burrying his face between my neck and shoulder. "I'm sorry I left you alone, I-"
"You were working yourself to death again today... I know. It doesn't matter, it's not your fault that I couldn't sleep..." I whisper in unruly, chocolate-colored hair.
Sometimes the fact that he can lift me up so easily in his arms is annoying.
"I have a big, comfortable bed for you to throw me off and lots of blankets you can hog." he gives me a half-smile.
"I don't do any of these things!" is my extremely invalid protest.
"It's remarkable how someone so small can steal all this space..." he throws me on the bed and climbs on, right by my side, taking me in his arms.
"Serves you right for sweeping me off my feet so easily... literally."
He smiles at me and stretches himself, catching my eye only a few moments later. "What is it?"
"I was thinking..." I whisper.
He widens his eyes. "Another remarkable fact."
"Shut up, Kaiba!" I can't hold a smile back. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Dawn is approaching, I am sleepy and can hardly think, I doubt I can form coherent phrases for much longer... so, why the hell not?"
This is the moment when I want to form all my thoughts and insecurities into words and give him a little speech, the purpose of which would be to simply find out... if he is happy with me.
Or I could instead ask him the simple five-word phrase.
Of course then I remember... I am very good with words, but not when it comes to feelings.
Last time I remember a conversation involving feelings, was when Anzu was trying to get me to... "open my heart". I've been told the look on my face at the moment was priceless.
I would like to say that her attempt of getting me to talk about my feelings was a huge failure... but this is Anzu. She probably got more things out of me than I can hope.
I feel his eyes on my face and soon after, soft lips brush against my own, as he pulls me in an intense kiss. Through this kiss, I ask my question... and get my answer.
I get his hand in mine and close my eyes, already drifting to a peaceful sleep.
It's one of those nights...